lost in emotion :(

I feel like a fool...Like everything I believed was all a lie. I was told so many things and I believed them...How stupid of me. I spend three wonderful weeks with the love of my life, return and he decides he can't do it anymore because he will only hurt me in the end and I will only resent him later on and hate him. HOW IN THE HELL can you predict the future? You can't. Again I blame all the ones who are hurtful to men for my suffering. It's because of them that I have to feel pain and I didn't even do anything, they did and I am the one who deals with it later on.

I thought everything was perfect and I was fooled I guess. I never saw anything or felt anything while I was there. We had a talk and it ended fine, he assured me everything was fine and we had a wonderful time. He dropped me off, we discussed me coming in the summer and me driving to Ohio when he came home to see his parents on leave. Now it's all been crushed. Im lost, confused and can't feel a thing. I havent slept or eaten. My stomach is in knots....

People always say they want a certain thing and then when they have it the run out of fear of having it. WHY is that? I don't understand. How can you be afraid of something you always wanted?

I get his sudden cold feet so to speak, I really do and many will not understand that and that is fine. I DO understand because I know him unlike anyone else. I see a side of him nobody else gets to see and its'a wonderful side. He is an amazing person and he can't see that himself. I see so much in him that he needs to realize and see and just accept. I know his past hurt was harsh but he needs to realize Im NOT them and he cant be afraid of love out of fear of being hurt down the line.

We have talked since all this started yesterday and he knows I am here for him and he can have time if need be. I believe in him and I have faith in him, even when doesn't have it for himself. He is closed off to an extent and I see it, but I love him anyway. We have a great relationship and this is just a bump in the road. I want to hate him but I can't he did nothing wrong. He got scared and ran, that is understandable and again I understand but it doesnt make it any easier. I am ready to sell my car and go there to see him. He knows I would do something like that too. Im irrational and passionate...I blame my heritage The only thing I can do is let him know I am here. I just dont get it.....there was nothing there for me to feel this would happen.


Nothing like having the time of your life only to come back to where you consider it to be hell and it literally turns into hell...



Ive never been so lost and confused in my life. I dont blame him and I am not mad at him. Its the opposite. I know he didn't lie to me and I know this is not what he wants...he said so...which makes no sense either. He is confused and its obvious. I just wish I was there to see him face to face.


Sorry if I make no sense right now.

I'm not sure why he just ended it. Maybe he isn't ready and fears that he will ruin the relationship in the future, so he decided to end it now and feels just as hurt as you do. I've never done that to any girl and never will, so I can't say with certainty what his reason was.

TBH you sound a leetle bit stalkerish.

If the relationship is over my love, then its over. Don't make others gag with your pointless outpourings. Esp on the internet. Its just wrong.

reply to post by mblahnikluver

Hey mblah, sorry to hear of your distress, and the separation is literally like getting off drugs, withdrawls, emptiness and a blanket of sadness. Maybe realizing that you are experiencing physical withdrawals will help in the recovery.

Again I blame all the ones who are hurtful to men for my suffering

This certainly has merit, but also I think people are sometimes overly independent, to the point of choosing themselves and an easier or freer path over something that may require more work. The notion of commitment and compromise scare people sometimes.

People always say they want a certain thing and then when they have it the run out of fear of having it. WHY is that? I don't understand. How can you be afraid of something you always wanted?

I have gotten so frustrated with one sided relationships that now when given a choice, I actually avoid the opportunity to get close with someone cause I am fatally analyzing the situation and avoiding any unpleasantries. Maybe not the best idea, but it keeps things simpler.
It is sad to think that people nowadays are less inclined to work things out and run away instead. Many of us are scarred, scared and cynical about relationships, making the whole thing that much more complex.

I guess I would say if it was meant to be, it will work out, and I hope it does for you. Until then here's a little cheer:


Peace,
spec

Originally posted by Condemned0625
I'm not sure why he just ended it. Maybe he isn't ready and fears that he will ruin the relationship in the future, so he decided to end it now and feels just as hurt as you do. I've never done that to any girl and never will, so I can't say with certainty what his reason was.

He has issues from previous relationships where they cheated. He sees his co workers go through their spouses cheating or resenting them. His ex did him very badly and he is scared to get hurt. He did this once before before he ever left and I told him to stop running away. He said he was scared because he knew I would only hate him in the long run, which is absurd. Im not like that and he said he sees that. He had made comments before i was there and he was still here how it freaked him a little because he hadn't loved anyone in a long time and hadnt felt the way he did.

I told him he can't worry about the what if's. Him even thinking that is crazy, I'm not going anywhere. I flew across the Atlantic to see him! I obviously love him. He said things while i was there and it was just what I needed.


I just dont know.....He is at work and we are going to talk when he gets home. I just hope he wakes up and sees the light and that things arent always the same.

He's either afraid of the commitment. Or he doesn't like you, so he blames it on himself, trying not to make you feel bad. But I'm going to go with the former option, because, a lot of people, when they realize how big of a change in their life it would take to make the commitment to someone, they get scared, and insecure, and the only way out, is to run. I know this from experience, I've done it. I'm a 26 year old virgin. Any time I get close to someone, it freaks me out, so I lose all motivation to keep dating them, even if I really like the person.

Originally posted by 0898jools
TBH you sound a leetle bit stalkerish.

If the relationship is over my love, then its over. Don't make others gag with your pointless outpourings. Esp on the internet. Its just wrong.

Nobody said you had to read it and you dont know me or him or our relationship.

Sorry if you can't handle emotion and feeling a real man or woman.

Wrong by what? YOUR standards? Ha...just put a sock in it.

The relationship isnt over...its at a bump.

Stalkerish? Yeah sure that is what it is. I dont have to stalk someone who loves me and is confused. You apparently dont understand the real meaning of loving someone unconditionally. It's not stalking...you shoudlnt get them confused.

reply to post by 0898jools

Don't make others gag with your pointless outpourings.

Hey some of us feel like ats is family, so we actually enjoy sharing our experiences and giving support.
So nice of you to hit someone when they are down, feel better?
This is a relationship forum afterall....

I am just glad i have never had any relationship, so i do feel better off. Its life and i am sure if you want you will meet someone else as there is plenty out there, but even though i have never experienced this stuff, i would assume there can only be a small selection of times your ever going to meet someone you connect too literally.

It must be something words cannot describe, but i am glad i never went there.

I say, learn from it and move on. If someone wants to be with you, they will - no "if's", "buts" or excuses!

In future, it would probably be a lot less painful if you don't allow yourself to get so involved and attached with someone until you know for sure that it's what you both want and that it's working out. In the meantime, ditch the prick and go and touch loads of hot guys! Seriously though, don't waste any more time crying over him - I bet you my right boob that you'll look back on this in a couple of years time and laugh and cringe to yourself.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Hey I can totally relate with this guy you are talking about. My first three girlfriends all cheated on me. It hurts to this day. I do not miss them, but I still feel the pain of having my trust broken after giving it. I can't really commit myself any time soon I feel, so I do believe your buddy is being sincere about his thoughts BUT.......

But I believe your buddy here was not such a great guy. It's not very responsible to mess with someones heart when you know you're not ready to commit. Don't go stalking this man or anything. It's not worth it.

Instead I challenge you to make a list of 5 things that really bugged you about this man. Look it over and analyze it. He wasn't perfect and there are many other great men out there that would love to have an educated, open minded gal as yourself (assuming you are since you're an ATS member :-P )

So uhh hey... whats up?

*wink*

reply to post by speculativeoptimist


...and I am replying, as I am quite within my rights to do. Unfortunately I DO find this poster's comments a bit disturbing; at the very least I feel that they might require some kind of therapy.

Sorry, mblah, to hear of your bump in the road. Best thing to do is give him some time to himself to think about things. As was already stated, if he really loves you and wants to be with you, he'll let you know. If not, then it wasn't meant to be, as unfortunate as that may sound.

I do hope things work out as you seem very happy with him.

reply to post by speculativeoptimist


No, thats right I don't know about your relationship but hey, you decided to tell everyone about it (and they didn't).

When you are given the responses you like, you respond, in kind, positively. When someone (ie, me) points out that that may, in fact, be a bit of a nutter, you don't like it.

I thought this was an open forum.

reply to post by 0898jools


Maybe she was just in love, and is now going through the motions of loss? But lets all rush to psychoanalyze her since we are all armchair psychiatrist right? Not allowed to have emotions, we must be the rigid robots we are programmed into being on our internet persona.

Forget about the callous people, but do yourself a favour and make up your mind and when you think about him just ignore those thoughts. Plus if you ever meet him your best to ignore each other, and eventually it will leave your system, even if it was real, i would assume.

Sad to say but thats life.

reply to post by Lysergic


za-derpa.

Okay,,,I apologise if I've been too harsh. I probably took your feelings too lightly.

But my point was that, as made by others (I think) that a person can be frightened off by a partner who loves them so much they want to 'help' them.

I made these comments from a place of knowledge, and so if they were made too strongly or off-handedly, then I apologise. A broken heart is never a nice thing.

Hope I am forgiven now

Mbl I'm am sorry just take time and what will be will be