is this a snub?

I asked a friend [who professes to love me dearly as friends only nothing sleazy we are both girls]

She is giving her granddaughter a doll house for xmas so I asked if the doll house comes with furniture because i wanted to give some doll house furniture as a xmas present to her granddaughter

I also had present for her and other members of the houseold

When she was here on 23rd december she promised me she will let me know as soon as she gets home so I can pack up the gift and bring it round before xmas

several emails to remind her, that I sent her, went unanswered

it is now boxing day and I still have not heard from her

so how would you interpret this? that she really wants nothign to do with me?

reply to post by megabyte


I would stop by simply out of concern if she is indeed a good friend. Typically friends like that don't simply drop off the face of the universe. Stop by, presents in the car, and make sure everythings alright

Otherwise, she might just be absurdly busy and not checking her mail or whatnot..but anyhow, ya...stop by her place to make sure she isn't like in the hospital or arrested, etc..

reply to post by SaturnFX


she is not arrested or ill or anything else

I saw her in person on 23rd and she was going directly home to check that doll house for me

and she knew I had xmas presents for her

she also lied to me because she dropped off a food parcel to me and told me she is in a hurry because she has other food parcels to deliver to needy families

but when I went out to her car and the truck that her brother drove, both were totally empty [so their excuse that they were delivering food parcels to the needy and that is why they had to rush off was a lie]

she is deeply christian so the lies are a surprise - arent they supposed not to lie?

Maybe your doll house furniture does not fit the scale of the doll house?

Do you smoke, or have cats, anything that might offput people on your "stuff"?

It might be something like this, and your friend just does not want to say and offend you. In which case - yes they are being a bit disingenuous, but are doing so to spare your feelings.

I would say just wait and see.

Another thing - some people don't like to be pestered about things. I am like this. The more something is brought up, the more I tend to ignore it. And it's not so much because I don't "like" it - I don't know - I guess my brain gets scrambled or something - and instead of working to "remind" me - it makes me actually forget.

It could be any number of things. Might not have to do with you at all - maybe she is upset with her child and grandchild - to whom the dollhouse is going - and she doesn't want to be bothered with the lot of it at this point.

It could really be anything and I'd not worry too much over it. Take a wait and see approach.

I don't think it's anything to cause a fight over and potentially lose a friend.

My Mom was telling me the other day of some older, distant cousins of mine. Sisters. And they completely stopped speaking to each other over a pair of socks. No kidding. A pair of socks. They let this fracture their relationship so badly that they completely "divorced" themselves from one another and did not speak for decades. They may have even gone to their graves not speaking.

Don't let what might be a simple misunderstanding ruin a friendship.

It's probably nothing at all.

Happy Holidays! From "Me" and I think it is nice that you wish to contribute to your friend's grandchild.

reply to post by Whiffer Nippets


thanks

I have 3 different scales of doll house furniture and I needed to know which size of doll house furniture this doll house takes

I dotn smoke and my friend has a dog and I have cats but she proclaims she loves cats and used to have cats before

I dont intend to cause a fight but I feel this is a going nowhere friendship anyway - as she is born again christain and very devout and I would like to talk to someone who is my intellectual equal to discuss subjects like the ones posted on here

so at best this friendship can only be as acquiaintances even though she keeps telling me we are sisters

even simple things like - I love Harry Potter books and movies and Harry Potter is not allowed in that household because of occult references [so I keep biting my tongue all the time and not talking about things that might be against her beliefs]

i guess this will save me money not having to fork out for birthday and xmas presents for her and her houseold from now on - what more can I say?

Sometimes a gift is a very personal thing to a loved one. She may just wish to have the gift from her to the child and not have a 3rd party involved.

It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you.

If I was going to give a special personal gift to my only niece and a friend wanted to go in on half of it or contribute some way...... I would prefer to just have it come from me alone.

The doll house may be handed down through her family and that makes it kinda a personal thing.

I wouldn't get offended if I were you. If you are that good a friends you should understand and let it go.

It sounds like a bit of an odd one. Have you exchanged Christmas gifts before without incident?

Originally posted by mwood
Sometimes a gift is a very personal thing to a loved one. She may just wish to have the gift from her to the child and not have a 3rd party involved.

It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you.

If I was going to give a special personal gift to my only niece and a friend wanted to go in on half of it or contribute some way...... I would prefer to just have it come from me alone.

The doll house may be handed down through her family and that makes it kinda a personal thing.

I wouldn't get offended if I were you. If you are that good a friends you should understand and let it go.

the doll house was recenlty bought from target store

and all she needs to tell me is that the house came with all the furniture already

that way I would have giftwrapped another present for her grand daughter and delivered it xmas eve so she could celebrate xmas day with just family if that is what she wanted

ok then - why lie to me that she is in a hurry to deliver food parcels to other ppl and when I go out to the car and the truck they are both totally empty [so that was a lie used as an excuse to just pop in and give me a box of out of date food and leave asap]

I dont want to burst your bubble , but yes,that was a snob and can happened for so many wrong reasons,maybe she change her mind about the present,and just run out of time.Maybe her christmas didnt went as planned.And yours did. Maybe and just maybe you yourself did something similar or around the same sort of thing and you dont remember.Being a christian doesnt mean theyre monks.

Originally posted by rocha123
I dont want to burst your bubble , but yes,that was a snob and can happened for so many wrong reasons,maybe she change her mind about the present,and just run out of time.Maybe her christmas didnt went as planned.And yours did. Maybe and just maybe you yourself did something similar or around the same sort of thing and you dont remember.Being a christian doesnt mean theyre monks.

I did not celebrate xmas- hubby was working and I watched a bit of tv

I did not wish to gatecrash her family though and simply wanted to deliver some presents on the 23rd or 24th

I have only known her for a year now and I feel she did jump the gun and call me her sister and stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable

I would have preferred to just grow slowly to know each other and not rush things like she has

maybe she is sore because she cannot convert me to her religion?

I dont have a car and there is no easy public transport to get to her house so I stay home alone a lot

never mind - I will have to find other friends I guess

not all "christians" believe the same, unfortunatly. Perhaps some are more in tune to what they can do for the world without getting any of it on them!

Cleanlyness and all.


Shake the dust off of your sandles and look for another friend, miss We're judged by our works, and we shouldnt have to judge another for theirs. Keep your head up and find what you need to make you happy with who you are. Everything else comes natural.

Originally posted by theRhenn
not all "christians" believe the same, unfortunatly. Perhaps some are more in tune to what they can do for the world without getting any of it on them!

Cleanlyness and all.


Shake the dust off of your sandles and look for another friend, miss

We're judged by our works, and we shouldnt have to judge another for theirs. Keep your head up and find what you need to make you happy with who you are. Everything else comes natural.

thank you

that is what I think too

it was important to me to give the little girl a present for christmas but if this friend is rejecting this then she is totally entitled to do that

I will make a note to try and meet more ppl in the new year even though I dont have a car or any way to go anywhere

it is so hard to make friends when you have just moved to the area

i wont say anything to this woman - let it slide totally and that way we can continue being acquiantances and if I need something from her - like maybe a personal refwerence, I have someone I can ask

i just got it -I know what happened

this woman is an ex smoker and I have never smoked and I was livid when I bought a sofa on ebay and it reeked of cigarettes so much I threw it away

I asked this friend to join in with my request tp write that ppl should declare if what they are selling comes from smoke free home and she pretended to be too busy and then later on told me she could clean such stench and I disagreed because the poisonous particles would still be there even if you managed to de stench it. if a child slept on that sofa it could cause cot death

so now i think i know why she does not like me

ok then - that is fine - she is totally entitled to that

Originally posted by megabyte
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

she is not arrested or ill or anything else

I saw her in person on 23rd and she was going directly home to check that doll house for me

and she knew I had xmas presents for her

she also lied to me because she dropped off a food parcel to me and told me she is in a hurry because she has other food parcels to deliver to needy families

but when I went out to her car and the truck that her brother drove, both were totally empty [so their excuse that they were delivering food parcels to the needy and that is why they had to rush off was a lie]

she is deeply christian so the lies are a surprise - arent they supposed not to lie?

Maybe she had to go pick up the food from somewhere.....Did you think of that? perhaps she is busy... Have you gone to check on her since the last time you saw her? Maybe she just is too busy to check her email...

I am just saying... Don't say she is lying until you know the truth for sure...You may very well be wrong...

Go over to her house and make sure she is okay....

reply to post by gimme_some_truth


I have no way to go over there physically

I have been catchign her out of little lies a lot for a whole year and that is what this is - a little lie

anyhow in that time the friendship was one-sided

I drop around to see her but she never drops round to see me

I am restricted because i dotn have a car and there is no public transport to her home from mine

she promised me whe would get back to me that day regardign the doll house furniture and did not, and if she was hurt then there are other members of the household who could have told me she was hurt, they have my phone number and email address as well as knowing where I live

yes I tried to phone but she did not pick up the phone

so shall I send this email to her? because I spent money to buy gifts for the 4 members of her household. Sure i can in future years give these gifts to someone else but it is still not fair to be saddled with the expense of buying a gift for xmas and then for her to not contact me on purpose despite claiming she will contact me on the 23rd december so i can wrap up the final present for the granddaughter, and make sure her granddaughter receives it on xmas day
remember she came to me on the 23rd to deliver me a food parcel [of out of date foods] because I am on a pension so she knew that money is tight for me.

Today I heard from a girl I was friends with some years ago in Perth
When I divorced my previous hubby she did not believe me that he used to visit public toilets for sex with men so I felt she rejected me
I was planning my wedding to Brian and she was invited and she promised she would come. I asked her if she was bringing date etc etc
No – she was not going to bring a date
I said yet again that is costs money for catering a wedding and so I would prefer, that if she cannot come to just tell me that she cannot come to my wedding
Well she promised that she would be there
On the morning of my wedding she rang me up and told me her business [real estate] will fail if she takes the time off to be at my wedding and she is a real social butterfly and always going out and partying
Does that mean that no one who runs a real estate agency can ever socialize? Of course it is baloney
And of course – if she had planned to be at my wedding so definitely then she would have shopped for a wedding gift, or if not a gift then a card?
No such gift or card ever came from her
Unfortunately we had to pay for catering for her- I think it was $70-00 a head
So I am amused she still talks to my ex and still does not believe me when I say he did me wrong, sigh
It would have been simpler to just tell me no, wouldn’t it? I would have accepted that without any need for any explanations or excuses – at least I would not have been out $70-00.

reply to post by megabyte
Have you thought that perhaps your friend had somewhere to go that was none of your business and used the food delivery as an excuse? Just maybe your insecurities come across stronger than you realise and this has put them off contacting you?

She may have been busy and not had a chance to check email yet. Or may have done as several people I know do and shut the pc off to spend time with family for the holidays.

Originally posted by johntherat
reply to post by megabyte
Have you thought that perhaps your friend had somewhere to go that was none of your business and used the food delivery as an excuse? Just maybe your insecurities come across stronger than you realise and this has put them off contacting you?

i dont care that she did not want to stay longer at my home or that she had some place else to be

what I am wondering about is why would she hug me and kiss me and say that she will get the doll house out and check what size furniture it takes so that I can giftwrap the gift for her grand daughter

oh and she did reply to 1 email i sent her - and i sent her 3 emails about the need to sort out the gift for her grand daughter

she answered the one where I mentioned that a rabbit cage that is sold locally is faulty and ihope she did not mind that I mentioned this to her as she is intending to buy a guinea pig cage

Originally posted by megabyte
this woman is an ex smoker and I have never smoked and I was livid when I bought a sofa on ebay and it reeked of cigarettes so much I threw it away

I asked this friend to join in with my request tp write that ppl should declare if what they are selling comes from smoke free home and she pretended to be too busy and then later on told me she could clean such stench and I disagreed because the poisonous particles would still be there even if you managed to de stench it. if a child slept on that sofa it could cause cot death

I have a family member who has an obsessive personality and any interaction with her involves jumping through a series of farcical hoops. For instance, when I go to her house I'm not allowed to have a cigarette in the hour proceeding the visit as she is convinced (like yourself) that the 'poisonous particles' of smoke will severely damage her four year old daughters health. Also, whenever I use a tap she comes along afterwards to check I've turned it off properly because she has an irrational fear of taps being left on.

That's fair enough, it's her house so I respect her wishes, but what does annoy me is when she visits my house and I'm still expected to accommodate her extreme behaviours. Sometimes these can be quite offensive - such as her insistence on washing her hands every five minutes as though everything she touches at my place is grubby or something (It's not). She doesn't mean any offence but dealing with her OCD's becomes very tiresome and she is unable to recognize that what she is doing is abnormal.

You say that you've sent this woman three emails and have tried to call her but she hasn't picked up the phone. It sounds like she feels pestered, to be honest. I don't mean to be blunt, but from what you have written in this thread you come across as a bit needy and desperate for a friend - as though you are pushing your attentions on this woman. Perhaps you should back off a little? I could be wrong and I may have tapped all this out for nothing but I thought I'd give you my take on the situation to try and help. I hope it all works out ok.