Out of all days, why this one?

Hello everyone. What was suppose to be a good day today had turned out for the worst. Normally I don't talk about my love life very often but seeing as how im feeling sick to my stomach and haven't talked to my family about it yet I feel that I can come to you guys for advice.

Ok here I go. I was chatting with my girl on yahoo about my visiting her to the philipines when she started acting strange. She told me that she couldn't keep lying to me anymore about our relationship and how things went sour even when I was in Iraq. It turns out just a few months before I returned stateside, she had a boyfriend while she was in college. She told me she slept with him since it was her first time and broke up with him when he cheated on her. Well things got worse after that since she got pregnant and its not even my child!

I didn't know what to do when I found out and pretty much interrogated her till I got the answers I needed then told her to go to sleep. The thing that also made me mad was that she didnt tell me when I came back stateside or why she wasnt online for a long time. I guess I should have seen this coming since more then times then I can count there is usually some women who will cheat on their boyfriends while they are away in some strange land.

Will add more once im done eating but for now what should I do? Should I cancel my plane ticket already or go just for the hell of it? Right now im in a world of hurt.

Ok im back. I practically don't know what to do now. I knew her since my second deployment and now she throws it all away to raise that child on her own. Had it been mine I would take responsibility but now I take it all back. Im not saying that all women cheat on their soulmate while they are gone but still how can such a thing happen? Where is the trust and commitment?

reply to post by Stop-loss!


I can't say much for this as I've never been in a serious relationship, but for me a thing like that would be over as I would feel the trust is now gone and I could not have a realtionship with that person anymore. Just my 2 cents. Hope it all works out in the end.

I wouldn't give her another thought. Sounds to me like she has already written you off.

Ouch, man that sucks. Sorry to hear things arent going well.

But, (and I know how cliche' this is) as they say, everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is at the time.

Hope things work out for ya.

The sad thing is this isnt the first time this has happened. Even another girl that is single I liked but got pregnant and not by me again. seems like history always repeats itself.

No trust, no relationship. I believe in that.

Ask yourself the question: can you trust her? Having feelings is nice and all, but trust is the fuel that keeps a relationship going in the long-term. This is just my opinion, but I think that love does not conquer everything. It's a nice cliche, but not realistic.

I am sorry to hear about all of this, and I hope you feel better soon, my friend. You deserve better.

Awe SL this breaks my heart!!

I am so sorry.

I dont know what to say.....

It really bothers me when women/men cheat on their spouse in the service. It's hard enough for them to be away from their families, they don't need to worry about things like this....As you know mine is overseas as well and I know cheating was a concern of his because his ex wife cheated on him, but I would never do that to him. I love and respect him in so many ways.

I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling. I wish I could make you not feel any right now

Is there any way you can change the ticket to go elsewhere? I personally wouldn't give her the time of day. I know you love her and are probably confused and hurt right now but she doesn't deserve you. You should make you happy now, do something for yourself. The right one for you will come along when you least expect it.


*hugs*

reply to post by Arrius


I just feel kind of empty now. Like she is just another person. Im confronting her when she wakes up and letting her know that im not going anymore. I guess it was never meant to be.

Originally posted by Stop-loss!
reply to post by Arrius

 

...and letting her know that im not going anymore. I guess it was never meant to be.

I think you took the right decision.

Sometimes life is like that. We just have no control over things. Time is the best medicine for you. Trust me, I know. I went through something similar.

Give yourself some time to heal. I can understand how tough it must be on you. But I ask that you distract yourself somehow, and use your emotional energy to do something productive, and keep your mind off of all this for a while. Don't get depressed over this. This is not the end. This is just a milestone; a milestone you'd rather have preferred not to encounter in life, but that's something you have no control over. Keep moving forward. Let time heal you, brother.

I feel very sorry for you. You seem like a very nice guy and therefore I wish you all the best.
I would cancel the ticket and take some time to sort this out. I hope you did not feel too attached to this girl.
All the luck to you!

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I wouldn't know where to go now. Life just feels meaningless right now but im sure other people have it worse. I could try going to the UK or OZ but not sure where else to go.

The biggest mistake I ever made when it comes to relationships and advice, was actually taking the advice my friends and family gave, while choosing not to listen to my heart. Infidelity is a horrible thing, and it takes a special person to forgive their partner of that, but I think it would be a crime against True Love if you just walked away from it all knowing that your heart was telling you otherwise.

I know this may sound stupid, but are you sure she's pregnant? I mean, did she tell you that? Or did you just assume that?

reply to post by whatevername


I knew her for more then 2 years. Why she did it I will never know but I will tell her her best chance of happiness is to be with the one that got her pregnant in the first place.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Yeah bro, thats the way to go don't want to prolong the pain.

It sucks thats all you can say and just dont let her do any emotional vampirism on you, she messed up, she lost you, i know its so cliche, but there a billion fish in the sea.

reply to post by leira7


I did notice she was getting kind of fat the past few months even on web cam, but never knew that she would be pregnant. At first I though it was a trap but then clues started popping up here and there. A perceptive eye is all it takes to find out if she lying. That and she straight out told me.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


I feel your pain.

I asked this guy I know, who is an extremely successful businessman (he came over from Russia with $500 and his suitcase and created what would become a multi-million dollar corporation), what the most important thing is business was. He said (paraphrase) "knowing when to stop pursuit of a bad project". I know this is a matter of the heart, but the adage applies (I have been there too.).

Just a suggestion... see if you can transfer your ticket and go somewhere fun. Just try to get away from it all. Enjoy yourself. You will need time to heal and time is the ultimate healer. Things will turn around.

-Hoop

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Is there any way you can change the ticket to go elsewhere? I personally wouldn't give her the time of day. I know you love her and are probably confused and hurt right now but she doesn't deserve you.

Seconded. She hasn't been "your girl" for awhile so you really do not owe her anything further. She probably only told you she had a boyfriend because she had no choice.

Perhaps change your destination to somewhere you've always wanted to go? Seeing her will get you no-where and may cause you further pain.

Feel a little sad for you stop loss seen as it was your birthday yesterday too.

You are lucky in a way that it was not your child it allows you to make a clean brake could have been a lot harder on you if it was.
Time is on your side pal you are only 26 you will get through this just don't turn to drink for comfort because that will just make you worse.
I split from my misses for two years and that was the worst time of my life but i got through it.

I got with my misses when i was 16 and now i am 40 and we are still together so them two years are forgotten.
You seem a nice intelligent lad and age is on your side you will be fine.

Thanks

reply to post by mars1


So far haven't turned to drinking to ease the pain. Im still waiting for her to get online so I can tell her straight-up that im done playing her games. After thats all said and done I guess the loneliness can commence once again.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Don't do it in anger you may regret it later.

I know it seems hard right now but like i said your only 26 plenty of time for you try be single for a wile have a bit of fun i missed out on the fun free and single bit.
I was only 17 when we had our first kid so my fun slipped away then.
Now we have three two left home and my eight year old i am sure he is the Antichrist you get the message HAVE FUN and good luck

Thanks