How to be less egoistic without harming self-esteem?

Hi there,
I have read in many books and articles about how harmful a person's ego can be and it is better not to be too much egotistic and have less self-importance. May I know what steps can a person take to achieve this without affecting the self-respect or without acting naive?
Theoretically one can say, "think about others not yourself". But this is like being gullible, isn't it? Of course, I don't advocate being selfish, but how in this world can one be stress-free (as stress comes from having too much self-importance too)?

reply to post by Yeah-Alright


You cannot really, you really have to destroy your self esteem to get rid of the ego. You have a choice, if you want to live in west you need your ego, so you need shopping and other things. But your considered an outsider if your not a ego person in west.

Amazing that a person who is a monk in the east and without ego, would be classed as mad in west as he is not buying rubbish, and wanting sex and other things that feed your ego.

Plus the monk is more sane than any person in the west but he is aalso a danger to society in west as people in west need to be viable people who buy stuff lol.

Be careful in west trying to get rid of ego, as they may target you.

Originally posted by andy1033
You cannot really, you really have to destroy your self esteem to get rid of the ego.

Oh, I strongly disagree! I think it takes a lot of self-esteem and self-confidence to let the ego go. The ego is tied to insecurity.

The Difference Between Self Esteem and Ego

...healthy self esteem. It is a balanced and unexaggerated self respect and self love. It combines a healthy regard for the self with a healthy regard for others. Healthy self esteem esteems others as equally as the self. Others are treated and regarded as respectfully as the self.

Ego, on the other hand, always believes in its own self importance above the importance of others. Ego always requires outside approval, validation, and constant attention and gratification. Ego believes in its own superiority above all others.

Read more: www.articlesbase.com...
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Ego is born of insecurity. Self-esteem is born of healthy confidence and compassion.

I do not think in the real world you can do that. But all to there own.

I think in the east they have mastered this alot better than us in west.

Originally posted by Yeah-Alright
Hi there,
I have read in many books and articles about how harmful a person's ego can be and it is better not to be too much egotistic and have less self-importance. May I know what steps can a person take to achieve this without affecting the self-respect or without acting naive?
Theoretically one can say, "think about others not yourself". But this is like being gullible, isn't it? Of course, I don't advocate being selfish, but how in this world can one be stress-free (as stress comes from having too much self-importance too)?

Let go of my ego.... No fer realz, i think it's trying to keep a balance between
being humble and self worth that many don't understand. There is nothing wrong
in having a little pride in a job well done.

Originally posted by Yeah-Alright
Hi there,
I have read in many books and articles about how harmful a person's ego can be and it is better not to be too much egotistic and have less self-importance. May I know what steps can a person take to achieve this without affecting the self-respect or without acting naive?
Theoretically one can say, "think about others not yourself". But this is like being gullible, isn't it? Of course, I don't advocate being selfish, but how in this world can one be stress-free (as stress comes from having too much self-importance too)?

I've read that you'll know that you've achieved it when you've achieved it, and will never be capable of understanding what it entails until you achieve it.

It doesn't make any sense to me either.

To silence ones will has been a practice known for thousands of years in the east. Mainly taught to those in martial arts spiritual training it is done to empty your mind of thoughts that are felt to cloud the true clarity of nature or reality. In practice some would elect to serve a hated enemy or rival without contempt thus elevating them to a higher spiritual understanding of oneself and the world around them.
But if you are in America you will see a utter lack of this and even a complete opposite attitude toward these teachings. Here we are all consumers taught to buy stuff to elevate our ego's to the point of aspiring empires.
I quote Devil's Advocate:

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?

Having lived on both sides of the fence, I must honestly say this is apparently what we are all aspiring to do here in the USA in one form or another and I can't wait to get out. Unfortunately I have to wait my turn until this is possible but I will not rest until it is so.

How is self esteem connected with egoism? I don't know I think it isn't such a thing to be caring and thoughtful without harming yourself. In fact, for me it is the easier thing to do. Because if I could have helped someone, who asked me, but I just said no, because of my mood in this moment I would not feel good about it later, because I would imagine how I would feel in his situation. Well, seemingly this isn't the way of thinking, if you tend to be "normal" over here, but I am who I am, and I try to act how I feel in my heart... You know what is right inside your heart, no matter if your from the east, the west or even from outta space (I hope) ^^

One thing i would say about west and public knowledge of this sort of thing is rubbish, and itself the knowledge of this is built on ones ego, lol, o the irony.

Funny that.

The problem alot of you have is the ego part and the west and even in knowledge tends to goto ego orientated knwledge, you learn to with ego building knowledge but no truths, if you get me.

The west really fails with all this.

reply to post by Mokahz


self esteem: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself.
egoism: (ethics) the theory that the pursuit of your own welfare in the basis of morality. (general) concern for your own interests and welfare.

The connection is not in the acts you do the the motives that initiate the acts. Firemen tend to feel obligated to risk life and limb because it's the way they 'feel' they must act which effects self esteem. To do otherwise would put there own ego at risk for there peers and onlookers would see them as acting indifferent to self proclaimed professional obligations. The next time you do something for someone good or bad ask yourself why? Is it because do un to other as you would like others to do un to you? This is an egotistic act of self interest, YOU want to be treated a certain way so YOU treat others that way also. Compassionate love or altruistic love for others is not the norm of society but it is achievable as has been proven by many from time to time.

In my opinion if you've got a huge ego then you have too little self esteem not too much.

People who are egotistical are usually covering up a sense that they aren't quite good enough by over compensating with feelings of self importance and grandeur. If you have a healthy sense of self esteem you should have no problem letting someone else come first or doing things for others as they know that they aren't missing out on something just by giving it to another

I don't think one has to lose self image in order to control the Ego.

You can be as vain and self important as you want, in your own head. The way to prevent your Ego from becoming a liability is to replace your gut reaction to a situation with rational thought.

Measure your words and actions so as to not bluntly force your opinions on to others. This does not make one less, it makes one more! As the amazing, brilliant, handsome, insightful creature that you are (at least in your own eyes) you are perfectly equiped to deal with lesser beings in a gentle and respectful manner. You are savvy in the ways of human nature and can navigate the mine fields of society without compromising your superiority.

It's all in the mind.

OP,

From a psychological perspective, loss of narcissistic ego and presence of genuine self-esteem are not incompatible; in fact they go hand in hand.

You should get this book; it explains in great detail and yet in layman's terms how all this works.

Originally posted by andy1033
reply to post by Yeah-Alright

 

You cannot really, you really have to destroy your self esteem to get rid of the ego. You have a choice, if you want to live in west you need your ego, so you need shopping and other things. But your considered an outsider if your not a ego person in west.

Amazing that a person who is a monk in the east and without ego, would be classed as mad in west as he is not buying rubbish, and wanting sex and other things that feed your ego.

Plus the monk is more sane than any person in the west but he is aalso a danger to society in west as people in west need to be viable people who buy stuff lol.

Be careful in west trying to get rid of ego, as they may target you.

Hello Andy, I agree with the materialism and physical gratification part, but there are many other things people do to sate their ego. There might be some monks too, who want to be looked upon has esteemed people or who want to be followed by masses, that's why they choose to become spiritual leaders for their ego. Please note, I do not mean that it is true for most of the monks, 'cos I don't know.
Also, students who want to top the results - I have seen people who score very good marks and still cry just because they are not at the top. :lol It looks like their ego to me.

I read this small story few days back:

Once upon a time there was an island, where all the feelings lived. One day there was a storm in the sea and the island was about to get drowned. Every feeling was scared but Love made a boat to escape. Every feeling boarded the boat Only 1 feeling was left. Love got down to see who it was.. It was EGO. Love tried and tried but ego wasn't moving Also the water was rising.. Every one asked love to leave him and come on the boat, but love was made to love. At last all the feelings escaped and Love died with ego on the island..

Originally posted by Yeah-Alright

Theoretically one can say, "think about others not yourself". But this is like being gullible, isn't it? Of course, I don't advocate being selfish, but how in this world can one be stress-free (as stress comes from having too much self-importance too)?

Not to mention that putting others before the self is actually an ego trip. "Ooooh, look how #ing holy and selfless I am."

To live properly, you dont degrade or lower the self or ego. You just dont elevate it. You treat yourself as equal to others. You deserve respect, they deserve respect. Its more like win win. It takes practice, for some, to put oneself and ones wishes on the same level as others. But you are very wise to notice that making oneself a martyr is a mistake.

You judge the right thing to do by principle, not based purely on "I want" or "they want." Dont make exceptions for yourself. Dont make excuses. And dont make your self special, either by elevating yourself and pampering yourself, or by making yourself a suffering saint.

How to be less egotistic without harming your self esteem.

All you got to do is admit you are in fact egotistical. Especially when you realize you are being that way, admit to it right away.
It takes good character to admit ones shortcomings and good character is good for self esteem.
It's people who deny vehemently that there is anything wrong with them at all that are in fact very egotistical.
You're admitting you are, therefore you are not.
But you have to be in a constant state of awareness that you are egotistical. It doesn't go away forever just because you admit it one time.
Hope this helps.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic
Don't really work so well when dealing with shaved apes though.

They have no idea what self-respect is,they have none at all for others.

Of course,it's all their EGO interfering with their logic,and then that illogical "Love" thing to make it worse.

Originally posted by iamnot
How to be less egotistic without harming your self esteem.

All you got to do is admit you are in fact egotistical. Especially when you realize you are being that way, admit to it right away.
It takes good character to admit ones shortcomings and good character is good for self esteem.
It's people who deny vehemently that there is anything wrong with them at all that are in fact very egotistical.
You're admitting you are, therefore you are not.
But you have to be in a constant state of awareness that you are egotistical. It doesn't go away forever just because you admit it one time.
Hope this helps.

Thank you.
I try to take care of this but sometimes we become rude when people hurt us, resulting in fights and misunderstandings.
I have also noticed that the more one talks to oneself (which implies listening to oneself too), it is enhancing our ego in a way, since ego is nothing but 'self'. It can be due to over-thinking as well. Of course it becomes useful at times for many to feed their egos for self-development and success, but one can become indulgent like this. I am not sure others feel the same way.
It is indeed important to be in constant state of awareness, I concur.

Originally posted by Yeah-Alright

Originally posted by iamnot
How to be less egotistic without harming your self esteem.

All you got to do is admit you are in fact egotistical. Especially when you realize you are being that way, admit to it right away.
It takes good character to admit ones shortcomings and good character is good for self esteem.
It's people who deny vehemently that there is anything wrong with them at all that are in fact very egotistical.
You're admitting you are, therefore you are not.
But you have to be in a constant state of awareness that you are egotistical. It doesn't go away forever just because you admit it one time.
Hope this helps.

Thank you.

I try to take care of this but sometimes we become rude when people hurt us, resulting in fights and misunderstandings.
I have also noticed that the more one talks to oneself (which implies listening to oneself too), it is enhancing our ego in a way, since ego is nothing but 'self'. It can be due to over-thinking as well. Of course it becomes useful at times for many to feed their egos for self-development and success, but one can become indulgent like this. I am not sure others feel the same way.
It is indeed important to be in constant state of awareness, I concur.

If you hear or see someone talking to their self, are you always 100% sure it is just themselves they are talking to?