From STS to STO -- I feel I'm changing... do you feel it?

I haven't had a very pleasant week this week. My workload has been completely insane for months and months now, and I've been at the end of my rope for a while now. But the amount of work is not the only thing that's driving me nuts. I'm working for a financial publisher and when I hear and read the hard, unfeeling opinions of my bosses, it makes me sick to my stomach. They're all hardcore capitalists and staunch libertarians, and their attitude could be summed up as "Me, me, me -- me first and everyone else can go to hell for all I care."

It really seems to me as though there's a shift in consciousness going on, though, because I have noticed that in the past one and a half years, I have become gradually more and more appalled and disgusted by their attitude. They're pretty wealthy guys, and they basically believe that all poor people (which to them is pretty much everyone who makes less money than they) are just slackers and welfare queens and deserve every bit that's coming to them.

While I agree that there undoubtedly exist quite a few able-bodied, trailer-trash "welfare queens" who milk the government for all it's worth, I also know poor people who are absolutely beautiful individuals - honest, hard-working people who are now retired and living on SS scraps, or very sick and living on disability.

I'm close to quitting my job, because I just can't take this any longer. Don't get me wrong, it's a rather lucrative and interesting job, it's versatile, it's creative, it's even fun... but I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil by working for these people. For example, just recently my boss wrote about the BP oil spill -- one of the worst disasters in US history and still ongoing (and we don't even know about all the effects yet) -- saying something like, oh, it really wasn't all so bad and the media made a much bigger deal out of it than it really was, and the NYT says the beaches are clean now, and poor BP, everyone's beating them up now. I almost fell out of my chair.

Recently I've had that quite a few times, that I actually have to stop working and take a break to calm myself down after reading crap like that... unbelievable. Still, I'm feeling that I'm not alone here -- I mean in that I'm changing and seem to be getting more sensitive to other people's suffering. I'm far from being the Mother Teresa type, but it seems that in the last two years there's been a gradual but now very noticeable -- at least to me -- change within me. It's like I'm becoming more compassionate; I feel like I want to help people instead of just gratifying my own wants and desires.

Has anyone sensed that kind of change within themselves?

I also stumbled over a beautiful story in the local paper today... it's really touching, IMO.

Canadian Couple gives away $10M lottery prize

Lower Truro, Nova Scotia -- A Canadian couple who won $10.9 million in the lottery just gave it away.
Allen and Violet Large said Thursday they won their fortune in a July 14 Lotto 649 draw and decided to donate 98 percent of it, some $10.6 million, saving the rest for a rainy day.
"We were quite happy with what we had and the way we were going," said Allen Large, a 75-year-old retired welder. "We have no plans. We're not travelers. We're not night-prowlers. We're not bar-hoppers."
After taking care of their family, the Larges donated the bulk of the prize to churches, fire departments, cemeteries and the Red Cross in Lower Truro, as well as hospitals where Violet, who has cancer, has undergone treatment.
Large said he and his wife decided a week before they picked up their winnings to give most of it away.
He said they had worked for 30 years in Ontario and put away money every year before retiring and returning home to Nova Scotia.
"We weren't millionaires before, but we had enough to keep us going in our retirement years," said Allen Large.
Word of the couple's generosity has generated a wealth of attention from the media both in Canada and abroad.
"We're not used to all this attention," Large said from the couple's modest home in Lower Truro. "We're just plain, old country folks."

I almost cried when I read that. That's so amazing, only comparable with the Amish people who, after this mad shooter killed their kids, embraced and comforted the devastated family of the killer (who shot himself as well) and said they forgave him. And I know exactly what my bosses would say: "Those stupid @#$%^^ idiots -- they should have invested and multiplied the money instead of giving it all away!"

That's why I just don't want to work there anymore.

Again, how about you? Have you noticed that something within you is changing? Is this the shift of consciousness that people are talking about that's supposed to be happening (and accelerating)? All I know is, I love it, and feel so much better about myself.

All people feel it, it's just a matter of what you are going to do about it.

You always have a choice of what you can do, it is always in your hands. Every thing that happens on this planet is nether bad or good, all events are equal it is only what you think it is. So all bad events can be good only if you see the good in them. You can do a lot of good from where you are, remember you are the master of your own reality so what ever they say should not bother you only if you let it.Or watch of an up coming opportunity that would get you what you want.

Good luck.

No, you're not wrong there... There is some sort of a change. Take me for example, well i'm not much of a lovey dovey person.... But for reason, which is way out of my character... I'm feeling like I love everything, people, Earth, Space. I don't know... Just something.

Another thing I've noticed, is that a lot of my Facebook friends have changed. They seem nicer. Males on my list are becoming more with their emotions, more thoughtful and sensitive. Females are loving each other like sisters.

The odd percent on them have not changed at all and they have kind of faded out. I've noticed this over the past year.

I've felt very generous lately as well. I'm participating in a Xmas present delivery program to the less privileged next week and I'm looking fwd to it in a big way....something's in the air

Good for you, seriously. I'm not sure if this is the shift everyone's talking about either, but it's good that you're opening up more. I'm like that too except when I'm around family... they always seem to flare me up for some reason.

But keep on the path.

The change I see is that almost every person I know is broke. Most people make enough to get buy, and purchase a few goods, but overall most my friends and family are always broke.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/21049ffc4ec3.png[/atsimg]


Think of yourself as a Bond Girl from the movies,
on a dangerous mission deep behind enemy lines.
The information you bring is invaluable and unavailable
anywhere else, and you shouldn't feel dirty, but proud.


David Grouchy

I personally think generosity is more in the hands of the individual, then in some world-wide shift in consciousness. Those who are compassionate and empathetic will live their lives one way, while those apathetically unconscionable people will live it in another way. Neither way is "right" or "wrong". We'll all end up lying together in the same cold ground when we come to our end. It's just a difference of opinions: do you want to make only other people feel good, only yourself feel good, or try and work it out for both of you?

I definitely can't get on any high-horses, 'cause I didn't donate 10 million dollars of lottery winnings, but here's some of my activities of late that I hope have helped the world in some small way:

• Outside our local Wal-mart there are always those foundation collection volunteers who sit there with their coffers asking for donations. I had come out of Wal-mart after buying something (milk I believe) and was greeted by a little kid, he couldn't have been more than 8. He held up the coffer with one hand and tried his best to repeat the slogan his father had probably helped him memorize before they came out. I thought it was cute, and kind of heart-warming to see a father and son duo out supporting the cause. So, I pulled out my wallet and gave the kid everything I had (50-odd dollars or so). He was so ecstatic, he ran off to tell his dad momentarily before remembering he was supposed to give me a little Tootsie Roll candy. I took the Tootsie Roll, drove home and gave it to my friend Rae.

• I stopped working at a local retailer that buys in bulk, sells for 50% off, and keeps all profit for itself. After 5 years of dedicated service I, like you, came to realize that such a company was doing nothing for the economy, or the world. So, now I am a proud member of our local Goodwill company. 92 cents from every dollar we make is donated to a host of charities and organizations. My boss hires 50 or 60 people from the towns we service to operate the store, and we constantly host sales, events, and community deals to help out the town. I feel like my work is helping my community now.

• I'm also very philanthropic. If you're behind me at a toll, I'll pay for you. If you've got a few items in the checkout and you're behind me, and you'll let me, I'll add them to my tab. I've taken the local homeless man out for lunch. I've treated friends, family, and the families of friends to dinners and other things. I am very minimalist. I don't want or need a lot, so the excess I make I try to be sure to put back into the economy, or towards those I love, or those less-fortunate than I.

That is just how I live though. I can only hope others' live the way I do. If not, that is still their own choice. In the end I'll lay side-by-side with all kinds of people, waiting to see if there really was a purpose to our good and bad deeds in this world.

Excellent post. S&F

~ Wandering Scribe

Originally posted by sylvie
...their attitude could be summed up as "Me, me, me -- me first and everyone else can go to hell for all I care."

99.99% of the people I have met throughout my life have been that way. It drove me to a point where I thought, that is the way to live life. It felt as if the entire universe was trying to send me a message, that to survive, you have to be selfish. And you know what, that is true. This is a completely biased, somewhat thoughtless opinion of mine, but most people I know personally who have been successful in life, have been arrogant, selfish...people. (Can't use expletives, ay.)

But to survive and succeed is one thing, to live life knowing that you are not one of them, is another. And I find peace in that. I have met a couple of people who have been thoroughly selfless--especially my grandmother, who has made an everlasting impression on my life--who have persuaded me not to join that selfish elite. Not to say, I have never sinned or anything like that. I am human, I have made mistakes. But I go to bed knowing that I try my best to be sensitive to others' feelings, and do my best to help those in need whom I can help. I have no trouble sleeping at night.

Originally posted by sylvie
I'm close to quitting my job, because I just can't take this any longer.

I will advise you, not to. At least not in a rash way, without considering your future options thoroughly. Especially, if you have a family. Do I know you? No. Do I have any right to tell you what to do? No. But from this post, I think you are a good-hearted human being. World needs more people like you, who feel others' pain, who are not selfish and self-centered. I have found that even while living in those elite gutters, surrounded by those kind of people, there is much you can do, on an individual level to help others. That's what I do.

Maybe I didn't make any sense at all. Oh well. Be well, my friend.

Explanation: S&F!

Personal Disclosure: I changed a long time ago and unfortunately not for the better and the only thing I was able to hang on to that was partly human was my human heart... the rest of me is more monsterous than any and all of your bosses combined!

Here is how I explain [not excuse] my behaviour... If you [yes you! ] do not maintain me 1st [and OL is very very high maintaince OK, but we are assuming a reality in which I agree you exist as an independant observer due and worth respect etc] then yes I will tear the entire freaking universe apart and I will blame you for that!

But IF you maintain me well and maintain me 1st [to my satisfaction] then I will bare 2/3rds of the entire rest of the load at a minimum [5/6ths is the cruising speed ] and the responsibilites and the duties and especially the dirty rotten disgusting jobs etc! Seriously, under such duress, one would have to be either be my equal or better to not be required to capitulate to my "demands" [ I am willing and able to kill at a moments notice with my barehands over trivial petty stuff and I am accorded the title of "legally insane" which helps reinforce the bark behind my bite].


P.S. I had myself commited due to homicidal and consequently suicidal tendencies that became extremely acute in nature. I told the registra that xyandz needed to happen or more problems would arise. They didnt listen and for 1week I was forcefully accomodated [at this point now against my will BECAUSE they just didn't listen and obey my reasonable and precommunicated non negotiable demands] in the high dependance ward.

This resulted in the following nastyness on my part... I raged like a bull elephant which forced them to try and sedate me heavily which I had no probs with [cool...more pills...YUM!] but they quickly did as the soon had me doped up to my eyeballs and I was still raging [even the huge tongan security gaurd looked :O ] and they werent legally able to give me anything at all [toxicity etc.] and were begging me [yes they begged] to calm down... this is when I hit them with the full legal details of their duty of care ..which if shown to be a fail [and I had heaps of witnesses and uhmm ..other evidence that directly led to that almost immediate conclusion] would cost them up to 5 yrs in jail minimum! THIS WAS AND STILL IS FACT! [I made sure my info had massive gravita]

So what did they do... the did what I told them to do and within 48hrs I was out of high dependancy ward and was now running [in charge] of cleaning the bins, running the coffee and tea room [major responsibility due to boiling water and crazy self harming patients] running shopping errands for nurses and patients and for 2 full weeks I used my entire pay packet [my pension] as the wards petty cash, which was against protocol but an exception was made for me due to ..what...a yes... the fact that I and I alone was running the entire wards non medical needs dept. as a patient.

Before I arrived at psyke ward nurses were begging each other for individual coffee and smoko breaks ... 1 day after I am in psuedo charge [yes 24 freaking hrs ok] my efforts made it possible for collective coffees and smoko breaks for the nurses AND the wardsmen. This dramatically changed the social and effective work ethic and output for those demographics for the better and I confirmed this by asking my fellow patients at that time about it! They called me the TinMan with kudos ... grease and oil him up 1st they said and he will lift the entire ward by himself!

Now my individual nurses had to still maintain me..but after 2 days of me training them up they soon found that they really only had to maintain me and I'd do the rest usually with a smile etc.

OL is like an old car engine...I need to be well oiled and warmed up 1st... but then like a reliable diesel bulletproof donk... I will purr and or roar like a possed demon down the road to wherever we are collectively going!

But fail to maintain me well and maintain me 1st and OL will sieze up and chuck a conrod directly at you!

Someone HAS to be 1st and it might as well be those who will actually give and put back with a higher level of returns! I seriously recommend that person be me becuase if you get me outa the way 1st then I will make all the problems before you bow down and respect you kindly or else they get to deal with me and I did say I was a monster yes and that means I wont just be with the killing of whatever is annoying me!

Originally posted by jsettica
All people feel it, it's just a matter of what you are going to do about it.

You always have a choice of what you can do, it is always in your hands. Every thing that happens on this planet is nether bad or good, all events are equal it is only what you think it is. So all bad events can be good only if you see the good in them. You can do a lot of good from where you are, remember you are the master of your own reality so what ever they say should not bother you only if you let it.Or watch of an up coming opportunity that would get you what you want.

Good luck.

Thanks for the pep talk... much appreciated.

Originally posted by zara_bow
No, you're not wrong there... There is some sort of a change. Take me for example, well i'm not much of a lovey dovey person.... But for reason, which is way out of my character... I'm feeling like I love everything, people, Earth, Space. I don't know... Just something.

Another thing I've noticed, is that a lot of my Facebook friends have changed. They seem nicer. Males on my list are becoming more with their emotions, more thoughtful and sensitive. Females are loving each other like sisters.

The odd percent on them have not changed at all and they have kind of faded out. I've noticed this over the past year.

Isn't it great how that works? I totally believe in "divine" signs and synchronicities, and I noted many in the past months.

For example, I always wanted to play lay theater and ended up in the play "A Christmas Carol" (not that I was looking for that specific play to be in)... now we have rehearsals three times a week and it's being rolled out before my eyes over and over what the "love of money" can do to a person, and how it can take away someone's humanity.

There's one passage -- the dialogue between Belle and the younger Scrooge, before she dumps him -- that gives me goosebumps:

Belle: Your face was so smooth and unlined when I met you just a few years ago. Now it's hard and it's twisted.

Scrooge: Twisted? My face?

Belle: With desire, with passion, and with love, Ebenezer.

Scrooge: Yes, love for you! This is humbug! There's no other woman!

Belle: Oh there is. She is called Idol. She has slowly displaced me. So be it.

[...]

Scrooge: You mean money?

Belle: Yes, I mean money.

[...]

Scrooge: Belle, we must have courage and live life as it is! There is nothing as treacherous as poverty.

Belle: Courage is not what I see in you. . . . What I see in you is fear.

Scrooge: Fear of what?

Belle: Of the world. Of age. Of being an old man. Yes, life can be harsh and cruel. But you are too anxious to put yourself beyong being poor, by making yourself so rich. I have watched your noble aspirations fall away, while the real love of your life, Getting Things, devours you.

I think that sums it up pretty well. I see the exact same thing in my bosses; one of them is a multimillionaire and incredibly bored with life. He has done everything, seen everything, and there's nothing left for him. He has no faith in God or anything. Another is so afraid of getting old and dying that he's working out like a madman, almost every day. He also plans to have himself cyrogenically preserved when he dies. I just think it's sad and kind of pathetic.

I believe you have to have something in your life, something that you aspire to, that's greater than yourself -- either you believe in some divine being or are otherwise spiritual, or at least you need some worthy cause to work or strive for that doesn't just revolve around Lil' Old Me. That's what gives us purpose, IMO. I feel sorry for those people.

Originally posted by prepared4truth
Good for you, seriously. I'm not sure if this is the shift everyone's talking about either, but it's good that you're opening up more. I'm like that too except when I'm around family... they always seem to flare me up for some reason.

But keep on the path.

Thanks a lot! Being more loving and compassionate (and I've been there before, just kinda lost it in the hectic daily grind) makes me feel more alive somehow... it's like a breeze of fresh air.

Originally posted by davidgrouchy
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/21049ffc4ec3.png[/atsimg]


Think of yourself as a Bond Girl from the movies,
on a dangerous mission deep behind enemy lines.
The information you bring is invaluable and unavailable
anywhere else, and you shouldn't feel dirty, but proud.

David Grouchy

Yeah, but it does corrupt you over the long run... or drives you crazy having to deal with these people and those attitudes every single day.

Originally posted by Wandering Scribe

• Outside our local Wal-mart there are always those foundation collection volunteers who sit there with their coffers asking for donations. I had come out of Wal-mart after buying something (milk I believe) and was greeted by a little kid, he couldn't have been more than 8. He held up the coffer with one hand and tried his best to repeat the slogan his father had probably helped him memorize before they came out. I thought it was cute, and kind of heart-warming to see a father and son duo out supporting the cause. So, I pulled out my wallet and gave the kid everything I had (50-odd dollars or so). He was so ecstatic, he ran off to tell his dad momentarily before remembering he was supposed to give me a little Tootsie Roll candy. I took the Tootsie Roll, drove home and gave it to my friend Rae.

• I stopped working at a local retailer that buys in bulk, sells for 50% off, and keeps all profit for itself. After 5 years of dedicated service I, like you, came to realize that such a company was doing nothing for the economy, or the world. So, now I am a proud member of our local Goodwill company. 92 cents from every dollar we make is donated to a host of charities and organizations. My boss hires 50 or 60 people from the towns we service to operate the store, and we constantly host sales, events, and community deals to help out the town. I feel like my work is helping my community now.

• I'm also very philanthropic. If you're behind me at a toll, I'll pay for you. If you've got a few items in the checkout and you're behind me, and you'll let me, I'll add them to my tab. I've taken the local homeless man out for lunch. I've treated friends, family, and the families of friends to dinners and other things. I am very minimalist. I don't want or need a lot, so the excess I make I try to be sure to put back into the economy, or towards those I love, or those less-fortunate than I.

That is just how I live though. I can only hope others' live the way I do. If not, that is still their own choice. In the end I'll lay side-by-side with all kinds of people, waiting to see if there really was a purpose to our good and bad deeds in this world.

Excellent post. S&F

~ Wandering Scribe

I think that's absolutely admirable. You're doing great. And I applaud that you had the guts to quit your job and go work for someone who is not ethically challenged. That's what I'm about to do... I just have to get out of this place. There comes a point where you have to stand up for what you believe in. I also like those random acts of kindness, like you say, paying the toll for someone, etc. Thanks for being such a role model!!

Yes, I feel exactly the same way and have gone through / am going through the exact same things. My personal way of dealing with self-serving attitudes is to ignore it the best I can, make conscious effort not to re-inforce it if it comes my way; choose to be who the person I am trying to become. My most hated line from some of these types of people are "god-dam" I believe this phrase must grate on most spiritually-minded types.

I feel ya OP! I used to be that kind of capitalist guy, not really caring about the feelings...But you know, I've changed the past 2 years. I've started to smoke marijuana on February 16th, 2009, and that was the help/tool I needed to move on. I've started to be more open-minded, connected to myself. The interesting part of this, is that, I believe, we moved to a new astrological era on the february 15th, 2009, a day before I started to be awake. I find it very...odd!

Now I really feel alive and it's only recently I've learned about the service-to-self and service-to-other. It gave me a new goal in my life, be a better human everyday, helping others and spreading love/light. I find it strange sometimes...I'm only 18 (well, writing this made me think about my upcoming birthday...3 days! Didn't remember...lol), and I can't really find anyone who share this kind of...lifestyle. I do have my friends that understand me and kind of behave like it as well, but you know, it's really hard to find other people. I really believe that most of people are service-to-self, and it seems there's a change of consciousness coming on, culminating on december 2012. I do see it on the web, I do see the change Earth is passing through...But really I hardly see the change in everyday life...But I have faith it's happening, and I can't see it

Anyways, it was a really hearth warming thread, and kind of fill me with hope (never lose it). Keep on hoping, loving, lighting, and spread!

reply to post by sylvie


I recently handed my notice in for my job at a large car dealership, with no job to go to. Mostly due to my disgust at the big brother corporate atmosphere that seems to have descended on our society like a poisonous fog.

I took it back last week due to existing staff problems - I didn't want to let down the people I've worked with for all these years. But for the week and a half that I was serving my notice I found that I was happier than I'd been for along time. Now I'm back to being slightly depressed, hoping for economic collapse or some other world changing disaster so the whole sorry system will come crashing down. But I still plan to get out of there.

Examples of the poison - This well known car manufacturer's agents in this country have secretly been assessing every member of staff at every dealer whenever anyone of them visits, or we go on one of their courses. Without our realising, they are watching us for our attitude and enthusiasm to the brand and reporting back to the higher ups. They have a traffic light system in place for grading us.

Just recently a tech reported that while on a course a trainer remarked that a subsidiary brand had been given 12 months to turn profits around or else they would be closed down. When the tech reported this to our boss, he responded by getting the name of the trainer so he could report him. "They are very hot on people who are not 100% positive about the brand" he explained. People at our dealership are also going to lose their jobs for not being "franchise compliant".

The one that sticks out most in my mind, is the suggestion that we should pretend to be friendly with customers and include them in any jokes or banter so that they feel like one of us. It reminded me of the "love hug" used by cults to draw in new members. Pretence of familiarity and affection followed by assimilation. The concept made me sick.

What this job has done is made me a not very nice person, cold and detached and hoping for disaster and collapse in the outside world. What quitting started to do, and will do when I can pull it off, is allow me to be myself again.

All this talk of being generous and giving lottery winnings away is not the point. This is our natural state, what we really are. The issue is the fast encroaching big brother fascist society that is coming at us from all directions and is strangling our minds.

Lose the company car, take a paycut and live a simpler life. I think I'll be richer for it.

Originally posted by Gab1159
I feel ya OP! I used to be that kind of capitalist guy, not really caring about the feelings...But you know, I've changed the past 2 years. I've started to smoke marijuana on February 16th, 2009, and that was the help/tool I needed to move on. I've started to be more open-minded, connected to myself. The interesting part of this, is that, I believe, we moved to a new astrological era on the february 15th, 2009, a day before I started to be awake. I find it very...odd!

Now I really feel alive and it's only recently I've learned about the service-to-self and service-to-other. It gave me a new goal in my life, be a better human everyday, helping others and spreading love/light. I find it strange sometimes...I'm only 18 (well, writing this made me think about my upcoming birthday...3 days! Didn't remember...lol), and I can't really find anyone who share this kind of...lifestyle. I do have my friends that understand me and kind of behave like it as well, but you know, it's really hard to find other people. I really believe that most of people are service-to-self, and it seems there's a change of consciousness coming on, culminating on december 2012. I do see it on the web, I do see the change Earth is passing through...But really I hardly see the change in everyday life...But I have faith it's happening, and I can't see it

Anyways, it was a really hearth warming thread, and kind of fill me with hope (never lose it). Keep on hoping, loving, lighting, and spread!

Awesome -- if more people in your generation start feeling this way, there really may be hope for the future. I really believe that the world is going to change, one person at a time. I admire those, like the Tea Partiers, who take a stand for what they believe in, but trying to change others is not going to help, IMO. YOU are the only person you can change.

Originally posted by 12arc
reply to post by sylvie

 

I recently handed my notice in for my job at a large car dealership, with no job to go to. Mostly due to my disgust at the big brother corporate atmosphere that seems to have descended on our society like a poisonous fog.

I took it back last week due to existing staff problems - I didn't want to let down the people I've worked with for all these years. But for the week and a half that I was serving my notice I found that I was happier than I'd been for along time. Now I'm back to being slightly depressed, hoping for economic collapse or some other world changing disaster so the whole sorry system will come crashing down. But I still plan to get out of there.

Examples of the poison - This well known car manufacturer's agents in this country have secretly been assessing every member of staff at every dealer whenever anyone of them visits, or we go on one of their courses. Without our realising, they are watching us for our attitude and enthusiasm to the brand and reporting back to the higher ups. They have a traffic light system in place for grading us.

Just recently a tech reported that while on a course a trainer remarked that a subsidiary brand had been given 12 months to turn profits around or else they would be closed down. When the tech reported this to our boss, he responded by getting the name of the trainer so he could report him. "They are very hot on people who are not 100% positive about the brand" he explained. People at our dealership are also going to lose their jobs for not being "franchise compliant".

The one that sticks out most in my mind, is the suggestion that we should pretend to be friendly with customers and include them in any jokes or banter so that they feel like one of us. It reminded me of the "love hug" used by cults to draw in new members. Pretence of familiarity and affection followed by assimilation. The concept made me sick.

What this job has done is made me a not very nice person, cold and detached and hoping for disaster and collapse in the outside world. What quitting started to do, and will do when I can pull it off, is allow me to be myself again.

All this talk of being generous and giving lottery winnings away is not the point. This is our natural state, what we really are. The issue is the fast encroaching big brother fascist society that is coming at us from all directions and is strangling our minds.

Lose the company car, take a paycut and live a simpler life. I think I'll be richer for it.

I was cheering for you when you said you were happier than you'd been in a long time. Too bad you caved, but I can understand where you're coming from. I believe Spirit/God/the Universe will help you if you do what you know is right for you, without fear. For me personally, that has often meant to take a "leap of faith," i.e., to leave a bad situation first, without knowing what would come next... and then miraculous things can happen if you only trust and go with the flow. I've already applied for another job, but I'm not sure if I want to be so tied down all day again. I'd rather do 10 different things and work for myself. We'll see how it pans out.