Halloween Dilemma - Help Needed

Mods: I understand this post is already present somewhere else. However, I think this forum is better suited to handle my dilemma. Please be understanding and let this thread remain here.

Hi,

I've a question for y'all:

I'm a friend of a 21-year-old man. Well, he's a man in a matter of speaking, because he was castrated when he was young (before puberty). To use an euphemism, she's smooth between the legs/ has a line there.

I do not want to go into details regarding how it happened apart from the fact he hung around the wrong crowd, but needless to say he was raised as a girl/woman. Because of when the whole deal happened, he is very much aware he was a man.

He/She has a younger brother who knows about this and uses this information to keep him/her in line. So far it's along the lines: 'do as you're told, or else...some people are going to learn a thing or two about you.'

Nothing serious came out of it, though, it's mainly about occasional teasing when they argued and her brother didn't know what else to say to basically shut her up.

Now, the younger brother decided his 'sister' should finally learn to appreciate her girlish side by taking part in Halloween celebrations as a fully-fledged female of the species. She is to wear a little yellow dress with tassels hanging around the middle of her thighs and 4'' yellow heels with pom-poms.

There's also a plan to visit a supposedly haunted location where surprises await. Perhaps even a parade on horseback (Clydesdales ).

She is a 6ft tall Caucasian with shoulder-length curly blonde hair. As weird as it sounds, she is pretty, although in this case I don't think that's something she's proud of. She does not really have a choice because he can simply reveal the biggest secret (tapes, recordings and stuff, bottom line: he knows it's all he needs for people to believe him, I saw this stuff and you can't fake something like that).

The reason I'm writing this is because I can't ask anyone in 'the real world' the following: should I tell him/her about this (the plan) or keep it under wraps?

On the one hand, I could lose a friend if I do tell her (her younger brother). He knows I'm the only person who knows about this and who knew his 'sister' before the whole unexpected turn of events.

On the other hand, a night of humiliation (she still has her manly pride somewhere inside her and that's the first time her brother came up with that plan) sounds better than the alternative. One night where only three people know the score rather than everyone throughout the year...

There's no doubt in my mind she's going to do it - the last thing she'd want is for this stuff to come out in the open. She won't be pleased, to say the least, but she knows her brother isn't kidding.



I've said enough. If you want to know more about this, u2u me.



Thanks for all the input and have a nice Halloween, y'all!

reply to post by vaevictis


Are you frickin SERIOUS? Of course you should tell her. Where do your allegiances lie... with a maniac, control freak of a brother or with a seriously controlled, abused sister?

This story really makes me mad.

Edit to add: You should do everything in your power to get her the HELP she needs instead of protecting her abuser brother. She seriously needs to get away from him.


Edit to add again: How can you be friends with someone who abuses the people he's supposed to love this way. Is he controlling you? You should really think about that question.

reply to post by vaevictis

should I tell him/her about this (the plan)
or keep it under wraps?

Unfortunately your post is shrouded in so much vagueness and euphemism that it's unclear what exactly is going on. Personally, if someone were to surprise me with a parade on horseback, I think I'd be pretty thrilled. That sounds like fun.

But if I understand you correctly...you have reason to believe the whole arrangement is a setup for some sort of public humilitation. Ok.

So let me ask a few questions:

could lose a friend if I do tell her (her younger brother).

How do you feel about having a friend who has apparently spent his entire life blackmailing someone in a very unfortunate situation? How do you feel about having a friend who is setting this person up to be publicaly humiliated? How exactly much do you value this person's friendship?

should I tell him/her about this (the plan) or keep it under wraps?

What do you think he/she would want you to do? Why don't you do that?

-----

I offer you two possibilities. They are not the only possibilities. But they are two you might not have considered. Ultimately, this whole situation does not need to be your responsbility. You could walk away from it and never talk to either of these people again. But given your post here, it seems that you choose to be a part of it. So be it. But remember that it is within your power to choose how you're a part of it.

1) Talk to your "friend" who is doing the blackmailing and humiliating. Tell him you're not comfortable with this and that you think it's going too far. Then, refuse to participate. If you say you're not comfortable with it, but then show up and play...he has no reason to take you seriously. But if you not him this isn't ok, and don't show up, he'll know you mean it. And maybe he'll have less reason to do it again. With this option you are taking some action to minimize harm to her, both now and in the future, but it would not require you to betray any confidence placed in you.

2) Tell her, but tell her the whole story. Explain to her that you're uncomfortable with the situation, that you don't approve, but also explain that by virtue of you telling her, you have something to lose. And explain why. She does not need to confront him. She could, for example, come up with some excuse why she can't participate, somewhere else she has to be, some last minute "emergency" or so forth. And if he pulls the blackmail card and tells her she has to be there, then suddenly she has a very plausible reason to suspect that something is planned, and she would then be able to confront him without incriminating you. Or, if avoiding the event is impractical, she could choose to go...but at least the blow will be softened.

You could of course do both.

And finally, I offer one proposal for her that perhaps you might relay to her. This is something she'll obviously need to deal with, and quite possibly will need to deal with for the rest of her life. Some things are better dealt with sooner than later. If she were to announce in a public setting her condition, she would be forever free of his blackmail. Yes, the "secret" would be out, but she would know forever that she was the one that revealed it, not him. And that would mean she was the one in control of her life. That might be of value to her.

This is the last thing anyone would expect of me...

1. The male/female friend needs to stand up for themselves and be who they are.. not caring what anyone else thinks of them.

2. The brother needs you to "knock the daylight out of him", then explain he is a being a disgusting PIG and deserved it. Next, remove the evidence while he reckovers and destroy it.

There are times when violence is permissable... a/ when you are being attacked, and, b/ to protect the weak.

If this is a halloween joke.. smile

reply to post by vaevictis

decided his 'sister' should finally learn to appreciate her girlish side by taking part in Halloween celebrations as a fully-fledged female of the species. She is to wear a little yellow dress with tassels hanging around the middle of her thighs and 4'' yellow heels with pom-poms.

There's also a plan to visit a supposedly haunted location where surprises await. Perhaps even a parade on horseback (Clydesdales ).

I've read this over a couple of times, and my best guess attempt to read between the lines is that the plan is to gang rape her, or otherwise "compell her through blackmail" to have sex or perform sex acts for people who probably don't know that she was originally a he, and then parade her around town naked.

Is that seriously what we're talking about here?

Tell Ann Coulter that I already know about it.



If the conservative world turns on her then
they will only expose their own hypocracy.
She subscribes to paid news services, and legal databases,
and despite how people paint her, her conclusions are some of the very few
I have ever seen that are based on real facts and real information.
Of course someone wants to destroy her.



And it looks like I'm not the only one who knows.


David Grouchy

Being bullied for being different.
The Liberals should ask themselves,
Why does Ann feel safer with conservatives than with them.
Wouldn't they be more welcoming? Or is Ann aware of something more.

reply to post by davidgrouchy


Dude WTH? Lame attempt to derail a thread with politics, and it didn't even make any sense!
___________________________________________________

OP: Great advice all around from the ATS community.
I agree that the 21yo needs to take control of his/her life. The brother is a serious SOB.
But really, BOTH of then are in desperate need of counseling. Badly. I don't know where you folks live, but I would suspect that the older sibling would find much better counseling resources in/near a major city, where finding specialists in transgendered therapy would be possible.
S/he needs to walk away and not look back. Sounds like being tied to his/her hometown will never bring any sense of acceptance or peace.
The brother needs counseling for who knows what, but I am sure that there must be a great deal of anger directed at his brother over whatever transpired.

Also: Yes, steal and destroy that evidence. Without a doubt that is the best gift you could give *both* your friends. Because let's be honest: As long as the younger has that evidence, there will always be a threat to the older. And (hate to mention it) people have killed over far far less offenses than what is going on here.

This story makes me furious! Whatever that 'night of humiliation' entails, it should never, never happen. You just don't do that to someone you care about. And you're supposed to protect and look out for family, not...this...whatever awful thing the brother is planning. I'm not sure how only the three of you will still be the only ones in your town to know the score, because it sounds like the humiliation is designed either way to publicly embarrass her, whether she's there or whether he uses the 'evidence' he has. Otherwise, what's the purpose of the parade and the haunted house 'surprises'? I mean, I don't know what the brother has in mind, but reading between the lines as others have, it sounds beyond awful.

As her friend, you should definitely tell her whatever she doesn't already know about what the brother has in mind. As her friend, she needs you to look out for her wellbeing, especially with her brother doing the exact opposite. I'm sure you don't want your friend to go through something as horrible as this sounds at all, much less be blindsided by it.

Tell her. That way, she'll be prepared to deal with the situation however she sees fit. And be there to help her prevent whatever it is they have in mind that night if she insists on going.

And I like the idea of destroying the evidence he keeps threatening her with. Please do that, OP, if you can. I'm not sure what would happen if your friend chose to tell everything in her way, on her terms, but it would definitely end the threat of her brothers "power" over her. I really do like that suggestion one of the other posters made.

If you have the power to prevent this humiliation party from happening, you should do so. Like others, I too read "gang rape" between the lines. If that is the case, I can't imagine why are you even considering letting this happen. Anyway, I wonder why do you value so much the friendship of such a pig (the younger brother). Luck and wisdom for you, mate.

screw the little brother.


you better stop whatever the little demon has planned.

reply to post by vaevictis


Why are you so invested in other people's lives?

How do you know, everything you know is true?

People could be playing you as well, I mean, this is a lot of deep stuff to know about another family entirely, to be honest it sounds like somebody is playing YOU.

reply to post by vaevictis


What happened? What did you do / not do?

The fact that you pose this question in the first place, speaks volumes about your character. By all means, allow the disfigured person to be humiliated. You wouldn't want to lose the friendship of a psychopath.