The Masonic Joke thread...

Life is too short to be so serious. I'd like to use this thread as a warehouse for Masonic jokes. I know we all know some and now we will have a place to find some new ones for lodge night (while others are thinking we are trying to take over the world).

Allow me to start:

A Brother was coming through a small town at 2:30 in the morning. Being as he was late he was going a bit faster than the posted limit, this alerted the local Constible who in turn, pulled him over.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" The Consible asked.

"I am on my way to a Masonic lecture." The driver responded.

"My Brother," the officer said, "where in the world is there a Masonic lecture at 2:30 in the morning?"

"At my house, when my wife finds out I've been pulled over, she's gona give me one..."

A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is passing.
"What′s going on?" he asks a spectator watching from the side–lines.
The other replies "It′s a match between the Masons and the Knights of Columbus."
"What′s the score?" asks the first man.
"I don't know, it′s a secret."

The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish.
"OK," said the WM, "I′ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii."
"I can′t do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don′t you know that′s impossible? No Genie could do that. It′s too far, the water is too deep, it′s just totally beyond anybody′s power. You will have to make another wish."
"OK," said the Master. "I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers ... just sit on the sidelines and behave!"
"Hmmmmm," said the Genie. "Do you want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4??"

How many Masons does it take to unscrew a light bulb?

A DDGL was on his way to deliver a lecture at a lodge 120 miles away. he was running late. He decided that if he ran about 18 miles over the speed limit that he might make it in time. As luck would have it, he was stopped by a cop in the next town. the Cop who stopped him was a brother. The lecturer told the cop what was going on and he graciously let him go with a warning to slow down and arrive alive. He just did get past the next town when his speed crept up again. bam, another cop with blue lights. It must be this mans day, because this cop was also a brother. He also let him go with a warning to slow down. Now the DDGL was only 30 miles from his destination and if he hurried, he could just make it in time. Then a third cop pulled him. He was also a brother. But this was different. The cop started to write a ticket. The DDGL tried to tell the cop about the other two officers who let him go with a warning and the cop stopped writing for a second and looked him in the eye, " You being a mason, I am sure you know the story of Hiram Abiff?" The DDGL said, "Of course I do", the cop said "well you met Jubila and Jubilo, I am Jubilum."

How many past masters does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
Why does the light bulb need changing?

reply to post by Choronzon


It's a secret.

A man was about to be hung for comitting murder. When the hangman asked if the convicted had any last words, the man with the noose around his throat spoke up: "I HATE MASONS! The man I killed was a mason, the judge who convicted me was a mason and all the jury were masons! If I could do it again I'd have killed more!"

After a short silence, the hangman stated "Well, I cannot allow this exacution to fall behind schedule. Please step off with your left foot..."

I was on my way home from lodge after the last meeting when I was taken short. As no-one was around, I stopped the car and relieved myself against the nearest wall. Just as I was finishing, a police car pulled up.

Good Evening, Sir said the Officer, perhaps I could have a look at your driving licence?
Of course officer, I'll just get it out of my 'black' briefcase. The officer didn't take the hint, so I proceeded...
it's inside my little blue book!

Still no sign of recognition from the officer, so, thinking I had picked the only police officer not in the craft, thought I would give it one last attempt; so I said, Officer, would you mind if I take a minute to restore myself to my personal comforts?

At this the officer said: "Of course not Brother!"
And, upon your return, I shall draw your attention to a charge!

Originally posted by wigit
How many Masons does it take to unscrew a light bulb?

OK I just spit my Coke all over the screen! HAHA!

A Masonic lodge was undergoing a massive renovation that would last several months so they held their meetings at a local hotel conference room.

One night a man was checking in and noticed the Tyler seated outside the closed doors.

He asked the concierge, "What's going on in that room?"

The concierge answered, "It's a meeting of the local Freemasons."

Excitedly, the man said, "I've always wanted to be a Freemason! Do you suppose they would let me join?"

The concierge shrugged, "Probably not. That fellow sitting there with the sword has been knocking on the door for months and they've never let him in."

Jim and Dan had been members of the same lodge for many years. They promised one another that whichever one was called to the Celestial Lodge Above first would return and tell the other what it was like. After years of friendship, Jim died.

One day shortly after Jim's death, Dan was getting ready for bed when he heard his name whispered. He looked around but didn't see anyone.

A few moments later he heard, now quite clearly "Dan, it's me... Jim."

"Jim!" Dan said with delight, "Are you in heaven?"

"I am, I am, indeed."

"Well, Jim are there Lodges up there in Heaven?," Dan asked quickly.

"Of course there are, Dan. There are many, many lodges up here and they all have great food for refreshment, perfect ritual and the fellowship is... well, it truly is good and pleasant when brethren dwell together in unity, Dan."

"Oh, Jim, that sounds wonderful. But you sound sad. What is it that is bothering you in such a wonderful place?"

"Oh, Dan, it's just that I have some good news and bad news for you."

"Really, Jim? Well, what's the good news?"

"We have several new Entered Apprentices and will be doing the 2nd degree for them next week."

"Oh, hey, that is good news. So, what's the bad news?"

"You're the Senior Deacon."

i highly encourage this ATS link this is a thread i made a while back abotu how i noticed there wasn't too much freemason joking going on, and basically my theory is that they wish to remain in the shadows, and out of sight, out of mind, and also if too many minds were thinking negative thoughts towards the masons.. well, thoughts are more powerful in larger numbers, so it's in the masonic interest to remain as that 'mysterious organization' that no one really understands, but everyone knows the rumors of their secret control

anyways! hahahaha!

reply to post by wigit


nice. hahaha