Z*53*ID*105776 [HHWC]

A/N: This is actually an idea I had for a multi-part story which I'm gonna post on livejournal. Now, I don't really want my personal lj given out to ATS (no offense, anyone) so if there's interest in reading the rest of it, I'll make a new account and post the link. But I thought I might as well just post the first part to this competition. So here goes, hope it goes down well.



I was a normal person. A student, at university, a couple of months in; I had made new friends, was still in contact with old ones. I was still living at home with my parents, with a daily commute of over an hour – which was a complete pain in the ****, but I just didn’t have the inclination or the energy to pack up and move out when I was so local anyway. That, and I had been worried about not making any friends, but you know. The workload was, high, but the classes and people were worth the effort. I was in the process of passing my driving test, after failing a couple of times, and so I got there by public transport.

Then a lab was breached, and some idiot managed to let the virus out.

I’d like to say it was a walk in the park. That I walked out, passed the danger, and got myself and everyone else to safety. But there’d be not story then, would there? So I wouldn’t be writing this.

I had a name, not just a number. 105776. I lived in a place, not a zone. 53. I had friends, not survivors. My life was amazing in that really mediocre human way that wouldn’t make a story, but made every day worth living.

I had been to uni on the day. 9 til 5. I’d had a seminar in the morning and a lab class in the afternoon, and I’d been pretty happy to spend my entire day with my lab group because I got on with them (well, four people in particular) and we had a nice dynamic going on. I’d left the house just after 7am to get the bus, and I had been watching BBC Breakfast as ever with nothing abnormal being reported. The two presenters had almost had a domestic over who was supposed to be speaking and that alone had set me up for the day.

I’m not naïve, and I spent a lot of time on an ‘alternative topics’ website. People were saying something bad was coming, they were seeing quarantines and people being dragged off, more murders were happening, their uncle had been bitten by a homeless person and the apocalypse was starting – that sort of thing. The only problem was that that sort of thing comes and goes on the website, things come into fashion like everywhere, people jump on the bandwagon, and this whole false story gets built into a mountain. And because of that – no one pays any attention. Especially if the guys are new. Which most of them were. All these ‘warnings’ were just trolls; and even though I did look into it (I had always had a bit of a zombie fascination), it was mainly for a bit of a laugh to kill some time when I had nothing better to do, and trawling the internet on a wild goose chase didn’t pull up anything, so I had dropped it.

It was dark, so one of the lads in my lab group who lived on the campus insisted on walking me to the metro station. Nothing was really amiss, my signal was dropping out now and again, but it had been raining heavily while we were in the lab and it was still pretty cloudy so I just put it down to that. Either that or the government had caught on to the fact that I was a high-participating member of a conspiracy society and were tracking me, blocking my signal. (Exactly).

We were standing on the platform with a few other people, talking, just generally joking on and I wasn’t complaining because I liked this bloke quite a lot, had done since I first met him. It was getting close to Christmas, so we were talking about exams, and whether he was excited about going back home to see his family and friends. The train was due in 4 minutes according to the wall map – the electronic one was stuck on the ‘no smoking’ sign again, and I was freezing (it was winter and I have a habit of really not dressing appropriately for the weather). I remember my friend putting his arm around me to keep me warm. I can remember how heavy my bag was from my books and my lab coat. And I can remember hearing the conversations going on around me, some of them in different languages - our uni had quite a lot of people there from other countries.

I can remember feeling kind of, I dunno, sad, when the announcement shouted out that the next train was mine because I was quite enjoying the company and atmosphere of the station – even if it was a wet, cold, dark night. I’m not one for winter, I get SAD, but there were Christmas decorations up and, with it only being a couple of weeks until we were off everyone was sort of, hyped up I suppose. The thought of having time off and seeing their relatives again really helping to lift most people’s moods.

And then I can remember the smell, the burning, and the noise was completely different to the usual. I looked to my friend (for reasons of confidentiality I’m not allowed to mention his name, only his number – not that I understand at all how this helps protect us), confused, and he looked down at me and shrugged.

You could see the light before the train came round the corner, and it was seriously on fire. I can remember people gasping, screaming, the whole language barrier overcome just by that noise of human emotion. Everyone sort of piled backwards, and it was lucky that there weren’t really that many people there or else there would have been a real crush. 786352 and myself both swore at once, and he let go of me to run back and press the ‘train emergency’ button. Not that this would help, because I’m pretty sure there weren’t any engineers for a couple of stops at least. Maybe in the city centre, but not there.

By this point, a few people had run up the stairs, probably I case something exploded, and yet a lot of people were just stood, staring at the fire – a couple even had their phones out. Now I’m usually one for common sense, and yet, here I was, standing on an open platform, freezing cold, as it started drizzling again, walking towards the doors. I heard 7* (it's easier for me to type the first number with a * than the whole of his number) shout my name, a warning, and because I didn’t listen he, stupidly, pushed through the crowd and came to stand beside me.

He gasped, I didn’t. The carriage windows were painted with blood. A few people behind us had started to realise what it was, someone was retching, a couple screaming, someone else was crying. We could see in through the windows, past the blood. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a corpse, or dismembered limbs, but it was the first time I’d seen destruction on this scale in person. I heard 7* throw up, and I’m not sure what it was, the smell or the sight. Probably both. Luckily for myself I’m morbid and my stomach was pretty settled. I approached with the same disjointed emotional state as I did when I had gone on a trip to a tissues lab, in a dissection room. I was curious, and slightly horrified, and I could feel the adrenaline. I wanted to see in, to see what had gone on. It was like, hah, did you ever see Being Human? In the second series, where Mitchell and that bird go on the killing spree in the train? Well, it looked like that. All red and bits of flesh, combined with flames and the smell of burning paint and iron. I can still remember the smell, the image is burnt into my retinas, and yet, at the time I wanted to see more.

I got quite close to the carriage window, until the coward in my personality kicked in and told me to stop, told me that it was in fact dangerous. I could get blown to pieces, or shot or something. And yet, I could see into the carriage, and what I could see in there was movement. I turned around to shout for someone to call an ambulance and saw that someone had fainted; there was a huge crowd of people surrounding her, preoccupied when there were people dying for goodeness sake.
And 7* was so white, a pool of his own vomit at his feet. He was swaying, and he tried to stagger towards me, but I caught his eye and shook my head. He needed to stay where he was because I didn't need him on the floor as well.

I heard a knocking noise from in the carriage and all thoughts of an ambulance left me as my head snapped back to the window. The lights around the door button were still green, meaning I could open it, but something told me not to. I didn’t know if the driver was still in there, time must have been passing really slowly because you usually have less than a minute to get on the carriage when it stops. And something inside of me was still telling me there was more; something even more completely wrong than what was already visible. I swallowed, craning my neck to get a better view, not wanting to get any closer.

And then a hand smacked against the window, covered in blood, a big chunk missing from the wrist where an artery should be. I heard myself shout “****” and jump backwards. My heart was beating against my chest and people were screaming again. I’m pretty sure whoever was on the floor wasn’t being protected anymore as people jumped over her to run up the stairs. Only a few people were left there, the ones with some medical insight, who surely knew this person was dying. Who were forgetting that the person should be dead.

Some sort of substance shot out of where the artery should be, but it was coagulated, not like normal blood. It stuck to the window in clumps, like it had been sort of, meshing together for days, and yet not allowed to. It was part congealed, and part runny. The hand slid down the window.

I heard 7* say my name again, and he sounded terrifed. Not that I blame him, because I was too – I was shaking like mad, and I swear my heart could be heard even over the noise of the flames and the screaming and everything else. Smoke filled the air, and I know I’ve said it before, but it stunk. My hair was sticking to my head, the rain running down my face, and even above everything else my training of ‘making the patient my first concern’ was still there, rooting me to the spot. I wasn't even a doctor, but we still follow the same principles. I don't know what I could have done for anyone, but I took a shaky step towards the carriage anyway.
And a face hit the window.

I jumped backwards. I might have screamed, but I don’t know. 7* yelled my name, but I don’t think he could move. It had a head wound which should have killed it. Part of its face ad been ripped off and was dripping the same substance as on the window – I’m pretty sure part of its skull was visible and the hair was hanging in matted clumps; there was blood dripping from it’s mouth and flesh stuck in between its teeth.
And its eyes, its eyes were the same blue that I had once seen on a corpse, which at the time had been the only thing that had creeped me out; standing above the head - thinking about them snapping open and sitting up. They were cloudy and pale, with no life left in them.
It looked like it was grinning as its hand reached towards the door button; uncalculated and without thought, a lucky stab in the dark but terrifying nonetheless.

I grabbed 7*’s hand and pulled him towards the stairs, as the sound of doors opening and more screaming carried up from the station. The horn sounded, and ‘doors closing’ played out behind us, and someone cried out in agony above the inhumane screeching.

I guess, like we had, everyone else forgot about the girl on the floor.

Fantastic! Marvelously written. Left me wanting more!
Great job, here. Very different than the usual Halloween fare.

Maybe this is what you're going for, style-wise, but it came across as disjointed and hard to follow. I know that some do this deliberately and maybe that's what you're doing, I'm just not a fan of the style.
Also, run it through a good grammar check. You're missing apostrophes, etc...
Apart from that, nice effort. Writing evolves through the editing process and as a first draft... not bad.

reply to post by ladyinwaiting


Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words.

I've created an account to continue this on, and hopefully ATS won't mind me posting it here, because I'm not exactly gaining anything from it, at the end of the day.

But I'll just reiterate that it's only this part that I want judging, I'm not trying to cheat, I just feel bad if I continued without letting everyone know... Especially if they're being nice. I am a massive narcissist after all.

(Type ayana-ats into LJ. I'm scared to post the link! Lmao.)

There's nothing on it yet, but I'll update as and when.

Thanks again!

Oh, and yeah. I was going for disjointed. I can't imagine being able to survive an apocalypse and telling the story in perfect English LOL. But I'll go back and edit. It's a personal hatred of mine, but if it helps, yeah. Thanks for the advice

Very good - I am impressed !

I actually felt myself on the station reading this - and i love the idea of the post apocalypse style - reading back to the starting days.

Excellent and a big round of applause from me.

reply to post by Silk


Thank you dear! I'm glad that you like it!

Hopefully it can only get better...

Blood and Gore!!! yep perfect Halloween contribution. You really should add a bit more here in the contest though. It seems more like a preview than a short.

reply to post by antar


Thank you!

Yeah, see, I am carrying it on on my Livejournal, but it's probably gonna be epic, and this is for short stories, so I thought I'd cut it somewhere that makes semi-sense, rather than carrying on for another couple thousand words and leaving it at a proper cliffhanger. But if you wanna read the rest, I can U2U you the link for it no problem. Its work in progress, but I'm quite proud of it haha.

...Although I do have to get on the train today. My imagination'll be going into overdrive

reply to post by Ayana


OH NOES!!! Not the train...

Yes please shoot it over to me I would love to read some more. It was more like reading a movie script though, I could picture it all in my minds eye. I usually steer clear of the killer slasher type stuff but I do love the zombie, killer virus type thing.

reply to post by antar

Hahaha, I've managed to get it without being eaten by zombies

No problem! I'll U2U you it. My style of writing is very visual, usually, as my personality and memory usually is. If I ever tell a story, I try to fit as much imagery in it as I possibly can.
It's unusual, but if you get it and you like it then it works pretty well.

I thought it was absolutely smashing!

Brilliant

I love the way you did it in 1st person..especially how you integrated feelings that people would truly feel in that suituation...and the whole...between the writer and reader thingy.

It was amazing

Now...to read your other ones, dear

reply to post by BlackPoison94


Thank you!

It's taking a hell of a lot of effort to get this far. I normally get bored after a couple of chapters, but I'm seeing inspiration everywhere. And I find it easier to write as if it was me, because I think it does flow easier. Even if I do jump from place to place.

Wow, amazing story. I really hope to see the rest of this story. Simply fantastic.

reply to post by gimme_some_truth


Thank you! I can U2U you the link if you want.

reply to post by Ayana


Very riveting Ayana! Well written - I can't wait for you to continue! Again, well done -

reply to post by hhcore


Thank you!

You've got the link

Great job! I am not normally a fan of zombie stuff because, frankly, it kinda scares me in a bad, not a good way. I would love to read the rest of this though and hope you will share the link to the LJ continuation.

reply to post by Ceriddwen


The link is: ayana-ats.livejournal.com... for anyone who wants to read the continuation.

I kinda hoped to have it all finished by Halloween, but as always the case, real life sort of got in the way so it's still a work in progress...

Thank you for commenting though! I really appreciate the feedback!