How to find love when starting all over again?

Originally posted by orange-light

Originally posted by Trudge

I thought so to, get to know someone before you go out, why waste both of our time if we are to different.

it might not work for a relationship but a great friendship can be the result of the difference

I feel you should be good friends as well as a couple to be happy (not that you do everything together but that you have common things you both like to do together). If you become friends first and then start the relationship, I feel it would be better for both people in the relationship and more rewarding.

My grandfather on my dads side had a big problem with drinking

i guess more people have issues in this regard than they want to admit honestly

I agree

there is also this "being polite" issue
it is good to be polite to people but you should never give up good principles just for the sake of being polite

I agree 100 percent

Well for me when I was younger it was to socialize but it always led to me drinking to much and making decisions that I normally wouldn't make.

you didn.t learn how to control drinking
guess most people have problems with that
and yeah alcohol makes some decisions much more easier than without

I have no problem drinking just 1 or 2 beers now, it was when I was 17 to 24 or around there that I had issues with drinking (It was "cool" to be a big drinker in the crowd I hung around when I was younger).

I wish you the best in finding someone that you can be happy with. I have been looking for a long time and have yet to find "the one" I want to be with for the rest of my life.

after a disappointing marriage i am not so sure if there is a one for ever
but maybe a one to go a good deal of the way together with

would also be nice

Ya I don't think there is "The One" out there that was just meant for me but I think if you listen you can find someone that can make and keep you happy.

reply to post by Trudge



certainly it is a good idea to become friends before or while starting a relationship.
but how to deal with "love at first sight" or when attraction is that big that you just can.t do anything than going to the bedroom with the other one?

you just can.t question the other one before!

some might warn us of such a relationship - but it happens and it is not the worst encounters we have either

as you said: communication which includes listening is the key
but touching and making love is communication too

Originally posted by orange-light
reply to post by Trudge

 

certainly it is a good idea to become friends before or while starting a relationship.
but how to deal with "love at first sight" or when attraction is that big that you just can.t do anything than going to the bedroom with the other one?

you just can.t question the other one before!

some might warn us of such a relationship - but it happens and it is not the worst encounters we have either

as you said: communication which includes listening is the key
but touching and making love is communication too

Oh, without a doubt touching and making love is communication and a large part of a relationship which is why looks will always be a part of finding someone to be with. If you only go off of looks though, most of the time I won't say always it will end badly or you will put up with the other persons attitude and not be happy.

When I first started seeing my ex she told me her biggest thing in a relationship was sex and she needed sex all the time. At first it was great, being a guy and having sex all the time but after awhile it almost became a chore to me and comming from a guy thats saying alot. I mean sometimes I would come home and from like 9 PM to 6 AM we are having sex. We use to play a game to see if I could break the high score of how many orgasims I could give her in one night, we lost count at around 120 or so. Its fun every now and then to have sex for that long but when it becomes a regular event it starts to get old. Once the honeymoon period ended we didn't have much in common and ended up not being happy and about 6 months later we broke up.

My point is sex is an important part of a relationship but should never come first in a relationship over loving the person for who they are. To me loving how the person treats me, looks at life and there morals are much more important to me than some hot steamy sex that might last a year or so but in the end will make you very unhappy. You know what I mean?

reply to post by Trudge



sure i know what you mean trudge
sex is important but not everything.

and your sexual life is usually a mirror of your relationship.

when falling in love at first sight or having a desire to make love to a person you hardly know - i don.t think that it is about looks.
it is more than just about looks
it is about desire
about chemistry
and many stuff on the meta level as well

sometimes you just can.t control it


to much sex is as unhealthy as literally no sex
how have you and your ex been able to make it through the day

every couple has to find their own way how to deal with sex
some think they have to wait at least 10 dates or 3 dates or some months or what ever

every way is ok as long as it is ok for the very couple.

some hot and steamy sex can make you as happy as long lasting chats over your moral ideas
if it makes you unhappy - it is usually a reflection of the relationship

having sex can lower your self esteem as well as it can put it on a high level