The "House Wife" Issue and your views

I was curious as to see what women and other men view on their wives being house wives; instead of having a career. My mother is a house wife and my father was a Blue collar worker. From my experiences in past relationships I kind of feel I would prefer to be the one with a difficult career while my future spouse will help with various priorities that she can do at home. But I would help with the various chores and other jobs she does at home. I'm a very privet person and would hate to have to hire someone I don't know who could rob me or do something to our children. This is just my views and I would love to see your thoughts on housewives. Do you find it boring and unfair or a fun advantage with being with the children and relaxing.

I'd love to be in the financial position for one of us, my wife or me, to stay home and do housework, have dinner ready, etc.

With not too recent layoffs, we got to try it out a bit (unwillingly), and it was nice (though scrimping to pay bills isn't)... We're both back at work now (no kids in the household), but yeah, I think it would be great.

Being a housewife or househusband is work. There is a lot that goes into running a household, and that shouldn't be taken for granted.

Couples like my wife and I simply divide up the tasks. I have the kitchen, dining and bathroom, she has the living room, bedroom, and craft room. I do garbage, dishwasher, wash laundry.... she does floors, folds laundry, etc. Of course, if one of us did stay home, it would certainly be expected that the one at a job already put in their work, and gets a bit of rest and good treatment in return.

We've both been (at different times) in each role, and so the expectation is a given. (i.e. for a couple months when I was looking, and she was working, I had dinner ready when she got home, house cleaned, etc.) and vice-versa.

I'd find it very difficult to trust a stranger in my home to clean. Even if I could afford it, would seem strange. I'd rather have somebody come in and do it while I'm there. My home is like our sanctuary, and I'd feel a bit violated with that level of intrusion... Not to mention, it'd be easy to take some of our belongings and decorations out of context, and reach an incorrect conclusion.

[edit on 27-8-2010 by Gazrok]

I go to work, pay the bills.

My wife stays home does the chores and makes dinner.

Working great so far!

A woman(or man) who chooses to stay at home has more choice then a woman who has to work.

I started out career oriented, then I decided to have a child. I then decided that I wanted nothing more then to stay at home. Happiest days of my career. I had to go back to work, and resent every bit of it.


If you can do it, by all means do it.

IMO having either the man or woman stay home while the other is a great thing.

I think that the problems in that was because men assumed that women were home all day, and they shouldn't have to share any of the home responsibilities.

But as a guy to stay home 1 day, but has to do EVERYTHING that a woman does, its almost impossible.

For that to work, both have to make it clear that they are both employed, and should be treated as such, that includes days off, vacation, and always make a day for the both to share.

I think that a woman would be more than happy to be an at home wife/mother, as long as there was constant consideration and love, and most of all appreciation.

If men knew that a compliment can avoid an argument, everything would be better.

I know because I tried it, and he went NUTS!! LOL

I was a stay at home mom. There was no way I was going to have someone else raise my kid.

Loved being a mom. Hated everything else about being the one stuck at home.

I have no interest in cooking - decorating - gardening - - whatever.

I like thinking. I like philosophy. I like using my mind.

If I'd had a maid that can cook - - - and I was able to attend college while my kids were in school - - that might have worked.

If you can make do with only one spouse working outside the home, that can work out well. I'm not married myself but know many married couples including my own brothers and sisters. One spouse staying home can take care of the kids and even home school them if they want to take that extra effort. One of my sisters is doing that because she has a poor opinion of the local South Carolina schools in her area. My family seems to move all over the country and education doesn't seem to be at the top of the local state sponsored spending list here in South Carolina. That's my overall opinion. Where I live at, I think they may be spending too much money. New schools are everywhere across the county I live in.

One of my other sisters who works and I believe both spouses are making killer bucks now, are having second thoughts if all that time away from the kids was worth it. One kid is having some trouble at school, my sister wasn't able to devote as much time with him as she would have liked. Their total income has put them into a high tax bracket versus if she had just stayed home and helped out with the developing kids. It's not all bad though. They were making pretty good money and she does report to the President of the software company she works for. I've heard though Obama is going to tax them severely and that is after all their hard work. She could have stayed home and their taxes and total income would have been lower with less hassle. There are trade offs.

I forgot to mention in some cases, daycare I've heard can be more expensive than if one spouse stays home.


While some stay at home spouses can be very lazy, one of my sisters not only home schools at least one of her kids, she also finds deals and coupons online, sells misc. items they no longer need using Craig's list and manages the money pretty well.

[edit on 28-8-2010 by orionthehunter]

I grew up with a single working parent, my father, ex soldier, business man, jack of all trades, who had to work for his income.
His attidude was to teach us boys to do it all..so we can cook, an do whats required to run a household.
His point being - you never know how things will turn out.
Anything is preferable to letting the government or the TV have the kids

IMHO... two things for certain: both people in a couple have to be happy with what ever arrangemnt is chosen, and there has to be enough money to make ends meet.
and no :bash: heh heh

What ????

So the traditional woman of equality here is looking to do traditional male work to make ends meet while the male takes care of the house and children??

You know what I mean. Keeping the cars running, taking care of the grass, and grass cutting equipment, repairing the house...et al...you know traditional male chores.

Or are todays women of equality looking to have the male do his traditional male chores ...."in addition to going to work and taking care of part of traditional female chores." I need clarity on this.

Do todays women believe in that much equality or is it limited by female social beliefs and customs??

I say this because I hear alot about help with domestic chores ..but nothing about helping the male with his traditional chores in addition to her going to work.

I dont see this as much of an improvement in anything. If anything the women expect more from the male without giving more themselves.

I also see the male as traditionally dumb about this inequality. They havent a clue and often respond to this guilt programming by performing/doing without thinking about the value of their performing.

What I often see is the male trying out for female approval by taking on new responsibilities without anything more coming his way. The male is so dumb he is satisfied with some sports and cheerleaders and good for another hundred thousand miles without catching on to what is happening.

Be very careful here as to what is equality and what is female social beliefs and traditions brought out in inequality.

Thanks,
Orangetom

I forgot to mention in some cases, daycare I've heard can be more expensive than if one spouse stays home.

Very true, unless you're making a pretty decent salary, daycare (for children not yet of school age) could consume a majority portion of the wages of one spouse (especially if more than one child), so in many cases, may not be worth it.

I still think a LOT of society's problems would be solved if school was from 9am to 5pm, instead of this archaic farm-based schedule we seem to keep for nostalgia....

Originally posted by Gazrok

I still think a LOT of society's problems would be solved if school was from 9am to 5pm, instead of this archaic farm-based schedule we seem to keep for nostalgia....

Many public schools do have an after school program til 5.

There is a fee - - but it is minimal compared to what a daycare or baby sitting might cost.

Also - there are some daycares that take older children - bus them to and pick them up from their schools.

Originally posted by orangetom1999
What ????

So the traditional woman of equality here is looking to do traditional male work to make ends meet while the male takes care of the house and children??

My husband works - goes to school - pays the bills (his choice) and plays with the dogs.

I do everything else. I'm not crazy about saws. So if I'm building something I sometimes ask him to help. I also have my own power tools.

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by orangetom1999
What ????

So the traditional woman of equality here is looking to do traditional male work to make ends meet while the male takes care of the house and children??

My husband works - goes to school - pays the bills (his choice) and plays with the dogs.

I do everything else. I'm not crazy about saws. So if I'm building something I sometimes ask him to help. I also have my own power tools.

That's what good husbands do!

reply to post by Annee



Yes, but many schools start early too, which compounds the problem....forcing the working parent to be up too early, and the kids to be "in school" too long... 7:30am to 5:00pm is a long day for a school kid....

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by Annee

 

Yes, but many schools start early too, which compounds the problem....forcing the working parent to be up too early, and the kids to be "in school" too long... 7:30am to 5:00pm is a long day for a school kid....

I was a stay at home mom. I am a Femnist - - but if you are gonna have kids - - then YOU need to raise them - - not someone else.

As my stepfather always said: "the cost of living so high is living so high"

What are you willing to give up?

Originally posted by Romantic_Rebel

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by orangetom1999
What ????

So the traditional woman of equality here is looking to do traditional male work to make ends meet while the male takes care of the house and children??

My husband works - goes to school - pays the bills (his choice) and plays with the dogs.

I do everything else. I'm not crazy about saws. So if I'm building something I sometimes ask him to help. I also have my own power tools.

That's what good husbands do!

What?

Stay out of my way?

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by Romantic_Rebel

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by orangetom1999
What ????

So the traditional woman of equality here is looking to do traditional male work to make ends meet while the male takes care of the house and children??

My husband works - goes to school - pays the bills (his choice) and plays with the dogs.

I do everything else. I'm not crazy about saws. So if I'm building something I sometimes ask him to help. I also have my own power tools.

That's what good husbands do!

What?

Stay out of my way?

What are your talking about? I'm very, very confused and hungry now.
lol what up with that?

I make waaaayy too much money, so a decade or so ago, I gave my wife the option of not working. She jumped at it without a second thought. She takes care of the house and me and has never looked back.

If I ever get married, I'd like my wife to have the option of being a stay-at-home lady. Hopefully by then I'll be making enough money to do so (close now, but not quite there). That's if that's what she wants. If she wants a career, that's fine too. Either way.


TheAssoc.