Why can't we remember sound ?

My Mum died a few years ago. She was the best Mum ever, a saint, but I guess everyone says that about theirs too

But I can't remember her voice and I'm finding that really upsetting. I sometimes see women who look like her, sets my heart a fluttering for a fraction of a second when I see them ... I see Mum in her cousin (they look so alike) ... so I obviously remember what she looks like, heck I've got albums full of pictures of her entire life so I'm hardly likely to forget.

But it's this loss of sound memories which I find so grievous.

A girl at work, her Father died a few weeks ago. We were talking about the loss of parents & I casually mentioned how upset I was about not remembering Mum's voice ... and she thought about it and promptly burst into tears. Because she can't remember her Dad's voice and he only died so recently too.

Does anyone have a theory why our memories are so unreliable when it comes to sound ?

I don't have a theory on why you can't remember your mom's voice. My mom died 20 years ago and I still can hear her voice clearly. I don't think the memory will every leave me. My dad's too.

reply to post by LeBombDiggity


Odd that you mention this. I have never had a problem remembering peoples voices, either. Maybe you are trying to hard?

Do you remember a time when you had a special conversation with your Mother, where her words meant a lot to you? Maybe this will refresh your memory. Was there a particular song you remember hearing her sing? did she have a saying, or a poem she liked?

If you can remember something specific, it might jog your memory, rather than trying to remember just the voice she had.

reply to post by LeBombDiggity


I'm so sorry about your Mother.

I've lost mine too, but I can still hear her voice and even the 100 different laughs she had....one for every occasion.

But my niece, her granddaughter who adored her, called me not too long ago crying, saying "I can't remember Grammie's voice anymore".

So, I don't know what the difference is.

reply to post by Blanca Rose


That's exactly what I was thinking too. To remember how she sounded when opening a gift, or wishing you Happy Birthday. Or something specific. How did she sound when she answered the phone?

Even fussy.

Perhaps it has something to do with the way sound is perceived and recorded in the brain. From what I understand (I'm not an expert) sounds and smells are received directly to the deepest, most primitive part of the brain sometimes called the R-complex. Trying to remember a sound or smell is a matter of having the higher-level parts of your mind sending a request down to the basement; sometimes the communication between the two isn't very effective.

Try to remember what lemon smells like; not easy but when you smell lemon the memory kicks in vividly. I've had occasions where I'd heard a song once, years ago and forgotten. Many years later hearing the song brings back a whole host of memories of where I was, who I was with, etc. when I first heard the song.

Like I mentioned, I'm no expert...just my $0.02 worth.

Thank you for your replies. I'm totally perplexed now ... maybe I'm not explaining myself right.

I can remember what Mum said in certain situations ... scolding me, for example, or singing my praises ... but I only remember the words she used, I can't "hear her" say them. Does that make any sense ?

My brother, I can't hear his voice either ... I only spoke to him an hour ago on the phone too. I can recognise his voice, obviously (I'm not entirely daft) but I can't remember it. I know what a police siren sounds like ... but I can't hear it right now in my head ... but I instantly know it's a siren when I hear it.

Perhaps I'd be able to recognise Mum's voice instantly too if I heard her speak. I'm just trying to figure out why I can't remember voices/sounds ... I only recognise them once I've heard them. And I'm wondering too if that's something I need to work on (and how do I do that ?) ... and I'm absolutely confuzzled why you folks can remember the voices of your loved ones and I just can't.

Sound is the most vivid memory for me. I'd imagine it's just something to do with the way you are programmed, like how some people learn better with visuals, or listening.

Remembering sound for me is almost like i can actually hear it (not quite an auditory hallucination).

I'd guess you're just more of the visual side.

reply to post by Stuffed


I agree with you Stuffed that it has alot to do with the way you're wired, but I think it can be learned too. I ran across an article about the ability of musicians to remember sounds better than non-musicians, probably because of the ear training that goes along with playing an instrument.

Say What? Musicians hear better

So LeBD, maybe learning to play a musical instrument might help?

reply to post by avocadoshag


A star for you. The best musicians have no problem remembering sound. Good guitarists can sing their solos before they play them.

I'm with the other posters - never had a problem remembering long-lost voices myself. I think this is more of a personal thing than something affecting humans in general.

Originally posted by Stuffed

Remembering sound for me is almost like i can actually hear it (not quite an auditory hallucination).

Same here.
But I am musically inclined, as they say.
Maybe that makes a difference.

reply to post by AdAstra




For sure, as it was pointed out earlier i definitely think music plays into it. I don't play an instrument but I'm almost always listening to music.


Although I'm not entirely sure it's music that can train you to remember music. Maybe people who are more "programmed" for the audio instead of visual have a higher likelihood of becoming a musician or more musically inclined individual.

I'm musically inclined, too - maybe that's why I can remember.

For those whose mothers are still alive, get a recording of your mother's or other loved one's voice. Just her rambling or whatever. Though I haven't listened to it for many years, I have one and it's one of my most prized possessions.



[edit on 8/22/2010 by Benevolent Heretic]

I actually have an eidetic memory, but only for sounds. So much so that the first time I hear a song, any other external sound I hear like a dog barking, someone talking, etc. gets permanently "recorded" into my memory along with the song, and when I recall the song, I hear it in my head as if I am hearing it from speakers, complete with the extraneous sounds that were present the first time I heard the song. It's actually quite annoying sometimes!

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic

For those whose mothers are still alive, get a recording of your mother's or other loved one's voice. Just her rambling or whatever. Though I haven't listened to it for many years, I have one and it's one of my most prized possessions.

Excellent suggestion BH! I recorded the voices of my kids (talking, singing) when they were little, with no real reason in mind, just goofin' around. But now, when they are almost grown, I realize what a precious memento I have.

[edit on 22-8-2010 by avocadoshag]

I just went through an entire cast of people in my head and I could pinpoint exactly what their voices sound like and even think my own thoughts using their voice in my head.

I also come from a family of musicians, perhaps it's genetic?

Your thread title is a bit misleading, but, I'm glad it brought me here so it's all good!
Me, I can remember sounds like you wouldn't believe. I actually have a game where i can hear this and that and pick out immediately what it is even when I can't hear it - but that's another subject.

Now, more on topic with the theme of your thread - remembering the sound of the voices of loved ones who've past.

Funny that because as accurate as I can be to pinpoint other sounds, I can't 'do voices'. I try to - I try to hear their voices, and it's like I 'almost' do, but, it's just not quite right.

One voice I do hear though is the voice of a Mother who says her love goes on and on, it will never end for you. The voice of a A Mother who doesn't want her 'little one to grieve'. It's only a 'matter of time'...

peace

[edit on 22-8-2010 by silo13]

Perhaps your other memories of her are more vivid than say those who can remember their mother's voice, but can't quite remember her face or her smell, or things she said. You'll never forget your mother regardless.

I am sorry for your loss.

Try thinking of something she always said or a song she always sang. I think you may be trying too hard.

Do you have a relative who has a voice similar to your mother's? It might trigger a memory response.