Is it currently a social taboo to say ''hello'' to strangers ?

You don't happen to live in Toronto by any chance?

I hear ya man, my internet is messed but I had to at least comment on this thread. Something so simple that i'm passionate about.

I can think of many reasons why I think people feel or want to appear unreachable /distant, i won't get into it but i'm sure you can think of reasons.

That being said i'm just more-so annoyed that its the way it is. I want to be open with everyone. I've been getting more into the habbit of talking to people i don't know, just cuz.

Oh yeah and getting drunk and dancing around the street making people laugh, someone's gotta do it man.

yup. If i had more time on the internet here i'd say more. Dammit, everyone say hi to someone today.

Something that really grinds my gears is when I go out of my way to open a door for a complete stranger no matter how much stuff I am carrying or how busy I may be, and they either just shrug it off or continue talking on their cell phones with out the little bit of recognition. Would a thanks be that hard?

When I walk passed someone on the street I always make some sort of contact if it be a small smile or a hello. I find it awkward and feel weird if I don't.

When I was in Peru i was amazed how people were so conversational with strangers, they would just talk to someone on the bus. I couldn't speak spanish but every person I walked by I said hello too, well "hola". It felt good to be that friendly with people.

What i want to know is why it is seen as a positive thing while people simply wanting to be left alone and not bothered by people is seen as a negative? Putting all those overly cheery, talkative people on a pedestal and unsociable people like myself are supposed to feel bad about wanting to be left alone and not made to feel extremely uncomfortable. Even a simple hello is bad enough, but if some stranger actually came up and started talking to me i would be a mess. Do these people not think that not everyone has a personality that can handle or enjoy such situations?

[edit on 16-8-2010 by Solomons]

reply to post by Solomons


True, there are times one doesn't have time to chat but is "hello" really so offensive? The personal reaction you describe can be overcome by deciding to have another mental approach. I know first-hand. It doesn't happen immediately; it takes work. I know that I surely don't want others dictating my personal sense of wellbeing and that I would rather define it myself. Not having a personality that can handle it places you at a disadvantage, under the control of a random stranger.

Unless this way is the way you want it, but it's then simple for me to ruin your day with very little effort, or even intent while my outlook stays bright.

Hi.

I've thought up of a reason for people not saying hi in the city.

City life is always faster, busier and because of that people have less time and they are cranky or depressed more often.

That could be a good explanation why city folks don't say hi as much as country people. Don't you think ?



reply to post by orange-light

as a girl it is sometimes easier
other girls talk easier to girls than to boys - they never know what the guy is up to ……

Isn't it obvious ?

What do you think the reason is that your new neighbors are so different from those only a few miles away ?

There are so many people in a city that I think people realize they'll never see those people again so therefore in their minds its pointless to even establish the smallest relationship.

Walking down a suburb and walking by someone is a lot different than a major city... when there's only 1 other person walking by you almost feel obligated. Its also a neighborly mentality I think. But mostly I think people are insecure or unconcerned. Myself included, I'd prefer just peace and simplicity on my walk to the store, if I want to meet people I may start with meeting eyes with them and smiling and let it go from there.

There's a whole load of factors but mostly I deduce it to the sort of collective total of factors and how they define personalities and also group personalities like a certain city's general attitude. I'll say this much, the happier I am the more social I am. If people were happier, not to say they are miserable even... but to say if they were just so happy that they couldn't help but share it, then I think we'd be talking a lot more. Until then, its a crowded place and I think everyone expects it as a social norm to keep to themself just because its become that way through innaction. Its a fear becoming a habit becoming a social expectation.

It sucks though. If you feel up to it, feel secure as a person and don't care what others think of you and have enough self-worth, you won't let that stop ya from saying hi or whatever you want if you feel like it.

In my own city I feel like a pervert if I tell a woman she's good looking, it has become that, like what the hell man? I used to say nothing to people but as of like last week I decided I would tell random girls how pretty they are because maybe its a guy thing, but when random people just say something complimentary, I think its really interesting and it makes me happy, so what the hell? If something makes me happy, i'd think it would do the same for others.

Anyways,... damn these social habits and expectations!

reply to post by Solomons


I agree, its a lot of processing when unexpected things like that happen, and it can bother people. There are sure signs of these insecurities, such as wearing sunglasses. Young girls are notorious for that one!..

If people can't see your eyes it makes them think you didn't notice them. I've done it too.

There are lots of things people do to make sure they are left alone. Its too bad we live in a world where we do things on everyone elses time though or else I'd say don't even leave the house unless you can handle what's out there. That being said, when I just woke up and i'm going to work is not the time I want to deal with people, however.. the end of the day for instance, I am much much more open.

You just gotta deal with it, and if you're the one who's innitiating, i'd say to feel out, get an idea of who would be the most responsive. I know well enough to leave people alone, the signs seem obvious enough.


Its interesting how I'll see people wander around lost yet they always seem to come to me to ask for directions, its like they know i'm more likely to help them. That's a whole other topic though. But i'm just sayin, you want to say hi or whatever to everyone, but if you think they just want to be left alone then don't push it. Anything you deem good can be bad when done at the wrong time under the wrong circumstances. Anything. There's certain conditions. Not everyone has the mentality to deal with the dreaded "hello".

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


I travel quite a bit. Recently I was in France and noticed that people were actually very friendly ( even Paris!!) compared to where I have been living outside of NYC.

But I have for many years thought that only the older generation of people in England tend to not stare at you like you are freak if you smile, nod or say hello to them in passing.

I moved to the NYC area from the south. Where you can't drive your car down a back road without being prepared to wave you hand every passing vehicle. And not nodding, smiling or saying hello is seen as being rude.

So I think it must be cultural in nature but I also blame technology. Everyone now walks around with headphone on, talking to their bluetooth, or checking their blackberry and they don't realize they are not in their own bubble but in a society where face to face contact is sometimes needed.

I just hope we all don't go the way of thinking it strange to greet a stranger on the street.

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


And I have found that when abroad most people automatically think that Americans will be friendly and chatty. I have heard many times in my life that they just knew I had to have been American since I had no problem smiling on the tube or saying hello to someone next to me on a bench. :-) It makes me proud that I am at least not perpetrating the "rude american" vibe when abroad and that truly not everyone thinks we are rude but rather they think we are quite friendly.

reply to post by TheImmaculateD1


I find that to be increasingly true. It saddens me. I have also noticed that it seems you must be some sort of child molester now if you even wave to a little kid or baby.

And I am female so they can't even say I have the Chester the Molester look about me.

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


I am and American Female married to an English man and I remember once several years ago I was in a Sainsbury Parking lot and I still had an hour or more on my parking decal. So, a women pulled into the space beside me as I was about to leave. So I called over to her "Ma'am, Ma'am" She looked around almost scared and then I said. "I have more than a hour left on my decal would you like it." You would have thought I was trying to mug her. I realize some people consider that stealing ( I don't as I paid for the hour and who says it has to be me the entire hour?) anyway she eventually took the decal and thanked me but still looked shocked. Then my husband said that not only did it shock her that someone would give away money like that but that I also called her "Ma'am" which just isn't done in the UK. He said she probably thought I was calling mer Mum.

But I do love England and get there several times a year but I have noticed that I am more likely to have indepth conversations with non-english people there than I am the english. Even the Welsh and Scottish tend to chat with me more than the average English person. It is any wonder I ever even met my husband....

I hope it's not because I say hello to everyone I see when I'm riding my bike around town.

Originally posted by Identified
reply to post by Sherlock Holmes

 

I realize some people consider that stealing ( I don't as I paid for the hour and who says it has to be me the entire hour?) anyway she eventually took the decal and thanked me but still looked shocked.

Yeah, that's the Protestant Work Ethic in the culture going to work.

reply to post by nobodysavedme


Was your post meant to be sardonic? If not I find it really sad.

Society isn't any more violent today than it was 50 years ago when it was common for someone on the street to acknowledge you exist when you passed them.

I have lived in a dozen States, several Countries, and traveled to a few dozen more and I have always been friendly and not once have I been attacked by anyone. I even live outside NYC and I love trying to make people say hello back to me. It is sort of a game now. Maybe they see me as the attacker tho???

Originally posted by Sinter Klaas
reply to post by orange-light

 

as a girl it is sometimes easier
other girls talk easier to girls than to boys - they never know what the guy is up to ……

Isn't it obvious ?

Yes, it's obvious and it's true a good deal of the time but it shouldn't be seen as bad or offensive and it doesn't imply that's all the depth there is to it either.

reply to post by Solomons


I am sorry you don't feel comfortable doing that. I am rather friendly and will have conversations with people on trains or whatnot. But I don't like small-talk party atmospheres. Which is odd for people who really know me yet see I am awkward in those situations. I also don't like a lot of stimuli coming at me at once. So I kind of get what you are saying. But the vast majority of people are not like this. So it shouldn't be expected that everyone come down to this level rather than us trying to just cope with going up to their level.

reply to post by EnlightenUp


As a female I find men are more likely to respond back. But then that is a man for you. ;-)

Originally posted by Identified
reply to post by EnlightenUp

 

As a female I find men are more likely to respond back. But then that is a man for you. ;-)

Now can you tell I'm a man?

Originally posted by Sinter Klaas

What do you think the reason is that your new neighbors are so different from those only a few miles away ?

i am still trying to figure it out.

one explanation is that the people in the old area started all together new at that place.
some moved over to berlin when governmental sections have been moved to berlin down in 2000.
they bought a house in that area and have been happy to meet people to get to know each other!
settlement was built between 1998 and 2001

again common interest and same situation.

this place consists of very old structures.
the house i am living in now was built in 1884 and similar the houses around me.
so most people are living here for ages besides me.
the family in the apartment underneath mine lives there for 40 years - the girl on the ground floor for 20 years.

see the difference?