How do I move on after a long-term relationship?

I am an 18 year old boy, and I know that I am at the peak of my adolescence. I know everything will seem bigger than they actually are emotionally, and the only reason why I can say this is because I have temporarily numbed myself emotionally by talking to my father about the situation and having a small cry.

Okay, here is the scoop:

I have been in love with this girl for 18 months now; we dated for 6 months, almost 7 in a few days. I loved her before she even realized that she loved me by an entire year, and I waited selflessly for her during that time. I was her best friend and a person who she could go to. She went out with a few guys, mingled with others, me being one of them.

I broke up with two girls, one because she didn't want me to hang out with her and the other because this now ex girl finally confessed her love and wanted to be with me. That was hard to do, but it was done. Then 6 months of bliss happened where we told each other everything, exposed everything and broke down barriers. We fell more in love, made plans for our future together, it felt so real. I even fell in love with our child that wasn't even in the works yet! We gave him a full name and a personality and roleplayed a bit, and it made me feel secure.

Then we started to drift apart, and fight, and after a few weeks of that, we broke up. She says that she wants to find herself, to love herself so that she can love better. She said it is possible for her to come back to me, but I think that ship has set sail. I don't know if I can be around her for awhile without feeling depressed, and I can't NOT talk to her or I will be lonely and depressed. I need help. I love this girl to death, more than anyone I have ever known.

What do I do? Do I move on like the question asks, and if so how do I do that? Or do I wait for her like I did before?

I don't think I can do what I did before again, we got too close and I wont be able to stand seeing her with other people.

I know you don't want to hear this but your youth is the best thing you've got going for you in this. Youth has a kind of resilience with these things that, later in life, you'll long for.

Having said that the best thing you can do is just keep on living your life. Time will heal your wounds and, before you know it, this pain will seem much less overpowering.

Joe Dirt said it best, "Just keep on keeping on..."

Really you just move on. It isn't easy it isn't meant to be. The fact you were already on her before she even knew makes it harder. You may be incompatible, maybe she is finding the calling of her heart to be pulling away from you and just doesn't see where you could possibly fit. If she is telling you she needs to find herself, she clearly felt you were stifling her whether you see it or not.

If its meant to be it will be. All you have to do is go on about your life and be happy and if you have occasion to be around her make sure your having a good time.

If you want her you need to understand how attraction works and on your part of it is not letting her see you miserable. To let her think that while she broke up with you it didn't really matter much. It is all a game and really you just need to know how to play. You played it once and got the goods get back up on that saddle and play it some more. Girls like to be chased by guys that aren't into them. And people want what they can't have. Hope that helps best of luck to you.

Thank you guys, it really means a lot to me.

I will try to move on, already have been since I posted this.

Yeah man, dont sweat it. Youre 18, eight freekin teen!!! I know its hard. Its very freekin hard. Just wait till you get to University my friend, you are gonna have the time of your life.

Oh by the way, youre gonna get your heart broken at least 3 more times.

The above poster is right, don't get caught up in the "this is the one" idea so many young people get. These days, the marriages that last happen when folks wait until their 30's, and have a better idea of what they want before going the whole marriage, kids, etc. route.

Those that don't wait, end up getting divorced, and THEN figure out what they want with sombody new.

reply to post by Bushido Kanji

I am SO sorry your heart's broken bro. Been there too at your age, cried like a baby. You've got to take care of yourself. A year from now you will be a different person, literally. Greive the loss and move on. Always remember, when one door closes in life another one opens. Who knows maybe in a couple of months the cosmic timing will be right and you'll hook up again? But take care of yourself and be open to new women.
Good luck to you bro.

When I see stories like this I am glad I waited till I was a little older to get into my first serious relationship. Hope everything pans out for you. Just go out and be active, hit the gym, go to the movies, make adventures that will take your mind off the person. Hope that helps a bit

Heartbreak sucks. period.

But everyone goes through it, everyone moves on. You will too.

As other posters have said, there is no such thing as a soul mater. Just a person whom you area really good at solving problems with and enjoy their company.

It is always cute when people in love say, we talk about everything. Because when you get really comfortable, you dont' need to say anything at all to each other.

I hate that new and in love stage. So annoying and fake.

When you gain more experience, you will still always ache a little, but you will also see why it wouldn't of worked.

I pined after a guy for 15 years. One day I was like: it would of never worked, he was kinda selfish and on the rebound. You get a much clearer view from the distance.

Feel the feelings. You msut experience them. And know that minute by minute, you will survive. IN the meantime, take care of yourself.

As BTS' most eligible bachelor, I say...Welcome to the single life, my friend.

......smell that? Yup, Freedom!

reply to post by DevolutionEvolvd


I think I'll feel better when Football starts up again. I am putting my money on that

It's hard to see past what is going on in the present. Don't waste the best years of your life worrying. I always say if someone starts messing you about, they're not worth it.

Rest assured >> It is very likely that you will meet someone else. Always keep your options open.

Almost 20 years ago I was in a similar situation. The other end of it, but I still think you can gain something from it. I dated a girl for 18 months starting my junior year in high school and ended it at the beginning of college. It was my first real relationship in my mind and one of my biggest regrets. Due to other circumstances, this relationship and the problems its caused have resurfaced in my thoughts a lot lately. I chose her over friends and missed out on a lot of things including dating other girls. I even got kicked out of the band I was in as I chose her over it. The year and a half that I essentially missed I deeply regret.

I think there's a lot of truth to "if it's really meant to happen it will". As an example, my sister ended up marrying her high school boyfriend after college and after some years apart. Their marriage didn't end up working out but that's not the point. The timing was there and the interest was still there. The opportunity presented itself and they took advantage of it and gave it a chance. After that, she met someone else, has been happily married for 10 years and I now have a nephew. The point is that sometimes the opportunity exists in the future to recapture what was in the past.

Recently, a friend was upset when his girlfriend broke up with him. They had different views and goals and the relationship wasn't what both of them wanted. I asked him why he would want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with him; that doesn't share the same thoughts, feelings and goals. Any relationship takes a compatible partner and you can't change people's feelings no matter how much you want to. They either have them or they don't. People do grow and people do change but they have to do it themselves, at their own pace and in their own time.

Do you move on? You have to move on. Do you wait for her? I don't think waiting is wise even though I'm sure it feels like the right and wise thing to do. Life has it's funny ways of things happening whether they're supposed to or not, regardless of how you feel and think they should. You're young. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the time. Learn from your experiences. Enjoy dating. While dating others you'll learn how to be an even better person and boyfriend. Maybe it'll be for her in the future or maybe for someone else. The timing has to be right for both in a relationship. How do you move on? That's certainly a bit more difficult to answer. Some want to preoccupy their time with other things and others want to analyze the situation to comfort themselves. That answer lies within you.

Then again, what do I know? I'm still single. Best of luck to you Bushido Kanji!


I leave you with a few motivational quotes:

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. -Auguste Rodin
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. -Dr. Seuss
Love is giving people the freedom to be the way they are, not trying to make them the way you want. -Unknown

[edit on 8/23/2010 by Three_moons]

You wanna move on? you gotta go out with new girls. go find an F*ck Buddy that will help you get over your old gal without new strings attached.

reply to post by Three_moons


All I can say is wow. What you said really hit home with me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It has been getting easier now that it is in week 3, but there is still remnants of pain lingering on. I'm not waiting for her; in fact, in my mind, I have told myself that I wouldn't take her back if she came crawling back to me. If that actually happens, though, it will be a different story, but I keep telling myself that I wont to make myself stronger.

I find little consolation in the fact that I am "free." I like the fact that I can flirt with other girls now, which I have been doing to give myself confidence; but the real me knows that I want to settle down with someone at some point. I am a weird person like that; I'd rather settle down with one person than to go out and party and have what other people would call fun.

My fun lies in security with a girl, being able to share everything safely and happily, which I had. I hope to find it again.

I have moved on for the most part, but the loneliness still lingers.

reply to post by SilentStigma


I am not that type of person. I don't like "f*ck buddies."

I don't like flings, I don't like hookups.

I like strings. I like the security of having one girl. I am just traditional like that, I don't know why.

reply to post by Bushido Kanji


Doesn't have to be perminant but they best way to get over someone is to find someone else. It doesn't have to be someone your not into of course your gonna want to be attracted to them but who knows it may turn into something more then that, Just don't go into it with a "This is the one" mentality. That may just scare your gal off. Go into it and play it cool being lonely sucks but its better then being in a unhappy relationship

Keep in mind over 50% of the world is female, You'll be alright buddy.

I am not that type of person. I don't like "f*ck buddies."

I don't like flings, I don't like hookups.

I like strings. I like the security of having one girl. I am just traditional like that, I don't know why.

The above poster is right on the money...an excellent solution, but doesn't have to be more than just a temporary band-aid fix man..., just live a little...

Originally posted by Gazrok

I am not that type of person. I don't like "f*ck buddies."

I don't like flings, I don't like hookups.

I like strings. I like the security of having one girl. I am just traditional like that, I don't know why.

The above poster is right on the money...an excellent solution, but doesn't have to be more than just a temporary band-aid fix man..., just live a little...

Look if it is not in you to be that way then just dont do it period. Don't let them cajole you into doing something that goes against your inner self no matter how wise it seems at the time. It isn't an excellent solution, all you are doing is replacing one crutch with another and could very well end up getting yourself attached to 18 years of baggage with someone you hardly know. Let alone all the other things that could possibly go wrong.

reply to post by Bushido Kanji


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