I really need some advice!

Hey everyone! I wasn't sure exactly where to put this thread, because it is simply an advice thread. Ok, so I have been talking to this guy for awhile, and he is a great guy! I am EXTREMELY drawn to him! I have literally never been this into someone. It's not just a matter of wanting to know him, I feel like I need to know him. If you have read any previous threads of mine, you know that I am an empath of sorts, and I do not get a bad vibe from him. It's more of a confused vibe, because he is an atheist and I am a hardcore Christian. I don't think I'm holier than thou or anything, but I will stand up for what I believe in a heartbeat! Well his atheism oddly really doesn't bother me, but I am curious as to how you all think this will work out. If you read my past thread, Heaven Sent?, you will see why I am asking for advice. Being that I am the way that I am, yet I am attracted to the complete opposite. I mean, do you think I should avoid this whole situation, or try and get closer to him? By the way, I am not saying atheism is evil, it is simply anti-me, so please don't come in here ranting and raving about things. I am simply asking for some advice. Thanks guys!

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


My opinion... walk away. If the difference between you was that you liked seafood and he hated seafood, that would be fine. But this is a fundamental difference that is not likely to be overcome. Your belief system defines you and the same for him. The both of you will eventually start to either a.) pull the other toward your belief system which will create a rift or b.) sell out your belief system in order to be together and create lasting resentment. Either way, the divide is too big to be overcome.

That is true. Good point. Have you ever felt though, that you were at the right place at the right time? I feel like that..like I am supposed to do this. Idk. It's confusing.

You can't change him. Dont think for a minute you can. Women always want what they can't have. Just my opinion

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


Sure, walk away, but you will always question what might have been. Life is too short for regrets and belief systems do not determine relationships. Taste life and all who cross paths with you. You might be surprised!

At least you'll have good discussions!

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians.
Finding yourself with someone that does not believe what you believe can be damaging to your faith. If you cherish what you have with God it may be eroded by the ideals of another person regardless of what they believe.

Whether your an atheist, a christian or any thing else.

If you don't mind giving a little more information:

Have you met this person yet?
How did the discussion of religion/belief systems come up?
What other types of topics have you talked about?

[edit on 27/7/2010 by Dark Ghost]

Maybe you are suppose to be where you are! Just maybe you were sent on his way to help him. So just stay for now and see if there's a reazon.
You'll know when it's time to leave.

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


Hi

It's all a matter of him choosing to accept your beliefs and you choosing to accept his, so it doesn't become an issue. Follow your heart.

As you know, true Christianity is all about promoting unconditional love (without terms and conditions) as equals, so as long as you don't try and control/sway his viewpoint and vice versa, it won't interfere in a possibly very harmonious relationship. All the best.

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


Well this is a tough one, as it seems that people with similar religious beliefs are drawn together. Its good that his atheism doesnt bother you, but you must not under any circumstances push your view onto him. And, if he's serious about you, he wont do the same

It would probably work better for both of you if you left religion out of the relationship. There are plenty of other things you probably both agree on, so try and focus on those instead

Yes, I have met him.
I had mentioned something that happened at church the previous sunday, and we got on the topic of religion.
We've talked about everything from music to our childhoods, etc.
reply to post by Dark Ghost

Thank you all for your advice! You all bring up some good points. I am not trying to push my views onto him, because I would hate for him to try and push his views on me. See, he level of atheism isn't extremely deep. For him it's a simple matter of "proof", rather physical proof. He said that if he saw God, then he would be a believer, but because he has seen no physical proof, it is hard for him to believe God is real. I mean so he does leave room for possibility, and he even said that he knows there could be a possibilty of God being real. So perhaps that is why I am more accepting of him. I think it is probably right though to stick with it, at least for now, and just see how things go. Just attempt to avoid the subject of religion, let him do his thing and I do mine.

Go for it, it will not work out or it will. If you walk away you will never know what could have been

reply to post by somethingdifferent34

I see. Well, I encourage you to think about these things and discuss them with him:
- talk more about your religion and how it influences your life
- talk about the concept of marriage and what it means to each of you
- talk about pregnancy and abortion and where you each stand on those issues

Have fun, but be cautious. Before things turn serious, you need to establish if you both share fundamental beliefs that might conflict later down the track. Religion/non religion will become a problem when things related to these issues begin to interfere with the time you share together.

Best of luck and I hope you find peace and happiness.

[edit on 27/7/2010 by Dark Ghost]

I don't really see an issue for you really. It could become one very easily however. First thing do not expect to change him period, all too often women seem to try and turn their man into their project. If he isn't your ideal man now, he will never be your ideal man period. All that will happen if your out to turn him into your project is make him resentful. Mind you I am not saying this is your goal, but if your trying to buy a car with air conditioning then buy one that already has it do not buy the one without it thinking well i can add that later.

That being said there are things that you are going to have to figure out.

Dark Ghost hit 3 of the major ones, but id like to add one more to that list.
What does he intend his children to be raised as?

All that being said if you respect each others stance and continue to do so you will be okay.

[edit on 7/28/2010 by Jovi1]

Originally posted by somethingdifferent34
Thank you all for your advice! You all bring up some good points. I am not trying to push my views onto him, because I would hate for him to try and push his views on me. See, he level of atheism isn't extremely deep. For him it's a simple matter of "proof", rather physical proof. He said that if he saw God, then he would be a believer, but because he has seen no physical proof, it is hard for him to believe God is real. I mean so he does leave room for possibility, and he even said that he knows there could be a possibilty of God being real. So perhaps that is why I am more accepting of him. I think it is probably right though to stick with it, at least for now, and just see how things go. Just attempt to avoid the subject of religion, let him do his thing and I do mine.

Soooooo, he's not really an atheist, per se... he is more agnostic.

Here is where things get tricky... Let's assume true love blosooms and everything brings you two together. When you get married, who marries you? Are you in a Church? That is only the first of the struggles as they grow more serious throughout the relationship. Next, you have a child. Does the child get baptized? Whose belief system is the child brought up under? How do you celebrate religious holidays; as pagans or as Christians?

At 40 years old, I have been there and done that - even from essentially minor differences like vegetarianism to cats - it has ended up becoming a wedge between us. I am a very easy-going person who is willing to accept and work on just about any differences in a relationship, but it is not unreasonable for me to expect compromise. From those experiences I have learned that there has to be absolute compatability at the foundation for the other compromises to occur.

Personally, I wouldn't go there - but that is just me. I wish you all the best in sorting it out for yourself.

I suppose he is more agnostic than anything, though he calls himself an atheist. We have discussed the marriage thing and he said that he would get married in a church if that is what the woman wanted. I'm not sure about the child situation though. I could kind of see him saying something like, let the child chose what it wants to believe, which I want my children to be Christian as well, though I wouldn't love them any less if they were something else. reply to post by kozmo

Whats that saying..,

"Love conquers all."

So if your into the person, why should religion matter?

Or are you affraid of what family/friends will think about getting involved with somebody outside your religion..?

And another point to consider is, if your having these mixed and confused feelings, are you doubting something else Or looking for a flaw in that person.

eee.

Kill him ....

.. So you can finally prove him wrong !!!!

reply to post by somethingdifferent34


Talk is cheap! It comes down to where the rubber meets the road. And how does a child decide? They need guidance from their parents in order to make informed decisions. Are you willing to wait until the child is 14 or 16 in order to make a decision on wether or not they are Christian? If so, then YOUR choice was to raise your child as an agnostic.

There are always excpetions to the rule - but the rule here is that this type of situation seldom works out. Proceed with caution and make sure that you NEVER sell yourself short. Good luck!