Traditional Values - Your Thoughts?

Hello ATS'ers.

I would like to ask two simple questions:

What are your views on arranged marriages?

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?


Talking of relationships, I just wanted to say:

Originally posted by BlackPoison94

What are your views on arranged marriages?

I don't have a problem with them, under the right circumstances.
Obviously, I object to forced arranged marriages, but apart from that, it's up to those involved.

I should also say that I don't really see the point of marriage in general - a piece of paper and a ceremony don't make love and commitment any deeper, and sometimes even have the opposite effect.

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

It's up to the individual - there are lots of scetions of all religions and cultures which believe n staying a virgin until wedlock, but from my own point of view, if someone is in a long term, loving relationship that they are committed to, then I don't see a problem either.

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
Hello ATS'ers.

What are your views on arranged marriages?

Ok if both parties are in agreement I guess. Must be hard if you don't know the other person however. Not everyone is a match.

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

Personal choice as far as I am concerned. Doesn't matter either way.






and lastly, right back at ya:
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/abf84b95b1ec.png[/atsimg]

I personally don't agree with arranged marriages. A marriage should be between two people who love each other not forced to marry. I understand it's common in some parts of the world and that is their decision. I just don't like it.

My views on being a virgin until one is married is personal preference.

If someone wants to wait then fine. I don't think it's a sin to have sex before marriage.

What are your views on arranged marriages?

Outdated, but at the same time, I do understand why some cultures use them, and there are good points to make for the practice too. However, I think there are enough people in the world, and enough ways to meet new people, that the original reasons for this are no longer applicable.

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

This is one of the most idiotic ideas ever devised, and is likely a leading cause of infidelity. Not to mention, after the vows, it's a bit late to find out then that you may be sexually incompatible with your partner. Better off if each person knows what they're into BEFORE walking down the aisle (and less of an urge to play the field for those who've played the game before).... These days, marrying a virgin = eventual divorce.

Do you buy a car without test driving it? A house without walking through it? Why should your life partner be a decision made blind?

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I personally don't agree with arranged marriages. A marriage should be between two people who love each other not forced to marry.

My views on being a virgin until one is married is personal preference.

If someone wants to wait then fine. I don't think it's a sin to have sex before marriage.

I absolutely agree with all you stated here.

So not much to add than that

reply to post by BlackPoison94

What are your views on arranged marriages?

This one is kind of strange having met people now that have been been in arranged marriages I am not really against them anymore. I know the western media likes to show it as old people thrusting their will on a young couple and how horrible it all is. But from the people i have met it is everything but. So as long as both parties are willing i do not see the problem in it.

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

A pipe dream and i honestly believe that this has not changed in the past 1,000 years. The only difference now is that peope do not pretend any more. Does anyone want to wait till their wedding night to hear their partner say " I don't do that"?

Thanks everyone for those opinions. Much appreciated.

Coming from a traditional family - I've been brought up in an environment where this is acceptable; where this must occur. What many people forget is that arranged marriages are different from forced marriages. To be honest, arranged marriages have developed as well. There was a time when partners to be met on the same day of their marriage but now, in this generation, we can meet many times..."interrogate" each other and come to the decision if the person is a suitable life partner. Yet...there can be deceptions, I agree, after all, your meeting your meeting the person you will be sharing your life with, only a couple of times.

Though all the arranged marriages that I know off...and that's a vast amount are all happy. In most of them, love grows after marriage.

Originally posted by budski

I should also say that I don't really see the point of marriage in general - a piece of paper and a ceremony don't make love and commitment any deeper, and sometimes even have the opposite effect.

If I may say so, I disagree. Marriage...is a celebration of one's love, in my opinion. It's a sign of dedication, trust and loyalty between a couple. I'm not saying you can't have that without marriage, but it's my view of marriage which deepens necessary factors between a couple. Sometimes they do have the opposite effect...yet in my culture..I would say marriage is a must...


Onto my second question. I'm definite that my personal preference is to not carry out the act until I'm married...and yet it's also enforced by my culture/religion I would say. It's to do with stages of life in Hinduism I guess...and that shouldn't happen until your in the marital part. And it's the whole idea of recieving good karma if you do it..

But as pluto and mblah have mentioned...in my opinion I don't think it's a sin..well I would if they were followers of my religion..but I respect all cultures and religions, so it's no problem

Originally posted by Gazrock
These days, marrying a virgin = eventual divorce.

Haha...well...wait, are you saying that by being sexually incompatible the love between the couple will disappear? Surely not...I mean *coughs* they can always learn, can't they not?

Zaiger..can you just elaborate a bit on the 2nd question bit please? I didn't really get it...(that's my intellect for you haha). Thanks.
As stated, I respect all your opinions and thanks for the discussion.


[edit on 26/7/2010 by BlackPoison94]

reply to post by BlackPoison94


Arranged marriage i disagree with only because how can u meet the one you truly love if someone picks them for you? and as for being a virgin until marriage i wasnt but i think it should be the persons choice not instilled in them as a bad thing to experiment earlier than that.

reply to post by BlackPoison94

Originally posted by BlackPoison94

What are your views on arranged marriages?

Personally I don't like the idea of arranged marriages. It seems to take all of the magic out of romance and is far too artificial for my liking.

The following factors are generally considered in Indian marriages to search for compatibility:

* Values and personal expectations: should match
* Age and height: girl should generally be younger and shorter
* Looks: should be acceptable to the other, although it is preferred that the women have "a fair skin", as it can be noted in the matrimonial advertisements.
* Religion: should be same, preferably same sect
* Mother tongue, caste: should be preferably same
* Diet (veg/non-veg/alcohol/smoking): may differ only if acceptable to the other
* Education: comparable educational levels or the boy should be more educated than the girl
* Profession: the profession should be acceptable to the other
* Financial: The boy's current and future financial situation should be acceptable to the girl.
* Astrological signs/attributes: should be compatible, if the two families believe in it. - en.wikipedia.org...

Does that or does that not read like a shopping list?

Having said this there are A LOT of arranged marriages going on all over the world - they are not unique to India any more. What am I talking about?

Internet dating.

The Internet dating industry, with a gross income of $957 million, ranked third place in 2008 for largest revenue producer out of all paid content sites, behind video games and digital music, and with companies like EHarmony asserting that 2 percent of Americans who got married in 2008 met through its site it seems to be working. What are these relationships and marriages if not arranged?

Originally posted by BlackPoison94

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

Like others have said it's all down to personal choice, I see absolutely no problem with it. I know of a few people who could have done with waiting 'till they were married before doing the no pants dance

reply to post by BlackPoison94

Zaiger..can you just elaborate a bit on the 2nd question bit please? I didn't really get it...(that's my intellect for you haha). Thanks.
As stated, I respect all your opinions and thanks for the discussion.

Sure, I believe that the whole "no sex before the wedding"" thing is a pipe dream. Not that there is anything wrong with saving sex till marriage it is just not practical. I also believe this has always been the case, i think people have always had sex before marriage it is just that we no longer pretend today.

Arranged marriages is a cultural based concept. There is a great deal of difference between forced and arranged. I've no issue with it so long as both parties are agreeable. It actually appears that the divorce rate is lower for arranged then for traditional match making. I wonder if this isn't also a cultural thing.

As far as remaining a virgin until marriage; that is once again a personal choice that is often based or influenced by cultural traditions.

Haha...well...wait, are you saying that by being sexually incompatible the love between the couple will disappear? Surely not...I mean *coughs* they can always learn, can't they not?

Love is only ONE ingredient of a marriage. There's sex, trust, communication, etc. all mixed in as well. It's quaint to think that all you need is love, but it's not reality.

reply to post by BlackPoison94


Arranged marriages.... I guess it just depends on the situation. I honestly do not see them working out all that well.

I mean, in my mind a successful marriage would be more likely to be one where two people met each other, decided they were right for each other, fell in love and got married.

A marriage in which your mate is chosen for you, with out your consent, just seems doomed to be unsuccessful to me....

Then you hear of cases in the middle east, where men sell there daughters who are still very much little girls into marriage with grown men.... That creeps me out... and just seems wrong... Then again, I guess that is a different culture...

To me a marriage that is most likely to be successful is going to be one where you can choose your own mate.

So all in all, I am not necessarily against it... It just depends on the circumstances and situation. Personally I do not support the "forced" ( for lack of a better term) marriage of a young girl to a grown man, as I have seen before on the news and what not.

But if some one who is set up to be married with some one they did not choose, is okay with that, then... Well, I guess that is their choice and their right.

Now, my thoughts on sex before marriage. Let's be honest. I think that most people who call themselves a member of any religion which discourages sex before marriage, will mess around before marriage.

Now, while I do believe in an after life and god, I do not follow any particular religion. None work for me, though I was raised Episcopal. I just have my own beliefs, which feel right to me, and because of this I cannot be classified as a member of any one religion.

I think that if you choose to keep your virginity until you are married that it is a very honorable thing and it shows that you wish to wait and give your whole self to your partner when and only when you two have decided to spend the rest of your life together.

Now, personally I do not think that God cares. Sex is a very natural thing and we will have urges. I may see a beautiful girl and wish to sleep with her. You may see a handsome guy and wish to sleep with him...

It boils down to free will, I think. It is your choice, when you decide to have sex for the first time. No one's choice but your own. If you choose to have sex only after you are married. That is great. But at the same time, if you choose to have sex before marriage, I do not think, personally, that God is going to judge you at all.

I do want to say though, that sex is a great thing. But it is so so much better when it is with some one you truly love.... So, to anyone reading this, you really should keep that in mind.

Those are my humble thoughts on the matter, anyway.

thanks blackpoison for bringing up some interesting questions

arranged marriages:

when i first read your question, i thought: "no way"

when i married, i married for sure the man i loved - down in 1995
the very man i divorced this year

it was a marriage based on love and respect as i thought.

would an arranged marriage have worked better?
i don.t know.

but marriage out of love is not very old in our history.
in former times even in germany and the whole of europe marriages have been arranged.
it was important to find a woman who was able to share the work of the farmer or crafts man or to represent as queen or duchess.
status was very important for marriages as well as money.
so nobody cared about such a stupid thing as love.

we all know about royal marriages in the 15th 16th or 17th century where the little princess and the little prince engaged with each other at a very young age - some as babies.
we can.t say nobody complained, certainly some complained as we would complain today. but most have been pretty aware how important this was for the royal line and the country.

it was important for a woman to be married to be looked after, otherwise she had to enter a monastery.

so the concept of arranged marriages is not unknown to western culture.

marriage for the reason of love is much younger version of marriage than the arranged form.

personally i think that i don.t want anybody to interfere into my life.
but i wouldn.t mind if some friends would introduce a nice guy to me.
what will happen would be up to him and me.

so an arranged marriage if it still includes the free will of both - man and woman - can be a very good thing.
we are not talking about forced marriages of babies and grandpas

the people who are arranging this marriage have to be very careful.
they have to know both parts of the future couple very well, and they have to care very much for them.
so this is a very delicate story.

but even if the marriage is arranged both man and woman should have the right to disagree.
if they meet their future spouse and it really seems not to work, no sympathy occurs, than they should be able to say NO.


stay virgin before marrying:

didn.t work for me
but if you personally want to stay virgin before marrying go for it.

as gimme_some_truth said, it can happen that you find a nice guy and want to go to bed with him.

what me scares about the concept is usually the force that comes along with it.

a girl is forced to stay virgin before marriage, a guy should gain some experience.
heck how shall he gain it, if not with a girl.

and if a girl should remain virgin than a boy should remain too, but first night with the force that it has to happen now, because some people might want to show a certain bed cloth to proof that marriage is real now, that.s not appealing either.

when i was about your age BP i couldn.t imagine to go to bed with any man. later on only with one the one i would marry in future, and only in our wedding night.
these thoughts changed later a bit

my honest opinion is that nobody on this world should be forced into things that she doesn.t want to be in.
if you want to keep virginity - do it
if you don.t want - it.s ok either (and nobody should blame you for no reason)
marriage: if arranged is ok - fine
if not - also fine
again without any force.

everything should happen in love and peace and mutual respect!

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
What are your views on arranged marriages?

They go against the person's (who is getting married) free will to choose their own partner.

What are your views of being a virgin until your married?

An idea put by the religious people to make people (those who have sex before marriage) feel shame in themselves.

Ah, bear with me guys and girls - I've got a lot of replying to do!

Originally posted by LiveForever8
Does that or does that not read like a shopping list?

You know what? It actually is. Not all of them are like that though but especially those in India and Pakistan...it's like they tick off the 'requirements.

Your most definitely right. Internet dating has become a MASSIVE thing. I know many who went through with internet dating and it didn't work for them. Saying that, I'm sure there are some successful cases....

Originally posted by gallopinghordes
It actually appears that the divorce rate is lower for arranged then for traditional match making. I wonder if this isn't also a cultural thing.

You know what? I think it is a cultural thing..although times are changing now.
I can't say about the other countries which go with arranged marriages but I know for a fact that India and Pakistan disapprove of divorces unless it's abuse or something.
Yet times are changing, they are slowly getting more modern. Divorces are being accepted...and maybe we might see a rise in divorces in those countries now.

Originally posted by Gazrok
Love is only ONE ingredient of a marriage. There's sex, trust, communication, etc. all mixed in as well. It's quaint to think that all you need is love, but it's not reality.

I do believe that trust and communication..yadda yadda yadda are all part of marriage and sure sex is. Yet I think if your in love with someone, (I've never been so please do correct me) you'd abide with the things they're not good at...and that may be sex.

Originally posted by gimme_some_truth
A marriage in which your mate is chosen for you, with out your consent, just seems doomed to be unsuccessful to me....

What you are describing there my friend, is a forced marriage. In arranged marriages, we are allowed to refuse the person...although there may be pressures from the family.

I think that most people who call themselves a member of any religion which discourages sex before marriage, will mess around before marriage.

I haven't and plan not to. I do admit that my decision is probably due to my religion.

Originally posted by orange-light
but marriage out of love is not very old in our history.

Definitely. You can see it throughout the world...through the Egyptians to the Elizabethans. Some were to resolve conflicts, gain political strength as in some of those cultures, woman were thought to be possessions...I say some

but i wouldn.t mind if some friends would introduce a nice guy to me.
what will happen would be up to him and me.

That is similar to modern day arranged marriages except that 'friends' would be replaced by parents

Originally posted by sphinx551
They go against the person's (who is getting married) free will to choose their own partner.
An idea put by the religious people to make people (those who have sex before marriage) feel shame in themselves.

For your first statement, may I ask how so? We have the right to refuse the partner.
I don't feel ashamed if I don't have sex before marriage.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's much appreciated!

Originally posted by BlackPoison94

Originally posted by orange-light
but i wouldn.t mind if some friends would introduce a nice guy to me.
what will happen would be up to him and me.

That is similar to modern day arranged marriages except that 'friends' would be replaced by parents

good comparison.
i doubt that friends would get so far in checking background and family of a friend whom they thinks might be suitable.

at least they are not even going so far to introduce


but it is interesting to see how quick things change in this world

so nobody cared about such a stupid thing as love.

Love is a powerful force, that shouldn't be underestimated. It's driven wars (think Trojan), saved lives, and has rendered some of the most powerful people in history helpless at one time or another.

Love can push one to the very limits (and often beyond them).

Not trying to sound romantic here, just a matter of fact....supported by numerous examples throughout history.

reply to post by Gazrok


never want to underestimate the power of love
but a couple of years maybe one or two hundred years ago, love was not the key for marriage.
if you could marry your kids to other wealthy farmers it was much more important than letting them be with their romantic love.

but love usually found a way. so they married one person and had a romantic affair with another person