THE THREAT LEVEL HAS INCREASED

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from “Quite miffed" to
"Rather peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to " One is Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

However Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out and they had to drink Starbucks. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the British and French that are on a heightened level
of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "SHOUT LOUDLEY AND EXCITEDLY" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

In response to this Scotland have increased their threat level from “let’s have a pint” to “och aye lets hay a pint n a pie”. Soon however ever if the situation continues it may reach the “let’s all get drunk, fight with each other and spend a night in hospital after a heart attack” threat level, this happens most weekends in Glasgow.

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have three higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" followed by “start a world war” and finally, "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. This however is irrelevant as Belgium has only one threat level “neutral”

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Canada does not have threat levels, they just ask America.

Americans therefore are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

And on the southern hemisphere...

....... And on the rest of the northern hemisphere

Due to the increased threat Russia is raising its threat level to “more vodka” and Emperor Putin has not ruled out going higher to “yet more vodka”. If this vodka level continues to increase Russia may have no choice but to invoke commie—kazie attacks to kill and conquer all of its neighbours.

Israel has responded to a “Palestinian stone thronging contest” by launching a full scale war against all of its neighbours, this may last for about 6 days. The rest of the middle east is planning on starting a facebook group telling the rest of the world how unhappy they are with Israel. North Korea likes this and Syria and Iran are now friends.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "#, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbecue this weekend" and "The barbecue is cancelled".
NOTE: There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

The UN on the other hand is adhering to UN protocol and will wait until the threat has passed then they will decide on the threat level and some years later they will act on it

hahahaha that was to funny


they're all good so I don't know why I thought this was so hilarious

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

LOL, yeah i have read this somewhere before,


The best part is about France.

""The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. ""

That part had me rolling, it's so true though.

I remember watching an episode of " The Ultimate Fighter" a couple of months ago, and there was this French guy fighting, in his pre-fight interview he was saying how he was going to go in there and dominate, and show the people of the world that the French are not cowards.

He did what no other Ultimate Fighter hopeful had ever done, ... he goes out and fights the first round, then tells his corner that HE QUITS !!!

LOL, way to show the world frenchy.

reply to post by IntastellaBurst


I loved the French part too!!
that ultimate fighter story is awesome

do you think the French who have this reputation for arrogance even know

we have jokes like Why is the Champs De Lieze

MY favorite was the Spanish glass bottom subs so the new Spanish Navy could see the old Spanish Navy.

Absolutely hilarious.

The American one is weak. There is so much more hilarious, backward things we could do.

In a shocking new development, the Obama administration is now using the Bush Era color coded system for threat levels. The US threat level has been risen to the new color, "Redder", because "Red" doesn't do justice to how super serious the new administration is about telling us how serious it is. The Americans also are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case. They have also shot down one of their own satellites with a missile launched from a Destroyer in th Persian Gulf, just to remind the rest of the world that they still can. They have also formally put the UK on the "Axis of Evil" list because their inside man, Gorden Brown, is no longer in power, leaving the Americans to wonder if they are losing control over Europe.

South Korea has lowered their threat level due to North Korea launching a test missile for long range use.
North Korea's threat level was raised upon launching the missile, and the immediate area was evacuated shortly before the unintended detonation.


What about China and Japan? Anyone have any ideas about them.

reply to post by DINSTAAR


Priceless !,we have to able to laugh at ourselves or it isn't fair to laugh at others