Depersonalization/derealization disorder: Do you Have it, and maybe not know it?

Normally, the topic of "Depersonanization/derealization" is not something I like to talk about. Lately however, I find myself wondering just how many people may have this disorder and not even know it? Here is a basic description of the disorder: en.wikipedia.org...

Usually, depersonalization is also associated with derealization disorder. Here is a wiki link of it's description.

en.wikipedia.org...

Now, let me just give a brief description of this disorder that was present in my life for a couple years. This thing quite literally disabled my life.

In 1999 at the age of 21 I was already going through a divorce. My ex had decided to move on w/o me in her life with someone else and for whatever reason, this devistated me in a way that I've never been devistated before. As the months rolled by, I did experience severe depression which is to be expected espescially for a young man that age. (I suppose?) Quickly, I found myself on anti-depressants and did not take well to any of them. I decided not to take any of them long-term, despite advice from the doctors.

I believe this disorder is brought on by mental trauma or a mental break-down (?) of sorts, and it's VERY hard to break free from it. I also believe it's possible anti-depressants can cause this as all of the MANY anti-depressants I was on completely destroyed my personality. When I tried these drugs, I literally found myself without any emotion or personality. This is BAD for someone who tends to be particularly emotionally expressive.

Now, something very strange and out-right freaky happened to me at this time in my life. I started feeling like I was asleep, and not functioning on my own behalf. One thing I just can't let go of, is how every waking moment of my life felt as tho someone else was controlling my arms and hands. I did not feel in control, even tho I *knew* I was still in exsistance, but not really! I felt the physical enviornment around me had slowed down, almost frame by frame 50% slower than what a "healthy" person experiences. When people spoke, it was like they were talking in a tunnel. Now, this is FINE if it's temporary..but this disorder is *not* just temporary. This was a 24x7 sensation. This is VERY close to being "high" and for the record, I don't smoke weed for this very reason. I HATE the thought of that feeling.

So, before you say this would be "cool" because it almost totally mimics being "high".. Let me tell you...it's not cool having this feeling 24 hours a day 7 days a week for 2 years!!! I literally could not leave my house because this constant sensation was sooooo uncomfortable. The literal *fear* of dealing with this, shut me out from the world. I eventually lost my very respectable job with a very large computer corperation because I was constantly late and in a state of mind that just did not allow me to function like a "normal" person. It took that company a year of this, before they laid me off quite generously actually. I did VERY well at my work, and earned much respect in the company..but after sooo long, they had to let me go.

I could go on about my personal experience with this disorder, but I'd like to move on real quickly about a concern I have. I never knew a *thing* about this disorder before it happend to me. I think this may be happening to others WAY more then we know. We've all heard the term "sheeple". Well.. I can tell you first hand, I was a "sheeple" in every literal sense of the word for 2 years of my life. It caused me to be on the virge of homelessness, it completely ruined my whole social "network" I had in life, it ruined 2 years of quality time with my son, and I lost a LOT of $$$ and years of hard work getting there because of THIS.

To limit the long read you've already had to endure, I just have to ask the questions:

How many people have this?? Is it possible to induce this type of thing to the masses? Could we imagine a world where we are all *literally* asleep? Is this already happening?? Many people may not actually *know* they have it because it truly is like being in a "trance". Some may rather be in this state, I did not enjoy it, however.

Just something to ponder!

Thanks to Semperfortis for moving this to the right forum!

[edit on 1-5-2010 by Wookiep]

Thanks for posting this, it couldn't have been easy.
On the wikipedia entry it says derealization can be caused by stress, lack of sleep, or drug intoxication. So "they" could at least contribute to this by forcing people into situations where they would have to work all the time, as well as by putting certain things such as sodium flouride and lithium in the water. Many people are in a sort of trance, even if it is not quite as acute as how you felt. However at least you realized it and it sounds like you got better.
S and F

i've been feeling this way since, well, as long as i can remember...
once the psych docs got a hold of me they labeled me bipolar, amongst other things and shoved anti-psychotics down my young, unassuming throat. :/
i can say that now i have a slew of other issues, and i still don't feel "real"
i wonder if this depersonalization disorder can be on the continuum of another spectrum disorder like schizo....more like a symptom of a disorder than a disorder in itself.
and most people in a "trance" as i see it do not suffer from this because they aren't introspective enough to even notice, let alone question, their surroundings and subjective realities.

i may be "crazy"
but from where i'm sittin, i'm *sane* and many others perceived as "normal" are abso-effing-lutely nuts.

reply to post by time91


Thanks for your words! Yeah it's hard to refelct on it, but yes, I did get through it!

I once posted on a message board about this subject. (I think in 2000?) I tried to find the link via google/yahoo but nothing came up. The group of people who experience this crap are pretty damn elusive. They typicallly don't like to talk about it much while experiencing it, because it's frankly some scary ****. A few did though, and I *really* wish I could find that discussion board!!

It's hard to imagine what this thing can do to the populous if intended by TPTB.. It's PURE hell and frankly I can't give any words to describe how sick it would be if "they" did induce this on the masses.

[edit on 1-5-2010 by Wookiep]

reply to post by double_frick


First, you're not crazy. (you can type quite well) Second, I think you may be on to something. Hang in there!

S&F -

I've sometimes wondered about things that happen in a similar manner to how you described them in my life.

Thanks for bringing this information to the table, now I can do more research into it.

S&F

A really valid topic as not a large amount of people are aware of this disorder. People will diagnse you with numerous other conditions when infact it is simply depersonalisation/derealisation.

I have suffered from derealisation, not experienced the depersonalisation. My derealisation began to take effect about 2 months into me developing/exhibiting severe anxiety. For me, this was one of the more scary symptoms along with feeling unbalanced and having heart palpitations.

My derealisation presented itself in a very strange manner and makes it pretty hard to describe. It basically felt like what i was looking at wasnt real, although i knew it was, it just didnt feel right. Things being busy around me made it slightly worse and things seemed to blend into a mass, for instance, if i was in a shopping centre with loads of people i would want to get out of there, the feeling of 'fakeness' was too over-powering. There were other instances but there were definate things that amplified the feeling.

This is a disorder that can be attributed to other conditions such as GAD or social anxiety, stress etc. I shall illustrate how it became part of my life.

Small Stress (not managed) = Large Stress (not managed) + Life Changing Event (first time parent) + Harassment at work = Hightened State of Anxiety (GAD). The GAD then led onto Social Anxiety (or atleast triggered it).

The combination of all this sent my nervous system into overdrive and has made me have plenty of very real and frightening symptoms of GAD, one being derealisation.

On a more positive note i have found that taking a good few steps back, limiting stress in my life and being more laid back has helped reset my anxiety levels. The derealisation isnt there so much anymore and i'm thankful for this. The only real bothersome aspect that still remains is the social anxiety, especially when attention is focused solely on me i.e. dentist, doctor etc.

P.S.

Sigmund Freud suffered from derealisation so it is avery real disorder that many many people dont know they have

Originally posted by jrmcleod
S&F

A really valid topic as not a large amount of people are aware of this disorder. People will diagnse you with numerous other conditions when infact it is simply depersonalisation/derealisation.

I have suffered from derealisation, not experienced the depersonalisation. My derealisation began to take effect about 2 months into me developing/exhibiting severe anxiety. For me, this was one of the more scary symptoms along with feeling unbalanced and having heart palpitations.

Thanks for your whole post! You are VERY correct! Severe anxiety is a *huge* part of "derealization". (I think maybe the trigger for it??) I'm glad you addressed this part of it. It's incredible how many doctors don't realize this key to the disorder. I guess it's just not discussed very often. :/

"derealization" is just one part in the puzzle of solving the whole dilema. You are very fortunate to not experience the "depersonalization" side of it.

I wish you well sir, and I'm relived to know you didn't have to endure the whole potential of this thing! Thanks again for your post!

[edit on 1-5-2010 by Wookiep]

reply to post by Wookiep


No problem and thank you for the kind words.

I am fortunate up until now but thats not to say that i wont experience these other difficulties in later life when i'm thrown other difficulties.

Derealisation in itself is a very debilitating condition. It keeps your mind occupied 24/7. The only relief i got from it was when i was relaxed with my child and in familiar settings i.e. home. This was a fundamental aspect of my recognition that it was infact induced by my anxiety. However, even after i was relaxed, if i'd had a exceptionally anxious day (as they arent all the same depending on what you are doing) the derealisation would continue because of 2 factors.

1. I couldnt stop thinking about it so my mind was maing it happen (or appear to happen - mind of matter)

2. There was so much adrenaline in my system that i was having this and other symptoms. As i had no motivation to get out and exercise, the adrenaline wasnt being used...the fight or flight mechanism uses the adrenaline but when you are just anxious and not fighting or flighting as so to speak it just circulates in your system.

There is also another fundamental part of dealing with this and it is simply acceptance. If you dont accept it you cannot heal it. What i mean by this is, if you try to ignore it, it makes it worse. Its like me asking you to sit in silence for 1 minute and try your hardest not to think of a white polar bear. Its almost impossible, and those fortunate enough to be able to control their thoughts, soon learn that once the 1 minute is up, they automatically think of the white polar bear. Only once you have accepted the fact that the condition has a route cause and thats just how it is can you learn to manage it through other means such as...

1. distraction
2. research
3. management
4. time

If i hadnt done the 4 points above, i would be in a far bigger mess than i was in because all those who suffer from anxiety will know, the symptoms that persist make you think you have a far more serious condition on your hands.

Anyways, enough of my rambling. I am only talking from my personal experiences but to any of those who feel they may be sufering from anxiety related conditions, i advise you to research anxiety in depth and then set up either a mental or written management plan on how to face your everyday life. And learn to accept it no matter what others think, were all unique and we all have our own conditions to deal with, either now or later in life!

No, i have trans-gobbledygook fatmarketingcampaignia.

Usually called 'fatdrugbucks'

It isn't like you can just make up a name for any pretend disease you want, because your laboratory has produced a new toxic poisonous substance that you need to dispose of for profits.

I have recently heard depleted uranium is good for arthritis.
I can't wait for them to pack that stuff into a pill for me.

Is that a drug company customer or a toilet that gives you money every time you use it?

you decide.

reply to post by slank


I'm sorry you've lost me. Are you trying to say this is a "made-up" disorder, or that you don't have it? If you think it's made-up then look it up, (or read the OP, one or the other) it's *quite* real.

As expected, this thread has died, BUT I'd like to post a useful link to a message board about at least part of this binding disorder..for all of those who may be going through the hell....

www.dpselfhelp.com...

Theres always hope!



[edit on 28-5-2010 by Wookiep]

And here's a...kinda hmm not so great but, ok forum for those with just "derealization" disorder.

abchomeopathy.com...

It is a side effects of the medications. People call them happy pills but they are far from it. They are suppsoed to neutralize emotions. Or help reign them in. So instead of a lot of anger or depression that keeps you from function, it brigns it back to normal so you have only enough to deal with, or what is considered normal.

I was on an AD once that completely emotionally flatlined me. I could of been Data from Star Trek. I got off it pretty quickly, it was freaky.

My husband suffers from a mental illness, and I know medications have flatlined him. It is quite sad. They are still studying these areas, so medications are not perfect.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
It is a side effects of the medications. People call them happy pills but they are far from it. They are suppsoed to neutralize emotions. Or help reign them in. So instead of a lot of anger or depression that keeps you from function, it brigns it back to normal so you have only enough to deal with, or what is considered normal.

I was on an AD once that completely emotionally flatlined me. I could of been Data from Star Trek. I got off it pretty quickly, it was freaky.

My husband suffers from a mental illness, and I know medications have flatlined him. It is quite sad. They are still studying these areas, so medications are not perfect.

I agree that meds can actually cause this disorder. I do believe it can be introduced by taking away our ability to have a "personality". In my case, I had this disorder *before* I was ever introduced to any "meds" (anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds). So I don't feel that meds alone are necessarily the cause (always), BUT, you're right! I feel that those drugs just made it worse, and in fact intesified the whole experience.

I would not doubt for a moment, that the drugs that are supposed to *help* our mental isssues today, would cause us to become "sheeple".

Thanks for your post!



[edit on 28-5-2010 by Wookiep]

When I was in my mid twenties and had just been married three months I walked in the bedroom and saw my husband put a gun to his head and kill himself.

I went through the motions of the funeral and then lost touch with reality for about a year. I was not able to work so my parents supported me and my young son as I worked for them before the incident.

After a year I finally was able to put the all the memory of the suicide in a part of my brain that I didn't go back to until fourteen years latter.

I went into a convenience store and for some reason the clerk screamed and cursed me. I went into a total rage and threw an ash try and everything else at her. When I tried to throw the cash register at her it was bolted down and I left the store.

I went back to work and called a doctor and it was decided I needed to admit myself to a mental hospital.

Continued

Continued from post 1

During my 35 days spent in the facility I felt as if my brain was opened up and all the experiences of my life flew by in front of my eyes.

But this was not until a doctor phoned my Mom and said they were having difficulty getting to the root of my problem and asked if I had eve been through a traumatic event. Mom informed them of the suicide of my husband and my lost year.

I was reminded of the incident at a group therapy meeting and burst out screaming and crying as I had managed to put it away and not think about it all those years.

That is when my healing began.

I later went on to become a public speaker for the Mental Health Association.

There was not a name for the condition at the time but I am sure it is what this thread is about.

Help is out there.

[edit on 28-5-2010 by dizziedame]

If you read the Wiki in the OP, curiously, the "disorder" is exactly what Buddhists try to cultivate in themselves.

Can it be that it's not that "abnormal" to begin with? Seeing yourself from outside does not strike me as something to be afraid of. I have some background in Buddhism, but it's not deep or extensive.

Originally posted by buddhasystem
If you read the Wiki in the OP, curiously, the "disorder" is exactly what Buddhists try to cultivate in themselves.

Can it be that it's not that "abnormal" to begin with? Seeing yourself from outside does not strike me as something to be afraid of. I have some background in Buddhism, but it's not deep or extensive.

Intreguing...

What is strange about the derealisation i had was that it occurred just before i found my spirituality and since i have become more spiritual (infact very spiritual), it has felt like it has gone away as so to speak, as has the anxiety i suffered before i found spirituality. Maybe it was my body telling me that i was become too detached from wat it is to be human and to connect with my soul again.

Buddism, Hinuism and the Law of One with some Christianity thrown in is the religion (so to speak) that i foloow. I find myself taking all the good parts out of those religions and focusing them on myself to help others and it has transformed me into a person i never thought i would be this time last year.

I suggest everyone finds their spirituality again and opens themselves upto the fact that we are here for a purpose and we were put here by something infinite. Its exciting just thinking about it.

The fear that came with it was the unexpected, the not knowing why or how to stop it. That fear is a built in mechanism that makes us human, it also makes humans destroy things, conquering that fear r atleast accepting that fear helps you go forward.

reply to post by dizziedame


wow...That's a hell of a story. Thanks for sharing! It sounds like in the long run, you turned it around into something that could help others get through their hard times.