Am i shallow?

Ive always had difficulty finding a relationship to pursue and thats because i always find a fault with the guy (Which is always physical) and it stops me from entering into a relationship. Its things like...him being overweight or having bad teeth, the state of his house, age...
I'm nothing special, i know that. But its fustrating because i see other people, happy in relationships with guys that are... average...
I turned 21 three days ago and have failed to be in a single relationship. My family seem to think i'm gay and let me be straight with you, i'm not. (No pun intended)
Nothing wrong with being gay its just girls dont interest me.
But please, tell me honestly, Am i to Shallow?
Do i actually have a problem?

Well ya know, you are entitled to want certain things in someone but really do you think you're gonna find someone to tick every box? a little compromise never hurt anyone!

That does'nt mean you have to settle for second best by no means, but just look a little deeper and learn to maybe break a few of those chains that are holding you back! nobody can be perfect!

I don't think you're shallow, you just need to open yourself up a little more and focus on the person rather than the trimmings.

just my thoughts anyway!

reply to post by SearchLightsInc




I wouldn't say you're shallow but your definitely focusing on the Physical side a little too much.

There obviously has to be some sort of physical attraction otherwise there is not much point to it, but ultimately It's what is in the persons heart and mind that will benefit you the most.

They say the biggest erogenous zone is the brain.... and it's true.

If someone can make you laugh, understand you and be there when you need cheering up or someone to talk to.... then that is more important than whether they have a nice ass or whether they have the best teeth in the world.

But then again, What works for some, may not work for others.


If you want a guy with dazzling teeth, a mansion and a gym body and bronze tan.... then who am I to tell you that you shouldn't go for it?


Each to their own my friend.

[edit on 4/4/10 by blupblup]

I don't think you're shallow and there's nothing wrong with being particular.

What I would warn you is that when you find somebody who is just right for you, none of the things you are currently worrying about will make the slightest difference.

Don't go for someone just because you're worried about leaving it too late. Hold on for a bit and brace yourself

These things make sense. They all indicate someone who can take care of themselves. Maybe you are manifesting a quality into physical characteristics. You don't want a man who will be dependent on you and is like a second child, who can take care of themselves.

These qualities can be red flags to someone.

I think the defining moment is whether that person is successful, without being wealthy. If they have the job they loved and worked hard for, but aren't exactly driving a beamer, but you still find that confidence sexy, then you know the truth.

You saying you've never met a man who is attractive to you?

shallow? not at all' maybe not ready

just not making the connection.

when it comes it may be shorter or not as you want it to be.

trust your heart first not neccesarily your desires

Well i would say yes very shallow. I could understand if you had trouble finding guys because of bad manners, religion or bad personality. But to be finding faults with people physically makes you shallow. The difference is people are who they are things like manners, religion and personality the person has some choice in. The person chooses to be a hesitic jew so therefore a relationship probably would not work, but things like bad teeth a person has no real control over. If it was just one person it would not be an issue but by your own admission this has been an ongoing thing. Don't worry you will find someone else as shallow as you and you could be one of those couples that are really only interested in being each others trophy. Just keep in mind someone like that will drop you like a sack of rocks whenever something better comes along.

I think how you feel is valid- It must be horrible to date someone and then not have any kind of physical attraction to them.

Not everyone has the whole package though- that's hard to find.

You could spend your whole life waiting or you could settle- and I urge you not to settle..

Originally posted by jinx880101
You could spend your whole life waiting or you could settle- and I urge you not to settle..

But be prepared for the fact that with so many expectations, you may well just spend that whole life of yours waiting! and I wouldn't wish that loneliness you may encounter on nobody! and it seems you're feeling a little of that now from your op.

[edit on 7-4-2010 by valiant]

reply to post by SearchLightsInc


I don't think your shallow, I think your pretty normal...

I used to be just like you before I met my husband. The smallest things would bother me so bad that I ended relationships over it. (weird ears, an odd looking tooth,...)

When I met him I was completely, madly in love with him from the sec I saw him. He was perfect IMO. I had my head up in the clouds so high that I hadn't even noticed that he had a physical handicap. On his left hand he is missing 3 fingers since birth.
When I finally noticed, that was one week before we got together, it didn't matter anymore. I couldn't care less if he was missing some fingers or an entire hand, this was the guy for me (still is, and has been for the last 13 years).

Hope you see the moral of the story

Shallow isn't the right word for it....you're just very particular.

That said though...when you put such limits on the dating pool, you might spend some time looking...

Its things like...him being overweight or having bad teeth, the state of his house, age.

There is exercise and diet.
There are dentists.
Homes can be repaired and fixed up.
You're only as old as you feel.

I know, because I used to be the same way. Nobody expects you to "settle", but for me, eventually I found that what I kept looking for was right there all along, in the form of a gal who was already a good friend. Was she my physical type when we got together? No. Would I go back and change anything? No, we've been happily married for six years now....

Who the hell cares what "other" couples look like? For all you know, they could be utterly miserable, or doomed to just a quick romance, etc. The hell with others....

[edit on 7-4-2010 by Gazrok]

hey there^^ dont worry,theres nothing wrong with not liking someone couse of bad teeth or being fat. i cant really fall in love with the uglyest girl in the world either. no matter how good she is.
thats why anyone can TAKE CARE of his own look.
bad teeth ->personal care-> homemade toothpaste,dentist work
overweight-> fitnes,diet if must,run on the street
i usualy take care of my self,and girls date uglyer guys then me,which dont even have personality.
so i stoped taking care of my self,until i move out to where girls like me^^
besides beautifull people usualy are more nice charactered^^
but if you want to date some "cool boy" please THINK TWICE.
dont fall into stereotypes. girls here all wear makeup and fake boobs..they think theyr very pretty but for me theyr UGLY,what i find attractive is some girl that is just SWEEt,that i fall in love just by first sight. she dosnt have to be the sexyest,she can be a little overweight too. look for a person you like,who has similar interests,and who you think its atleast a bit sexy. dont go out pursuing some "macho" that is actualy a complete failiure and will result in failed marriage.
i know how you feel,im 20 and i cant stand girls here,maybe you need to relocate your interests,meet new people^^ write me a u2u if ur sad,talk to me^^

aa yeah and dont care for other couple like the above member sayd^^
theyr usualy MISERABLE and disgusting people,who just ACT happy so they can get someone to be JEALOUS of them. so they can feel good about themselfs,when theyr actualy failiures.
just find someone who treats you NICE,and who cares about you.
a man who lets you change him,a man who does stuff for you,and not just to sleep with you. test him if u must.
and dont let the other people change your way of thinking,theyr just jealous
true happynes is awesome^^

Are you shallow? Yes, you are.

'Nuff said.