My curiosity got the better of me...

So my girlfriend of 2 months logged onto Facebook on my computer and didn't log off. I was curious so I checked her messages and one of them to a friend caught my eye...

"I think that's the only thing weird about my relationship... between me and you, I feel like this relationship is very... old? I don't get the butterflies when I see him... I mean, I feel like we've been dating for years now and it's only been like two months... I don't fully understand why and I don't know where to go from here. I mean, I dunno.. I mean, I like him, but I feel like there is something missing. But I owe it to him and myself to try it out and see what happens right? I talked to some of my friends about it because it worried me but they insured me that sometimes it takes longer than others. Theres other stuff too, but eh.. what can you do? He's a great guy and super sweet, but I dunno.. something's missing."

I don't know what to do. I can't confront her about her worries because she will know I read her obviously private message. I REALLY like this girl and want things to work out but this worries me big time...

Oh, that's rough.

When I was first dating my husband, I pulled a stunt like that and left the email open which he read. I was feeling confused because we were moving fast (he proposed after 10 days) so I was confiding in a friend that I wasn't sure if I should be settling down so quickly and that I wasn't sure if the attraction was genuine. My [now] husband was very worried and confronted me about it after reading it.

We've been married 7 years now and have a son.

I'd just ask about it and admit that you read the message. It's not like you hacked her account or anything- she did leave it open. If you really don't want to do that, ask her how she feels about your relationship. Just sitting on it won't do either of you any good if it's bothering you and she's evidently unhappy about something.

Work it into a conversation somehow.

Yup,
bring it up

Don't wallow in wonder
it will eat at you for a long time

and if and when you finally do bring it up
( years later ) they won't know what your talking about
because your mind had made it so much more then it was

But do bring it up soon
it might be a test of trust
I've been married for almost 10 years
and odd things are just coming about
" that were not mentioned "
both at fault

It was left
logged in
let her
know

Wow...that is tough...I mean I can't condone reading her message but you have now

well I am always into honesty regardless of the issues. Maybe you can surprise her with something exciting and new? You have the knowledge that she feels 'old' as she put it. Shock her and do something wild?

Or like Ashley said...just tell her...but man I am worried about what she'll say that you opened her stuff

-Kyo

Well, if you don't want to go the confront route, a little analysis is in order...

1. Is there anything different about your lives now, than when you first started dating?

2. Did you guys used to go out more? Do different things than you do now?

3. Do you know the things that really turned her on about you in the initial stage of the relationship?

Granted, 2 months isn't long, but it seems awful quick to feel "old"..(unless, in her history, 2 months is a LONG relationship)...

From her message, it seems like she's looking for a little more romance, excitement, and adventure, to reignite the spark.

If you do this too suddenly, might seem weird, but you know her better than we do.

Well, the painful truth is obvious my friend.


... she's bored.


Though it's not normal in two months, ... unfortunately you probably suffer from "nice guy" syndrome, ... which isn't a bad thing. but when girls are young and naive they would rather have exciting A-holes.

Pull a Nick Twist from " Youth In Revolt" ..... change things up.

be unavailabe when she calls, .... cancel dates, make her feel what it is to miss you !

It's always better to understay somewhere than it is to overstay. always keep her wanting more, ......

Imply that another girl is interested in you, and keeps calling you, ... make her feel that her position could be threatened, .... let her entertain the notion that she could lose you.

good luck my friend.

Good points...can we get the ages (even a small range) of the couple involved? My guess is fairly young?

Young gals often fail to appreciate the "nice guys" until they get older...

As a gal who's more into the nice guys, rather than a**holes, at first glance, this sounds to me like a sterotypical girl who's after anything with a penis, and will inevitably treat her like absolute crap, aka, the bad-boy a**hole. In my hometown, there are way too many girls like this. However, it could be just that you two aren't clicking as well as you thought, due to differing interests.
I'd personally like to know if something in my relationship wasn't working out, straight away, and how it can be fixed if you really do like the person. If you haven't already, I'd confront the issue, but would not mention the fact you found on facebook, as she may freak and accuse you of privacy invasion, just say that you sensed it from her. If she states nothing is wrong, you can either bring up the fact that you saw it on her facebook account when she forgot to sign out (if she's more down-to earth and understanding), or you can get rid of her for bitching behind your back and lying to you. She may not be worth the trouble.

Originally posted by Gazrok
Good points...can we get the ages (even a small range) of the couple involved? My guess is fairly young?

Young gals often fail to appreciate the "nice guys" until they get older...

TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN..
as young women..we are

So OP, how did this turn out?, don't leave us hanging!

And thanks AD...

Heya.. yeah, not a good thing to find out..but if you really do like her and want to try to go onwards with the relationship, than Instellaburst is right, mix things up, and def. not be around when she phones sometimes.. not all the time, but enough to make her (hopefully) realize she misses that time with you.. it might help put things more into focus for her..

Speaking as one of those girls previously mentioned here that always went for the a whole types than the nice guys, looking back it seems to have been age induced lol.. my current and only husband, going on 9 years this September, is a nice guy.. my parents were stunned..

good luck with this, i hope all works out for the best for you both..

My advice would try to be a little more spontaneous.

Think of things she does like and surprise her with them.

If she likes going to a certain place a lot, all of a sudden out of the blue one day just be like "Hey, I got these tickets to [insert place here] would you wanna go?"

A man never treads closer to the brink of madness than when he is in love with an indecisive woman. You may have her acceptance, but clearly you do not have her heart, not completely as it should be.

Direct confrontation may not work out well. I suggest keeping what you know to yourself and cooling off from the relationship in a big way... If she does have genuine love for you underneath her indecision, then it will rise to the surface and she will have to face her true feelings.

It could be that she does really love you, but the question is this... After you've given her your heart and have fully invested yourself into the relationship, then is it really worth it to have her love in return if you have to play this silly game in order for her to accept her feelings.

A man never treads closer to the brink of madness than when he is in love with an indecisive woman.

Tell me about it...it's difficult sometimes to even get her to agree on what to have for dinner! I'm like "whatever you want hon", and she's like "same here", then I make a suggestion (A), and she makes a facial reaction that I know means (eewww), and I mention something else, and she's "well, if you really want A..."...maddening. Why does she make me decide, and then shoot down my suggestions with her expressions? (instead of being helpful, and simply making a choice of her own)...

Maddening...

reply to post by goldbomb444


if she can't be honest to you about her feelings then she's probably stringing you along for a mug, she doesn't sound mature yet asking for friends advice its her relationship not theirs.

can you see out the box now?

my partner just says whatever and i don't care all the time and never seems bothered about me,
I know myself I am not happy with this situation but when you love someone you will do anything to keep them, but like I said I am fed up myself of being ignored, I could do better

[edit on 10-5-2010 by prettygreeneyes26]

Originally posted by prettygreeneyes26
reply to post by goldbomb444

 

my partner just says whatever and i don't care all the time and never seems bothered about me,
I know myself I am not happy with this situation but when you love someone you will do anything to keep them, but like I said I am fed up myself of being ignored, I could do better

[edit on 10-5-2010 by prettygreeneyes26]

Not nice at all!

My sister has just got out of a similar situation, and it was really tough on her but her smile has returned allready! it just shows how truly unhappy she was before even though she thought otherwise or atleast convinced herself otherwise, he just never gave her the respect and treatment she deserved! and it finally got too much.

Hope your situation improves for you!

reply to post by goldbomb444


You dont confront her about anything. You lead her. IF she does not want to come...let her go.

It sounds like you are seeing a very young girl/woman..with idle bored little girl thougths and beliefs.

Is this the kind of female you want to spend the rest of your life and fortune upon?? And often at great risks??

As long as you know for sure that this is the raw material you are working with and can handle it...fine. But you dont let her idleness, unsureness and boredom lead you around or get you to try out in rediculous ways for her approval.
Once you spend alot of time and money trying out..for approval..she leads you ..not you lead her.

If she becomes a burden in this way and bored..let her go.
There are lots of females/women out there ...lots of competition.
You have only one fortune and one RISK. Invest in it wisely..especially and particularly in the female/woman with whom you choose to spend your time and monies.

Orangetom

reply to post by orangetom1999


i like your style, some very wise words there!!!

anyways chin up!

I think every relationship experiences boredom. The way I see it. This was probably a blessing more than a knife in the heart. You could actually try harder to bring more excitement into the relationship now that you know she versed her doubts. There is always some other guy who is interested in the girl you are seeing and looks for faults in you. Look out for them new people who seem so friendly when your out with your significant other, they may be the devil in disguise. The internet is the perfect place to cast a shadow on someone elses relationship. The writer doesnt care and is quick to snare another prey. People have the tools to act disturbed nowadays. This is why I believe so many people are deleting their facebook accounts. Females are usually getting their inboxes filled up with to many guys who want to tempt them away from their current relationships. The social networking will ruin relationships. If we have to many friends on our account, then we have to explain our relationship to each one of those people to our other halves. This is reality and will probably remain such if people want to keep those acoounts or stay together. Sacrifice is the element of the relationship that keeps it alive. Passion is the spark. Web sites sell passion only at face value. We are indeed challenged in this age. The age of texting on cell phones. The temptation to cheat is greater in this age than it ever was. So the internet will not be a big part of my entertainment whence I go into the next relationship the same would apply to the girl that comes along.

Hey all!

After a while I forgot about this thread...oops! Anyway, my girlfriend and I are still together and have plans to move in together by the end of the year (we will have been dating for about 11 months). I ended up keeping my mouth shut and she brought it up on her own a couple months ago. What happened was she had never felt so comfortable in a relationship before and was confused. Her best friends (now my friends too) that are all in successful marriages told her that they felt the same way about the one they now love.

My girlfriend and I are living a very happy life