The Stages of my Awakening...

1) I was probably around 15. At this stage I was beginning to open my eyes to the truth. I was awakening from my slumber. Over the next year or so I became obsessed with the UFO/Alien topic, but I also found philosophical and metaphysical topics highly intriguing. I soon discovered ATS but didn't join as a member for a little while. My lust for knowledge grew rapidly, and I was absorbing as much information as I could. My paradigms and perceptions of reality began shifting rapidly with an ever quickening pace throughout this time period. I soon believed I truly held the answer to a lot of deeper questions.

2) Over the next few years, my research slows down, but continues, and as I learn more and more, and my understandings begin to mature, I realize how little I know, and how wrong I have been. Everything seems uncertain, I am confused, and totally unsure about everything I thought I knew. I don't know what to believe in. I feel a little depressed, and feel like there's nothing I can do to help this world. I don't know where to look for answers, or where to find truth.

3) The following years are where my research and knowledge really starts to come together, and things really start to become a lot clearer...my philosophical understanding is also reaching the next level of maturity, where my confusion begins to ease, and my mind really begins to see the big picture for the first time...my mind begins pondering complex concepts on a whole new level, concepts a fragile mind couldn't easily accept...the utterly ridiculous things humans do stand out to me more than ever now...and it seems like I'm from another planet...it seems as though humans like to make things hard for themselves, and for future generations...

4) My frame of mind and my general thought pattern starts to become so different to that of the "average joe", that in order to interact with people, I generally need to put on a mask, create an illusion, and be someone I'm not (however, I have been doing this to a degree, most of my life)...and I'm quite good at this, in fact, I'm the type of person that can get a long with most personalities. However, this was the point where I started to pull back from society a little and lose a few friends.

5) And so here I am now, at a stage where I'm stuck between caring and giving up, and wondering if there was any value in ever studying all this conspiracy stuff in the first place, wondering if I'll ever find anyone I can connect with. Once again confused, but at the same time uncertain and worried about the future, but unable to obtain any real answers or any real solutions, wondering if I'm just wasting my time...I guess it doesn't really matter in the end...at least we can say we tried...

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

I have been pondering #5 myself. I have come to this conclusion. At the end of the day the world around us will always be separated by the have and have nots, the see and see nots, the hear and hear nots. And I can't help but think of Edie Brickell with, "I know what I know, if you know what I mean."
I have decided to stop, smell everything around me, not just the roses. Use my eyes that are wide open to enjoy the natural world around me, I mean mountains really are majestic with your eyes open. Use my ears to hear all that is natural around me, and enjoy it. And to let the artificial chips fall where they may. I have also chosen to take stock of those around me who can and can not be trusted and let it go at that. If and when TSHTF I will know who I can and can not turn to. In the meantime I have finally started to find a place where I can reside in peace, within myself, within my family, and within my friends.
Just remember this: Giving up is not the same as knowing when to quit.

Here's to a great day, and I hope the sun is shining as brightly there as it is here.

recycled

I know how you feel.... I apologize for my lack of words. Perhaps you have already given them to me.

I especially relate with the part about 'putting on a mask' in order to ever speak with someone.

I feel like a puzzle piece that fits awkwardly because it was manufactured poorly sometimes. It is torturous, sometimes, to be open to any logistical possibility when it comes to reality. I don't understand how people can be so certain about everything, or even the fact that they would want to do such a thing.

I hope this helps. I usually retreat to more mundane enjoyments for a little while until my head stops spinning....

reply to post by recycled & post by Psycontagious

Thanks for the replies guys.

recycled, I very much agree with you. It's nice to see others who seem to truly understand the preciousness of life and living it to the full, able to take in the beauty of nature and this infinite universe we live in...your statements have helped snap things back into perceptive. I thank you for that.

Sounds like your journey has been quite similar to mine! I feel like I have to keep my real life and my ATS life separate. I'm trying to ease them into co-existence, but I don't want to sound like an idiot.
What if I am wrong? What if all this research is all for nothing? These questions are really hard to deal with, and they come to my mind every day. I know things in the world aren't right, but I don't know what IS right. We've never experienced what these sites are telling us we could. So we don't know what to expect! It spirals out of control, and it frustrates people.. It just seems like the more we learn, the more lost we become. Everything I've learned, reading into UFO's and Government conspiracies, and everything in between. From the most unimaginable topics, to the obvious 'in your face' topics, that have so much evidence, but seem to never be acknowledged.
But this is why we came here. We're all struggling to find the truth, and I think it's safe to say, the truth is going to be more bizarre than our current reality! The questioning of whether it's all worth it is just human nature. If we don't see it with our own eyes, we can't believe it 100%. I get confused every single day. It takes a special kind of person to disregard these thoughts, and continue the path to freedom and truth!
Everything I've been researching seems to make more sense than what I've learned in 'real life'. The soul existing, being able to create things with our mind, healing powers, etc. etc. was all just a fantasy to me before. Now it makes more sense to me than ever. I feel like events are unfolding, that will confirm our beliefs. Even the plane crash and Pentagon 'attack'. People are getting so upset with all these lies, that they're going out with a bang! The media attention this has gotten is insane. As sad as it is, the outcome because of these two men is astonishing. Media covering 9/11 TRUTHERS and talking about conspiracies. You'd never see that even two years ago!
As each day goes by, my ego is accepting my beliefs with much more ease.

Just so you know, you're not alone! I bet most of the people on ATS have felt lost, and unsure. It's all part of the challenge! If we can let go of all we've known it becomes much easier to accept that which is unknown.

[edit on 8-3-2010 by tru_blu_dude]

I would start that from the very age of 10, I started to think reality was very different from what we are told.
My fantasy and my open-mind gave me a original back-ground where to start to " awake to the truth ".

From the age of 18 I felt actually a intellectual improvement...
I'm now able to debate and this is very important to me, because I was underestimated all my life...
Now my opinion really has some concrete value...
My mind has simply chnaged drastically from the age of 18...But there was a back-ground that allowed it to be this way.

reply to post by tru_blu_dude

I feel like I have to keep my real life and my ATS life separate. I'm trying to ease them into co-existence, but I don't want to sound like an idiot.

Hehe, I'm sure that's a common problem for most ATS members.

It takes a special kind of person to disregard these thoughts, and continue the path to freedom and truth!

Yes, it does, and I don't want to ever give up on my pursuit of freedom and truth, but I fear we are going backwards some times, I guess I'm just frustrated.

Everything I've been researching seems to make more sense than what I've learned in 'real life'. The soul existing, being able to create things with our mind, healing powers, etc. etc. was all just a fantasy to me before. Now it makes more sense to me than ever. I feel like events are unfolding, that will confirm our beliefs.

I could not agree any more with those statements...no matter how crazy it might sound to most people...

I fully understand your malaise. It can be tiring, and especially helpless, when you are awakened to many perceptions which were misconceptions you held growing up.

It disturbed you, but matured you, transformed you and realized sadly, reality is no Disney movie.

You feel alone, insignificant and have no ability to change anything, for that which you seek to change is hugely more powerful than you in every way.

You feel the futility of it all, and finally, climb back into your shell, and seek for ignorance, as it is bliss, to live the rest of your life in quiet solitude and wait for the end of your existence.

However, there is a purpose to your awakening.

It was through the efforts of many, whom had tirelessly on their own free will and efforts, to shape and sharpened your perceptions to realities. And that purpose is for you to pass it on to others in your life, which you love and care about.

You had been exposed to both bad and good, rational and irrational, so that you may know the difference and set upon that course of your choice for you and your loved ones to enjoy the gift of life bestowed upon, with its necessary responsibilities as well.

You are NEVER alone, for there are many who are awakened to realities. You and I may be insignificant, but when combined as a collective, it is a power that will shake and topple tyrannical regimes controlled by the minority.

It is not for the fun or killing time do the many spare and share their mental efforts. This is our world, our home and our society. We are still far from having a perfect system of governance and balance within a society where we seek for peace, justice, equality, prosperity and harmony for everyone, when none gets left behind.

Take a break, walk away if you wish. There is no one else to do it, except you. Each and every one of us counts to make up that collective. But NO ONE will be forced to do anything, for this is a free country, and comes with free will.

That will and sense of purpose must come from you and me individually – to reach out and touch lives. It matters not if it is only one life you or I managed to help or change in our lifetime. It will be exponential and will lead them to do the same to others, leading to our evolution one day.

The fate of the world is truly in your hands and begins with what you and I rationally do today and the days to come, if not for ourselves, it will be for the next generations to come.

Mankind must not be enslaved, either financially, technologically or socially by the few unchecked mortals in almost every nation who presumed themselves superior beings and wreck havoc upon mankind…….

reply to post by CHA0S


could it be that you are looking in the wrong place? you are not going to find the answers that you are seeking "out there" in books or websites or from other people. what you are looking for can only be found within your own self.

all of the answers are right there within you. i studied a lot of Yogi material for many years. they always talked about this and i never really "got it" - until i started getting answers and started to feel an amazing amount of peace and joy in my life. it is something that can't really be described. but it is very true - all of the answers, and the feeling of connection and belonging, and the peace and joy that we all are seeking.. it is all right there for each and every single one of us. we just have to stop thinking that it is going to come from something or somebody outside of ourselves and instead look within to tap into it.

reply to post by SeekerofTruth101


That was probably one of the best posts I've ever read...and this sentence is important:

You and I may be insignificant, but when combined as a collective, it is a power that will shake and topple tyrannical regimes controlled by the minority.

You state the meaning of my awakening is to awaken others, but the problem is, that seems almost impossible when people would rather ignore all of it, and stay in their slumber, and act as a mindless slave to the system, and not even question or think twice about it. People even seem scared and afraid to stand up together for what they believe in...for some reason, they can't see how much power we the people really have, and they have some sort of subliminal fear that we could never go up against or win against "the system"...I guess my frustration lies in the fact that people would rather stay ignorant and live in a matrix, and the chances look weak of people actually waking up, and uniting to stand up against the minority of elites...and the hourglass seems to be running low...

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

reply to post by nltkn

what you are looking for can only be found within your own self.

all of the answers are right there within you.

I have said the same thing many times here on ATS myself (funny how great minds think alike ) ....and as I said, research combined with inner truth seeking has enabled my philosophical understanding to reach a mature, calm and stable level...but my deep philosophical nature causes me to worry about things that perhaps I shouldn't, things that are beyond me...things that are spiraling out of control and all I can do is watch...just hoping that someone will save the day, but then being frustrated that I can't just do something.

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

reply to post by CHA0S


I liked that sentence as well. It is well known that it starts with yourself! You have to choose whether to stay in the Matrix or believe there is something more to life. Whatever you believe, we the people have the power to change it! There is power in numbers, and I believe we can manifest the changes we desire! We just have to collectively be on the same page! Therein lies the frustration. We're NOT all on the same page, so we can't move forward! But as each person awakens, we become more powerful! I believe in our mind being able to change the way our reality is. You have to stay positive if you want positive things out of life. Ignorance is definitely bliss, as I remember before "knowing" all of this, I was perfectly happy being in the Matrix. I would rather be confused than ignorant. I know that I'm working toward a better life for ALL, just by thinking about it. Our mind is incredibly powerful, and using only 10% of it will not change a thing! We have to awaken so we can become more conscious of our choices, and thoughts. If we were all 'in the know', we would be in a completely different world by now.
I think it'll happen soon enough. Members of congress are quitting, 9/11 'truth' is being covered by the Media, and conspiracies don't seem to be conspiracies so much as becoming common knowledge! I just can't wait for us to all be on board, things will change so much!

reply to post by tru_blu_dude

If we were all 'in the know', we would be in a completely different world by now.
I think it'll happen soon enough. Members of congress are quitting, 9/11 'truth' is being covered by the Media, and conspiracies don't seem to be conspiracies so much as becoming common knowledge! I just can't wait for us to all be on board, things will change so much!

Well you've certainly got a positive attitude about it...lets just hope you're right aye...I just wish I had as much faith in humanity as you do...

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

Originally posted by CHA0S
5) And so here I am now, at a stage where I'm stuck between caring and giving up, and wondering if there was any value in ever studying all this conspiracy stuff in the first place, wondering if I'll ever find anyone I can connect with. Once again confused, but at the same time uncertain and worried about the future, but unable to obtain any real answers or any real solutions, wondering if I'm just wasting my time...I guess it doesn't really matter in the end...at least we can say we tried...

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

Welcome to the beginning. Yes, you're wasting your time. Enjoy it or don't. It's there to waste any way you like. Come here to waste it. Why? Why not? As no questions. Demand no answers. It's utterly pointless.

reply to post by EnlightenUp


I'd like to think of it as more of a way of spending your time. It is not really wasted. And who knows in the end? Who really knows? Why always say the 'end'? What if the truth smacks you in the face in the middle of your journey. Sometimes sleep comes before bedtime.... sorry, that was a bad metaphor. Heh.

I only read your first post and I would like to say you aren't alone. I made a change from the average joe to more myself in less than a year. Started with religion, and discovering all the lies, then the government and all their lies, then UFOs/lies etc.. until I reached a point where I was so far from where I began, I started to feel lost, maybe Id gone to far.

Then I started to realize that none of the above was really that important. Sure we can get caught up in debating those things, but ultimately they are meaningless when it comes to the bigger/universal picture..

You see I've learned that we go through stages and cycles for a reason, to learn. We might be wrong at one point in our life and not find out till later, then realizing how wrong we were, we start to doubt ourselves, but it was all suppose to happen like that. We had to start somewhere. We have to accept one change before we can move on to another.

All I'm trying to say here is to accept everything that has happened to you as a whole picture of where you are now, where you are suppose to be. It's a journey, a lesson to be traveled and experienced.

Regardless of what you believe happens after death, all the minor details aren't really that important when you look at the bigger picture.

That was more rambling than it was constructive, hopefully someone can pull something meaningful out of all that.

reply to post by CHA0S


Man you gotta fake the funk. Keep up the mask at all cost but also learn humanity or reconnect with your own humanity.

Also get outt and do something physical even if it is a sport that you can only play badly. In the west we have a long and noble tradition of sports being played by non-jocks.

have fun

Originally posted by Psycontagious
reply to post by EnlightenUp

 

I'd like to think of it as more of a way of spending your time. It is not really wasted. And who knows in the end? Who really knows? Why always say the 'end'? What if the truth smacks you in the face in the middle of your journey. Sometimes sleep comes before bedtime.... sorry, that was a bad metaphor. Heh.

To spend time, I'd have to make time.

But...

Now I'm so good at waking up I can do it in my sleep.

reply to post by SeeingBlue

That was more rambling than it was constructive, hopefully someone can pull something meaningful out of all that.

Don't worry...it was definitely a meaningful ramble...I got something from it...I felt the passion...

Anywho, I'll be back later to check up on this thread.

Originally posted by CHA0S
reply to post by nltkn

 

what you are looking for can only be found within your own self.

all of the answers are right there within you.

I have said the same thing many times here on ATS myself....and as I said, research combined with inner truth seeking has enabled my philosophical understanding reach a mature, calm and stable level...but my deep philosophical nature causes me to worry about things that perhaps I shouldn't, things that are beyond me...things that are spiraling out of control and all I can do is watch...just hoping that someone will save the day, but then being frustrated that I can't just do something.

[edit on 8/3/10 by CHA0S]

As nltkn had so eloquently put it " the answers are right there within you".

It would be impossible for you alone to share and DISCUSS your answers to the whole world, for it is made up of all kinds - the serious, the jokers, the nutheads who prefers ignorance and stubbornly hold on to their beliefs that there are no solutions.

It takes time. As you are already awakened, slowly and patiently guide those closes to you to realities. Never to hold firm to your beliefs, for you and I are naturally flawed beings, prone to errors, but keep an open mind to hear others speak.

You had already be taught here, from the experience gained by seeing how others respond and rebut, and should expect similarly the same perceptions.

However, if what you believe is true and can be supported with evidences, logic and reason, they will see your point, and have to unless they seek for the protective shell of ignorance. You would have succeeded in planting the precious seed of REALITY to their lives. It will only be a matter of time before they reach out and touch other lives.

Truth can be faked, or mixed with half truths, but REALITY is what can be seen with one's eyes, with everyone on the same page. And today, one would have to be blind not to see reality of what is happening on the political, technological, financial and social landscape.

And when more are awakened, that's where change will come. Violence or revolution will not be necessary, and would only be overkill, for no minority would even dare contemplate go against the majority. They can kill one, a thousand, but no way in billions. I will be there on the forefront, unarmed, with my sacred vote, a right the founding fathers died to bestowed not only to americans, but for all mankind who seek freedom to follow.


[edit on 8-3-2010 by SeekerofTruth101]