Please help, my ego VS my spirit are torturing me inside.

Hello again ATS. I just had another breakdown and I need someone to talk to.

I'll start by describing my current financial situation, then explain my spiritual belief's and hopefully if you even care to read you can help me. Ok, so I'm about to turn 21 and I still live at home. I graduated high school, and have been depressed/anxious/addict ever since. I'm unemployed, have been spoiled since I was young, and I'm horrible with managing money. I have anxiety issues and I'm sure I'm bipolar.

My ego is constantly causing me to feel horrible by barraging me with guilty thoughts and feelings. I find myself calling MYSELF a spoiled worthless b*tch that can't even find the power to get a job. I care so much what other's think of me that sometimes I can't even go hang out with friends because of fear of judgment.

On top of all this I was spiritually awakened 4 years ago. I realized the power and love inside of all of us. I can feel my true self or spirit pleading and begging me to let go of these thoughts. The only time I really feel at peace is when I meditate, asleep, on something, or flirting with a girl. I feel like I'm not from this planet. Like I was born without the Earthling's tool kit, so to speak. We could make things so much easier on ourselves. IMHO we don't even need a monetary system! Of course I won't get into that because I don't want to be flamed at the moment. This rat race of greed is so heart-wrenching for me to witness. This strive to maximize profits by any means is holding us back!

So my mind keeps torturing me with the reality of my situation while my spirit is telling me everything will be okay I just need to relax and regroup. I have done this many times, I'll get into a positive mindset and routine... Then fall off track and the ego comes in guns blazing once again, victorious, leaving me powerless and guilty. I am tired and aching for love. Three years since my last relationship. If you have any advice for me please reply. I don't expect many people to find this interesting, but hopefully someone will reply. Thanks for reading, I hope you are enjoying life and if you are... I'm jealous!

Omni

Ok, so I'm about to turn 21 and I still live at home

That is because you do not have a job.

depressed/anxious/addict ever since. I'm unemployed, have been spoiled since I was young, and I'm horrible with managing money. I have anxiety issues and I'm sure I'm bipolar.

Im not sure what to tell you buddy, it is not like someone else made all these problems for you. You should start by taking responsibility for yourself and stop blamming the conditions in life (which you created) for your problems.

So my mind keeps torturing me with the reality of my situation while my spirit is telling me everything will be okay I just need to relax and regroup.

Well they are both right and you should listen to them both. Get a job stop doing drugs and then you can afford to relax.

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence


Well I hope you feel better soon InfiniteOmnipresence. I don't know if you read the Bible or believe in God but I figured I would share these two verses because it is what came to mind when I read your opening post.

Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

You don't need to live in the past. God has forgotten those things, why haven't you?

John 10:28-29 and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

You are secure for eternity now so get on with it. Live the life you know you want to and begin building greater memories that override anything that has already been forgotten.

We're all not formerly from this Planet. The soul has a true 'home' on the Other Side and we have been born on many planets and been to many dimensions in order to learn and grow.

It is benificial to be diagnosed and treated for the disorders you may have and to obtain help with your addiction problems and anxieties so that you are able to function in life. Create a Vision Board- Place on this board pictures of what you want for your own life and positive words that will encourage positivity to flow in. This may be cut out pictures of being healthy and happy, kids, puppies, jobs you like, and cut out letters from magazines to make words. Every day look at your board and decide what you can do that day/in the present to obtain your goals.

Try volunteering for a while-to get yourself used to working but without the pressure of being 'fired' or keeping to a strict schedule. It will teach you responsibility and ease you into the process. There are many great places to start- nursing homes, hospitals (reading to kids there), humane societies and more.

When you feel ready force yourself to get a job or go to school some more for a higher education and get to where you want to be in life.

Ego wants satisfaction always in the present...we need to teach it to wait.


Seek treatment. There's no shame in getting help and getting somewhere for it. Life isn't easy fr anyone on this Earth. In some manner or other we all feel misplaced and different but it is up to you to create your future. It's not too late.

What do you want us to do?

ego! spirit! stop fighting!

Did that help?

Sometimes it helps to have a girlfriend. It can keep your mind off of other things. While your unemployed try to discover any talent you might have. In order to do this you have to try new things. Try painting,sculpting, wood working, pottery, and anything you can think of. You never know what talent you might have. Not many people get the opportunity to discover themselves because they never have the time. You have an opportunity so I suggest taking the bull by the horns and roll with it.

reply to post by Zerra


Thanks for the advice Zerra. I appreciate it.

Sorry I made this thread everyone. Nobody cares to hear about this, I guess I just had to express my frustration somewhere. I do feel better after writing it out though.

Thanks for the responses.

Omni

Originally posted by InfiniteOmnipresence
reply to post by Zerra

 

Thanks for the advice Zerra. I appreciate it.

Sorry I made this thread everyone. Nobody cares to hear about this, I guess I just had to express my frustration somewhere. I do feel better after writing it out though.

Thanks for the responses.

Omni

It's great you feel better-but what happens when you don't again? I hope you will take some action on anyone's advice or find advice from a professional. Careful not to lose opportunities or let ego give you a quick way out.

Everyone is going through their karama. It's not a bad thing to be doing so, it is natural and what life here is for. But it benefits everyone to face the reality of their condition from all angles. One should be honest about their condition which includes their flaws and imperfections, their impurities, perversions (if any at the moment), etc.. But, this should not be used to lower your self esteem rather to face your condition and cultivate sincerity and humility as a result and to seek the genuine higher power. Sincere Humility is a great asset to cultivate. Arrogance and ego are very detrimental. Some people "Come out of the Closet on their worst conditions and believe they are entitled to do so." All this is, is brutishness. They should go within and seek the true Supreme Being and beg of the Supreme Being for the Supreme Being himself. Some people are insincere and look to the concept of a Supreme Being as a deluxe cash machine to give them the world. The world is poison. Though natural at your age to sample the poison, it will never be anything else or worth anything more than what it is. The Supreme Being can be approaches for all things to mitigate and extend mercy for your circumstances. The True Supreme Being is all merciful, but the human life is the only form where spiritual ascension can occur and it should not be wasted. The true Supreme Being is more interesting in your welfare than you are, but your real welfare isn't going to be found in this world. Your spirit has to go inward and upward in the right company. The world and all worlds of matter are obstacles and the path is very dangerous. No one succeeds alone.

You need to see a therapist. I seen plenty in your post that you need help with...not because your crazy, but because a therapist will make you spill out all of these issues and review them piece by piece and get to the root of the problem, then you put things back in place.


You show alot of signs of people whom eventually become frustrated and commit crimes because of the self loathing part...then end up with help forced on you verses choosing it for yourself.

Go find the local therapists and have a chat with a few of them...go with whomever you feel will help you...not which ones will back up your views, but rather the ones that truely challenge how your thinking.

reply to post by InfiniteOmnipresence


I wish I could take your pain and confusion away...I really do.

Unfortunately, I feel the same exact way that you do. I function, I take care of what needs to be done but, in doing so, I feel still feel blank. Like none of what feels important in everyday life is, really actually that, "important".

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way because you deserve better. We all do.

Take solace in knowing that you and your feelings matter more than you could ever imagine. You and your feelings MATTER!

[edit on 4-3-2010 by Casiopia]

The unemployment rate is really high here in the US. A large chunk of Americans are on food stamps and cash aid. If skilled workers with massive amounts of experience can't find work, what hope is there for everyone else? I am not trying to make you feel bad. Just the opposite. It's tough to get a job right now. You might have to move. If you have relatives in places where they're hiring and they'll let you stay with them, it could be just what you need. Don't get stuck in your parents' basement forever. Get off the drugs. Detox. Exercise and eat right. Gym memberships can be really cheap. Put together a nice wardrobe and get your hair done. If you look good, you're going to feel better about yourself. This is going to give you confidence. With all that time on your hands, put together the world's greatest resume. The library has resume guides. Gather all the information you need for applications and take it with you when you apply for a job. You'll get a feel for what this information is as you apply. Never give up. You will find it frustrating looking for work because everyone wants experience. You can get experience by volunteering. If this doesn't appeal to you, scrap the whole plan and go to college/university or join the military and then go to college/university. Your life is JUST BEGINNING. An unemployed 21 year old is not the end of the world. Don't let it depress you. There's a lot of people in the same situation that you're in. I wish I was 21 again.

Im not sure if your into reading, I've found a few books that can help with understanding whats going on in your head and how to change the way you think. The author is Don Miguel Ruiz and the books are called, "The Four Agreements" and "The Voice of Knowldege". Very inspirational and will help you to be in control of your thoughts. Also, for someone who has a weak mind, ATS is not a place to be!! Guaranteed to cause half of the symptoms you are experiencing!!:

good luck

wow.

im trippin off the fact that the only difference between you and myself is..

im 22.
(from the discription)

when im done getting over that and im able to collect my thoughts ill come back and edit with an attempt at something constructive.


::edit:: think ill just u2u

[edit on 4-3-2010 by LurkerMan]

Mint tea before bed.

Works a treat!!

-m0r

Hey! I don't think this is anything you have to worry about. I know these things can be hard to deal with, but it sounds like you're headed in the right direction! Our souls are ridding of karma in lieu of the changes to come and sometimes it feels painful and uneasy.

I think you pretty much know what you're doing! Keep practicing staying in the positive energies! Surround yourself with things that make you happy constantly, and get rid of anything that makes you unhappy! Meditating on a daily basis, or even more if you need it will help a lot! When you feel stressed or anxious, take a deep breath in, and just feel the positive energies flowing through you! Put on some classical music, as it calms and stimulates the brain. This will help you keep focus.

These are a few things that helped me personally and I pretty much fit your description to a tee! (but I'm 20) Being a part of something really uplifted my spirits as well! I started this thread a few days ago www.abovetopsecret.com... you might be interested in. Everyone so far is really excited to be a part of it! So maybe you will be too! Basically we're putting the Laws of Attraction to practice, which it looks like you've been doing for a while too! We want to use the love and light inside of us to create the world we deserve! It's going to take a lot of people and a lot of mind power, so the more people who are willing to help, the more likely we can manifest these changes!

Hope you check it out! Maybe it's just the thing you've been looking for!

Trust your spirit. It's telling you everything will be alright. And it will. Just give it time and believe. Sounds corny but it's true.

you my freind are right, the ego/spirit drama is very real for everyone just to different degrees
you need to find balance ego/spirit . embrace the two they are both you
try a hobby, video games works for me when i/m really frustrated
you do need to work thats part of the balancing and surviving
good luck

also for kharma points go out and help a complete stranger and feel good about it the universe will return the favor trust me this works

Chin up! The fact that you have asked for help, and offered up that your spirit is telling you things will be fine is the very proof that you are stronger than you think you are. This is a good sign. If it is affirmation or a bit of encouragement you need, simply go and look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Give it a try, I guarantee you won’t be disappointed in what you see staring back at you.

Try not to beat yourself up, we all face nasty bumps in the road or what boring existence it would be! If you consider life as a test, then ask yourself: will I rise to this challenge? There is no shame in trying and failing. The test is in putting one foot in front of the other. The success is in trying and trying again. Then you’re on your way.

In the very near future, you can look back with pride at how strong you were to overcome this hurdle. The problems of yesterday belong just there: yesterday!

That "battle" is only satan - and my advice would be to pray to Jesus to take the guilt, and battle, from your mind.

Satan is running out of time - you have made your stand with him by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior - and satan is p*ssed.

You are only being tested/tempted to cave - try not to give in though - pray for continued faith and strength when you feel those thoughts coming - pray, pray, and then pray some more.

I'll also say a prayer for you, as well -

Satan will tempt everyone, but the ones that he tempts the hardest are the ones that he knows he'll have problems with - that is a compliment to your faith right there.

The people that he knows he's already swayed from God, he doesn't bother them too much.

Bottom line, be thankful you ARE being bothered - that means you are on the right path.