Not anti-gay but questioning SOME aspects of homosexuality

I had a nice long post and it just got erased grrrrr. Lets try again.
Well this started out as a reply to Thetenthepower's thread, but even with it getting deleted the first time around, it still got a little long. Although not as eloquent as the fist time around and probably more grammar and spelling errors given the time of night, I thought it was worthy of its own thread.
We have the Anti thread and the pro thread, well here is the in between thread.

I have no problem with homosexuality, but I do question certain things. The problem is if you dare ask you get labeled as a homophobe. One of my closet friends is gay. We have been friends since we were in diapers I witnessed his "evolution" into a gay man. Knowing him since child hood and seeing his transformation leaves me with questions, but I will get to those late.

I love gay men the are sweet and funny I have no problem seeing them hold hands and kiss, I do have a problem with public sexual acts like in the parades. I would have the same problem if it was straight people. If I wanted to see porn I would go rent a video. Now as for seeing gay women kiss, it grosses me out being a straight woman myself. Just like many straight guys like seeing two women kiss, but get grossed out buy two men. The majority of gay people I have spoken don't seem to get grossed out by seeing straight people kiss (if you are one that does I can respect that, just tap me on the shoulder and say "Hey do you mind.") But please have a little respect that some of are grossed out by it, but that doesn't make us homophobes. Its just a real turn off.

Yes, I believe there is a Hollywood agenda. Its everywhere and I am rather sick of it. Its like when every show was doing teen pregnancy or some of the other overplayed story lines. Its enough to make even the most pro gay person get tired of it. If you want people to be more accepting of gays, ease them into it GENTLY. Have they never heard of the frog in the pot of water story?

No, I don't want kids learning about it in school. That's MY job. My right to decide when my child is emotionally mature enough for it. Parents deserve to have the choice on whether to have the school do it or do it themselves. Even to teach them that its wrong. The child will make up their own mind eventually.

As to how people become gay, well I just don't trust any of the sources as of right now. They are biased on both sides. I would like to see more non biased studies but I fear that (and more so of the true non biased people) that they fear the homophobic label if their studies produce something that the gays and gay supporters aren't to happy with. It is my belief that not all gay people are born gay, maybe some, but my experiences with gay people tell me differently. I do believe many cases are hormonal imbalances or choice. I can't say 100% on the hormonal imbalances with out a conclusive non biased study but I know of a few cases where is was strictly choice. More so women than men I might add. cases were women I have know would have never dreamed of being before with a woman, never thought of woman as sexually attractive, but had it with men and decided to explore other options.

Also I don't get how people can say they always knew they were gay. Until you hit puberty the idea of sex is gross. kids generally think the member of the opposite sex is gross so for those of you who are gay did you think those of your same sex were gross? I remember my guy friend that I mentioned earlier when we were in the fourth grade (even though he was teased and called gay a lot because he was small and took piano lessons) wouldn't hang out with me for a time because I "was a girl."

As far as adopting children, I don't oppose it, but I am not all that strongly for it either. Reason being is not that I don't think that same sex parents are any less capable than any other parent, two parents are always better than one IMO, but the stigma that surrounds it. Is it truly in the best interest of the child. In some cases yes in some cases no. I say this because I was once neighbors with a lesbian couple.
The one woman who had always been with men and had a child by one, decided later in life to get involved with another woman. Her daughter was in her preteens at the time, and the teasing was more than the girl could bare. She ended up becoming very promiscuous trying to prove she wasn't gay (yes, she told me that was the reason because she came to me first for help when she found out she was pregnant at 14.) She ended up moving in with her grandmother and trying to keep her mothers homosexuality a secret in her new life. The again I do believe there are cases where children would have nobody if it wasn't for being adopted by someone who was gay, or a gay couple. I just think that until it becomes more accepted, adoption should be treated with the utmost sensitivity towards the child.

I can't wait to hear everyone thoughts. I am sure a lot of people won't like my blatant honesty on both side of the fence, but i must go to bed before anyone will have a chance to read this.

[edit on 25-2-2010 by calstorm]

I agree with alot of what you have said. I think you have stated your case fairly and shouldnt be burned for your opinions.

Originally posted by SearchLightsInc
I think you have stated your case fairly and shouldnt be burned for your opinions.

I agree with that, I'll try and answer with a full bosh at it a little later. As there's a few point which keep popping up in the gay threads round here. They're quite easy to put to rest, as it's usually down to basic missunderstandings of random stuff. It's not wrong to have questions, and anyone who flames you for that is a bit of a muppet. So you can freely ignore them

Like I say, I'll try to answer a little better, later on after work.
Until then, peace

May I ask, how did you 'become' straight? Were you always around your one straight aunt growing up and it sort of rubbed off? Do you have a chemical imbalance? Yeah, thats got to be it, a chemical imbalance caused it. Nope, what probably happened is that once you got to a certain point in your life you started noticing that you were having new types of thoughts about certain people. Was there a point in early childhood where you sat down with the intent to examine your own sexuality to make a 'choice' of who you wanted to be attracted to? I will assume that you didnt, the feelings just came.

It is not a matter of teaching homosexuality and heterosexuality it is a matter of teaching sexuality. The FACT of the matter is that a very large number of people in this world are attracted to the same sex. It is a matter of sexuality in general. Homosexuality, just like heterosexuality is a part of our cultures. When discussing sexuality how could we ever exclude homosexuality? It is just as much a reality as heterosexuality.

If we teach any form of 'sex education' it must include homosexuality. Do we want to exclude HIV from sex ed as well just because we might have some things about it that we are uncomfortable or inexperienced with? Homosexuality is just as much a part of our reality as HIV is, why should we be ignoring either of them just because we are inexperienced or uncomfortable?

Would you prevent your son or daughter from being with a person of another race? Even if you were uncomfortable?

Its about whats inside. We can not dictate or even try to ignore what people feel inside their hearts. Ignoring it will not make it go away, look at 'Dont Ask Dont Tell.

If I were a child in the foster care system, getting tossed around from home to home, I would be extremely grateful to find a caring and truly loving family no matter what they looked like or what people said.
Where I grew up even the 'foster kids' got made fun of. I would rather have love at home than worry about ridicule elsewhere.

I am a male, my long term partner is a female. I love her very much.
I am not attracted to her gender though, I am attracted to her.

I do not fall in love with genders, I fall in love with people.

Originally posted by calstorm


I have no problem with homosexuality, but I do question certain things. The problem is if you dare ask you get labeled as a homophobe. One of my closet friends is gay. We have been friends since we were in diapers I witnessed his "evolution" into a gay man. Knowing him since child hood and seeing his transformation leaves me with questions, but I will get to those late.

I love gay men the are sweet and funny I have no problem seeing them hold hands and kiss, I do have a problem with public sexual acts like in the parades. I would have the same problem if it was straight people. If I wanted to see porn I would go rent a video. Now as for seeing gay women kiss, it grosses me out being a straight woman myself. Just like many straight guys like seeing two women kiss, but get grossed out buy two men. The majority of gay people I have spoken don't seem to get grossed out by seeing straight people kiss (if you are one that does I can respect that, just tap me on the shoulder and say "Hey do you mind.") But please have a little respect that some of are grossed out by it, but that doesn't make us homophobes. Its just a real turn off.

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being turned off by 2 same sex people showing affection. If you're straight, it's not supposed to turn you on! Nothing wrong with that AT ALL. If you don't like it, don't think about it. With reguards to parades, i had a bit of a battle going on with myself with that one. I used to be all like "what'sthe point, we're gay, now let's all just move on, what's the point in marching up and down the street in skimpy undies" But i was forgetting 1 very important fact about it all. And it was pointed out to me by a gay campaigner. Think for a moment, about all the many years of oppression that gay people have endured, which to a point, is still relevent today, although not as bad. This is a reaction to that. it is a celebration of who we are, all the colours and extravegance of gayness. Yes there are simulated sexual acts on floats and stuff. But again, if that's not your bag, don;t go to gay parades, or watch them on the news. It's for gay people. Maybe one day we'll ALL get over it, and ourselves, and move on, living happily ever after. I dream of the day.

Yes, I believe there is a Hollywood agenda. Its everywhere and I am rather sick of it. Its like when every show was doing teen pregnancy or some of the other overplayed story lines. Its enough to make even the most pro gay person get tired of it. If you want people to be more accepting of gays, ease them into it GENTLY. Have they never heard of the frog in the pot of water story?

I dissagreee that there's a Hollywood agenda to promote gayness. There's a pressure to represent social normality in films. To make them more real. I've not noticed a massive rise in gay films. Sure, there's a few comedies with gay themes, and gay charactures in films, but that's just a representation of society IMO. Films have to make stuff believable, and in the real world, gay people exist!

No, I don't want kids learning about it in school. That's MY job. My right to decide when my child is emotionally mature enough for it. Parents deserve to have the choice on whether to have the school do it or do it themselves. Even to teach them that its wrong. The child will make up their own mind eventually.

Now, IMO, sex education FULL STOP, should not be down to schools. it is down to the parents to teach their children about the facts of life. Now, unfortunatly, many parents live in the dark ages, and think that it's fine to teach their kids that hating gays is a-ok. So maybe a more balenced education IS a good idea. But I'm still way out on the fence on this, as I know from my own school days, that sex education is treated as a joke by the kids. Especially the boys. (going on my own experience) We sat and giggled like....well like school boys. It'a a bit of a catch 22, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My advise would be to just teach your kids (when you feel they are ready) that some people are gay, and to not make a big deal out of it, because it really isn't a big deal. (no, honest, it isn't )

As to how people become gay, well I just don't trust any of the sources as of right now. They are biased on both sides. I would like to see more non biased studies but I fear that (and more so of the true non biased people) that they fear the homophobic label if their studies produce something that the gays and gay supporters aren't to happy with. It is my belief that not all gay people are born gay, maybe some, but my experiences with gay people tell me differently. I do believe many cases are hormonal imbalances or choice. I can't say 100% on the hormonal imbalances with out a conclusive non biased study but I know of a few cases where is was strictly choice. More so women than men I might add. cases were women I have know would have never dreamed of being before with a woman, never thought of woman as sexually attractive, but had it with men and decided to explore other options.

I agree, it's far too early to conclusivly say what causes people to be gay. So I applaud you on that, there are many biased sources and IMO it is best to wait on the fence until something more conclusive and based in science comes along.

Also I don't get how people can say they always knew they were gay. Until you hit puberty the idea of sex is gross.

This one's a little different, people pregress sexually very differently. I knew I was gay from quite an early age. Well, I didn't know it was called gay, but I knew I fancied some of my teachers (male) from about aged 10. That's pretty early IMO. But i did know that I didn't like girly bits

kids generally think the member of the opposite sex is gross so for those of you who are gay did you think those of your same sex were gross? I remember my guy friend that I mentioned earlier when we were in the fourth grade (even though he was teased and called gay a lot because he was small and took piano lessons) wouldn't hang out with me for a time because I "was a girl."

IMO, that's just normal kid stuff, and should'nt be read into too deeply.

As far as adopting children, I don't oppose it, but I am not all that strongly for it either. Reason being is not that I don't think that same sex parents are any less capable than any other parent, two parents are always better than one IMO, but the stigma that surrounds it. Is it truly in the best interest of the child. In some cases yes in some cases no. I say this because I was once neighbors with a lesbian couple.
The one woman who had always been with men and had a child by one, decided later in life to get involved with another woman. Her daughter was in her preteens at the time, and the teasing was more than the girl could bare. She ended up becoming very promiscuous trying to prove she wasn't gay (yes, she told me that was the reason because she came to me first for help when she found out she was pregnant at 14.) She ended up moving in with her grandmother and trying to keep her mothers homosexuality a secret in her new life. The again I do believe there are cases where children would have nobody if it wasn't for being adopted by someone who was gay, or a gay couple. I just think that until it becomes more accepted, adoption should be treated with the utmost sensitivity towards the child.

Now, the addoption thing is a bit of a hotbed at the moment, what with current events and all that. IMO, there is no right or wrong way to handle this. It's got to be down to what is right for the kid involved. If it's better for a child to be in a stable home, with loving parents, no matter what sexual orientation they are, then that must take precidence. It is only prejudice that makes this a problem. Kids being bullied because their parents/carers are gay, is a product of improper upbringing to the perpertrators of the abuse. Not the victims. It's all down to education, and this is something that we can all work toward making better.It's a shame that the situation is as it is, but IMO, it is still better than having a kid go through several care homes, and never having a loving family to go home to. It's all about stability, that's what kids need. And that can come from anyone, in any walk of life. Reguardless of who is bringing the kid up. Which is importaint IMO.

[quote[
I can't wait to hear everyone thoughts. I am sure a lot of people won't like my blatant honesty on both side of the fence, but i must go to bed before anyone will have a chance to read this.

I hope that I've answered some of your questions to your satisfaction, I've tried to be as open and honest as I can be. I also hope that by the time you've read this, you've had a full nights kip. Sleep well



[edit on 25/2/2010 by Acidtastic]

reply to post by Acidtastic


I admire and respect the way you respond with calm and logical thinking. And actually, I just touched on a post of yours in that other thread.

Please let me try to clarify one straight man's opinion on this whole issue with utter respect for human differences.


Here, in my opinion, is where things get over-reactive usually. Because I think that there is a very understandable trait within almost all heterosexuals to be repulsed on some level by the overtly sexually themed
lifestyle that most homosexuals insist upon displaying. Even more potentially controversial is that most heterosexuals are----if we can be mature and intellectually honest---repulsed by the very IMPLICATION of same-gender sexual relations.

Now, this is not to say or to be interpreted to indicate that it is the individual practitioners that 'we' are repulsed or unsettled or disgusted with at all. It isn't. But while I could be best buds very easily with a gay male, I in no way, as a heterosexual, could ever hope to understand his lifestyle simply because it is so naturally contrary to my own. And that lack of understanding to what, to me/straights, is a deviation is wherein the problem lies. Sadly, I think it is a naturally induced(that is, NOT a societal conditioning issue) state that can not ever really be overcome to the satisfaction of homosexuals.

In natures most ironic twist, it may well be the homosexuals that have to display the true tolerance due to the fact that the root causes of homosexuality might be debated and argued all day long...but nature herself has obviously made the large majority of us heterosexual by design.

In other words, maybe we straights are just genetically(NOT CULTURALLY) programmed to dislike homosexual acts on some very basic level. Food for thought, at the very least. Speaking only for myself, I was never 'taught' by society to dislike same-gender sexuality. It just seemed completely and naturally distasteful.

As regards the 'hollywood reflecting reality' issue.

This,if one wants and insists on seeing any agenda, is where one needs to look. Some contend that hollywood merely reflects society but I disagree. It seems that hollywood reflects the ILLUSION of a society that frankly just does not exist. I live and work on a very close to the streets level and simply very, very rarely see the homosexual issue addressed at all. Racial, religious, cultural...yes, every day. The world of Hollywood might exist in parts of San Fran or London, but it's a long way from main street.

Anyway, this is clearly a very emotion-laden topic, and one that can seldom be discussed with much true objectivity. Objectivity that must be introduced if we are all ever going to be able to get along on this space rock.

So to any homosexuals reading this I pose this very fair question: Can you accept the possibility that we might ALL('you/us') be genetically programmed to regard this matter as we do? 'We' don't hate you for who you are nor fear you for who you are nor want to be WHAT you are. We just cant really see your desire for same gender relations as being normal or typical human behavior. If you were born gay, maybe I was born to find your sexual preferences not to my liking.



This is as fair and clear as I can express my personal views on this matter.

I can and do respect any humans right to seek what they contend they need. But any that ask for tolerance must be willing to see the other side of the fence.