Seriously folks, can we grow some tougher skin?

I'm not sure if I put this in the right spot, so I'll understand if it gets moved.


First, it's not my intention to make anyone angry, so let me get that out there. Having said that, I can't tell you how many times over the past two weeks I've opened up threads with interesting titles, only to find rude, flaming, or just generally hideous remarks toward the poster.

I don't care if you're pro/anti-gay, pro/anti-military, pro/anti-government, pro/anti-God, black, white, Asian, Indian, purple, cat-haters/lovers, dog-haters/lovers, tree huggers/choppers, mystics, prophets, pro/anti-UFO, aliens, big/little foot lovers, young snots, old farts, demons, angels, or satan/God himself, (hopefully, I didn't leave anyone out - I'm sure I'll be reminded if I did)....I DON'T CARE what you are, what you believe, what you've seen, what you've dreamed, what you've experienced, where you live, how you tie your shoes in the morning, or whether you eat Fruit Loops or Frosted Flakes.

What I'm trying to say is, it's YOUR life! LIVE IT! Say f-you to the world and live your life, for God's sake. You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but you'll never make all of the people happy all of the time, and not everyone will agree with all of your life decisions. Be happy and secure with your decision and don't push your lifestyle or your opinions on others, trying to prove yourself. Respectful debate is one thing....shoving opinions is quite another. If someone doesn't agree and there's room for healthy debate, fine....have at it. I'm all for healthy debate!

But the thing I'm growing weary of in my age is this....just because it's your life, doesn't mean I'm required to make it mine. Because at that point, it wouldn't be my life anymore, it would be yours.

What I choose to respond to or believe in is my business. It doesn't make me weird or any less intelligent. If you don't agree, it doesn't make you weird or any less intelligent to me. I just accept that we have had different experiences that have formed our belief systems, and that's that. But I am entitled to what I believe, and can express that without being disrespectful, hateful or rude. If the debate is going nowhere, I generally just leave the thread.

But the past few weeks, I've opened up quite a few threads that were very interesting (I thought), only to find the poor poster had been ridiculed by 20 people already. Was it really necessary? If it's not interesting, why post at all?

What bothers me most, is that I specifically come here to read things/news about stuff that intrigues me and excites my imagination, regardless if I walk away convinced or not.

Aristotle said: it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

I happen to agree wholeheartedly. So I urge everyone to grow a thicker skin, but not in the traditional way. Don't grow a thicker skin to take ridicule. Grow a thicker skin to be secure enough in your own beliefs that you don't have to prance around the forum, puffing out your chest every time someone challenges life as you know it.

Just be cool, and don't forget there are real faces behind all the words.

I am a big believer that if you are going to preach to others than you should live by what you preach. You say grow a thicker skin and then in the next breath say you we should watch what ywe post because there is a person behind the words Which is it? that we should have thick skin and post what we want or is that we should be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by Subjective Truth]

reply to post by emeraldzeus


Believe it or not, all of those flaming posts are keeping that interesting thread alive. A thread with no posts dies a slow death by being ignored by the members no matter how interesting it is.

Sometimes it's best to have one's threads flamed by the members in order to draw out an interesting debate. I personally woulld rather have one of my threads flamed than to have it ignored.

Having your thread flamed means you struck a chord with someone and have challenged their core ideologies. You made them think about what they believe in. Many are unconfortable with this and strike out blindly when their beliefs are challenged.

Flaming a post isn't always a bad thing.

Oh yeah, by the way, I'm a Capatain Crunch eater myself. People who eat Fruit Loops and Frosted Flakes are pansies.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by FortAnthem]

What if we were all nice to each other? Not uncritical, nor egalitarian, but rather a kind of permanent cordiality? Jesus spent his whole career being nice, and he got a book written about him - by God!

I often see the comments under these posts and I see some people willing to forego courtesy upon having found a moron or someone with a contrary or differing outlook. I'm probably just as guilty. But life is too holy to dismiss someone who has picked up different ideas than you about immigration or capitalism.

If someone just tells me to piss off I'll be pretty annoyed.

Originally posted by FortAnthem
I personally woulld rather have one of my threads flamed than to have it ignored.

Yeah me too!

Then you take 'em down one by one

Originally posted by concernedcitizan
What if we were all nice to each other? Not uncritical, nor egalitarian, but rather a kind of permanent cordiality? Jesus spent his whole career being nice, and he got a book written about him - by God!

Let's not forget tortured, paraded and then crucified. Yeah being nice did him a world of good

On a serious note, I agree with the OP, except for what seems to be a bit of a contradiction with the whole, grow tougher skin/be nice to people comment, but I get what he's trying to say.

We've had our disagreements, even recently in threads, but being adults we didn't call each other names or cried wolf to the staff because our feelings were hurt.

There's a lot to learn from a poster whose been flamed for an ideal or a belief and has dealt with it in a mature and respectful manner.

Good thoughts, a conversation worth having these days. It's strange the more we move forward the more we seem to be polarized towards one set of standards.

You'd think that with time people would open up versus huddling in.

S&F.

~Keeper

I presented an idea....you'll either agree or you won't, but don't misunderstand what I was saying.

Saying "grow a thicker skin" was not a derogatory statement, nor was it intended to be mean...it was an encouragement to those who may not feel secure in what they believe, and end up showing it in ways that are bullying or rude. Don't take offense....none was meant.

I happen to disagree that flaming makes this place interesting, but that is my opinion. I personally think it detracts from the potential growth of a thread, and even impedes it. I've left forums due to this very thing. It's irritating.

I'm not saying everyone has to be nice or agree, but what I'm saying is that I see a gross lack of respect....period....THOSE are the people I am addressing. Where does it come from? Is it that people come here just to feed their negativity with arguments, or are they asserting themselves in a safe setting in ways they can't do in real life? Thus giving way to my assertion that people who constantly flame and attack for no good reason are insecure about themselves and what they believe. This is not an attack on THEM, but merely a firm encouragement to say that they don't NEED to do that. Just live your life and be secure in it, and accept that people won't always agree with you. Be open to other ideas, entertain them, but at the end of the day, what you believe is your business. What I believe is mine.

There is a distinct difference between disagreeing and being disrespectful on this forum.

Aristotle said: it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Nice. Like that.

reply to post by emeraldzeus


I'm gonna have to disagree!! and agree with some of it too...



i dont care what people say, if they wanna ridicule then more power too em, I'll out ridicule anyone if it's warranted.

I'm sorry but some of the people posting on this site is just str8 stupid....

you dont like what have to say?
grow some thicker skin...

Yes
My last 2 threads I would love to have some recognition for, be it favourable or not.

I don't post very often, more just reading, I look at some threads and think
"what part of your brain got lobotomized for you to say that(while wondering how said brain even is aware it needs oxygen)!"

But I don't say anything, because they are usually topics of no interest to me, I leave them to the ones that are interested(lobotomy or not)

And like the aristotle quote about entertaining a thought......YES, some are VERY entertaining

Originally posted by liquidsmoke206
reply to post by emeraldzeus

 

I'm gonna have to disagree!! and agree with some of it too...

i dont care what people say, if they wanna ridicule then more power too em, I'll out ridicule anyone if it's warranted.

I'm sorry but some of the people posting on this site is just str8 stupid....

you dont like what have to say?
grow some thicker skin...

Funny....

And yes, I agree some posts are very age-revealing, but why dignify it with a response? Maybe that's the parent in me, I don't know. My children don't get a lot of attention for unwanted behavior, (at least, not the kind they're looking for), but good/wanted behavior? That gets some serious attention from me, in good way. I realize that's the way the star and flag system is meant to work, but there's still the issue of giving attention where none should be given.

I hate to compare posters to children, but some them literally are. I've seen young teenagers on here, which begs lots of questions in my mind on that issue alone. But that's not for this thread....

reply to post by tothetenthpower


Believe it or not, I really enjoy your posts. Just wanted to say that. There's only been one thing we've disagreed on, and I'm hardly angry over it. I have family that can turn me 10 different shades of purple in under 10 seconds flat, (obviously, I'm white), and there's nobody in this forum that can come anywhere close to that! LOL!

But I suppose that's where I get my "you live your life and I'll live mine, and let's everyone be happy" philosophy. If you can name it, I've probably got it in my family, so I'm very use to foreign concepts. Unfortunately, the "live and let live" concept isn't always reciprocated, which is something I see here as well.

I think passion is a good thing, and I think debate is necessary for growth. It's all the other ugly stuff in the middle that makes people tread water in muck for no reason, other than they just feel like getting dirty maybe?

I'll never understand the mindset of jumping into a thread, without enough knowledge of the topic to present a valid argument, and immediately go into insults and name calling, just because they don't like what the poster wrote.

At times, it seems there are those who resort to flaming, with the intention of causing an opposing view to leave the thread. This seems evident to me, when I see a poster offer a point by point rebuttal, only to receive a reply berating him/her on one minute detail, without acknowledgment of the factually correct aspects of the majority of the post.

I do understand what you mean, about not letting the insults bother you, though.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by WTFover]