Eyes Of A Stranger

Ever think about how humans avoid eye contact?

Could it be guilt? Envy? Mistrust? Disdain? Could it be indifference?

Sometimes it's the culture...Eastern teaches us to avoid contact, it could be misconstrued as a challenge to authority, or disrespect. Western teaches us to make eye contact, as a sign of respect, honesty.

Ever walk by the bum on the street and avoid eye contact? What about the girl ringing up your groceries? It's easier just to continue along on your path - it's your movie, right? Not theirs...

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I propose if we could take this one step, little by little, it may bring about true change. Not something the politicians or preachers promise, a change in the way we accept and respect our fellow humans.

Eye contact and facial expressions provide important social and emotional information; people, perhaps without consciously doing so, probe each other's eyes and faces for positive or negative mood signs. In some contexts, the meeting of eyes arouses strong emotions.

Source I - Wiki

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"Many children are taught never to talk to strangers, an extreme precaution with minimal security benefit." In talks, I'm even more direct. I think "don't talk to strangers" is just about the worst possible advice you can give a child. Most people are friendly and helpful, and if a child is in distress, asking the help of a stranger is probably the best possible thing he can do.

Source II - Bruce Schneier

I know as well as you how dangerous our world is today. Ever thought about how we teach our children in relation to strangers? Ever fuss at your kids for not looking You in the eyes when conversing? I know I do, it bugs the heck out of me.

The first thing we do when we have contact with other people is the same thing all animals do - look into their eyes. It's a way to establish dominance, and to establish their intent. Are you the one that looks away? Or does your gaze show your true positive intentions? Or do you put the Evil Eye out there?

Eyes are responded to as a social signal by animals, some of whom have developed eye spots as a threat signal. Human infants respond to their mother's eyes and establish eye contact by the fourth week of life — which may be partly an innate response — and gaze plays a central role in the earliest sequences of social behaviour with the mother (see infancy, mind in). These gaze phenomena occur in all cultures, though they vary in the levels of gaze which are regarded as appropriate, and gaze may acquire special meanings, as in the case of the Evil Eye.

Sources III - Answers



Are you ready to embrace another's Soul? Look through their window and not be afraid of what you'll find? Look them in the eyes.

(Chris De Garmo/Geoff Tate-Queensryche)

All alone now
Except for the memories
Of what we had and what we knew
Everytime I try to leave it behind me
I see something that reminds me of you
Every night the dreams return to haunt me
Your rosary wrapped around your throat
I lie awake and sweat, afraid to fall asleep
I see your face looking back at me
And I raise my head and stare
Into the eyes of a stranger
I've always known that the mirror never lies
People always turn away
From the eyes of a stranger
Afraid to know what
Lies behind the stare

I read a study, and find this to be true in my own life, that one tends to only focus on the eyes of those whom one is sexually attracted to. THe eyes are the windows to the soul, afterall!

Good topic and well written OP, Signals! S & F!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Heh, well we shouldn't take it that far!

Me personally I tend to look in somebody's eyes to show them I'm serious about what ever we're talking about, or I have something important to convey, or if I want to show them I'm really listening to them....and for that other reason you mentioned too!

I DO look people right in the eye. I learned it while working at a nudist resort. (First lesson! ). There have been pitfalls in the practice though. Suspicious people getting defensive quickly is the most common occurance, but, the thing that always gets me in trouble is that I am a friendly, talkative guy AND I look people right in the eye. I engage them in conversation and keep them in it. Drives people a little squirrelly at first, but, my demeanor garners friends all over.
Another problem I have with it is that, to my fiancee, I come off as a flirt. I don't intend to "flirt", but, being friendly comes with it's problems.

I'm all for looking people in the eye. S+F

Cuhail

I used to walk on the street with my eyes cast down..never wanted to make eye contact. It was a huge self esteem issue with me, and it took a lot for me to get over it.
Now I not only walk with my eyes up..but my head up. I'll make eye contact, smile, or even stare down someone.

Good post... but for the folks at home, don't try this eye contact thingee on angry dogs or road-ragers...

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reply to post by Cuhail


I'm much like that, and it does make people squirrelly sometimes, but I don't care. At least they know I'm being genuine. Being in retail management, I've had to do many interviews over the years....If the job candidate avoided the eye contact, no way they're getting hired. Helpful during loss investigations as well.

Although many of my peers considered me a rebel or sometimes arrogant, maybe the eye contact had something to do with it?

reply to post by Signals


We need this....

www.youtube.com...

reply to post by AccessDenied


That can be a big hurdle to jump. Doesn't it feel better to look people head-on now?

reply to post by redoubt


That's a good point. Gorillas, especially- not a good idea if you're ever face-to-face. Being a jogger, I've had several, shall we say, encounters with dogs in the neighborhood...even a few pit bulls (running lose, I live in the country). NEVER a good idea to make prolonged eye contact with big strange dogs. Small ones will cower down though.

Originally posted by Signals
reply to post by AccessDenied

 

That can be a big hurdle to jump. Doesn't it feel better to look people head-on now?

It has made all the difference in the world.

Eyes transmit light energy -- originally there was a debate whether light goes into the eyes or out of the brain -- in fact if you store up your sex energy and then ionize it you then activate the third eye and can transmit it as light out of your eyes. Then when you take in light from other peoples' eyes your third eye will transduce it and you feel their emotional energy -- if they have a blockage it will read in your organs as a tingling sensation. So anger is a liver blockage or sadness is a lung blockage -- so you can feel someone's sadness just if you make eye contact with them -- even if it's a block away. So the eye contact is powerful and some qigong masters like Yan Xin have to wear glasses even though they have perfect vision -- because the glasses then cut down on their laser vision -- otherwise it's too powerful if they make eye contact. They have to be very careful about controlling the energy.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts

reply to post by Signals


As a semipro Holdem player; there is a reason why poker players wear dark or mirrored glasses. The eyes give micro tells [cues] that the player is unaware of, Especially in high level, stressful situations. I know it seems affected and flamboyant but there is really a reason for the glasses.
I wear my dark prescription Wayfarers and still lose pretty consistently.



[edit on 29-1-2010 by whaaa]

I actually find it hard to look at people's eyes. Normally I'll look at the lips or something like that or look at the scenery. I've been trying for years to be able to look at people's eyes without feeling uncomfortable but only now its starting to work. It takes a lot of hard work.
I used to take years to gain trust and look at people's eyes, now It takes a few months. Never wondered why because I always wanted to just couldn't do it.

Originally posted by redoubt
Good post... but for the folks at home, don't try this eye contact thingee on angry dogs or road-ragers...

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Actually not to go too far off topic but something that does calm an angry dog is to look it straight in the eyes and then blink both eyes gently in an exaggerated manner while never breaking eye contact with the dog.

Nine times out of ten this will calm a dog even if it is insisting that you become overly familiar with its gnashers. Personally I think the dog is more than just a beast with fur and a waggy tail. It even has facial expressions and is a beast that is filled within emotion and something in the eyes tells me that much of what we know of dogs is just a thin veneer – the rest being hidden behind misconceptions and preconceptions.

A gentle over exaggerated blink means something important to them and they will respond in kind and even mimic you. They might simply live in the moment but they are also highly attuned to human body/facial language too... or I am just nuts of course

reply to post by Danna


Don't look at their eyes, just look where you would look if looking in their eyes and stare through their head on something behind them.

reply to post by Danna


I promise you the more you practice the better you'll get. You'll get closer to the things you wish for in life to. You need respect and trust...we all do.

reply to post by whaaa


Now all you have to do is get the other poker players to remove their glasses!

It's also important to look at the entire communication package of a person. Their demeanor, attitude, body movements and stiffness. Look at what they are wearing and do so with respect and love.

If a person get's offended at this, then they are either trying to hide something or they are ashamed of themselves regardless of culture.. Either issue is theirs to bear alone, and not for you to challenge or adapt to.

The people who feel challenged by eye contact has either low self esteem or they have been indoctrinated to believe that they are above others.

Eye contact is the ABSOLUTE of love and respect if the beholder knows how to wield it. It can also get you killed if you abuse it.

-Sigh- Adam and Eve just had to put those little fig leaves on didn't they?

[edit on 29-1-2010 by juzchilln]

This reminds me of something I was told about how people from a Mediterranean/ Italian background tend to incorporate their arms to tell a story when they're conversing and find it difficult to speak when they are unable to use their arms, where as people from European background tend to keep their arms by their sides as they were taught when they were younger. I can't vouch for the cultural significance of these claims but I have noticed Maltese and Italian types make use of their arms quiet brandishly when talking.

Who knows, they say that 93% of human communication comprises of body language and paralinguistic cues, and considering the amount of behaviour picked up by children from their relations, the above sounds plausible.

I recall on days when my self-esteem has been low, I would avoid eye-contact and wear sunglasses when I could! I was always taken a bit off-guard as well when people looked me dead in the eyes. I'd think, "Why are you looking at me !?" and get all defensive. When I used to practice speech and drama one of the main things we were continuously reminded to do to engage the audience was to find someone and look them in the eyes. Ha, it is a bit intimidating when you think about it. Because of the practice that I received from doing drama I would always do my best to engage in eye contact with people, it always made me feel more confident, like i knew where I was at and what i was doing
I still do it today.