I feel like I'm being targetted

Note: I have posted this on thetaobums.com, abovetopsecret.com socialphobia.com and here.

I made this more relevant to my social anxiety for the Social Anxiety websites.

here it goes:

I feel like I'm being targetted by an evil force that wants to stop me. Everytime I plan for something good in my life, or am about to get somewhere, something happens to knock me off course. It feels personal, it very much seems personal, like a conspiracy. Like there is some extraterrestrial, or demonic force. "The Devil" I dont know what it is. A space-age technology used by the government (or who knows WHAT) to control people like me who know a lot, or have got potential. It's been making me crazy. And I'm absolutely alone, and I can't find anyone who I can couple with or relate with. I know too much. In fact, I know more than people who think they know too much. The problem is I don't even have much power, but I have some ideas, I have an extremely idealistic mindset, one that's uncommon or at least never really considered. perhaps potential which a cap has been placed on.

It's really driven me to the edge... back and forth, being suicidal, and then backing off, then again, then back, etc. etc. is this a test? What is this? Is this all MY own doing? is it the Supreme Universal Powers That Be? Am I so negative that I MAGICALLY attract negativity, moreso than anyone else?

Ever since I learned about the So called theory law of attraction (which most books can't even complete because it's all about money and conspiracy and disinformation) I learned to be even more careful with my thoughts, such that, now that I believe my negative thoughts have effect on my world, that they create even MORE effects? To the point of making me fearful of my own thoughts, which just amplify? I don't think anyone has had to deal with this, or at least as extreme as I have. At least other people can experience RANDOMNESS, in my life there isn't any sort of randomness. It's just pure downward spiral, and things not of my control at all. Something mysterious permeates my life...

Are my positive thoughts being so dumbed down that they literally have no effect or impression on my reality?

I sincerely have been doing my best not to seem like a victim and get over the victim consciousness, but it seems like I'm always being tested? To a point where I have to just instinctually, or subconsciously conclude that I am a victim? How could I not, I ask myself? When all I've eben doing is trying to get over it, but I have been seeing nothing else lately, nothing that could convince me otherwise. Even changing my thoughts, yet it has no effect on my life, or nobody else.

It seems like everything has been orchestrated, and set up to be against me. Is there such a technology that can alter a peice of your life, to make it so that in the end it's set up and orchestrated to make me fail, and just experience nothing but negativity, even if I do my best to be positive? I feel like I'm being silenced all the time, like I'm being repressed, held back, whatever. Is my aura being altered? Are my vibes being altered? Energy? It's not even something I can pinpoint exactly. It's a number of things. I don't have one problem, I have several, more than several. In fact my whole life is the problem. It's the state of the universe. I really don't know....

Of course I look crazy. Of course I seem to be insane.

What the hell?
--------------------

The relevance to my social anxiety?

This same sort of negativity is found in all attempts at being social. Especially with women. To me it seems like I am just invisible to everyone. It's like throwing a huge steak in front of a starving vicious animal and they don't even notice. Its like coming up from behind screaming in a persons ear and he/she doesn't even budge, or even noticed anything.

People don't even know they exclude me, yet they do in a very extreme and personal way. It's just mind-boggling.

[edit on 7-1-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

go see a therapist, it will help


Mod Edit - Mod Note: One Line Post – Please Review This Link.


[edit on 7-1-2010 by elevatedone]

The more 1 is tested BY NATAS the more valuable to GOD 1 may be, REMEMBER THIS friend and dont give up your aura may be developing new strengths and skills.

THE COAL TAKES LOTS OF TIME AND PRESSURE BUT IN THE END BECOMES A PERFECT DIAMOND WORTH MANY TIMES MORE THEN WHEN IT WAS JUST COAL one of my personal strength pep reminders.

[edit on 1/7/10 by Ophiuchus 13]

just remember Job from the bible,
hang in there man you will be ok, ive felt like that for a while now to, when something good comes, then something bad follows behind it

you will make it through

Perhaps things have been set up by "the evil powers that be" so that people like me become outcasts of society, and can't make it in this world.

When oh when will the cries of humanity be seen by our neighbors, by God? There are those of us who do try to do good and be good, are we ever heard?

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
The more 1 is tested BY NATAS the more valuable to GOD 1 may be, REMEMBER THIS friend and dont give up your aura may be developing new strengths and skills.

THE COAL TAKES LOTS OF TIME AND PRESSURE BUT IN THE END BECOMES A PERFECT DIAMOND WORTH MANY TIMES MORE THEN WHEN IT WAS JUST COAL one of my personal strength pep reminders.

[edit on 1/7/10 by Ophiuchus 13]

wth is NATAS?

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
The more 1 is tested BY NATAS the more valuable to GOD 1 may be, REMEMBER THIS friend and dont give up your aura may be developing new strengths and skills.

THE COAL TAKES LOTS OF TIME AND PRESSURE BUT IN THE END BECOMES A PERFECT DIAMOND WORTH MANY TIMES MORE THEN WHEN IT WAS JUST COAL one of my personal strength pep reminders.

[edit on 1/7/10 by Ophiuchus 13]

wth is NATAS?

write it down then read it in a mirror and thats how he sees it friend.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm

wth is NATAS?

Satan looking in a mirror maybe...

But I did like Ophiuchus' motivational saying though.

THE COAL TAKES LOTS OF TIME AND PRESSURE BUT IN THE END BECOMES A PERFECT DIAMOND WORTH MANY TIMES MORE THEN WHEN IT WAS JUST COAL one of my personal strength pep reminders.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
It's really driven me to the edge... back and forth, being suicidal, and then backing off, then again, then back, etc. etc.

I feel that this forum will not give you the professional and proper help you need. It may help you feel a little better, but you need someone to help you get to the root cause of this. I'm not saying you're crazy, I'm just saying that maybe you need to have someone who knows what they are doing check you out and help you get better... Maybe it's just bad luck that keeps accumulating and now it's just enough...

Hang in there!

Magnum

reply to post by The Quiet Storm


Quiet Storm,

Wow. Sounds like you are dealing with an incredible amount of pain. I can't imagine how terrible this must be.

Someone else mentioned it, but I'd like to reiterate this point. Have you tried counseling? There may be an organic problem that affects your thinking and your mindset. Only a doctor or psychologist can address the physical aspect, but I do believe that you should be evaluated by a professional. At the very least, your doctor can recommend a good therapist just to talk with. Please, please, please make an appointment with your physician....there are certain disorders that do cause people to think and feel the things you've described.

If you ever want to talk, U2U me and let me know. Sometimes just knowing there are folks out there who genuinely do care and who will listen is a real relief.

Perhaps 2010 will be the year you finally master these feelings and start to truly enjoy life!

All the best to you
smyleegrl

I

just think about this friend.

all that goes bad now will switch and go good later

My advice to you....... Stop caring about it all. Stop trying to do something good. You won't be disappointed! No one gets a prize at the end of this race, you just run(or walk) til you get to the end. Just be in the race, don't worry about what is around the bend or what you just passed by. Watch what you see while you are on your way there. If something makes you happy or sad, notice it, but don't care about it, because in a fleeting moment it will be in your past and won't amount to a hill of beans.

star star star star star

bravo friend

this is alot easier said that done, but you must focus on the positive. if you see yourself in a positive light, others will as well.

I used to be 285 pounds in middle school, had bad dandruff, and was generally uncofortable doing anything.

One night I sat down in my room crying for a few hours until I literally slapped myself in the face and told my self that I was in control. I did around 750 sit ups that night. Well the next day I could barely move, but after a few months I was down to 170, thanks to sit ups and rock climbing.

I used to feel sorry for myself, thinking, i dont like me, so I know no one else will, but One day I realized that I did like myself, and I started letting it show.

I found a smile will go a very long way. I also found out most people laughed at what I say, for various reasons, sometimes out of the sheer ridiculousness of what I was saying, but hey, a laugh is a laugh, especially if it is coming from a pretty girl, and It helped me get over my stutter and self esteem issues.

You are in control, and you have the power to do anything you set your mind to.

You may think all of that sounds cheesy, but try it before you knock it,

I found a smile will go a very long way.

This is so true! You can tell a difference in people when you smile at them. Even when you don't feel like smiling, give it a try anyway. You will feel better, and others will respond more positively too you.


You are in control, and you have the power to do anything you set your mind to.

Also true! You can't change the behaviors of others, but you can change your own perceptions and how you respond. This is really wise advice!

For those who are saying to seek help... I really am.

I was once seeing one but I stopped going because well, money issues.

Also, do you know how bad it could be? I could be labelled schizophrenic and bipolar, and be referred to psychiatrists to take medication which only makes me worse. I've been in a mental health hospital and it was not a good experience. I WAS "diagnosed" with schizophrenia, or schizoid, bipolar, etc. I was given pills where I could not function the whole day, and made me taste blood, zone in and out, etc. mental popping, and gave me even more extreme anxiety, etc. really messed me up.

SO yeah... being that western allopathic medicine, and mainstream science in general does not accept, or support alternative therapies, which could serve me better I am a bit reluctant. But I'm still doing my best. I have one in mind, and I'm just waiting for their call. I'm not saying that all mainstream science is bad. Alternative medicine is obviously more efficient if hard science is taken into account.. it's just tehre's a limited scope.

I also have had tremendous social anxiety and extreme lonliness and isolation. To a point where I may have gone a little cuckoo. But I try. The other day I had a panic attack at school where I had to leave, and could not go back because people thought I was stupid and crazy. I went around going ballistic, punching walls until my hands bled and crying in public with people watching me. So it's not like I can just "GET OFF MY ASS AND DO IT" , like throwing myself into a lions pit without knowing how to survive. It's about being smart, not about fear. I just don't have the skills, and knowledge, experience. Hell, it doesn't even seem anything can be done without support, because if all I do is fail, I'll just learn how to fail, and never get better. Besides people don't let me get better becaue I'm an adult, im not supposed to be learning now. That time has passed. Now it's just ridiculously painful isolation that I'm stuck with forever until I can find some help. It's a miracle if I find one too. It's society in general, they are not friendly, nor can they even understand a person like me.

But its nice to see that there are people who can probably understand they may just be extremely hard to find.

whatever!

[edit on 7-1-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Note: I have posted this on thetaobums.com, abovetopsecret.com socialphobia.com, socialanxietysupport.com.

I made this more relevant to my social anxiety for the Social Anxiety websites.

This is merely your perception of reality.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
here it goes:

I feel like I'm being targetted by an evil force that wants to stop me. Everytime I plan for something good in my life, or am about to get somewhere, something happens to knock me off course. It feels personal, it very much seems personal, like a conspiracy. Like there is some extraterrestrial, or demonic force. "The Devil" I dont know what it is. A space-age technology used by the government to control people like me who know a lot, or have got potential. It's been making me crazy. And I'm absolutely alone, and I can't find anyone who I can couple with or relate with. I know too much. In fact, I know more than people who think they know too much. The problem is I don't even have much power, but I have some ideas, I have an extremely idealistic mindset, one that's uncommon or at least never really considered. perhaps potential which a cap has been placed on.

Nothing can stop you, if you do not let it, nothing is more powerful than one motivated individual.

There is no technology out there made to stop anyone like you are referring to.

You are not alone and never will be there are countless people out there being terrorized.

Welcome to reality, where idealism is trashed over a lack of ethics, a lack of morals, and a lack of actual character, those in power do not want people with ethics, those in power do not want people with morals, those in power do not want people with actual character, because they cannot stand those people.

Those in power play at having any of those things and they have none of them.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
It's really driven me to the edge... back and forth, being suicidal, and then backing off, then again, then back, etc. etc. is this a test? What is this? Is this all MY own doing? is it the Supreme Universal Powers That Be? Am I so negative that I MAGICALLY attract negativity, moreso than anyone else?

If you're suicidal, you had better get offline of ATS, and seek actual experienced assistance, it's out there and a lot of it is free, go seek it out.

No one attracts negativty, but some people see negativity more than others, you might be one of those people.

I am uncertain what to tell you since I never back down to being tested.

I complete the mission, period.

If that mission is a test, then I will conquer it, so can you.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Every since I learned about the So called theory law of attraction (which most books can't even complete because it's all about money and conspiracy and disinformation) I learned to be even more careful with my thoughts, such that, now that I believe my negative thoughts have effect on my world, they create even MORE effects? To the point of making me fearful of my own thoughts, which just amplify? I don't think anyone has had to deal with this, or something as extreme as this. At least people can experience RANDOMNESS, in my life there isn't any sort of randomness. It's just pure downward spiral, and things not of my control at all. Something mysterious permeates my life...

The law of attraction is nothing more than any other law, it is simple.

If you're fearful of your own thoughts I pity you.

I am not.

No man or woman should fear their own thoughts, ever.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Are my positive thoughts being so dumbed down that they literally have no effect or impression in my reality?

No, you're doing it to yourself, no one else can affect you, if you do not let them.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
I sincerely have been doing my best not to seem like a victim and get over the victim consciousness, but it seems like I'm always being tested? To a point where I have to just instinctually, or subcsociously conclude that I am a victim? How could I not, I ask myself? When all I've eben doing is trying to get over it, but I have been seeing nothing else lately, nothing that could convince me otherwise. Even changing my thoughts, yet it has no effect on my life, or nobody else.

Instincts are merely your own thoughts amplified into action without thought.

Quit thinking like a victim because victims only stay victims as long as they think that way.

I see you want to be convinced you're right, or convinced you're wrong.

You're both and neither, figure it out yourself, internal or external conflict.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
it seems like everything has been orchestrated, and set up to be against me. Is there such a technology that can alter a peice of your life, to make it so that in the end it's set up and orchestrated to make me fail, and just experience nothing but negativity, even if I do my best to be positive? I feel like I'm being silenced all the time, like I'm being repressed, held back, whatever. Is my aura being altered? Are my vibes being altered? Energy? It's like not even something I can pinpoint exactly. It's a huge number of things. I don't have one problem, I have several. In fact my whole life is probably the problem. The universe has me set up this way, I dont know.

There is no machinery and no mechanism that can alter your life.

You're convincing yourself into self-defeat.

Once you let yourself be defeated, you are.

Never give up, ever.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
What the hell?
--------------------

Hell is relative to your own thoughts.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
The relevance to my social anxiety?

This same sort of negativity is found in all attempts at being social. Especially with women. To me it seems like I am just invisible to everyone. It's like throwing a huge steak in front of a starving vicious animal and they don't even notice. Its like coming up from behind screaming in a persons ear and he/she doesn't even budge, or even noticed anything.

People don't even know they exclude me, yet they do in a very extreme and personal way. It's just mind-boggling.

[edit on 7-1-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

Negativity is only what you give it, if you give into negativity, then accept defeat now, otherwise pick yourself up and do not accept defeat and kick the negativty away, and accept only positivity.

No one is invisible.

Nothing is unsolvable, ever, there is always a solutionm be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem, right now you are a part of your own problem, become the solution.

Originally posted by SpartanKingLeonidas


star for you because you like halo

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm

I WAS "diagnosed" with schizophrenia, or schizoid, bipolar, etc. I was given pills where I could not function the whole day, and made me taste blood, zone in and out, etc. mental popping, and gave me even more extreme anxiety, etc. really messed me up.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had this experience. I assume they tried to adjust your medication? Sometimes it does take a while to achieve the right balance....and yes, I do speak from experience.

[I also have had tremendous social anxiety and extreme lonliness and isolation.

But do you realize that right now, here online, you ARE interacting with others? It might not be the typical and ideal interaction, but you are here! You express yourself very well, you're obviously intelligent, and you are a very empathatic individual. These are wonderful traits. Play up on your strengths, focus on the things that are YOU and uniquely you. You do have value, you do have worth, and you can overcome this!

[The other day I had a panic attack at school where I had to leave, and could not go back because people thought I was stupid and crazy.

You can't control what others think. It took me years to realize this, but its true. And while I do understand how it difficult it would have been to go back and face these folks, can you imagine the kudos they would have given you for doing it? It takes real strength to do something like that. Letting people realize that you believe in yourself, that you are capable of rising above the pettyiness, will only raise you in their eyes.

[So it's not like I can just "GET OFF MY ASS AND DO IT"

Very true. It does take work, practice, and time. Start small. Don't aim to attend some grand social function right away; focus on the little things first. Next time you're out in public, try smiling at the people you pass. Notice how many people smile back (and they will...look up mirror neurons to understand this better). Work on this until smiling become more automatic for you. Then take the next step....actually saying hellow to those strangers.
/

[ just don't have the skills, and knowledge, experience.

Neither does anyone else....we're all just figuring these things out as we go. May I ask how old you are? Generally speaking, we do tend to get a handle on things as we age.


I really do wish you the very best. Keep us updated on your progress, I can't wait to hear how you overcome this!

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]Because I can't spell today@

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm

I WAS "diagnosed" with schizophrenia, or schizoid, bipolar, etc. I was given pills where I could not function the whole day, and made me taste blood, zone in and out, etc. mental popping, and gave me even more extreme anxiety, etc. really messed me up.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had this experience. I assume they tried to adjust your medication? Sometimes it does take a while to achieve the right balance....and yes, I do speak from experience.

[I also have had tremendous social anxiety and extreme lonliness and isolation.

But do you realize that right now, here online, you ARE interacting with others? It might not be the typical and ideal interaction, but you are here! You express yourself very well, you're obviously intelligent, and you are a very empathatic individual. These are wonderful traits. Play up on your strengths, focus on the things that are YOU and uniquely you. You do have value, you do have worth, and you can overcome this!

[The other day I had a panic attack at school where I had to leave, and could not go back because people thought I was stupid and crazy.

You can't control what others think. It took me years to realize this, but its true. And while I do understand how it difficult it would have been to go back and face these folks, can you imagine the kudos they would have given you for doing it? It takes real strength to do something like that. Letting people realize that you believe in yourself, that you are capable of rising above the pettyiness, will only raise you in their eyes.

[So it's not like I can just "GET OFF MY ASS AND DO IT"

Very true. It does take work, practice, and time. Start small. Don't aim to attend some grand social function right away; focus on the little things first. Next time you're out in public, try smiling at the people you pass. Notice how many people smile back (and they will...look up mirror neurons to understand this better). Work on this until smiling become more automatic for you. Then take the next step....actually saying hellow to those strangers.
/

[ just don't have the skills, and knowledge, experience.

Neither does anyone else....we're all just figuring these things out as we go. May I ask how old you are? Generally speaking, we do tend to get a handle on things as we age.


I really do wish you the very best. Keep us updated on your progress, I can't wait to hear how you overcome this!

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]Because I can't spell today@

[edit on 7-1-2010 by smyleegrl]

I did go back. They laughed, at me, and I confronted some of those people. It just escalated. I wanted to believe in them, and myself. That's why I went back. But it was apparent that the grand majority didn't take me seriously, so I just got up and left because I simply could not get anything worthwhile done in such a situation. I withdrew and signed up for another class immediately. So far though in this new class it's been working out better than I expected.

I'm 23 yrs old.

[edit on 7-1-2010 by The Quiet Storm]