Sacrifice or Transcend? Male body, female brain, need advice

reply to post by dzonatas


Let's get right back to basics. You are in the wrong body, you say.

So, change that body. I am sure you feel ill, and a lot of other negatives - but if this is what you want, just do it.

I think that people who undergo gender-change ops are very brave.

Be very brave!

reply to post by TaraLou


Let me try to put the dilemma in other words. I'll use a classic example.

Let's say there was box. Inside the box is a million dollars, which amount is about what average income earner takes home in an entire lifetime. That means a million dollars could cover all basic necessities that people work their butt off for in lifetime. Of course, that probably wouldn't stop everybody from the desire to want to blow it all at once, or invest it all at once in something that would make even more money. Now, all that had to be done to get the money is to open the box. However, whomever opens the box to get the money, someone else dies since it is the box that carries the curse and neither what's in or out of the box.

Pandora's box:

From her is the race of women and female kind:
of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who
live amongst mortal men to their great trouble,
no helpmeets in hateful poverty, but only in wealth.

So, I guess either way I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Something that I get lost in thought about. the name Pandora, Jeanne (Joan of Arc), and my name all have the same meaning.

Please, go gentle with me (and Him).

[edit on 4-1-2010 by dzonatas]

Why do I want to destroy the very being that has protected the girl inside all His life no matter how she feels about Him??? He is willing to die for me.

That was absolutely beautiful and a fantastic perspective!!
Much luv always!

Your life story goes a long long way on helping me through my recent situation - I posted of here.

I can't even imagine the unbearable confusion. The pain and delusion. The bloody loneliness...

I truly hope you find peace and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story, that has truly helped another.

I don't know what our purposes are in life, but you truly just made a difference in mine.

peace

Originally posted by silo13
I can't even imagine the unbearable confusion. The pain and delusion. The bloody loneliness...

I truly hope you find peace and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story, that has truly helped another.

I started to read your thread on male rape, and I couldn't get into it due to the sheer emotions that started to erupt inside. Perhaps rape on women seem so simpler stated due to common status quo of frailty. I see the word frail and its hurts more when I hear men try to make that word sound any bit beautiful: "oh, she is so frail, just gorgeous." The real pain here comes from where a woman uses one man to attack another man from which she had a child with, and thus it is still sexual rape because it is sex that created that child, and it is emotional rape from the damage one man will due to another. There is no difference except male rape is just harder to accept as real.

There is no *out* to this. There never was an *in*. There are just people who rape femme types no matter what sex or gender. When the gender is male, then rape becomes even easier by status quo for others to justify the abuse as like "oh, one deserved it." And, later reinforced, "I'm gonna get me a real man." And, even more, "You aren't a father, the guy that [raped you] is now the father of your child." And, "I'm gonna teach your child how to suck his dick." (Yes, all tape recorded.)

I don't know what our purposes are in life, but you truly just made a difference in mine.

There is no purpose. I just want to die. No operation is going to fix the rape, and with that experience yesterday, there is no end.

It needs to end.

Just a half-inch piece of thread of hope to hang onto where eventually I'll transcend in a natural way and at least be reborn in a body that is me and not a target of ongoing rape.


[edit on 14-2-2010 by dzonatas]

Originally posted by dzonatas
My mother had a miscarriage before me, as my mom said I was suppose to be Joanette. That would be after my ancestor's daughter. My ancestor's name in the 1400's was Jacques D'Arc, who raised his daughter in Lorraine, France. She led the French army against the English and into victory. She was only 19 years old when she took command. I'm sure you know the the more famous version of her being burned at the stake after she was kidnapped and accused of being a heretic, the story of Joan of Arc.

I will answer the main issue of your OP but this kept niggling at me. I actually chose her as my patron saint.. the vatican would have records of her being burnt to death etc. as she was canonised. What is your version of the story? I didn't know she had children.. could you elaborate on this please? She has always been one of my heroes and someone I greatly admired.

How old were you told that you were meant to be a Joanette? Can't you be male and be one?

[edit on 14-2-2010 by riley]

I do not have anything useful to say to say.

Only posting to express my sympathy.
And a wish for your mind to settle and accept.

Full of girly happy thoughts.

I almost recall a post and recommend stop being influenced.
You saying a little ugly is to appreciate beauty even more. Or something like it.
You're absolutely right ! Why throw away what makes you human ?
I like being human.

Even without feeling a like a woman. I can understand for a really tiny bit how you feel. As woman are absolutely fascinating in every way.

If you ever need some comforting. I'll be happy to throw a few compliments and nice thing to say around.

To you.

Originally posted by riley
I will answer the main issue of this post but kept trying to read through it yet this kept niggling at me. I chose her as my patron saint.. the vatican would have records of her being burnt to death etc. as she was canonised.

I have records, yet people's faith and religion get in the way of truth. Being canonized was the obvious attempt of the church to realize it's mistake 30-40 years later, yet it tried to save honor despite the harm still done.

Even to this day, I've had people try to tag me with some mental illness (schizo/bipolar) just because of descendency, yet I've been diagnosed as incapable of being schizo/bipolar... i don't have the schizo/bipolar gene or trait, in other words. That hasn't stop them in their attempts, yet the diagnoses given to me has only reflected upon them worse.

Any document, page, artifact, etc, that was created after the event where Jeanne's was kidnapped is questionable, especially within the hands of the English court of the time. It would be consider a probability an existence of a fair trial for Benjamin Netanya in Iran, or the existence of a fair trial of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Israel. If people think Joan of Arc had a fair trial, then these two example trials would also be considered fair.

What is your version of the story?

An inspired 19 year girl that commanded an army to victory. She stood up to help the people so her countryside would no longer be raped and pillaged. The men at the time were unable to handle a status of a woman when they learned the truth they were not led by a man. Not only that, she was betrayed, kidnapped, and given to those who she conquered, which they raped her until death. It is rumored she escaped death, so the stake was to kill that rumor... not her.

I've heard all sorts of stories otherwise. They are just that.. stories.

I didn't know she had children.. could you elaborate on this please?

She had brother and sisters. I've traced and verified lineage with others. There are surely false lineages posted online, yet I have posted my documents in the past. It probably was part of the reason why the extra troubles I have had when others exploited me and my children -- even wikipedia is at fault. Durova shown disgust with me from the very start and she took part to exploit my daughter, yet Durova is credited with being the one who "took over the page" about Joan and made it a top hit.

She has always been one of my heroes and someone I greatly admired.

I think people can totally forget about whatever the vatican and English courts have said about her and you will very an even more courageous young girl.

How old were you told that you were meant to be a Joanette? Can't you be male and be one?

Don't remember. I do have memories of being raped non stopped from a very young age, yet while female not male, and all is possible.

Originally posted by dzonatas

Originally posted by riley
I will answer the main issue of this post but kept trying to read through it yet this kept niggling at me. I chose her as my patron saint.. the vatican would have records of her being burnt to death etc. as she was canonised.

I have records, yet people's faith and religion get in the way of truth. Being canonized was the obvious attempt of the church to realize it's mistake 30-40 years later, yet it tried to save honor despite the harm still done.

I know.. but I always thought she was burnt to death. They said sorry about the burning times too yet still protested against harry potter books.

Even to this day, I've had people try to tag me with some mental illness (schizo/bipolar) just because of descendency, yet I've been diagnosed as incapable of being schizo/bipolar... i don't have the schizo/bipolar gene or trait, in other words. That hasn't stop them in their attempts, yet the diagnoses given to me has only reflected upon them worse.

Psychiartry is by no means an accurate science. If someone is diagnosed bipolar (Schitzo. ADD aspergers etc) I do not necesarily think there is anything wrong with them. If the human race had no eccentrics there would be no accomplishments or original thinkers.

Any document, page, artifact, etc, that was created after the event where Jeanne's was kidnapped is questionable, especially within the hands of the English court of the time. It would be consider a probability an existence of a fair trial for Benjamin Netanya in Iran, or the existence of a fair trial of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Israel. If people think Joan of Arc had a fair trial, then these two example trials would also be considered fair.

What is your version of the story?

An inspired 19 year girl that commanded an army to victory. She stood up to help the people so her countryside would no longer be raped and pillaged. The men at the time were unable to handle a status of a woman when they learned the truth they were not led by a man. Not only that, she was betrayed, kidnapped, and given to those who she conquered, which they raped her until death. It is rumored she escaped death, so the stake was to kill that rumor... not her.

I've heard all sorts of stories otherwise. They are just that.. stories.

Neither are a good choice of fates.. through out history you see women who have achieved greatness ended up being put to death for it.

I didn't know she had children.. could you elaborate on this please?

She had brother and sisters. I've traced and verified lineage with others.

While I was reading and wondering if she were raped and escaped she may have fallen pregnant. Do you think that may have been a possibility?

There are surely false lineages posted online, yet I have posted my documents in the past. It probably was part of the reason why the extra troubles I have had when others exploited me and my children -- even wikipedia is at fault. Durova shown disgust with me from the very start and she took part to exploit my daughter, yet Durova is credited with being the one who "took over the page" about Joan and made it a top hit.

I will look into this so I undestand a little better. thankyou for the info.

She has always been one of my heroes and someone I greatly admired.

I think people can totally forget about whatever the vatican and English courts have said about her and you will very an even more courageous young girl.

Teachers actually went all weired when I chose her and tried convincing me to choose someone else (I think because of the witch thing it was a catholic school). I thought she was amazing.. her courage and story made all the others seem boring and self often depreciating.

How old were you told that you were meant to be a Joanette? Can't you be male and be one?

Don't remember. I do have memories of being raped non stopped from a very young age, yet while female not male, and all is possible.

You think you have a past life connection with her and have her memories? I do believe genetic memories are possible and that families/clans share in their own spiritual web.

[edit on 14-2-2010 by riley]

Originally posted by riley
I know.. but I always thought she was burnt to death. They said sorry about the burning times too yet still protested against harry potter books.

It seems all evidence from the site of the stake has now been examined and declared none of it her. That is the report, as they have held onto parts of evidence for people to inspect, present prognoses, and examine as long as it such research did not include genetic tests. Then they finally allowed genetic tests. As you can see, the results of the genetic tests made retroactive determination on all of the earlier tests and testers. Case closed.

Psychiartry is by no means an accurate science. If someone is diagnosed bipolar (Schitzo. ADD aspergers etc) I do not necesarily think there is anything wrong with them. If the human race had no eccentrics there would be no accomplishments or original thinkers.

Then, the purely ordinary brain is illicit. (Discussed in another thread.)

Neither are a good choice of fates.. through out history you see women who have achieved greatness ended up being put to death for it.

Makes you wonder why that trend exists, no? Maybe that is why women have sacrificed to live as males (if not as a simple birth control on a more spiritual/avatarial level).

Perhaps, there are non-women who have tried to infiltrate being women -- for control rather than for childbirth. (See this other post here if that was too oversimplified.)

Perhaps, the real lie only exists because we are forced to choose between "male" and "female" on paper, yet in reality there is more than just "male" and "female" among us.

While I was reading and wondering if she were raped and escaped she may have fallen pregnant. Do you think that may have been a possibility?

There are possibilities, like the possibility of femme being quite different from male and female. That has science to back it up, yet who really wants to know that Paula Abdul is really male despite the female intersexuality. She probably is the most beautiful masculine body seen, or at least to go unrecognized as masculine for so long. I think that why she famously says, "this so hard." (and she means doing and being)

Guess my position, mindset, has let me take a second look and see differences people usually don't see or point out.

I don't usually mention other possibilities.

You think you have a past life connection with her and have her memories? I do believe genetic memories are possible and that families/clans share in their own spiritual web.

Is there any evidence of her with braided reddish or strawberry blond hair in a royal purple iris dress.

There is also a notion of an exorcism before being canonized, and a scene from "Interview with a Vampire" that reminds me of... a waste.

Originally posted by Sinter Klaas
I almost recall a post and recommend stop being influenced.

The one where I said I need to look for an excuse with some things I say.... my pink cellphone.

Otherwise, ag-biotech self just jumps out at the obvious 'influences' that need to be made legit. For example, some people like to promote omnivorism, which I think is completely illegal by that word alone. If they said organic omnivorism, then that is quite more legit.

The word "omnivore" has just been one of those 'code-words' that make me wonder why ATS has tolerated such promoters.

I can appreciate the beauty in organics.

reply to post by dzonatas


I'm totaly unable or stupid how you get to Oniverous diete .

I think it's the anwser what surprising Deep !Very Deep.
Maybe you take or have to much time to think ? If so . Spend some time on other things. Also removes some lingering of self time.

Just a thought.

Originally posted by Sinter Klaas
I'm totaly unable or stupid how you get to Oniverous diete .

I don't think I made that big of a jump in terms of words stated. Maybe just those usual mode of ag-biotech vocab, then. Seems the norm for those deep into virtual reality that create natural beauty within.

I think it's the anwser what surprising Deep !Very Deep.
Maybe you take or have to much time to think ? If so . Spend some time on other things. Also removes some lingering of self time.

Just a thought.

Can't stop thinking. Why would anybody want to? Sleep?

I appreciate the helpful advice and questions, today. It helped me greatly to get through the experience from yesterday (and much earlier).

Thank your for being here today.

I'm probably not the best person to always write comments that shed light in the thoughtful comments that everybody leaves. I usually don't when it's hard to smile. I do need to find ways to point out those attempts others had and shared with me.

Listening skills are hard at times, and I know some think I'm just being hard or conceited in my way write back and forth. I usually try to repeat what someone says in a totally different light, even if that means some kind of reflection off me. It probably would be easier to just talk in 3rd person, yet such written style distracts too much I found.

Much love to everybody who has joined this thread!!!