how to manage frustration?

I made a search but i hadn't luck finding, sorry if my search-fu failed.

anyway. I have a big issue now. It's something that's shattering my life since a while and now i'm starting to think that i need to retake antidepressants because this can't last this longer.

I have zero tolerance to frustration.

Since i was a child, I was always the smartest, the maturest, etc. My teachers loved me more than my pairs. I passed school without any trouble, not great grades but average without studying more than the tasks i loved... then my first career, everything smoother, top grades, again, teachers loved me (others hated me because they weren't teaching me anything new)... and now, I'm on a very stressing career where I'm not that good. Machines seems to hate me and this semester my grades went downhill because I'm not that good as in the other career or school...

Frustration is eating me alive.

My grades are awful, and i passed for a hell to study again (I'm 25 y.o., currently in 1rst year in college). Now i'm in the border of failing and losing my scholarship, I just can't focus!. It's like when you caught fire on your clothes and start to run in circles instead of rolling on the floor to suffocate the fire. If i lose my scholarship, there wouldn't be a 2nd year for me because my parents aren't going to pay.

I'm blinded by frustration and I don't know how to manage it without meds. I used to take zoloft, and no, I don't want to come back.

So tell me ATSers... any technique to get ride of this? this is one of my last resources before going to a psychiatrist again...

My solution is "alcohol'.

Needless to say, it isn't exactly the greatest solution. Hasn't actually done me that well.

Some will say meditation, but meditating is like taking another class in itself.

reply to post by Caggy


The best way i know to manage frustration is to have an objective attitude towards your thoughts. Objectivity means, with very little emotional analysis. The emotional aspect of thoughts play a big role in your inner balance. If you have a subjective approach towards your thoughts, you complicate you life and experiences. This technique, although not easy to put in practice, will beat any medication out there. Give it a try, and you will see a big difference.

reply to post by Caggy


Well, you are looking for quick fixes. The only way for you is to confront the source of it. Analyze where it comes from, when you have identified the issue, deal with it.

thanks for your replies... I already know what is the source, but i can't do anything. As i said, it's like when you caught fire and start running in circles. I know that i'm burning, because of fire, but i don't know what to do to suffocate it...

You said machines hate you, are you working with some kind of machine? Could you get a tutor to help you out? Don't rush it, just take it one step and one day at a time. Look over the whole situation, apply what you know and work on what you need to improve, don't give up,eventually it will come to you.

Originally posted by Whine Flu
My solution is "alcohol'.

Needless to say, it isn't exactly the greatest solution. Hasn't actually done me that well.

Some will say meditation, but meditating is like taking another class in itself.

Alcohol. Well, that certainly is acceptable by ATS mods. Even though alcohol is not acceptable in some countries, Somehow this all seems silly to me, the talk about other drugs. However, yes, alcohol, in moderation has some values, and is accepted in SOME places. Can you imagine if ATS was orginated in Saudi Arabia? Oh, then alcohol just might not be acceptable in a thread if one would encourage its use or if a poster spoke of a personal experience with alcohol.

Okay. How does one manage frustration? Just by taking control of oneself.

It's really easy. You notice a behavior, or a feeling within oneself, and, gee, you don't like this? Then just freaking stop it!!!!It's amazing what a person can do if that person actually takes responsibility for oneself.

How to do this? Just take control. Here's an example. Let's say you have a mom who reacts to things you do. Okay. You don't like how she reacts.
well, that SHOULd be just her problem. Howver, you know she reacts this way. So either don't do that which creates that reaction in you mom, or else, just accept, I, for some reason, just must do this. It's all about control of oneself, isn't is? But anyway, so you decide, I just react this way and do this, so, you already know how Mom is going to react and that pisses you off. So, just don't get pissed off.

While you might not be able to control your emotions, you at least can control how you react to your own emotions. Eh? Or are you just an unthinking animal? You can't control your mom in this example, and why would you want to?, but you can control yourself.

Here's another example. My grandson takes off his dirty underwear in the bathroom and leaves the drawers on the floor. Yes, this irritates me. Should I beat him into submission? heh. Nope. Although it seems to have worked for my mum. Or should I just keep on his little butt and give him guidance and a few words, and take my own sweet oh, so personal time to teach him and guide him and, if need be, stand there and make sure he puts his dirty drawers in the hamper? Oh, it's so frustrating I think I will bust. Not. It is frustrating, but I won't bust.

I might not have control over anyone else, except with a beating, etc.,oh how scary is that?but I certainly have control over how I will act.

reply to post by Caggy

So tell me ATSers... any technique to get ride of this?

There are many. In my case, when I first started dealing with anger I did so by destroying things. I always found it calming to vent destructively on something that I could clearly see was being completely torn to pieces. Cardboard boxes are good. It's a relatively harmless way to act out the anger in such a way that shows you clearly how much control you have. WHen you rip a cardboard box to pieces, you know that you are completely in control of the box. I always found that very reassuring.

While very effective, it is just a way of venting anger rather than resolving the underlying issues that cause it. That's not a bad thing, but if you choose it, it's a method that you'll need to use again and again because it doesn't change anything. Learning to not get angry in the first place may take more time and focus, but it has its own rewards.

For that...it may be a long journey, but I recommend you start simply by breathing deliberately. Have a seat. Close your eyes if you want. or don't. But breathe...in and out, slowly and deliberately. Relax while you breathe. Make a habit of it: whenever you feel anger start to build, remind yourself to breath. It's like the cardboard boxes in that it demonstrates to your Self that you genuinely are in control. You are controlling your breathing. It takes away the frustration and the helplessness. In time, you won't feel the need to become angry anymore.

I'm on a very stressing career where I'm not that good.

Anger management is a valuable skill. But someday you may consider asking yourself whether that career is really as important as it once seemed.

hum... punching myself in the face seems to be the answer hahaha... i'm the one that irritates myself
Usually i have a very strong willpower, however, lately i need to yell to push myself to do things, because i think nothing it's going to be well, no matter how much effort i put on it... very often i see myself doing nothing instead.


maybe i need to come back to those scammers called psychologists and psychiatrists

The best thing is exercise.

yo man, take it easy. just ride it out. dead or alive, pray to be saved. much needed timelessness is at hand, in this hustle and bustle, flex a little msucle. and then you might have to tussel with the block a bit, throw a fit. but it'll be time to quit.

reply to post by Amanuel


Honestly the best thing for stress and frustration, is exercise. I would do loads of cardio workouts. It really gets your hormones working.

reply to post by Caggy


I often find if you take a break to sit down and look at the situation, ie, what exactly is winding you up, quite often it will be something that you dont enjoy doing etc.

If you say to yourself that after you have completed a task you can go somewhere or do something you enjoy it makes the task something that you eventually look forward too.

If your feeling confused and irritated its usually a sign that you need a small time out to look at the situation.

Heck, if what I have said is a lot of nonsense to you then you can always try taking the seriousness out of life like this man.....

Caggy wrote

Now i'm in the border of failing and losing my scholarship, I just can't focus!. It's like when you caught fire on your clothes and start to run in circles instead of rolling on the floor to suffocate the fire .


Have you a diary ? When you pen your days happenings / nites you commit .
Spring clean your room and all that is around you . Go thru your clothes and decide what goes with what , get rid of clutter . Life is much easier to handle the busy when your all together with your surroundings and yourself and your day is organised .

Treat yourself to extra long shower , dream a little and relax after a brisk scrub . This will get your blood flow going and stimulate the brain and you feel great . Reward yourself and smile , a smile always gets the happy going .
We sometimes loose sight when we are just doing the doing , a day list is good ,I love the crossing out part when I've completed the task . Work on the frustration thing , everything seems to go wrong when we are getting in a hissy and we do go round in circles . I do best when I have it written , dated , listed and if you are well groomed you feel better and more confident .

Once was a spinner .... was in envy of the togethers and stole some of their ways and learnt alot , like the Nike add " just do it " and it will fall into place .
Your a student enjoy your journey . Cheers .

reply to post by Assari


yes, i have a diary but I use it mostly to write my dreams... My life is so plain that i just write things that are important or out of the normal. So plain that my schedule is blank, and i know what to wear because green and pink looks great and my calypso sport shoes looks nice with jeans. I do a spring clean on this room every sunday, water my plants, open the curtains... and in thursday, again to college...

I've believed all my life that i was a strong person that can do everything, i don't know when everything started to go bad and i started to lose my willpower, and the last luck i had. I'm sort of scared about that too, everything it's going downhill and really, i don't know the reason or when this started. Last semester i had fairly decent grades, i didn't failed any course and well, i have my weaknesses but I'm smart enough to compensate them (damn industrial sewing machines, i hate them... but a nice home sewing machine is as good as one of those and they don't hate me)

Sometimes i just think i need a sincere cheering up and a hug...

Life is pretty much always painful for most, in one way or another. But there are flashes of great beauty and revelation, joys and poignenciy and love along the way. Stitch these together and hopefully its enough to go on.

The OP sounds young (student, college, etc.), although that might not be the case. I am no longer young. The concerns of an old man and those of a young man or woman are very different. When I look back on my youth I realize it was quite painful in many ways, but this was compensated for by the joys and a sharp sense of profundity that has faded with age. Perhaps the highs were higher and the lows were lower then. Its not a stage of my life I want to go back to. When you get older, there are other concerns...heath, family...its not necessarily better or worse, but heavier, duller and more leaden somehow. The pain of youth is like being cut with sharp razors. The pain of age is more like being bludgeoned with a blunt object, perhaps. Neither is particularly pleasant. The joys of youth are bubbly, efforvescent, and the feelings more intense. The joys of age are more subtle, muted, glowing softly. Less fierce, perhaps. But no loss. Both can be profound. Each day contains both a sunrise and a sunset; you can't linger in one stage and call it complete. Life offers different things at different stages. We all take what we can, when we can.

Love those around you to the greatest extent possible. I get by with a little help from my friends.

[edit on 11/1/09 by silent thunder]

reply to post by Caggy


Are you actually following a study which you enjoy, do you have a passion for it?? Because it sounds to me that you are doing something when you really want to be doing something else...

redefine what you think is important and take appropiate messures. If this means dropping out, so be it.

Life isn't that complicated, is it??

Good luck to you!!!

Peace

[edit on 1/11/2009 by operation mindcrime]

reply to post by operation mindcrime


yeah, i enjoy a lot my career. I left the other one because i wasn't enjoying it... I know how it feels going by force to college, and no, this is not the case. I really love what i'm doing, but just... when everything started to go bad (now that i think... all this mess started when i got a very heavy flu near july, no, not H1N1, the doctors made me the tests) i started to think that this wasn't made for me. I don't tolerate to have bad grades and i had some due that flu and things i couldn't made due the lack of time.

Some years ago i passed for a big depression that lasted years, and i went to both a psychiatrist and a psychologist (just to discover that my pituitary wasn't working well along with my thyroid and that i wasn't depressed but i had 2nd type hypothyroidism...), both agreed that my biggest issue ever was my zero tolerance to frustration. No one said how to manage it. The psychiatrist just gave me some pills, said "take one in the morning, one before sleep" and sent me home. And no, I really don't want to retake them...

@Silent Thunder: Thanks for your advice. yes, I'm young, but not THAT young... I'm just 25. My life has been so rough and i see everything like if i was 40+. I'm OK with that, there have been certain sparks of joy that makes everything have sense, and being more mature than my peers is really a big advantage. I'm the one who thinks 3 times after making decisions, that gives advice to friends and sometimes, to my own mother. It's just frustration. It frightens me like nothing else does and i really, really, want a way to get rid of it. Life is a way full of obstacles and learning how to surpass them. Sadly, now i don't have anybody near that can give me a clever answer without charging me a little fortune that i certainly don't have. And my friends tends to not being helpful, their minds are on other topics so far away from mine. Last time i asked for advice they gave me a number of a psychiatrist (yeah, i know that maybe it's time to change friends too :lol

reply to post by Caggy


There's nothing I can suggest more than to simply take a step back and try to look at the big picture. Whatever little things in life cause you frustration just remember they mean nothing compared to the vast beauty of our universe. And that beauty and wonder is waiting for you to experience it.

Practice meditation and Out of Body techniques. That's where the honey is hidden.