Todays Youth and the Lack of Parenting

. As a child, I clearly remember promising myself that I would never grow up to be one of those adults who complained and griped about the youth in the future ..However, I made this promise before I met todays youth! This thread is being started after reading a recent post about the young girl getting gang raped at a school dance while the group watching grew and no one did anything to help.. an upsetting story to say the least, but it has brought forth a greater issue, one thats angered me for a long time now..
Some will blame the media, some will blame the society as a whole, the lack of morality, the lack of any faith in todays world, food additives, peer pressure, video games, music, television programming and so on.. all of which I am certain do play a part in this problem..But the major element has got to be parenting.. or rather, the lack there of these days.. Without properly raising the children one chooses to have, the kids are left to more or less raise themselves, to find their own ways and to come up with their own rights and wrongs in the social set ups they are in..Many parents these days seem to think its up to the government controlled and biased educational system, and the government controlled television to raise their kids ..and as a lot of us can see, this is not working out well at all..
I see it every day really in the area we live., children allowed to run wild and uncontrolled with no parental guidence or given structure, , and we are in a rural location so i can only imagine how dire it has got to be in the cities and more populated areas world wide..the violence alone is terrifying..for example the two young teen boys who lurred two younger kids to a secluded spot where they were abused and forced to abuse each other by the eldest ones..the mother to the kids responsible was out of the country at the time, on holiday because she couldnt 'handle things' and needed a break.. so while she was soaking up some sun. her boys were ruining the lives of these two young children strictly for their own disgusting amusements...
Last year a 14 year old stabbed a 6 year old boy to death outside of the school gates, i believe someplace in London, and two other children burnt down a house in the hopes their school mate was trapped inside.. for a few examples.. My partner grew up in the 1970s, and myself in the 1980s..we keep saying things like ' that never would have happened when i was younger' or 'my mother/father would have never let that happen'! The world has indeed changed drastically, and the mentality of the youth along with it.. but where is this change for the worse manifesting from?
Media helps nothing.. tv, the cartoons and shows aimed at certain age groups of children are crammed full with predictive programming, subliminal messaging and flashy adverts..watching all of this while ingesting usually large quantities of junk food made with many additives and chemicals, causing goodness knows what in the chemical imbalances of these kids..(who are then taken to shrinks and drs for behaviour issues and placed on meds that mask and make the problem even worse usually) ..violence is pushed down the throats of youth and adults alike, just at different levels.. predictive programming gets it into the minds of the children that violence is normal, a natural part of being human, that its fun and has little to no consequences..often using 'oh they are just kids' to hide their actions behind as a defense..sadly it works a lot of the time.
The family structure (as old fashioned as this will make me sound)! was once a part of life that was extremely valued..broken homes werent all that common in the past decades, not anywhere near what they are today..Fathers used to be proper men in contrast to the 'little boy men' (as i dub the issue) of a lot of males today.. the man used to be in charge of the home and family, but the men of today i wouldnt leave in charge of a hamster let alone a family!

I wanted to start this thread to see what other peoples, here at ATS think and feel on this issue.. I fear its a major problem that is far from easy to get back on track, if at all..
These kids whose parents cant be bothered in this day and age to actually put the effort into raising, are soon to grow up (at least in years, if not at all mentally)! to produce, more likely than not, horrendous sprogs of their own who will also be raised only by the education system lies and television propaganda..and the cycle will continue unless its somehow fixed.. The parents in a lot of cases are just as bad, if not worse than, their own children in many ways.. so what would be the best course of action with this?
Please do not get me wrong with this post, i do fully realize not all youth are going in this direction and not all parents are as pointless as i have been mentioning here, i am talking of the larger percentages where these problems are clearly evident..
Our own son, and the children of close friends of ours are great examples that not all of todays young are lost..but does hope remain? or is it too little too late now?

Agreed....
I have a 14 year old son; and, while we do not lead the dinner at 6:00 and every one there lifestyle, we manage to find/make/take an hour or so of every day to just talk.
Whenever his buds are over, same routine....grab that moment to discuss with any and all of them what's happening in their world and ours!!
This not only allows for a strong connection with the teenage sector, it instills a huge
sense of trust and respect in my son.

We choose to have these children..we must take that responsibility....
irregardless and unconditionally..
Holding parents of malbehaved children accountable is priority.

Namaste

ZM

I think families are out of touch with each other.

Rarely, when I visit family with children, do they sit and eat supper together, and if they do, the television set is on, so there is still no conversation.

Children have cell phones, video games, and all sorts of goodies nowadays to keep them occupied.

Yesterday, my sister-in-law was cleaning the home of an elderly woman who is in the hospital. She brought home a pile of books in a basket that are older books, but for children and teens. I asked my husband if his grandkids would enjoy them. He said no way. They don't read books. Come to think of it, one time when we were babysitting, I offered to read a book to one of the kids before bed. I could not find a single book in the entire 5 bedroom house!

I think it's time people turn off the t.v. set and the video games for a while so that they can get to know their family members.

How can anyone even just blame the parents at this point? We have developed into a society completely devoid of any accountability for anything.

The school should have done something....
Social services should have done something.....
It's the gangs....
It's the drugs.....
It's the lack of police.....
It's the lack of work.....
It's the lack of money.....
It's the government's fault!

Sue! Sue ! Sue!

These days I wonder why anybody would bother trying to be responsible. The less reponsible you are, the more you can blame someone else, and probably end up profiting from it!

Sorry...it's one of "those days"....

I think there is a minority in every single element of society. Millions and millions of people all watch the same tv programs, listen to the same music, play the same video games, so on and so forth. For millions and millions of normal people, the thought of gang raping a teenager is simply not a normal thought process, despite your scapegoating onto the media.

That said we are a consumerist debt driven society where either no parent is working or both parents are working. Neither of which is perhaps the optimum for raising children. This is not the fault of parents, as they too are a product of this manipulation.

Are things getting worse, or is it simply that now it is more likely you hear about something? Is there more crime or are more people reporting crime? Are the "brainwashed masses" any more or less "brainwashed" than they were 30 years ago? I don't think so. You think TV is to blame? Fine cart it off to the local dump, somehow I doubt it will be the panacea you hoped.

It's easy to say that turning off the T.V. will cure this, but you're wrong.

My mom always -hated- to sit at the table. She wanted to watch T.V. while she was eating. Dinner time, of course, was to eat. Conversation takes place whenever else. I had plenty of conversations with my mom and my dad, which seems odd now looking back because I always thought they were so busy. They were both very busy actually.

My point is, the OP has hit the nail on the head. All sorts of things add to the problem, but the root is parenting. PARENTING is not defined as turning off the T.V. Parenting is defined as, in my opinion, actively molding your child. If you do not mold your child, then either they will continue to be a lump of clay, or someone else will do the molding. When a lump of clay that hasn't been properly molded before the clay gets too dry is modified later on, it will change form a little, but in the end it just breaks apart. The clay then needs to be reprepped.

This is exactly like parenting actually. You only have a few good years to have the TRUE influence on these kids lives. From the time of birth, you have about four years to try and keep your kid from either a) killing themself or b) being evil. I know evil is a strong word, but it's true. Evil, to me, is defined as any intention that is not mindful or useful for the betterment of one's self and others. If you don't teach your kid to respect you, then you end up raising a weapon. If you don't teach your kid to respect the world, then you end up raising a weapon. If you don't teach your kid a TRUE sense of RIGHT and WRONG (Which does exist, for all you crazy people who think right and wrong do not exist, you are caught in your own lie because you are in a sense telling me that I am wrong, but how can I be wrong if wrong does not exist?) then you are raising a time-bomb.

I could go on forever on this topic, actually. OP, just know that I am with you 100%. I am 25 years old and I used to think my peers were out of control. I have worked retail for years and I'm telling you... today's kids are incredibly stupid, selfish, and markedly mouthy. If anyone has ever seen that show with that particularlysnotty and spoiled little boy/girl whose parents are really "overprotective" and snobby and always protect that snotty and spoiled little boy/girl from any consequences? Yeah, THAT one. Well, now, it is the rare episode to see the quieter and humbler child that, yes, still makes stupid mistakes, and his/her parents make sure that he/she knows it and endures the consequences of those actions! Instead of the other way around...

If it werent for TV I swear I'd be in prison right now.

Shows like the A-Team and Punky Brewster taught me values I live with to this day. Like the government sits with it's hands tied while thugs push around the little guy and don't leave the door on an old refrigerator because some kid might play hide and seek in it and suffocate.

Really, is there anything else I need to know to be a good person?

Oh, and GI Joe taught me never to buy drugs from some screechy voiced freak in a hood.

Originally posted by quackers
I think there is a minority in every single element of society. Millions and millions of people all watch the same tv programs, listen to the same music, play the same video games, so on and so forth. For millions and millions of normal people, the thought of gang raping a teenager is simply not a normal thought process, despite your scapegoating onto the media.

That said we are a consumerist debt driven society where either no parent is working or both parents are working. Neither of which is perhaps the optimum for raising children. This is not the fault of parents, as they too are a product of this manipulation.

Are things getting worse, or is it simply that now it is more likely you hear about something? Is there more crime or are more people reporting crime? Are the "brainwashed masses" any more or less "brainwashed" than they were 30 years ago? I don't think so. You think TV is to blame? Fine cart it off to the local dump, somehow I doubt it will be the panacea you hoped.

It is not the television or media on their own (and the tv was carted to the dump years ago).. I am not putting blame onto one reason itself, but to a multitude of aspects that do have a hand in what direction the youth is taking.. but for anyone to say that it isnt the parents at the top of the list to blame, is blatently ridiculous.. when parents cared and took the raising of their children as their utmost priority in life, things were no where near as bad as they are today.. I do agree that in many ways things like child abductions, murder, rape and so forth arent happening more than ever before, but are being focused on more in the media to help along fear mongering.. but again, to say its not the medias fault is also blindness at its most severe!
Parents chose to have the children they have, and they are absolutely to be held accountable for the actions of those children...of course they are slaves to the system, everyone is, but it excuses nothing.

reply to post by quackers


Really? It's not the parents fault how they parent their children?

I'm sorry, I was under the impression that intelligent, mature, honest adults would learn to overcome and adapt to their circumstances and teach their children through these lessons how to live and mature.

OH, but, if an "adult" isn't capable of figuring themselves out, regardless of the HELL that we adults DO go through, then what in the world makes you think that their kids are going to be raised properly?

The workplace is an EASIER place to be these days than it used to be. Meaning, if you're a slacker, you're golden. If you bust your tail, like I do, because you believe in earning what you get, despite you not being paid near enough your worth, YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THAT SLACKER.

So, I don't know what condition you're talking about, but I know from experience that 10% of the people do 90% of the work and get paid less... and those same 10% are most certainly the only ones teaching their children any values these days!!

You want to talk about the father and mother not being there or always being there or whatever... get a grip. You obviously don't know much about FAMILY businesses. You obviously don't know much about rich people, who can take a vacation whenever they want. And yet, the integrity of a child is NOT directly proportionate to the income their parents receive, and neither is it indirectly proportionate. Don't get me wrong, because I'm basically poor by American standards, but it has been my experience in retail the extremely rich produce more humble children more often than the middle class! Actually, I'd say the most rich and the most poor raise the best quality children. It's the middle class in large part that has a hard time developing honest children. The middle class, of course, is generally composed of the more nuclear, soccer-mom type families. I only work retail, so I couldn't tell you ANYTHING about soccer-moms in general... except that 90% of soccer-moms think it's cute and completely okay to let their kids and their kids' friends run amuck touching and grabbing and throwing whatever they want.

Okay, I'm gonna hush now.

reply to post by thisguyrighthere

Good point...and recanting!!
There is not a singular blame nor solution.
However....as a part of this chain of "society" and a parent, it is vital that the individual accept this responsibility.
It is up to us..the parents..to guide our "spawns" through the rigors of school, tv, video games and all outside influences.

We can do our part by watching tv, playing those games, disallowing texting, monitoring the internet, and most importantly discussing all of the above with the targeted child or children.

Time ......time out...time to chat...
Take it, make it, do it.

None of us want to experience the agony of knowing that our child is in trouble.
Prevention is key...contact and conversation are essential; and mandatory in my
book!!

Namaste

ZM

Parenting is not the root, it is a symptom of a far larger problem with society. So long as people keep focusing on the symptoms, they will never cure the disease. The disease is socio-economic manipulation by governments full of elected conflict of interest, funded by crooked bankers, who employ leftist think tanks to decide the best way of manipulating the people machine so it is most productive.

Instead of saying "unemployed parents are bad and they raise bad kids", find out why they are unemplyed and why their values are trash, I'm sure many would jump at the chance to escape the revolving door of poverty and apathy.

Instead of saying "latchkey kids have parents who care more about their work than their kids", find out why it is that both parents need to work. What is it about their finances means 80 hour work weeks and and why can that not be achieved with 1 parent working?

Instead of blaming parents, find out why it is that parents have no time for their children, I'm sure many would rather work less and spend more time at home, or just have a job, and some pride in themselves, their family, and the community around them.

reply to post by lpowell0627


It is absolutely without question the parents responsibilty, duty, and most important meaning in life.
It requires paying attention, not smothering, not controlling every thought and action, but paying attention and getting involved, every single day and night of that childs growing and formable years.
Do not expect perfection, you can not deliver it, so dont expect it.
The child is a mirror and a sponge, you will see and hear yourself, or the absence of.
There is no manual to refer to, but common sense, is pretty good.
I raised 4 imperfect unique daughters,
under common shared rules and curfews, chores required, language required, behavior required.
And they would consistantly fall short of the mark, but they were held accountable, and they learned responsibility and also forgiveness.
They learned the difference between excuses and reasons.
They learned how to grow up but not grow away.
They learned yes and they learned no!
And they drove me to the edge of madness.
They hated me, complained to me, avoided me, lied to me.
They hugged me, thanked me, came to me and confided in me.
They wore me down to the bone, had me ready to disappear into a fog.
But there I was every day....
I lost my Mom when I was very little, my Dad was always away.
My Grandmother was my most remembered parent,
old ways, family ways.
Schools wont raise your kids, social programs and services wont raise them, the police wont raise them.
The dirty hands rolled up sleeves involved expecting parent as a norm is one tough task.
And its worth every minute.
FAMILY all the way.

Originally posted by quackers
Parenting is not the root, it is a symptom of a far larger problem with society. So long as people keep focusing on the symptoms, they will never cure the disease. The disease is socio-economic manipulation by governments full of elected conflict of interest, funded by crooked bankers, who employ leftist think tanks to decide the best way of manipulating the people machine so it is most productive.

Instead of saying "unemployed parents are bad and they raise bad kids", find out why they are unemplyed and why their values are trash, I'm sure many would jump at the chance to escape the revolving door of poverty and apathy.

Instead of saying "latchkey kids have parents who care more about their work than their kids", find out why it is that both parents need to work. What is it about their finances means 80 hour work weeks and and why can that not be achieved with 1 parent working?

Instead of blaming parents, find out why it is that parents have no time for their children, I'm sure many would rather work less and spend more time at home, or just have a job, and some pride in themselves, their family, and the community around them.

I do not disagree with any of what you just said, at all.. Society is absolutely the basis for most of the problems we face now, and that society has been engineered by the elite in order to control and brainwash the populace, to keep them in line..But i can not excuse parents who do not make time for their children, that choose career over the kids they chose to have, after all we all are subjected to this engineered social construct, yet despite that, parents such as myself and thankfully a number of other people out there do raise their kids to be decent and true beings in this world of bs..which goes to show it can be and is being done despite the social controls implimented by government..which even furthers my statement that parents havent any excuse to not properly raise their children.. the only excuses i see are greed, laziness and sheer stupidity.

Originally posted by HappilyEverAfter
reply to post by lpowell0627

 

It is absolutely without question the parents responsibilty, duty, and most important meaning in life.
It requires paying attention, not smothering, not controlling every thought and action, but paying attention and getting involved, every single day and night of that childs growing and formable years.
Do not expect perfection, you can not deliver it, so dont expect it.
The child is a mirror and a sponge, you will see and hear yourself, or the absence of.
There is no manual to refer to, but common sense, is pretty good.
I raised 4 imperfect unique daughters,
under common shared rules and curfews, chores required, language required, behavior required.
And they would consistantly fall short of the mark, but they were held accountable, and they learned responsibility and also forgiveness.
They learned the difference between excuses and reasons.
They learned how to grow up but not grow away.
They learned yes and they learned no!
And they drove me to the edge of madness.
They hated me, complained to me, avoided me, lied to me.
They hugged me, thanked me, came to me and confided in me.
They wore me down to the bone, had me ready to disappear into a fog.
But there I was every day....
I lost my Mom when I was very little, my Dad was always away.
My Grandmother was my most remembered parent,
old ways, family ways.
Schools wont raise your kids, social programs and services wont raise them, the police wont raise them.
The dirty hands rolled up sleeves involved expecting parent as a norm is one tough task.
And its worth every minute.
FAMILY all the way.

Wonderfully said and 100% true! thank you for sharing.. all of what you just said is exactly what parents the world over should be doing.. and if they can not or will not accept responsibility, they indeed should not have children..
Certainly no one is perfect, and parenting is not an easy task in life, that point of madness you speak of is often apparent! lol..but with the right heart, love, mindframe and effort, decent humans can be brought into this world of ours instead of the large numbers of pointless breeders and violent heathens being let lose from homes where no effort was given to child rearing..

reply to post by Full_Vision



It used to be that one parent working earned enough to raise a family of 6, maybe mom had a part time when all kids reached school age, and it was tight, but so was the family group. There was pride in your job, pride in your family, pride in your community and pride in your country. People can no longer afford to be proud, work, pay taxes, and die hopefully before you've cost the state too much. They are sick of their country, their community is falling apart, their family cohesion is non existent. Is it any wonder some kids just decide to do what the hell they like?

Originally posted by TarzanBeta
It's easy to say that turning off the T.V. will cure this, but you're wrong.

It's not just turning off the television. It's tuning in to your children. With two parent working household, the television has conveniently become the household babysitter. Televisions have no place in a kitchen, or dining room. Having conversation during supper is a time for every family member to meet, and talk, and have a common ground. By the way, children also now have atrocious table manners. They don't know how to set a table, what fork or spoon to use, and where a napkin goes while dining. This may not be important at home, to learn proper etiquette, but it matters when children are out in public. Have you ever had a meal ruined in a restaurant by some obnoxious kid, who is let to run loose in the place, or who stands up in the booth behind you and just stares, while the parents are chomping down?

My mom always -hated- to sit at the table. She wanted to watch T.V. while she was eating. Dinner time, of course, was to eat.

Then why was she watching television?

Conversation takes place whenever else.

Dinner time wasn't acceptable? Did it interfere with re-runs of "The Golden Girls," or Andy Griffith? What is more important than sharing a meal with your children, and conversation at that time? Are you saying that conversation time took place while sitting on the John, or when it was just convenient for them not to miss a television show?

I had plenty of conversations with my mom and my dad, which seems odd now looking back because I always thought they were so busy. They were both very busy actually.

Most parents are.

My point is, the OP has hit the nail on the head. All sorts of things add to the problem, but the root is parenting. PARENTING is not defined as turning off the T.V. Parenting is defined as, in my opinion, actively molding your child.

This is true. Part of molding your child is to teach that interacting with real people, in real situations versus television is reality.

If you do not mold your child, then either they will continue to be a lump of clay, or someone else will do the molding. When a lump of clay that hasn't been properly molded before the clay gets too dry is modified later on, it will change form a little, but in the end it just breaks apart. The clay then needs to be reprepped.

Great idea! Nice analogy. Far too many parents spend time with their children woking on art projects. Instead, they stick them in front of the television, or buy them video games.

I could go on forever on this topic, actually. OP, just know that I am with you 100%. I am 25 years old and I used to think my peers were out of control. I have worked retail for years and I'm telling you...today's kids are incredibly stupid, selfish, and markedly mouthy. If anyone has ever seen

Children live what they learn. They learn all to frequently from television shows how to behave, and from video games. They live in a virtual reality that has nothing to do with humanity.

edit to fix quotes

[edit on 28-10-2009 by Blanca Rose]

hopefully fixed this time

[edit on 28-10-2009 by Blanca Rose]

The thing is there has always been bad parenting, scum i went to school with proved that.

But today youngsters have even worse morals, than before, and thats saying something.

reply to post by andy1033

Exactly.. bad parenting is nothing new, goodness knows there were plenty when i was growing up..it just seems that more and more these days are simply throwing up their hands and saying 'i cant do anything about them' (their children) or simply not trying from the very start..What i do see a lot around here, are parents that have continued to breed kids like bunnies (usually for reasons of more money from the councils) and then leaving it up to the older siblings to keep the younger ones in line.. but in this day and age, the older and younger kids are most of the time as bad as each other..
When my son first started school at the age of 4, the head teacher spoke to me after class one day to tell me how amazed she was at his manners..going on to say no other child she has had in the school the past few years have been anywhere near his level of politeness.. as proud as it made me to hear, it also made me angry..angry because manners and common curtousy should not be a rare thing!! He has teachers, (now he is 7 years old), wrapped around his little finger simply because he says please and thank you, and asks them how they are in the morning!
Common sense, human morals, and any sign of proper social etiquette seem to be unnervingly absent these days..
Though i have recieved quite a bit of hassle for my belief in the old fashioned ways where the mother remains at home with the house and the children and the man supports the family and contributes to it in all other ways of course..i cant help but feel its a natural order of sorts.. My oldest sister for instance decided to persue a career in teaching, which would have been fine if she hadnt decided to also have kids.. one is now 13 and her youngest is 8 or 9 i believe, and she is hardly at home with them at all, they barely see her as she works all day and then goes to class until past 8pm.. so the kids are stuck with a sitter or day care taker, or the father which isnt much better than the kids themseles..and i am seeing how mindless and materialistic they both have become due to this set up.. materialistic because the mother tries to compensate for not giving them time, by giving them expensive games, clothes, and other consumer goods to show she 'loves' them..i simply dont see what the point was for her to have these children..and they have become products to the system because of her badly made choices. She seemingly prefers to teach other peoples kids instead of her own since her own are seriously as dumb as boxes of rocks.. considering all the potential all children have at birth, it saddens me to say the least..

I will come back and talk about my kids later.

Pet hate of mine is the parents who blame their kids lack of behaviour on things like ADHD.