she ended a 5 year relationship...but knows we will get back????

From a female perspective, I say move on. It's pretty simple, if someone says they're done with the relationship (even if they say "for now") take those words at face value. Don't wait around for the person to change their mind. You deserve better than to be jerked around. You're young, it was a long relationship for you but trust me, if she wanted to be in the relationship - she'd be IN it.

reply to post by nixie_nox



cookie? or nookie?

should he buy her a box of assorted cookies, or pay for her to have assorted Nookies?

I've been in the same situation as you. You can read it on my signature. lol
I was with her for nearly 5 years too but my one came about because of a few complications which weren't being resolved.

Anyways ask her this. If she breaks up with you, it means that both you and her need to stop communication in every form. You cannot talk to her ever again because knowing that you still love her will eat at you and will destroy you mentally as a person.

You need to move on and I know, i know how hard this is. But since you haven't been in the dating game for long (since you were with her at 16) I think you need to find comfort talking to the opposite sex to build up your self-esteem before you look around.

Also look at travelling. Plan a holiday. Keep busy with your work and studies and always confide in your friends. Especially ones who have gone through the same situation..

Hope this helps..

Originally posted by Brent08Ive tried to get her to say she only said we'll end up together because she being nice but she insists its the truth. Please Help.

Looks like you were given the cold shoulder... politely.

I could tell you the do's and don'ts but its more important that you find out yourself.

The most important thing right now is to: Move forward and not give up on yourself.

It doesn't matter what the truth is. Because people are bound to change their mind through time. You need to move on and find someone else, or buy some time. Until then, you really have no way of getting her back unless...

...you make her fall in love with you again.

I don't care if you won't listen but ill list it out anyways.
Just so you wont make the same mistake as myself:

1. Stay away from contact with her unless she sends you an invitation
2. Show that you are self sufficient and that life is no loss without her
3. Show that you are not negatively affected
4. Express positive energy
5. Be in control of your emotions instead of feeding into it
6. know that life still goes on

Im giving you some answers quick and straight so at least she wont find you as a burden in her life.

Why she would think that in the first place? She wouldn't of left if she didn't have a gut feeling of it.

Sorry but your situation happens too often and those 6 points easily puts people back on track to having their girl back. But usually, they wont understand it untill its too late.

Dont trust what they show on movies, youll end up humiliating yourself for no gain.

Good luck, expect to hear good news sometime.
~GambitVii

reply to post by GambitVII


Thanks for the advice everyone, its been a really though time and everyone has realyy helped. I just have a question for Gambit,

you told me not to have any contact unless she sends an invitation, what do you mean by this? Keep in mind that me and my ex are not talking and its been over 2 weeks we havent talked wile weve been broken up for over 3 weeks. I guess my question is what should I do if she calls me, emails me or texts me? shoudl i ignore or answer but be brief and dont give her any updates? She hasnt contacted me yet but its good to be ready incase she does.

I think what he means by "invitation" is her coming to you about something, like her coming to you and asking if you want to go somewhere with her.

I would say that if she contacts you, you still talk to her, but try and ignore any feelings you have. If you can manage it talk to her like she's a friend, rather than as an Ex.

The reason you want to do that is because if she made the effort to talk to you first, then it shows she still wants to know how you are doing. This happened to me a few times...my Ex still wants to stay in contact, which is hard enough because I'm still recovering. So all I did was talk about daily life, and stayed away from the topics that might bring back memories.

I would NOT advise you ignore anything she sends, even if you think she deserves to be ignored. If she took the time to send you something- just respond politely, and maybe ask a few general questions. If you do talk about anything, DON'T talk about feelings for each other. I say this because it won't do you any good in the long run.


And as a side note- if you ever get depressed or upset about how things are going...you might want to try to take up a hobby, like music or art. Some of my best pictures and music comes from the times when I'm depressed. And to top that off, after I'm done with the activity I always feel better

reply to post by fossilera


fossillera, what do you suggest i do if she calls me and i miss the call? should i actually call her back? if anyone else has an opinion on this please let me know.

I would say that you still answer it, because she still made the effort to call you.

Or, you could wait a few days and then answer- theoretically if she really wanted to talk to you, she would call again within those few days.

If you ignore it, she might get the impression you are angry, sad, or depressed when thinking about her. That isn't the goal- you want to show her that you are still able to cope with not being in a relationship.

Originally posted by Brent08
... I guess what hurts me the most is 2 things.

1) having someone with me for over 5 years and now their just not there anymore at al. Just on habits alone its hard, but we also had a great relationship.

2) Because she ended saying "i know we will get back and marriage and all" as oppose to "i dont like you like that anymore" which is how break ups usually happen, it bothers me knowing that if i ever do get back with her, she would have been with other guys. I know any girl i meet at 21 would have been with some other the guy, but i guess because i would have been with her before and then got back, its tough to swallow.

1)It's very hard and may take a long time, but you will get over it eventually. Without a doubt it gets easier to deal with each day. In earlier posts you talked about getting back together with her 2 or 3 years down the line. Forget that. In 3 years, things could be totally different, who knows where you will be. Anything can happen though, I was at a bar a few months ago and saw an ex girlfriend of mine I hadn't seen in a decade. We clicked for a little while, things didn't pan out though. Sometimes the best time to meet people is when your not even looking.

2)If she really wanted to marry you she would stay with you. When people are younger and together for awhile, the marriage talk tend tends to get thrown around a little more casually. If she's dating other guys, you should be dating other girls. Even if you decide you do want her still in the end, she will want you more if you are less available, win-win.

Honestly, just from these few posts IMO you come off as a generally nice guy. Your young and you will have no problem meeting new girls, there are plenty out there going through the same stuff you are. Just don't be too nice. You've obviously been out of the game for awhile so it make take a few times before you do a decent job of picking up a woman. Whatever you decide to do, good luck with everything.

reply to post by AcesInTheHole


thanks for the advice. If anyone has any other general advice i would gladly appreciate it. I just want everyone to know that she has made it clear to me that i shouldnt be waiting for her, she said this break is for BOTH OF US to experience life without eachother, including other people. (and even if she didnt say that, it wouldnt matter lol, i would still go out with other girls once i feel im ready). A little update on my story. its been abit over a month were broken up and abit over 3 weeks we havent talked. thats pretty much it. The first week was the hardest, im definatetly better now because shes been completetly out of my life. I have even asked people im close with not to give me any updates on her or even if they see her somewhere or with another guy, not to tell me nothing. there are times when im feeling good, especially when im with other people and more especially when im with good lucking girls and were flirting with eachother. however, there are times when i wake up and feel completly like # and want to contact her but im restrain myself cuz i know its a bad idea to do so.

any thoughts?

forget about it

I have been in a similar situation, but it lasted 2 years.

I broke it off the first time. She was a great girl, but we had been too long together and things were just too much like a routine. Despite trying to inject some emotion into the relationship, she wasn't working with me and i grew bored.

Later I felt lonely and got back with her... the 2nd time around didn't last very long. It was not even worth it.

My advice is even if she comes back soon enough, don't take her. If she felt like breaking up once, most likely if she came back she will feel it again eventually.

You need to experience what is is being with different girls, yes it is that important. She is doing you a favor here.

By the way the whole marrying thing is complete crap, she is messing with your head. She probably says that just to have you to fall back on. Perhaps she thinks she has you so much on the palm of her had that she doesnt even worry about you getting another girl.

If she cared about you she would not let you go, period. Forget about that if you love let go bs. That only means if your loved one coshes to leave, let them so it applies to you not her.


Move one, there just to many girls out there to be upset about one, each comes with a different personality, ad different story, and a unique set of moves in the bed xD

Hey Brent, any updates now??

Should be interesting to hear how you've been for the last year and a half and reflect on how you felt back then compared to how you feel now

reply to post by Brent08

Hey everyone, My x-gf just ended a 5 and half year relationship with me 2 weeks ago. She was 15 and I was 16 when we started and now were both 21.

And we can stop right there...

Given the ages above, I can only conjecture that this is your one and only serious relationship. That said, you are convinced with ever fiber of your being that she is THE ONE, and that you are destined to share your lives together, so this is somewhat of a shock.

Am I getting close?

So, this seems to be coming out of left field, and you feel this loss WAY MORE than you would if you had had other relationships in your past.

You have to realize, that just as she doesn't know herself yet, or really what she wants...YOU don't either. You simply haven't had enough life experience to know yet (and that's fine, you aren't expected to at 21)... None of us are (or did).

Chalk it up as a life lesson, and an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and what you really want in life. Put it behind you.There really are other fish in the sea, and as you change, you'll find other women who are more compatible with those changes.

And yes, I'm going to go with what some others and say it, she's definitely got some other guy/s in mind given her statements to you. She just said what she said to hedge her bets, hoping you'd still be pining for her if these other experiments don't work out. You're her "safety".

I'll bet that years from now, you'll both be married (to different people), and probably be friends, if you're in the same locale, and her hubby will be good friends with you, and she'll be good friends with your wife. You never can tell.

Don't take it so hard, it's really not the big event you're thinking it is, just another experience in going through life.

Also, rely on your friends. Go out, do things, have fun. DON'T go looking for a replacement girlfriend. If it happens, great, but don't go LOOKING for it, it's not the time.