A sad story to share with you

I will tell you a story of one of my girlfriends and the impact she had on my life as well as a little rant about my beliefs. Okay so during a conversation we had she had told me that if i hadn't been there with her physically she would break up with me in a year. i cried because that hurt my feelings pretty bad because it told me she wasnt ready for any real relationship if she couldn't stick with me through thick and thin, and me and her are perfect for eachother so it wasnt like my other relationships. But in my head while crying i thought why am i crying? we will always be friends and connected in my eyes even if we are seperated via talking and seeing eachother, and i don't care about lust or sex period WHICH is what confuses my notion of what a relationship is, because wouldnt that view make me in relation to everyone as i feel connected to everyone and love everyone?

P.S. I seem to go deep in my personal life in some of my threads =D but i feel like they are valuable to share and discuss.

reply to post by 4stral4pprentice


You might want to look into co-dependency, if you are concerned weather for you or in regard's to her just a thought I suffer as well.

A healthy relationship is an independent relationship. no clinging.

I have a question I am a little confused. Are you in a long distance relationship and she wants to be with you in a year or she will break up with you? Thanks....

i have the same feeling for my gf, im too attached

Everything's going to be alright. Love does not have to hurt.

I can't blame her for wanting to break up with you if you refuse to have sex with her. Women have needs... So do men, for that matter.

Originally posted by Kaytagg
I can't blame her for wanting to break up with you if you refuse to have sex with her. Women have needs... So do men, for that matter.

There is MORE to a relationship than sex IMO.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I want to agree with you so badly that there's more to a relationship than sex . . . like WHAT?

I mean, men exchange love to get sex, and women exchange sex to get love.

There seems to be a central core here . . .

But I'm a guy, so what do I know?

reply to post by 4stral4pprentice


All I have to say is that if a woman told you that she would break up with you because you didn't do what she wanted you to, all she was doing was trying to control you.

Good riddance I say.

Just imagine what life would have been like with such a woman.

Originally posted by Kaytagg
I can't blame her for wanting to break up with you if you refuse to have sex with her. Women have needs... So do men, for that matter.

O_O Who said I wouldn't have sex with her? Not me. All I said was that I don't care for sex like most other people, if it happens it happens, I do not seek it. Neither does she FYI =)

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I have a question I am a little confused. Are you in a long distance relationship and she wants to be with you in a year or she will break up with you? Thanks....

Correct.

Originally posted by Blanca Rose
reply to post by 4stral4pprentice

 

All I have to say is that if a woman told you that she would break up with you because you didn't do what she wanted you to, all she was doing was trying to control you.

Good riddance I say.

Just imagine what life would have been like with such a woman.

Yeah, I actually talked to her earlier about it on the phone and cleared some things up. Also left her a message on myspace sometime after we got off the phone. Saying how I feel about certain things, and that the only reallistic way it could work is we both pick a middle path. If she can't handle that then it won't work right now, nothing more to it.

Originally posted by alyosha1981
reply to post by 4stral4pprentice

 

You might want to look into co-dependency, if you are concerned weather for you or in regard's to her just a thought I suffer as well.

I've read about co-dependency but fail to see the relation to what i posted.... lol. care to try and enlighten me?

What you might do is compare your blessings and losses with others far worse. I lost my wife and three kids to some guy that was younger than my wife. Instant family for him. What a hero.

That was in another state and I left and went back home to my family with my tail between my legs and rarely saw my kids after that. Every time I called, my kids didn't have time and were watching a movie or whatever.

I finally got some pictures and didn't even recognize them. I hadn't had a real relationship since. My ex has since been married two more times. He looks much older than her and me. ( whatever) I've gotten used to living alone. I'm still a lousy housekeeper, but the spiders don't mind.

Give it some time and find a distraction to focus on. Mine was Hooters.

Originally posted by 4stral4pprentice

O_O Who said I wouldn't have sex with her? Not me. All I said was that I don't care for sex like most other people, if it happens it happens, I do not seek it. Neither does she FYI =)

Ok, I'm a girl and I'm gonna help you out here. Sex isn't everything but affection and longing is. We want to feel attractive to you and sexually attractive as well. I don't know is she's upset about the lack of having sex but that you don't actively seek it out with her. Fun stuff would be the build up to waiting to get home after talking about it that morning. Some ex boyfriends I've had I knew something was wrong in our relationship when they stopped trying to get me to fool around around with them. I don't think it's the sex its what comes along with it, the flirting, the I can't wait to be with you , that kind of thing.

Originally posted by VintageEnvy
Originally posted by 4stral4pprentice

O_O Who said I wouldn't have sex with her? Not me. All I said was that I don't care for sex like most other people, if it happens it happens, I do not seek it. Neither does she FYI =)

Ok, I'm a girl and I'm gonna help you out here. Sex isn't everything but affection and longing is. We want to feel attractive to you and sexually attractive as well. I don't know is she's upset about the lack of having sex but that you don't actively seek it out with her. Fun stuff would be the build up to waiting to get home after talking about it that morning. Some ex boyfriends I've had I knew something was wrong in our relationship when they stopped trying to get me to fool around around with them. I don't think it's the sex its what comes along with it, the flirting, the I can't wait to be with you , that kind of thing.

Oh God! It seems you missed the "I do not seek it. Neither does she FYI =)" part. I also know i give her the affection or flirting she needs and longing. I think you missed the entire message of the OP, it was to ask spiritual related questions.

No offense, but i never ask for relationship advice. I think its quite silly because i know my girl and myself better then anyone. I don't mind your opinions though! =)

Originally posted by gandhi
A healthy relationship is an independent relationship. no clinging.

The very reason for that is because both individuals move forward together rather than having one individual drag the other.

It's like running a race with your partner while holding hands. If you make it to the end, you wont make it there very fast. That... and the fact that it requires more work just to do that.

If both individuals work Independence but run the same path at the same pace, then together they will win the race! (OOhhhh, rhyming like a rapper )

Emotions are your worst enemy when it deny's your right to act as you think. Experience is my biggest proof of that unfortunately.

Originally posted by 4stral4pprentice

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I have a question I am a little confused. Are you in a long distance relationship and she wants to be with you in a year or she will break up with you? Thanks....

Correct.

Ahh well I am becoming the expert on LD relations..lol I am in one and have been for a year now. My bf lives 8hours (not sure how far you are) away and I see him once a month. He use to live here with me but he moved due to work and his son. I will be moving there soon hopefully. I can see where your girl is coming from. I never thought it would take a year for me but its been hard and its not easy. Some cant handle it but me I look at it as a minor setback why really worry....but I do. If you dont come to a compromise like moving in the middle like you said then it will never work IMO. People think I am nuts for waiting this long and then moving there but I am happy with that choice and so is he. I wish you luck.