Is marriage necessary?

I just had a talk with the family at dinner. Apparently, to my parents, marriage is necessary, or else I'm not a man.

They want me to be a doctor and a respected and responsible member of society.

Or else, I'm not a man.


I'm no where near the decision of marriage, but what do you guys think?

Is marriage somehow a blessed happening that makes life better?

Marriage is religious and societal. If you choose to remain outside those human standards, then getting married really isn't necessary.

I'd marry a woman, but only if thats what she really wanted. Otherwise I could live the married life just fine without ever really going through with it. Its just a label. People still cheat, steal, and hurt.

reply to post by die_another_day

Is marriage somehow a blessed happening that makes life better?

I think it can be - I think any relationship can be - you don't have to be married

I think it can also make you crazy and miserable

I've know several very happy couples that weren't married - that lasted years and years. I can say the same for the married couples I've known. I've seen both married couples and non-married couples end it in no time at all

one thing I know for sure - you have to do what's right for you - when it's right for you - even if that means never getting married

we all care about what our parents think - and their expectations can influence our decisions - no doubt

but there comes a point where you have to stop doing what they expect - and do what you know you have to do - or want to do

edit to add: it's even possible to have a perfectly lovely life - and remain single

:-)



[edit on 8/31/2009 by Spiramirabilis]

Being married does make your life better. It can also make it worse.

Look at a wedding as swearing an oath to your bride or groom. You are standing in front of all your friends and family and you are announcing that you love this person and you swear that you will treat them right.

If you don't want the religous expieriance then rent a place other then a church and have the priest as a formality. Say your own vows and thats it.

Don't ask yourself if marriage is necessary. Ask yourself if your bride is worth standing in front of everyone and expressing your undying love to her.

reply to post by die_another_day


I don't know if this applies but I'm much better friends with my ex wives now then when we were married.

and........

Or else, I'm not a man.

Marriage or being a doctor is not a criteria for determining your sex.

reply to post by die_another_day


Does anyone profit from you being married? If so, who and how much?

Image is important to lots of folks. You're folks want a life for you that seems like the best (to them). There is nothing wrong with them wanting that. However! Your idea of what it takes to "be a man" is the ONLY idea that should matter. They can guide you the best they can, you can take their guidance under consideration, but you are the only one who can answer that question, for you.

We want to make our parents proud. But we have to be ourselves. It takes maturity and wisdom to become who you really are.

To answer your question simply.....NO.

As the others posted, it is what is right for each couple. The only advantage I can think of might be tax wise and I am not even sure about that anymore, and the legal aspect may make one try harder. You can't just walk away.

Personally, if my marriage fails, I would not get married again. But never say never.

As for your profession making you a man or not is ridiculous. I know plenty of doctors I wouldn't give a second glance.

Good luck

Originally posted by Hazelnut
reply to post by die_another_day

 

Does anyone profit from you being married? If so, who and how much?

your ex wife when she divorces you. as much as she can take from you. prenup or no marriage.

reply to post by Brain Damaged


In my case, it was the ex-husband who got everything. Stripped me bare. So much for your stereo-typing.

If you want to live your life as a life-long bachelor, that's fine. I had no desire to ever marry and made it clear to my past boyfriends I had no intention on settling down. Then I met my husband and my decision to be a life-long single went into the trashcan.

However, I don't recommend 'playing marriage' and shacking up long term with your significant other without ever tying the knot. If/when you two go your separate ways, you won't have some of the legal protections married couples who divorce do. Laws differ from state to state and it can be brutal to separate from your long term live-in. It gets worse if you have children together.

The best advice is to NEVER feel obligated to get married because everyone else is doing it. If it's not for you, then it's not for you. Settle down when you're ready to settle down and with the right person if you find them. If not, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

reply to post by die_another_day


If you find the right person, and you cannot imagine life without them, then get married. If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married. In the end, the journey through this world is a solitary one, no matter who you decide to surround yourself with, whether it be family, friends or a spouse.