What I did today: Donald Rumsfeld

Gee, it was hot on the flight out to Baghdad. These military planes may be quick but give me a first class seat on American Airlines any day. Unless Jane Fonda�s on board. Gee, that dame sure goes on. I said to her last time, go away and work on you�re yoghurt. She sneered "it's yoga" whatever the hell that is?


People often stop me and ask why I�m always frowning. To be honest, it�s because pretty much everything pisses me off. It�s a sliding scale really: liberals, do-gooders, Arabs, intellectuals, humans. I hate them all. But I�m a reasonable man and I�m not defense secretary for nothing. Actually, I�m good for around $3m a year, but that�s not important right now.

Anyhoo, I�ve come out to eye-rack to sort out all this talk of human rights abuses. Let�s be clear, when Saddam was in charge, this kind of thing went on for years and nobody complained. Well, I guess the guys who were tortured may have pulled up a few trees over it, but no-one who mattered said a word. Now all of a sudden a few American soldiers get all trigger happy and we�re the bad guys. Jeez! Do people not remember what it used to be like here? Men with electrodes attached to their testicles; women being raped; kids being beaten for no reason. Thank the Lord we�ve restored some civility to the region. I mean, all that still goes on but the guys have to let off some steam.

What I deplore is the media making capital out of all this suffering. I said to the networks, yes, come and film the war by all means but remember this, we own your ass. No, hang on, that was that guy with the turban in Afghanistan. His ass is on Guantameno Bay at the moment. You can�t be too careful.

So George and myself are confident we can put an end to the doubts and do what�s right by the people of Iraq: offload their country to a bunch of thugs we will sell weaponry to, stand back while they abuse their own and then steam in, kill loads of civilians and grab the oil.

It worked last time after all.

Well that�s all from me. I�ve gotta get some more frowning in before I get the plane home. It�s a busy life but I don�t mind the hours. What I mind is the people. All of them.

Originally posted by AlecMac
So George and myself are confident we can put an end to the doubts and do what�s right by the people of Iraq: offload their country to a bunch of thugs we will sell weaponry to, stand back while they abuse their own and then steam in, kill loads of civilians and grab the oil.

All for oil huh? Well then gas prices should be going down then. Oh wait no they are going up.

Maybe your right we should just TAKE the oil. Maybe then we can have gas prices under a dollar again.