ROCK BOTTOM (Life in a homeless shelter)

I write this from the public library, a 40 minute walk from the homeless shelter where I now reside with my children. Not a victim of the recession, but of playing the hand of a full house, and being beaten out by a royal flush. I speak metaphorically.I did everything I could to resist being here, but in the end the weight of the world pressed down too hard. Failure at a certain task is easy to overcome,failure at life is the worst obstacle.
It's not truly a bad place.The staff is kind and caring and they focus not on why you came to be here, but how to help you move forward.
A very kind soul named Emily has been the glue to hold my shattered spirit together. Listening to me without judgement and letting me cry when the emotion is too much to contain.I always thought I would be the one to help homeless people, never the flip side.
Too many events in my life have made me numb and mistrustful. Now I rely on the kindness of strangers and I have to let pride fall by the wayside. This is so very difficult for me.
You never know when life will throw you a curve ball and you will end up like this.
I try to stay positive, especially around my kids. They need to see me smile. They need to know that things will be OK.
I save my tears for when they are asleep.
My kids miss home, the one they knew for many years, and sometimes their emotions spill over, and it breaks my heart.
Forward from here is to find a safe place, no easy task..
Consider this my journal, and MODS move where you see fit...
I have hit the bottom with no where to go but up, and ATS has been a constant for me, and right now I need the stability.
I'll update when I can...
AD

reply to post by AccessDenied


Honey, I don't post much any more, but I had to reply to you. You know we love you and are wishing you the best....never give up, never give up, never give up. This crazy situation will correct itself and you will recover. I can't imagine how bad it feels, so I won't bore you and insult you with false sympathy. I wish that there was something more concrete we could do for you, and maybe there will be, somehow, I don't know, but for the moment, I'm sending you much love and wishes for luck and light to enter your life. Please keep us updated, and you're in our thoughts.


Much love


Cait xxx

You are such a beautiful soul. My heart truly goes out to you while you are in this difficult if not impossible situation.

I myself have resorted to lining up at the local church food pantries & shopping at the generic brand grocery stores. I am losing my job in 3 weeks (not by choice but a company buy-out with permanent layoffs) and I'm not sure how I'm going to survive. My 21 month old son died on May 23 at the hand of my ex-husband. My older son who is now 4, is as we speak, having a supervised visitation with their Father courtesy of DCFS. Since the investigation did not present hard evidence of my son's death, he remains free. I am going to be in a terrible court battle for at least the next year to fight for sole custody of my living son. Life most certainly does throw some major curveballs. All we can do is decide how to react to it. You can't prevent terrible things from happening.
I made the decision that while I am greiving for my baby boy, I have found positive things that came out of his passing. I have realized what an amazing group of friends I have, a loving extended family that truly cares, people I never even met reached out to me.
I have found that devastation gives you the upper hand at knowing how to appreciate the beauty in life more than someone that has had a easy free ride all along. Take comfort in that.
Please visit this thread when you have a chance.
Love and light to you dear one.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply to post by AccessDenied


What a brave thing to do to post this. I think that is what a lot do not understand, that even though they feel they have worked hard and are so responsible blah blah, and knock the homeless, they really don't understand that at any moment life can knock one down and pull the rug from under any of us. Although I am pretty jaded from life, there is still a voice that says there will be a reason for this and that good will come out of it.
My heart goes out to you. Just try to stay in your true being at times even if only for a few minutes.

reply to post by AccessDenied


This doesn't have to be rock bottom.

Don't feel guilty about your kids. There was more than one occasion as a child that I was in a homeless shelter with my parents. It didn't hurt me, in fact it opened my eyes and made me a much more tolerant person. Some of my best memories of my childhood are times when we had it really tough. Christmas with no money, sleeping in the car, but spent cuddled up to my parents, listening to stories, being enveloped in their love, because there were no presents to get in the way.

Not long ago my mother apologized, asking for my forgiveness for not having provided for me and my siblings, for the tough times, for the homeless times, for the times when we ate graham crackers and mac and cheese for weeks at a time. I in turn thanked her, refused to accept any apology, none was needed. I had a childhood filled with love, hugs, affection, attention, learning, and openess that did more to shape me into the person I am today than all the stuff I never got could have.

It is my ardent hope that you get back on your feet soon. Don't waste time feeling guilty. Give your kids the most important thing of all, your love, it doesn't cost anything.

I do not know really how to react to this one...

Have faith is the best and only thing I can say my friend.


You may have nothing but you have the love of your kids and that gives me hope that you and the kids will see better days.

Dan

reply to post by AccessDenied


Yep, AD, I'm not too far behind you.

I am in the process of moving my crap from said apartment into storage, in order to live out of my car.

While I have no children in this situation, I can understand where you are coming from completely.

I seem to remember something some idiot behind a podium giving false campaign promises said about Change.

The only "change" I see, is from one idiot in a suit and tie into another idiot in a suit and tie, giving the same lies, the same rhetoric, and the same buisness as usual, which is keeping the rich in money, and keeping the poor without.

I have been posting on ATS for the last three weeks, from the library, because I have been living in an apartment, without power, because I cannot afford the electricity.

One hour at a time on here, while simultaneously searching for jobs online.

[edit on 5-8-2009 by SpartanKingLeonidas]

reply to post by AccessDenied


I don't know what to say or how to say it. You situation is I'm sure one of the darkest fears of any parent with young kids. Keep us updated on how you're doing and know that people from all over the planet will be following your journey back to a safe and secure future. I wish for you the best of all possible outcomes and if there is some way that we here can be of help please don't be afraid to ask.
Stay cool,

reply to post by SpartanKingLeonidas


i have to agree mate the only change that can happen is with you and TBTB could not give a rats about us people unless we are paying bills and doing as we are told like good little plebs...

makes me sick, and im also sorry you find your self in hard times also

reply to post by AccessDenied


Hi Access Denied,

Its a sad thing when things aren't going your way. But I hope the best for you and your kids my friend.

I don't know where you live my friend, but if you lived here in Kansas in the USA and wanted a place to stay with your kids, then I would let all of you stay in a house in a city of about 60,000 population nearby that I use every now and then just as a cabin in the city.

Otherwise, I hope some other ATSer that is closer to you can help you out. But my offer is good for you and your kids my friend. Keep your chin up my friend. It always gets dark before the light.

reply to post by RussianScientists


I knew this would happen...I just knew someone here would come up with something wonderful, and I hope she reads this soon and can take you up on such a generous gesture.
Thank you!

Much love

Cait xxx

It's a sad sad situation to be in ... I have been in a downward spiral after a unforseen financial setback (a hole I can't seem to climb out of) for the last 2 years and these days I feel that I am also on the edge of losing everything. It makes me fight even harder.
No homeless shelters here but I know my family will take me in if needs be. I really don't care for the humiliation (having a lot of pride can be a disadvantage). At least I have a good stable job.

I am glad you can see the bright side ... that is very humbling. Good luck, and at least your children will never take anything for granted for the rest of their lives.

reply to post by AccessDenied


If you can get yourself and your kids to where I am, I have a three bedroom house with 2 empty bedrooms. U2U me and we'll see what we can do to get you and your kids into a real home where you can feel safe and wanted. I'm 100% serious and my heart is breaking for you and your little ones.

AD!!! I was just thinking about you yesterday!

I know what you are going through and have been there myself in my yonger years after a very bad breakup. I even lost my two oldest children in the midst of the worst part to him due to my belief in truth and his expertise in lies.

Really I wish I could help you and your family, but it is good to know that you are safe and have shelter. When will you get back up on your feet and find a new home? I hop very soon, but until then you are in my prayers.

Some amazing ATS'ers here ... willing to open their hearts and homes to strangers. Gives me hope for humanity.

reply to post by AccessDenied


Autowrench:
AccessDenied, my heart goes out to you. I too have been homeless, but never had to live in a shelter. I have lived in cars, and drank and washed from a gas station outside faucet, and I have eaten from a McDonald's dumpster. I have worked chipping cement from old bricks for a penny a brick. I became a criminal for lack of money, and went to prison over it. But, and here is the point. By using my own willpower, and knowing there will be a better day, things got better for me, and they will for you too. Here is some advice for you, please do not take it in the wrong way, OK?

Be careful in these places, danger is everywhere. Get yourself a weapon of some kind to protect yourself and you children. Never sell yourself for money, you can never go back once you do that. I am sending your plight out the my contacts, (hope you don't mind!) and I know that all will be sending you power to do what you have to do. There is a Brighter Day.
Love and Light to you.

Click here for more information.

reply to post by AccessDenied


I can help financially. U2U me.

i'm in new mexico, doubt your anywhere near, but if you are i have a decent sized trailer on a few acres about 45 miles from silver city. it's empty right now, stocked with food and i'd love to have someone caretake the place. u2u me if you can help me.

edited to add link.
this is what got me out of the doldrums years ago.
caretaker jobs

if you have a few decent references, many of these are awesome. great property owners looking for trustworthy people.

[edit on 5-8-2009 by rubbertramp]

What an inspiring thread. I notice that the OP created this thread at a nearby public library, and that the OP has children. AccessDenied, ask any reference librarian (at the Reference Desk, also sometimes called the Information Desk) how you can find library school students or other students who offer read-aloud services for kids in homeless shelters ... sometimes those services are provided at the homeless shelters. Having books read aloud to your kids will be such a help to them.