The Need to Tell...

Why does it seem, in on-line forums especially, people act on their need to *tell*, to reveal all the dirty little secrets in their closet? Tell things to on-liners they wouldn’t tell their family members?

Is it anonymity - or that they, we, feel such a need to *be heard* we can’t resist hitting the send button after composing a page of deep confession or revelations about our inner-self?

Second question...

Is this good for our mental health, or counter productive to healing?

EDIT TO ADD: Maybe even more what I’m looking to discuss, is the validity of *on line* relationships vs. *real life* relationships.

Why the line of delineation between what we can tell one group and not the other.

It would seem to me if we’re sharing the truths of our hearts on line and keeping those truths back from our *real life* relationships, the balance shifts over into *on-line* actually being more *real* than face to face?

If so, is *hiding* ourselves from our face to face relationships and not, from on line *friends* really healthy?


[edit on 4-8-2009 by silo13]

reply to post by silo13


I think this is an interesting question.

Is this good for our mental health, or counter productive to healing?

I think there is this persistent line of thinking that "online" relationships do not really exist and have zero bearing on real life. I really think that is a terrible way of looking at things. I believe that these online confessionals are maybe not as beneficial as a therapist but they are close. Your therapist / priest (whomever you chose to confess to) are not any more real than the people you encounter online. They have the same bearing on your real family and friends, which is zero. It is the act of confessing that matters here.

People need to express themselves and they don't feel comfortable in their current social circles to do so. So I see this as a very beneficial thing. You can look around this forum and see some users that have had some really profound personal changes. These changes would not have come about if they had just kept everything inside and gone about their lives.

So, in my opinion it is very beneficial.

lol, Well no bones in my closest people don't know about.

Sometimes complete strangers when provoked i'll tell them all the skeletons in my closest. I'm ashamed of them, yes, but hey you know what they are!

Simple.

I figure i'm a strange case though.

On the internet your an anonyminity, spelled wrongly so.

Just like phone balls, or texting balls, are internet balls, if you antagonize someone on the phone you face no real danger. or on a text. In the internet, there is no real danger.

I doubt a ATS member will fly from New zealand, to texas, to fight me lol, well maybe an ats member! crazy folk.

But the danger factor is way down.

Same with feelings. We recognize there are millions and getting giddy when we feel, we are not alone.

Good job posting this in psychology, great point!

Exchanging opinions and ideas is all information exchange, and the more of it there is in a group of people, the more informed they are potentially (not necessarily), or at least most exposed to a wide variety of ideas to work with.

I have to say that I have actually made real friends online. These are carefully chosen people that I have known online for years. They make a huge difference in my life and I am grateful to have found them. I mean in real lfe, how many people do we know that are interested in conspiracies and UFO's and the paranaormal?

I have always been close to my family and off line friends. I have learned long ago, never to take anyone or anything for granted.

I guess we all need to be aknowledged and appreciated for who we are and online we can find people from all over the world with similar/same interests. It's so easy to just let go and talk. In real life, we have to be careful with what we discuss or they think you're a little out to lunch.

Is this good for our mental health? Yes Silo, I believe it is. If you find the right people it is. I am always astounded by my fortune And the people I have met. People who have inspired me, cheered me on when I needed it, and I do the same in return. It is very late for me and hard to be articulate right now. For me anyway, it is never the same old same old. It is wonderful!

reply to post by Karlhungis
Thanks Karlhungis,

I too agree it’s beneficial, or could be. (How's that for wishy-washy).

What disturbs me though is people referring to *on line* as not being *real*.
Or they stipulate*in real life* thus and so happens, as if *real life* is separate from the computer..

For me, personally, *on line* is just as real to me as *real life* (there I go again)...

When I interact with people on line, I still experience the range of emotions I would if I were speaking to them on the phone, etc. The same time is spent, the same intention, the same results (or close)... But people still insist what you and I are doing right now, is not *real*.

Is it because I’ve never met them face to face people insist it’s *just the internet*?

And if people perceive the interaction here and *just the internet* what impact does that have on the responses they get from posters who answer their please for help, or confessions?

In other words, do they say ‘Well, yeah, that poster might be right, but what do they know - it’s just the internet*...

You see where I’m getting with this?

Yes, I believe it’s good to talk to people on line, where it’s very easy to become a lot closer a lot falser than most would in their day to day relationships, but, I also think it’s important to give validity to the on line relationships as they are (IMO) true and viable.

*looks around and wonders if I’m rambling*...

peace

reply to post by Night Star
Ok this post, (thank you for it) is an example of what I mean.

I have to say that I have actually made real friends online. These are carefully chosen people that I have known online for years. They make a huge difference in my life and I am grateful to have found them. I mean in real lfe, how many people do we know that are interested in conspiracies and UFO's and the paranaormal?

See. You start by saying how these on line friends are so important to you, how they make a huge difference in your life, but, then go on to say ‘I mean in real life’...

They are you real life, IMO.
What we do here online does have as much if not more validity as our one on one face to face relationships.

I’m not trying to get off topic, but it’s all tied in, IMO.

If I don’t validate my on line experience as *real* it gives not only an *out* to forcing myself to examine truths that might be painful, but allows me to disassociate from the *secrets* I might share.

That’s why I say yes, in some ways it’s wonderful what we share with our on line friends, as long as we don’t allow that disassociation to occur.

I guess we all need to be aknowledged and appreciated for who we are and online we can find people from all over the world with similar/same interests. It's so easy to just let go and talk. In real life, we have to be careful with what we discuss or they think you're a little out to lunch.

And this is the part I think is *bad*.

If I can’t express and talk about the matter of my heart, to my family and friends face to face, where am I actually living the lie?
In the face to face relationships that I hold back my personal truth from?
Yep.

That is another drawback of on-line confessions and relationships.
IMO there shouldn’t be a delineation line between these two groups.
So another point for online associations in times of need not necessarily being healthy.

Is this good for our mental health? Yes Silo, I believe it is. If you find the right people it is. I am always astounded by my fortune And the people I have met. People who have inspired me, cheered me on when I needed it, and I do the same in return. It is very late for me and hard to be articulate right now. For me anyway, it is never the same old same old. It is wonderful!

It is wonderful isn’t it...

But just how wonderful?



[edit on 4-8-2009 by silo13]

reply to post by silo13



Imo, many people on here do it as a test response. Like odds are if the majority of ats believes in x, I will talk of the y that i've been hiding. Or maybe, they do it only for themselves.
Good question like stated above, but can we even fathom the motivations of another person? To me it is impossible but star for your thoughts.

reply to post by silo13


I think the key is to try and keep things in perspective. As Republican08 alluded to, some people are not honest online and due to the anonymity they feel they can say whatever they want. So, be on your toes and know that not everyone is genuine. Then again, the same applies for "real life" as well. It is just harder to tell if someone is being sincere if you can't hear their voice or see how they carry themselves. Without the physical cues, it is easier to be deceived.

Given the right people though, I think that online discussions / relationships can be very real and very beneficial. It certainly isn't something to dismiss as meaningless.

reply to post by silo13


Is it beneficial or harmful?? it depends only the psychoanalitical system/theory we believe the most in the moment given )
Anonymity is surely important factor as always online- it is handicap and at the same time gives You the feeling of security... well...everybody here seems to know this...
I forgot the Big Brother always watching and waiting for the keywords...
Here on ATS, I think they (I mean THEM, so "They" use the computing power big enough to spy two or 3 medium sized countries...it seems.
So maybe for some people its also "excitement factor"- when they write a few posts about rather well known doubts concerning 9/11 they fell like the most wanted "freedom fighters"... Good if it only makes them feel better, instead of inducing heart attack, upon sight of some random black Van parked near their house

Peace

reply to post by ZenOnKwalsky



really? people get excited about posting their honest opinion? that's part of the problem. That should be as natural as bacon and eggs.

reply to post by silo13


Concerning the "validation"of internet contacts problem...Its the same like with our everyday "ofline" lives. Some have less and some more of emotional inteligence...or is it simply a good luck??

Originally posted by heyo
reply to post by ZenOnKwalsky

 

really? people get excited about posting their honest opinion? that's part of the problem. That should be as natural as bacon and eggs.

Sure- in theory, but Society- even not PC, but politeness etc in the "not-internet" contacts stops us quite often, so we say less than we would like to say, applies not to all situations and not to everybody...

reply to post by ZenOnKwalsky


well i'm glad to say where i live there is no pc, only honesty, and lies are seen right through. it is something to behold, staring at somebody who know's you're bsing just to not piss them off, the actions of which, piss them off....

reply to post by heyo


So for sure You live somewhere out of the big cities, closer to nature??
Well, I should write: Modern Society...You are lucky...

reply to post by ZenOnKwalsky



umm, okay.
modern society thanks you for you inputs and wonders what your defintion of modern society is.

reply to post by heyo

umm, okay.
modern society thanks you for you inputs and wonders what your defintion of modern society is.

I have to chuckle at the phrase *modern society*.

I live in an extremely small Sicilian town that makes Corleone look like Boston Mass.
This town near the volcano Etna, it’s so antiquated sometimes I find it hard to breath.
There are no shared *confidences* here.
There are still arranges marriages.
So thinking of confiding intimate details about my life with someone else is just a no-goer.
Much less talking to them about UFO's or *nutter* stuff.

So more often than not I find the relationships I have on line are actually *truer* than the ones I have day to day face to face.

I wish it wasn’t so but that’s the way it is.

Originally posted by heyo
reply to post by ZenOnKwalsky

 

umm, okay.
modern society thanks you for you inputs and wonders what your defintion of modern society /quote]

Emmm good question...well...Version idealistic: its contradiction of the Traditional Societies...

No good?? So Modern society is one which is not tailored to the ordinary human- anonymous crowd, superficious contacts, that kind of stuff. And the rules are not based on that old, usually healty morality but changes with what is "trendy" in this moment in New Yoork or Paris... Whats more??I must think about it a while more...

Originally posted by silo13
reply to post by Night Star

 

Ok this post, (thank you for it) is an example of what I mean.

I have to say that I have actually made real friends online. These are carefully chosen people that I have known online for years. They make a huge difference in my life and I am grateful to have found them. I mean in real lfe, how many people do we know that are interested in conspiracies and UFO's and the paranaormal?

See. You start by saying how these on line friends are so important to you, how they make a huge difference in your life, but, then go on to say ‘I mean in real life’...

They are you real life, IMO.
What we do here online does have as much if not more validity as our one on one face to face relationships.

I’m not trying to get off topic, but it’s all tied in, IMO.

If I don’t validate my on line experience as *real* it gives not only an *out* to forcing myself to examine truths that might be painful, but allows me to disassociate from the *secrets* I might share.

That’s why I say yes, in some ways it’s wonderful what we share with our on line friends, as long as we don’t allow that disassociation to occur.

I guess we all need to be aknowledged and appreciated for who we are and online we can find people from all over the world with similar/same interests. It's so easy to just let go and talk. In real life, we have to be careful with what we discuss or they think you're a little out to lunch.

And this is the part I think is *bad*.

If I can’t express and talk about the matter of my heart, to my family and friends face to face, where am I actually living the lie?
In the face to face relationships that I hold back my personal truth from?
Yep.

That is another drawback of on-line confessions and relationships.
IMO there shouldn’t be a delineation line between these two groups.
So another point for online associations in times of need not necessarily being healthy.

Is this good for our mental health? Yes Silo, I believe it is. If you find the right people it is. I am always astounded by my fortune And the people I have met. People who have inspired me, cheered me on when I needed it, and I do the same in return. It is very late for me and hard to be articulate right now. For me anyway, it is never the same old same old. It is wonderful!

It is wonderful isn’t it...

But just how wonderful?



[edit on 4-8-2009 by silo13]

I'm sorry Silo, I was up quite late last night and it was difficult to articulate my thoughts and feelings. When I said about being grateful to have my on-line friends and then went on to say that in 'real life' ... I just used the term because that is how people talk about on-line versus off-line. I do find my on-line friends as real as anyone I know off-line. They are people that I trust, admire and love.

You were saying that you felt it was *bad* that you couldn't share matters of your heart with friends and family face to face and was wondering where you live the lie. You feel you shouldn't have to draw the line between the two groups. We are all unique individuals with our own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, in whether on-line or off-line relationships, we talk about certain subjects with some and not others. We know the interests, thoughts and feelings of all our friends and family members and share accordinglingly. My family and friends off-line know I am into what they consider 'wierd' stuff yet they accept and love me just the same. I wouldn't however go on and on about UFO's if I know they arn't that interested, but my on-line friends would be. To me, you are living a balanced life and there is no need feel that all your relationships must be the same.

I am very much the same way online as I am in person when it comes to not holding back what I say.

The only difference about it is that nobody can hit me when I say something online!

The truth hurts sometimes, and sometimes people need to hear it.

I can't stand when people are fake, and pussy foot around a conversation or situation.