Breaking down Illogical Mental Barriers

reply to post by Toughiv


I am the same way. But the best thing I can think of is fight past them. Don't let natural tendency take over and truly not care what people think.

reply to post by EnlightenUp
Disclaimer: As above!

Explanation: to a member with 99.999% accurate insight!

Personal Disclosure: Its 100% emphysima in my case and I'm loving it thanks. There's nothing like revelling [stewing] in ones own choices [juices]! Drowning in myself what a way to go!

P.S. I have no regerets as I totally chose it and was fully complicit in impossing it upon myself.

P.P.S I did ask myself "why" and I did answer myself and I agreed with what I told myself concerning this issue so thanks for the opportunity you provided me for recalibrating myself as upon scrutiny I'm dead [pun intended! ] bang on the target I set myself over a decade ago.

Whoever has the answer to this one can make a bundle!

There are references here to self confidence, and to gain it I think you have to have successes. And to have successes you have to have experiences. And to have experiences you have to....well. You know.

If you try in an area you are uncomfortable with and have a failure, you will feel crappy. This is what "getting back up on the horse" is about, and ASAP. You will eventually have successes, and with success comes confidence.

That's my Mary Sunshine thought for today.

Originally posted by Toughiv
I was hoping all the members of ATS could chare their own opinions, strategies and anecdotes on how they themselves overcome these mental barriers.

We are all different, so to have a wide variety of perspectives would be best here.

I, myself use self talk most of the time. That combined with scheduled meditation helps me retain clarity and focus throughout the day and throughout my problems.

Cheers,

S&F having not really much to tell...maybe too sober Im all with you- waiting for the stories

I would say that a mental barrier is something that goes up in defense of some form of hurt that has been inflicted upon your person. Mental anguish builds walls, brick by brick.
I have long been at odds with certain aspects of my own personality. so much so that in the past, I was completely introverted. I was being tormented by someone I knew, because I made a mistake. I sat there for some time being berated for something I was honestly mistaken about and sorry for. A poor lack of judgment on my part, but in no way deserving of the abuse I endured. This used to happen often. I was the so called non dominant figure in the group. I was made to feel subservient and like I was stupid. Well this one day in particular, I had enough. As I sat in the garage, listening to the verbal tirade, was told, "You are one stupid f**ker!"
I snapped. I stood up and began a tirade of my own.
I brought to light, the good things about myself, such as maintaining a job, saving money, working hard, and what not. Then I layed into him about how he could call me stupid when he is an alcoholic, and does nothing but run me around like his slave. I was a good friend to him, and now that's over, because he is such an ass.
My point being, It felt good!!
I tore down that wall and soon after realized that I could do the same with other aspects of my life. I realized I had a voice. I could be heard, and that people would listen. I now demanded respect. Not only of other people who asked me what took me so long, but of myself.
Sometimes, there is nothing more to do to tear down a mental barrier, than to just do it.
The more you think about it and the longer you wait, the harder it is.

Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you, Weep and you weep alone.

reply to post by Toughiv


Brad, sooner or later a lady is going to come along who will find your modesty and maybe a little shyness absolutely adorable. Woman do like powerful men, granted. But define "powerful"--- that is the question.

Because someone may be a little shy around women does not mean they are not "powerful". Woman can see through that stuff. We know a good guy when we see one. Shy or no. Give us a little credit.

I used to have a horrible time with public speaking. It was awful, but I have to do it at times. I underwent hynopsis for this, and I'm all better.
If not, I take sedatives.

If you are really just looking for a way to break the mental barrier that says you cant do something, or you are having self doubt, the simple answer is to just train your brain to be confident at any time and any situation. Now how you do that is up to you, but I suggest googling Tony Robbins. He is what made me realize that I am not the only one that all humans are defined by how the act towards the emotions they feel. By listening to him, I gained an even greater view toward psychology, that to be honest, I already had a great view on.

We all have the same basic emotions...Happiness, Sadness, Fear, Doubt, Jealousy, Anger, etc... but what sets us apart is what makes us experience those emotions, and what defines us is how we deal with those emotions.

[edit on 5-8-2009 by Nostradumbass]

Just wanted to say, i have really enjoyed reading everybody's posts. Some stories of how they have overcome mental barriers. Reading those inspire me, feel me with that sense of motivation and make me say to myself "i CAN do this" .

As for your advice, it has all been a great help to see how different people approach the topic. Some say 'get back on that horse', which seems reliable, common sense, it is after all, a numbers game. Some say work on confidence. "flex" confidence as if it were a muscle.

To ladyinwaiting - you say that there are women out there that find that shyness (etc) adorable. I can see where your coming from, but again, its just not me, i think watching the lion king at like the age of 6 really shaped how I thought a man should be - Hard working / Reliable / Protector and so on. So this is something Id rather work on, than accept, then wait for a female who finds me attractive.

I like the fact that some people have shared that they have exactly the same issue. It makes me feel...more...normal less of a wimp

What im thinking is that it must boil down to self-confidence. Those that are good at picking women are usually known as the "bad boys". These guys, i have nothing against, since what it actually boils down to is their sense of self-esteem/arrogance/alpha male/confidence. So I do think much can be learnt from their example...other behaviours though, are best avoided.

Right so I ask myself, what is lacking in my self-esteem / confidence / alpha etc. I know im 'smarter than the average bear' (which to me is a positive quality...but then again i would say that)...I know im strong...(which satisfies my alpha in me)...I know i can be witty and funny....(hence the reason for my social circles). BUT YET I STILL FIND MYSELF FALTERING.

I think it therefore boils down to ME not thinking I AM GOOD ENOUGH for the person in question. I dont know the person in question, I dont know what they are like and so on. So really it must be that I am unhappy with myself? That i know/believe I can be more than I am already?

Be more than I am already...hmm now we are getting philosophical. Why is it i feel the need to be happy with myself before i feel ready to try and make someone else happy with me? Why do I not already think I am good enough for a stranger?

Has anyone come across these issues? I really feel like im onto something here...

Usually, upon getting to know someone really well, the feeling that they are better than you dissipates. Disillusionment inevitably sets in.

I'm thinking you are very young. Some of these anxieties are simply born from youth. In another couple of years you won't feel this way, because you will have some successes under your belt.

But if all this boils down to is how to successfully pick up women through pretending to be someone you are not, then it's not worthwhile anyway.

You have goals for yourself obviously. My thoughts are to continue to work on those, work on yourself, and when the time comes (which you cannot force) you will be ready. Until then, relax and have fun.

reply to post by ladyinwaiting


Thanks Lady Twenty...I think these have been burdens long enough

However, this isnt about picking up women. Its more about those psychological barriers that we put in place and tackling them.

[edit on 5-8-2009 by Toughiv]

people had been telling me that I have to believe I can bend a spoon
they did it in front of me, twist it into a coil, I examine it and i couldn't undo it, it was a real spoon
how? he told me you got to believe
I tried, and failed, until now.