Eating Disorder

I know a girl, 25, I worked with her, she was a Petite Pretty Blonde hair blue eyed girl. She could get any guy she wanted, but we ended up being more of a mess around couple, not exclusively. Thats to get it started of an idea.

Recently she has lost completely her sex drive, (which is unimaginable knowing her) she has gained 50 pounds at least and is continually looking bigger and bigger.

The only thing she's talks about is food, the way it tastes, and if she's not talking about it, it's because she's eating, she's stopped putting on make up, she's stopped taking care of herself, and her complete attention is on food.

I never thought this was an Eating Disorder and I don't know what it's called or were to even begin to search, is there anyway to stop this, she's amotivational, with no ambition no drive, it's insane I never knew this could happen to someone.

Anyone out there with advice, she drinks occasionally, and is a smoker, the thought of her adding more to damage her body, is inconcieveable. I want to help her, but don't know how.

What damage could this do? How can I help her? I know image isn't everything but the amount of time vs the amount of weight and mental changes is staggering!

Eating disorders are very complex and she needs to see a therapist.

www.nimh.nih.gov...

reply to post by whaaa


So should I tell her to (Nicely and Consideratly Put) to see a therapist about this problem, she never thought it a problem before now.

I figure there is nothing I can do for her personally. For now I'll suggest she see a psychologist, there is a place nearby, they offer free help for mental diseases, hopefully she will go in there. Hopefully.

Originally posted by Republican08
reply to post by whaaa

 

So should I tell her to (Nicely and Consideratly Put) to see a therapist about this problem, she never thought it a problem before now.

I figure there is nothing I can do for her personally. For now I'll suggest she see a psychologist, there is a place nearby, they offer free help for mental diseases, hopefully she will go in there. Hopefully.

Yes, tell her as a friend and lover that you are worried about her and try and see if she will tell you what is troubling her and gently suggest a therapist. Ultimately it will be her decision; but the seed must be planted.
Many people use food as an ex cape just like alcohol or drugs.

I personally think she has a drinking problem.. She says no, but she is not a typical alcholic.

Her life is pretty out of the ordinary, but she claims she likes it. Maybe she does have issues, I can't understand that are real. This is tough understanding for me. I always thought these diseases were just attention getting tactics.

But she wants no attention, she's seemingly happy with the now of life, but I know her too well, she really isn't.

Do you have any advice, as I'm a particularly especially, incredibly bad person at telling people things. If I was to tell her to go to a therapist, she'd probably punch me in the face?

Any ideas. It's not that she's crazy, well not more then anyone else is I suppose. Just tell someone to see a therapist, is quite painful. There must be an easier way? Or softer?

This sounds like a symptom of depression and hopelessness. It's very easy to let go of oneself with depression.

And this may be way off but I would at least like to point this out. You would have to know her extremely well and since the relationship was so casual, she may not have told you but I would still like to throw this out there just in case it could help her in any way.

What you are describing is very typical of a rape or sexual assault victim. Gaining weight that fast, losing motivation, ceasing wearing make-up, as well as completely losing one's sex drive is a psychological self defense mechanism many rape victims go through. Basically, they subconsciously self destruct to make themselves as unattractive to the opposite sex as possible (because in their head, the crime was sex-based and not control-based). Sex also becomes repulsive to them and they lose sexual interest in their current partners.

Again, I'm not saying that is what happened to her. Just saying the signs you are describing are very common as a side effect for victims.

Then, of course, it could also just be a general symptom of depression. If the above scenario is impossible, please disregard. Just trying to help by offering something that many people might not be aware of.

reply to post by AshleyD


She was always very promiscuous, but never admitted to a Sexual Misconduct done upon her ever. What you describes add up, I thought I knew her, but I feel I really don't.

I think you may have well just hit the Head of the Nail, on this one. It would explain alot. ALOT! I plan on gently introducing an Okay enviroment around me, then suggesting a help situation to her, a it's all ok for now, it may possibly be ok later situation to help ease her out of her distress.

If this proves to be true, it's the most well hidden case of it I have ever heard of, but still ring true to every moment of her life.

I wish I could just slap her, touch her, or say something to make this all go away for her, but as I've learned this never occurs in the realm of reality, it's a slow transition, and i'm going to work on it, for now, if there's nothing I can do, it won't hurt me, won't allow it to, i've seen to many people be ruined by this, my life is still mine, and hers is hers, but I am not one to let someone go on damaged. Without trying my best to help.

Thanks, to everyone, if anyone else has something to say, I will be checking in to see. Again Thanks.

reply to post by Republican08


AshleyD and the others are correct. She seems to be experiencing PTSD from trauma in her life. It may be bubbling up from past abuse and is just coming forward.

It is very typical and expected that she would turn to a fix like addictive substances and food. It is to combat the grief she is experiencing. A sure sign of depression and self abuse.

Has anyone attempted to talk to her? Her parents?

A therapist who specializes in addiction would be most helpful. She most likely feels a lot of shame and needs to understand that there are those who can help and will not judge her. She is not bad - needing to get good, but sick needing to get well. Often individuals feel "bad" as humans and unworthy.

She needs help to see that there is no shame in getting professional help. She may not be willing until she is ready, however.

Pretty much everything above sounds possible.
I also wouldn't be at all surprised if she had an eating disorder before she gained the weight. Those who struggle with eating disorder related problems (usually the EDNOS category i would think) often have strange, extreme fluctuations in their weight and changes in their relationship with food.
I don't think for a second that she developed this recently, I think it just made itself more visible on the outside for the time being. I feel bad for her and I hope that she can find a way to resolve issues that may be driving the disordered patterns and thoughts, if this is the case, and be happier.
Best of luck to you.
Also, many with eating disorders are very unlikely to take a liking to any suggestion to get help, but in the long run your concern may be worth something regardless of any backlash for trying to steer her towards thinking about therapy or something. Don't be surprised if she basically wants to kill you or never talk to you again, but at the same time, maybe she will be terribly relieved that somebody cares.

Well I tried to talk to her about it earlier today.

In a picture this was the response I got.

Yep, she told me there was nothing I could do for her, she admitted to the disorder, but said to share the concern for someone who actually cared about getting better.

I've come from a body disorder, I felt like something was physically wrong with me constantly I would work out at a gym till I bleed, and bruised all over, to feel like I was someone I admired, It only caused problems in every relationship I had.

But hers is more destructive, if she doesn't want help should I just leave her alone now, I feel like I should, she's told me blatently to, leave her to be?

She's a great girl a great personality, I just feel a bit selfish wanting the old girl back then the new one, her personality has slighty changed to a more over dramatised one, and less charismatic then before.

Originally posted by Republican08
Well I tried to talk to her about it earlier today.

In a picture this was the response I got.

Yep, she told me there was nothing I could do for her, she admitted to the disorder, but said to share the concern for someone who actually cared about getting better.

Keep trying. If you know anyother of her friends; try a sort of intervention to possibly get her into rehab, therapy or even a type of 12step program.

If, like you suspect that she is also abusing alcohol the sooner the problem is addressed, the better.

I am one who abused alcohol and drugs for years and finally reached a bottom; mentally, physically, morally and spiritually. I finally sought help thanks to those around me that cared about my welfare even though I rejected and rebuffed their concern for years. But the reality is; most of the time, the pain must get BAD for the sufferer to seek help.
I will say a prayer for I know the fear and loneliness of addiction.

reply to post by Republican08
She must be a real unhappy soul and I feel for her big time.
Something must really be bothering her to have developed an eating disorder like this.
It's like she's intent on self -destruction.
I'm the other way--I don't eat if somethin is really bothering me and lose weight.
Just be supportive and I hope your beautiful friend returns to the way she was. x

I've come from a body disorder, I felt like something was physically wrong with me constantly I would work out at a gym till I bleed, and bruised all over, to feel like I was someone I admired, It only caused problems in every relationship I had.

Ok, from the moment I started reading this thread I wanted to ask this question.

Do you work out alot, or are you really physically active?

To me, in my personal perspective, and from personal expieriances...it sounds like she is insecure, and/or intimidated by your lifestyle or routine. Which could stem from previous statements above.

She may feel that she has to keep up with you in order to maintain the relationship, and it's driving her to do the opposite. Eat/rebel. Does that make sense?

Bottom line she's acting out for some reason. Stress her for the truth. Get to the root of the problem, ask Alot of questions. There is so much you can find out from her with truly, loving, concerened, heartfelt questions.

Then you should have a good idea of where you stand.

Good luck. It sounds all too familiar to me so, all of my best.



[edit on 27-4-2009 by becomingaware]

reply to post by becomingaware


I try to get her to go to the Gym with me, not to be egotistical but I from others pointing it out am attractive with regard that I am no Brad Pitt, Johnny depp by any stretch of the imagination. I cut down on going to the gym to at least 3-5 days a week now.

She is very insecure, but at the same time as she's gained the weight and addiction, she has a facade of being very secure, but when questioned or analyzed is very insecure still.

Her sister is a Alcholic in every meaning of the word, but has a tight beautiful body. Is intelligent (when not drinking) she has pretty much everything but throws it away regardless.

She does read the magazine religiously Cosmo etc, I don't know the names but see them everywhere around her.

I have been a bit, well more then most, attacking her lifestyle, and I know you can't win people over with that, and I'll just try to win her over to a healthier lifestyle and better body image, with kindness and geniune kindness like you said. Hopefully that'll do the trick.

I did search for free therapists and got names addresses and phone numbers for them, so that when she does want help she can get it with ease. She knows i've done this, so at least its in her mind, i'm just not going to pressure her. It is all in all HER life. So I can understand that.

reply to post by Republican08

I did search for free therapists and got names addresses and phone numbers for them, so that when she does want help she can get it with ease. She knows i've done this, so at least its in her mind, i'm just not going to pressure her. It is all in all HER life. So I can understand that.

That is very considerate of you, and a very good point. It is her life and too much pressure can have the opposite desired effect ( DATS grammer paranoia issue ).

Anyway, That's a difficult issue and you should be advised thoroughly...but what do I know, I have my own relationship issues to contend with.



[edit on 27-4-2009 by becomingaware]

Well I'm not surprised she gave you the um.... or however it shall be described lol

But it was a necessary start; she knows you care, and also admitted to having a disorder.
But I promise you, when she says there is nothing you can do and to leave her alone, she means that. (For now )
Ask anyone who has had an eating disorder - attention and concern over it, after the initial discussion you've had, tends to drive a person in deeper, make them more stressed, and often determined to do worse or in some cases lose control more. It's not good if every time you see her you say "Hey, how's the eating disorder going?" (not that you are or would, but you get the idea...)
Just watch out for things getting worse, or health complications, and make it show that you are willing to listen when SHE is ready to discuss something about it, or bring it up (the majority of the time)
Obviously if something starts to seem very dangerous or she seems suicidal you should do more than hang out and act normal or whatever; bring it up then, suggest taking things more seriously (eg. as for getting help, or going to the hospital right then if necessary) but I'm just saying, don't push. It's probably one of the worst things you could do. Eating disorders are extremely personal, private and often the individual feels very shamed or depressed about it. These things aggravated could just trigger. They will probably withdraw from you if they feel like they are expected to discuss it frequently, and when it isn't on their terms, and then you've lost your window to help at all in the long run.

Anyhow, I'm glad she told you what she told you, and I hope you keep an eye out for warning signs that she is getting worse or anything like that, and be there for her....
Best wishes.

I thought I'd update this.

While this has turned to a very sad story.

The girl has gone to an extreme now, and well is tripping on deaths door mat.

It's only a matter of time now, I just have to accept that I did all I could, and it was a lost cause.

I applaud you all for giving me sound advice, although the best of advice couldn't of helped this.

It is indeed a very sad loss, and another mental scar to add to the many mental scars....

I'm very sorry to hear that, Rep. I was hoping for some sort of intervention type scenario where her family and closest friends could try to step in and help her. It was very nice of you to have done so much for her.

reply to post by AshleyD


I was hoping for that to, but the dad was a gamble with his own problems, the mom was a serious psychotic and recently released from a mental institute under circumstances, and the sister was a binging alcoholic who hadn't been home in weeks. I was just a friend, lover, hope that wasn't enough...

I'm not surprised though, not all stories have happy endings. This one was a longshot at that too though.