ATS Guys, should I give my friend the 'Dude' talk?

So about 6 months or so ago, my best friends dad died. He ditched his girlfriend at the time and started dating her best friend. Now at the time she was cool, but lately I cannot stand her! My other friend and I are debating about what we should do about her, because she's really turning him into an ass. If you look up the word whipped in the dictionary, there's probably a picture of my friend bending over so his girlfriend can brand him with an iron.

Now either me and my other friend can give him the 'Dude' talk (guys know what I'm talking about), or we can wait. Kinda reminds me of the succubus episode of South Park.

Hopefully I've explained this well enough, if not I'll elaborate as asked. What do you guys think I should do?

Get someone to sleep with her, tell him about it. Make sure it's going to be someone that he already doesn't like too much.

Or, no, back off. It's his decision to be with who he wants to be with. Sure, you can tell him that you thiunk she's turnin him into a muppet. But that's not going to win you any points. And is more likely to be counterproductive, than anything else. In time he'll probably work it out for himself. If you are going to do the "dude" talk, then don't do it as a big bunch of mates in an intervention style. Quiet drink in a pub, just you 2.

Originally posted by Acidtastic
Get someone to sleep with her, tell him about it. Make sure it's going to be someone that he already doesn't like too much.

Acid
I love guys and the way your brains tick, I just laughed so loud that my dogs started barking back at me.

Simple yet effective advice.

Its ok for you to have the dude talk. On the other hand chicks can't ever hear it, because we dig our heels in and marry the guy to spite everyone within 24 hours of the talk.

Get it off your chest I say, in a buddy to buddy over a pint kinda way. Just grunt at each other, looking down at your beers after you say her name, that may work also.



[edit on 16-4-2009 by zazzafrazz]

Originally posted by wisefoolishness
So about 6 months or so ago, my best friends dad died. He ditched his girlfriend at the time and started dating her best friend. Now at the time she was cool, but lately I cannot stand her! My other friend and I are debating about what we should do about her, because she's really turning him into an ass. If you look up the word whipped in the dictionary, there's probably a picture of my friend bending over so his girlfriend can brand him with an iron.

Now either me and my other friend can give him the 'Dude' talk (guys know what I'm talking about), or we can wait. Kinda reminds me of the succubus episode of South Park.

Hopefully I've explained this well enough, if not I'll elaborate as asked. What do you guys think I should do?

And you are positive that it's him being the ass and not his so called friends?
Perhaps you just don't like the fact of sharing your buddy with a woman. Cuts down on your male bonding time, huh?
"Whipped"..by that I assume you mean he does stuff to please her instead of you guys.
Are you jealous? Fearful your friend will get married?
Let him make his own decisions, and/or mistakes and save the intervention idea.
And if you can think of a South Park episode in relation to this...DEFINITELY,
don't do it.Especially if your friends name is Kenny.

Dude...

I know it's hard losing a friend to a member of the opposite sex. Relationships are difficult all the way around sometimes - they take time, effort, all that stuff.

But...

Have you ever considered he might like being "whipped"?

Some guys really dig on the idea of a strong, overbearing woman. It satisfies something for them they sometimes can't even explain. Maybe he's experiementing with that sort of relationship dynamic?

The best advice I can give you is just be patient with your buddy. Let him know how his behavior is affecting his relationship with his friends (and you) but don't mention the girl!

If he really is into her pretty heavily right now, giving him the ultimatum between choosing between his friends and this girl will only serve to distance him further.

Try something along the lines of "hey man, you're really acting different lately. It's kinda bugging me and the guys...."

If you try to blame it on his choice of girlfriend, it might just serve to drive him closer to her, and put him in a position to defend her honor (whether or not you think she's deserving of it).

Dude....seriously. Just let him know you don't enjoy hanging out with him since the "change in his behavior" and then just back off for a while. Your buddies too.

He'll either wisen up after a while and remember the fun with the guys he used to have, or....well, darn it. He'll end up married and miserable.

Best of luck, Dude.

Well, the thing is, his girlfriend before this one was cool, and I didn't have a problem with her. His old girlfriend and his current girlfriend were best friends, until his current girlfriend seduced him, I guess you would say.

I don't have a problem with him spending some time with his girlfriend, but another thing I didn't say was that he's only 18. And his girlfriend just turned 16. I don't want him wasting his young life away with some when he has the rest of his life to do that. By whipped I mean he listens to her before he listens to his mother. I heard her yell at him once for listening to his mom instead of her, no exaggeration.

Thanks to all of you for your input, even the dude that called me an ass. You are truly funny.

reply to post by wisefoolishness


Well that puts a new spin on things to no end. You should have put the ages in your opening post.
And unless your kind of "DUDE" wears a skirt ....
*Looks down*

reply to post by AccessDenied


Yeah, I know you're a girl, but I didn't look to see who wrote the post, I just read through all of them real quick and then posted a reply.

I was in a hurry last night when I typed that up, I'll admit I should have taken a little more time to specify on the details and such.

It's still a little chilly to be wearing skirts, haha.

Originally posted by wisefoolishness
So about 6 months or so ago, my best friends dad died. He ditched his girlfriend at the time and started dating her best friend. Now at the time she was cool, but lately I cannot stand her! My other friend and I are debating about what we should do about her, because she's really turning him into an ass. If you look up the word whipped in the dictionary, there's probably a picture of my friend bending over so his girlfriend can brand him with an iron.

Now either me and my other friend can give him the 'Dude' talk (guys know what I'm talking about), or we can wait. Kinda reminds me of the succubus episode of South Park.

Hopefully I've explained this well enough, if not I'll elaborate as asked. What do you guys think I should do?

From my experience with friends and bestfriends, I have found that everyone changes, people go on with their lives, and what you have now in a friendship won't be the same in the future. As you grow older, your friends will likely become more independent, distant, and they will dwell more with their mates, families, children, and at their workplaces.

The best advice that I could give to you is this, let your bestfriend continue on into his relationship or fling, and less than a year from now, your friend and his g/f or fling, they will not be together anymore. Infactuation never seems to last very long, and I don't even know them, but I can almost guarantee that the two of them and their raging hormones aren't ready to have a real commitment with true Love. I've seen it many times before, and I might know of one or two people that are with their high school sweethearts; the other 10000 are either single, or married, and they made that decision many years after they hit puberty, not a few years after!

The 16 and 18 year old thing, it's not that big of a deal. If he was 28 and she was 16, then there might be issues. But that's a matter of opinion I guess.

Oh, and since we are all people with feelings, I think that it is a good idea to try and make good with everybody you can; and yes, this includes the girl you don't like. It's unfortunate that your friend got with his exes bestfriend, that just goes to show how teens can act, selfishly and they are relentless in doing that.

Take care and good fortune to ya.

Onehappyangel

I think it's pretty much a given, more often than not, the person your best friend chooses to fall in love with will be somebody you really can't stand.
I think its a natural law of some sort.
When it happens, all you can do is move on and wish them well. It's his bed, let him lay in it.

16 and 18.... I try to cast my mind back to the dim recesses of teenage years...god, was it that long ago???

Anyway... what to do. Does he know that you, and possibly all his mates, aren't fond of his new girl?

Find some information on abuse, mental and emotional abuse and bring up the topic with him - to be clear, in no way mention her name or infer he is suffering from it. Just make broad generalised statements about how you think it's probably happening to far more guys than they let on. Ask him what he would do if he saw one of you in an abusive relationship.

Now translate everything into guy speak. Good luck.

Probably just a phase your pal is going through.
You may have to do both of y'all a favor and hit on this girl yourself.
Hit it hard and he'll see the light.
Do it quick before you find him someday at the mall holding on to her purse.

Yep, it's time for the "Dude" talk. Most definitely.

When a woman controls a man to the point that man rejects his friends it is time to sound the alarm.

What she is doing is selfish and reprehensible.

I don't fully understand the situation, but from what you have told us in the OP this will lead to this man being married to a horrid wretched woman, one that dominates and controls his life. He will end up moving away from everyone he knows and loves and he will end up lonely and bitter. Usually after a terrible divorce.

It's time to save your friend, the "Dude" talk, while it probably wont work, will at least give you the knowledge you tried.

He needs the Dude talk....

The fact that you're even asking pretty much clinches it....

Again, thanks for all the advice.

There used to be three of us, him, me, and another guy that always used to hang out together. I've been talking to my other friend about what we could do, and we decided that there are two options. 1-give him the 'dude' talk, or 2-let him do what he wants. But, we also decided that both options are very likely to give us the same result: the loss of a friend.

We haven't done anything yet, but if we do, it has to be before the summer, we graduate at the end of this month and head off to college. We know who he is going to be with all summer if we do not beat something into his head, and let him dig himself further and further into a ditch.