40 things you would like to say at work

40 things you would like to say at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of poop.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.


10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

Those are good. I've got three signs on my desk that we can add to that list:

1. I am out of bed and dressed.....what more do you want from me?

2. Each and every day, more and more people show up here just trying to piss me off.

3. I see stupid people. They are everywhere. And, some of them work here!!!

Love em..plus one..
"Stop pissing me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

reply to post by Extralien


I once told an employee:
"youre depriving a village of an idiot"

Cant remember if I made it up or heard it somewhere, but I go the laugh I was looking for!

[edit on 103131p://f25Saturday by zazzafrazz]

Originally posted by skeptic1
3. I see stupid people. They are everywhere. And, some of them work here!!!

The best part about that one is when they show up and start laughing as if they aren't one of them...

And yes...I see the irony in this post...

Star and a flag for you.



It made me laugh when I feel very personality challenged.

Haaaa I like number three! It fits oh so well with my job and I say it quite often.