The Dark Side of Ourselves

I'm opening up a little here and testing the water. I've had a few conversations about this with my very closest friends.

Who on this website is subject to evil thoughts. I'm not talking about taking the last biscuit on the plate or jumping the queue, I'm talking about ideas that when they pop into your head, make you feel sick to your stomach, thoughts that make you feel ashamed of yourself and almost tormented.

I'm a peaceful individual, I don't drink, I don't do drugs or smoke or indulge in anything such as ouija boards and so forth. I wake up everyday and work at improving myself and the lives of those around me in positive ways and yet in my darkest corner, it feels like I'm being urged to break myself by doing something horrible. My will is far too strong to give in to such obscenities but I feel terrible about these thoughts. They're not like ordinary thoughts either. They're spontaneous like a person suggesting something to you. Not like that voice in your head or general anticipated thinking at all. My imagination is also powerful enough to generate the outcome of these acts and see them in my minds eye before I have a chance to intervene.

Additionally,I refuse to go into detail about these thoughts. I've told no-one in the world, only that they exist. Just think about the worst thing you can, dwell on it for 15 minutes and you'll get some idea of what I feel like in an instant. So who else goes through this? I'm no psychologist but I'm guessing, (actually more hoping) this is a natural human instinct. How do others cope with this as this happens 10-15 times everyday for me and its getting more noticable.

Thanks for your time,
Th8nker

I am of the mind that you can not be a whole person unless you examine the dark side within oneself. This can be an invaluable tool to unlock your psyche. Ask the questions. Where does this come from? What are my underlying motivations? How does this relate to my past experiences? Am I living in victemhood? I would say the 'motivation' question is the biggest.

With that stated, to dwell without examination could be potentinally dangerous. Laws of attraction. Need an example? Casey Anthony. It is clear she dwelled within her thoughts for a long time without examining her own past or motivations. She dwelled too long in these fantasies and thus they manifested.

Again, I have stated in my avatar that I'm the darkness in the light. I love to play and live in the shadows but, responsibly. To be a conscious, responsible entity it bodes well to find out the origins of these thoughts as they relate to you personally. A lot of religious and some psychology ideals would have you negate, ignore, suppress these thoughts. I don't think 'stuffing' is healthy. Find out where it's coming from and incorporate this into your be-ing.

Originally posted by Th8nker
I'm opening up a little here and testing the water. I've had a few conversations about this with my very closest friends.

Who on this website is subject to evil thoughts. I'm not talking about taking the last biscuit on the plate or jumping the queue, I'm talking about ideas that when they pop into your head, make you feel sick to your stomach, thoughts that make you feel ashamed of yourself and almost tormented.

I'm a peaceful individual, I don't drink, I don't do drugs or smoke or indulge in anything such as ouija boards and so forth. I wake up everyday and work at improving myself and the lives of those around me in positive ways and yet in my darkest corner, it feels like I'm being urged to break myself by doing something horrible. My will is far too strong to give in to such obscenities but I feel terrible about these thoughts. They're not like ordinary thoughts either. They're spontaneous like a person suggesting something to you. Not like that voice in your head or general anticipated thinking at all. My imagination is also powerful enough to generate the outcome of these acts and see them in my minds eye before I have a chance to intervene.

Additionally,I refuse to go into detail about these thoughts. I've told no-one in the world, only that they exist. Just think about the worst thing you can, dwell on it for 15 minutes and you'll get some idea of what I feel like in an instant. So who else goes through this? I'm no psychologist but I'm guessing, (actually more hoping) this is a natural human instinct. How do others cope with this as this happens 10-15 times everyday for me and its getting more noticable.

Thanks for your time,
Th8nker

Very good question and something I have found myself wondering recently as well but on a different scale. Very difficult to speak about with anyone as its a controversial topic with a sort of taboo attached to it on both small and large scales.

I have been pondering on the whole place we call earth, the things that are currenty happening and sacrifice for a greater good if that is even justifiable without being absolutely evil.

The more I look at what is going on and the direction we are heading in as a species it seems that we are heading for a period of massive suffering and loss.
I wonder if the people making judgement calls decide it on a basis that is acceptable loss, that is not comprehensible to someone who is not in their position.
That seems to be why we are trying to make sense of the bigger picture but we cannot understand or refuse to when we find the truth that appears to be evil. Nobody would want to be sacrificed for a greater or lesser good including anyone who would ever have to make a decision like that but does this justify doing nothing and being responsible for more loss that could have been prevented?
I think the question on a level like this is more, what is the absolute depth of evil thoughts and the absolute height of good thoughts. I think this is one of the reasons we exist in the first place.

Anyways as for your topic, I think everyone is subject to evil thoughts, it is human nature but that is why we have morals that we do our best to stick to. If we did not have flexible minds we would not be able to make sense of most of the world as it is even on a daily basis when interacting with others. Empathy is an attribute that needs both sound judgement in bad and good.



[edit on 24-3-2009 by XXXN3O]

I've had a bit of an "episode" today funnily enough. Now, I know that the reason my dark side is so strong, is because I had/have drug enduced paranoid skitzophrenia. (self diagnosed, you won't get me admitting this to any quack!!) When people talk down to me, or try to belittle me, it sends me off on an internal mental journey of sick twisted torturous ideas. For instance, the guy on another forum, who called me a "fruitloop f#tard" because I'm opposed to fluoridated water. Has, in my mind, been kicked to a bloody mess, glassed in the face and all sorts of horrible things that I'd never want o do in real life. But truth be known, if he was standing infront of me right now, I can honestly say that I don't know if I'd do the horrible twisted sick thoughts that I'm thinking about or not.

I'm a calm guy usually, probably too calm, bottle it all up and wait for it to explode. That's the only reason I'm still allowed to drink in my local, after I flipped out one night and threatened to burn the landlord while he slept, then hunt his family down and kill them too. But whilst I'm calm and placid 99% of the time, at the time of lossing it likethat,i ment every single word of it. And that scares me wittless. (that night I tried to kill myself, because I didn't like what I was becoming, my partner had to kick me over, as i held a knife to my chest and fell forwards)

edit to add, it's been about 5 years since my last episode like this. I don't like it one bit

[edit on 24/3/2009 by Acidtastic]

Originally posted by Acidtastic
I've had a bit of an "episode" today funnily enough. Now, I know that the reason my dark side is so strong, is because I had/have drug enduced paranoid skitzophrenia. (self diagnosed, you won't get me admitting this to any quack!!) When people talk down to me, or try to belittle me, it sends me off on an internal mental journey of sick twisted torturous ideas. For instance, the guy on another forum, who called me a "fruitloop f#tard" because I'm opposed to fluoridated water. Has, in my mind, been kicked to a bloody mess, glassed in the face and all sorts of horrible things that I'd never want o do in real life. But truth be known, if he was standing infront of me right now, I can honestly say that I don't know if I'd do the horrible twisted sick thoughts that I'm thinking about or not.

the first part of your post reminded me of this scene.

Sometimes its healthy to let it rip on a punchbag etc or this might happen.

I have lost it once when I was younger but upon reflection I have learned to walk away if possible from anything that is getting on your nerves so much.

You regret it in the end.

[edit on 24-3-2009 by XXXN3O]

In my youth — like, 25 years ago — I was hell on wheels, tore through life like a crazy dinosaur, drank mass quantities, did drugs, broke every commandment except murder, and my thoughts were as black as anyone's. I had a high tolerance for abuse, but when I was finally pushed over the line, I would see red. Really go berserk. People and furniture flying through the air kind of rampages.

Fortunately, I lived through those times without going to prison or ending up at the bottom of a river wearing cement shoes. I've since made amends with all of those who I injured and double-crossed over the years, and nowadays I'm actually feeling pretty damned good about myself.

I keep that monster inside me alive to this day, and it's still a scary sonofabitch, I can tell you. But I think it's an invaluable counterweight, against which I weigh my daily thoughts and actions. For instance, I might briefly entertain the notion, Should I go next door and kick my neighbor's ass for being a dickweed? And I'll pause for a moment and weigh whatever pleasure I might gain from such action against the 9 foot tall foaming beast in the shuttered room. Hmmmm. Is it worth letting that thing out?

The answer is always No.

So, yeah, everybody has some kind of Satanic Creature from the Black Leather Lagoon lurking in the fetid recesses of the subconscious mind, and I think it can be a useful tool for measuring our self worth. You know, am I a better person than that thing behind the door? Well, hell yes, I am a better person after all! Ask yourself that question every morning and feel good about yourself for the rest of the day, right.


— Doc Velocity






[edit on 3/24/2009 by Doc Velocity]

I think this is perfectly natural.

As long as you are aware of the consequences of acting on your thoughts and are not afraid that you are going to, I don't see the harm of thinking such things. I am willing to bet that even the most caring people in our society have 'evil' thoughts from time to time.

I think these sort of thoughts are indications of our irrational side. People like to boast that they are perfectly rational and logical beings but everyone has an irrational or creative side and the thoughts usually associated with this side don't really make much sense.

The important thing is not to worry or feel guilt associated with thoughts such as these as that can take on a life of its own. Just let them come and go and observe them as part and parcel of an imaginative mind. There's no need to put any moral judgement on thoughts, only actions.

I believe its one of the lessons that keep us in-check with reality. Things like that cross my mind and I wonder where that idea came from. It is scary. For one thing , it would be so easy to accomplish such a task if you think about it.
I try to tell certain people, just because there is a law against crimes such as murder, etc., that written law won't stop a person creating mayhem if this person is angry enough. But I get this stupid look that says Nah ! Won't happen to me !
Little do they know.

I

is it the darkness or is it the light trying to reaffirm that which is right within ourselves as to that which is truly acceptable to you as what we deem is right or wrong.these are the choices that we all make every day of our lives-simple-where do you walk or where do you fall into the darkside.
they call it the dualality of mankind -but what would happen if there was another side to this making it a triad or trinity---hhmmm.
[1] were taught not to kill from a very early age -true
[2] so we go out and go to war and kill ,why. because the governments and churches have said it is okay to do so as long as it is for GOD and for COUNTRY.poppycock. as these are the acts of fools who blindly follow bigger fools,this is not the way of the learned or rational minds.these are sheep.we even send our children to die for them for what as those who start this crap sit in their ivory towers and never see the horror and atrocity of war ,safe in the knowledge that they and their family's will never have to take part in this outrage.it must be nice being a god in their own minds.

[3]and what of those who never kill through war or ever ,these so called saints who freely pay their taxes ,guilty or not.

GUILTY-as it is their tax dollars that fund and support all the wars and killing ,they even paid to have their own children killed by the so called enemy , enemy are people that i know very little about except the man says he is evil-the man himself is not only evil he is insanely drunk with the god like power he seems to hold over all.
it is the triad that is real and not the dualality so look within and go deep to find your self again , as it is self that matters and not the rest as they are truely lost seek and you shall find that those who lead are as lost as the rest . madmen are not leaders or kings they are only madmen,and only madmen are tyrants the rest just seem to follow with blinders on and eyes all closed . from the album these words of wisdom -WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP to all for this is the calling-quite living their nightmare that they created for you and start to live your own dreams of truth not their lies.

I know your type Acid. You compulsively think about things you are ashamed of but you need to think about those things because they allow you to release your anger and feelings that become bottled up over time. You are in a constant state of questioning yourself because you know your thoughts are "wrong" but you have to keep those thoughts because they provide a release for your anger. You are in a constant battle with trying to restrain yourself and trying to maintain a certain level of tranquility.

I know you think about killing folks, mass murder, torture, and things of that nature. Like I said before, I know your type.

We all have them even priests and monks, its part of being human. It is how you deal with them that counts.

Thats the good part of us that stops people using mind control on us cannot work out. we all have our dark thoughts.

Like for instance in my if you are not interested in women as a male, in the real world, you may still be able to think about it in your mind. Does not mean you want that in the real world.

Everyone battles their own personal demons inside of them. The little angel and the little devil you see in all those cartoons, actually become literal in a sense. Some people choose to indulge in those evils and ultimately, turn into monsters and demons themselves(serial killers, rapist, child molesters, people who profit from other people's misery etc). Some people choose to fight that darkness and ultimately find light, hope, and peace with a higher power( nurses, firemen, social workers, teachers, volunteers). Whether its through religion, or self-awareness. Frankly, I know very well what personal demons can do, it can come from things such a greed, addiction, lust, etc. For me, for along time I felt I was lost, for me finding a higher power to help "keep me in check" was karma. I know a lot of people don't believe in that stuff, but I do. I believe that as much evil there is in the world, there is a counter balance for good. You do bad things to people and ultimately bad things will come back to haunt you. You do good things to people and ultimately good things will come to bless you. I know it sounds simple, but it isn't. I always have told myself, if there is one thing I can ever teach my kids, is to be good people. That's so rare now days.

What I recommend for you the OP, is to find a higher power. Whether it be Religion, or self-awareness. If you feel like the dark side of you is creeping out and winning, then you need to get ahead from that influence by doing good things. And remembering why good things and light will always prevail over dark things and evil. I know it sounds all corny, but if you look at it, it doesn't. I think the term for this is spiritual warfare, For in all of us there is a battle between good and evil. Ultimately, you will decide which side will win.

Thanks for all your replies on this one. Its good to know others at least know what I'm talking about. Very reassuring. I can only really explain this in terms of torment really, something that plagues us as a species. For me, it is some form of attack. I don't necessarily believe that these ideas are from a part of me. Maybe its just that I don't want to admit they are. Like I said previously, there is a clear distinction to me here between the way I usually think and the way these ideas appear. I'm not much of a believer in demons (in the conventional sense anyhow) but I do believe in negative energy and that for whatever reason, we are sometimes attacked by things unseen. Occasionally, I even feel like I'm conversing with something else during this events. A duality that I cannot seem to grasp as it feels like a big argument between two things that couldn't be more different.

Th8nker

Originally posted by Th8nker
Thanks for all your replies on this one. Its good to know others at least know what I'm talking about. Very reassuring. I can only really explain this in terms of torment really, something that plagues us as a species. For me, it is some form of attack. I don't necessarily believe that these ideas are from a part of me. Maybe its just that I don't want to admit they are. Like I said previously, there is a clear distinction to me here between the way I usually think and the way these ideas appear. I'm not much of a believer in demons (in the conventional sense anyhow) but I do believe in negative energy and that for whatever reason, we are sometimes attacked by things unseen. Occasionally, I even feel like I'm conversing with something else during this events. A duality that I cannot seem to grasp as it feels like a big argument between two things that couldn't be more different.

Th8nker

Demon's don't have to be in a literal sense. As much as we see these TV shows and movies about demons or real monsters. It doesn't mean these demons cant take the form of other things, The idea is that. The dark side is there to try and waver our will and bring you over to it. Frankly, to me demons and monsters exist, in human form. Don't believe me?

en.wikipedia.org...
en.wikipedia.org...
en.wikipedia.org...

plenty more where that came from, the idea though is that these people let their dark side take over them and control them. Then you have people who
surround themselves with goodness, light, and the side of good.

en.wikipedia.org...
en.wikipedia.org...
en.wikipedia.org...

these people dedicate their entire lives to ease the suffering of humanity. They go beyond the normal to better the people around them. Doesn't mean any of the two forces fight any less. Like I mention above, ultimately, you up to us to influence ourselves to do what choices to make. And like I believe, in the end Karma will always play it's part.



[edit on 25-3-2009 by Nemox42]