Men drive me crazy !!!! Grrrr

reply to post by Ellipsis


Ellipsis,

Yes I understood that you were venting. But I stand by what I said about your list being about you as contrasted with we two are one. Your list in a relationship consisting of two was of one. This stood out starkly. I see this pattern over and over on BTS and few even seem to notice it.

I do hope you work it out and carry on no matter what.

Furthermore, if I have not stated it before to you ...the mosts valuable commodity a woman can bring to a man who knows is Peace..not Piece.
Peace and all the commitments necessary to maintain it is far more valuable to a man who knows what it is. Notice however...I said ..to a man who knows what it is. Most I have met do not seem to know what it is till very late in their lives and settle for Piece at a great price.
Peace is the drug Ellipsis. Peace...children or not..,Peace is the drug.

I have had numerous opportunities to have this confirmed to me ...the lack of Peace..male and female..without either party having a clue and full of self justification along with their lists of how things should be.

Berenike,

I am glad to see your position on diamonds. I too have little use for them. They are to me way overpriced for what they are ...bland. I prefer stones with colours to them. Alive..colours..vibrant. Emeralds, Rubys, Jade, Topaz, Tourmaline. or is it aquamarine, sapphires too. Stones with colour. I also like the look of a nice strand of pearls on a woman...very feminine..very delicate.

But diamonds ...are to me very over rated.

However..I also have no problem with a woman buying her own jewelry if she so chooses with her career earnings..more power to her. Bon Appetit.
Its her moneys. OH..and I don't know what is a carnelian. I shall have to look it up.

Ahh..ok..carnelilan..agates. I used to do lapidary work as a teen in a hobby shop when I could afford to purchase the rough stones. I liked agates as they had also a multitude of colours and patterns in them. Agate is also a hard stone as compared to say...soft opal...which is also a beautiful stone.
Sapphires and ruby's too are a hard stone. It was very interesting to watch the more experienced people work to align a star in the stone so as to center it up where they desired in the stone and also fit properly in the metallic setting piece. Until then I never knew that the star was a type of flaw in the stone which when bright light was shone on it would refract/reflect and produce the star effect. When properly centered in the setting it is strikingly beautiful. Takes some skill and know how to get it right.

I also dont like to look at women who wear to much gaudy jewelry. To me it takes away from what I consider a womans natural inner beauty. No problem with jewelry per se. But if a woman does not have much innner natural beauty..no amount of jewelry will make up for this.
To me jewelry should accent what a woman already has...her inner self...not overtake this inner self or hide it. I use the analogy of a fine wine or a beautiful strand of pearls.

Am I making sense here or just rambling??
To me this seems to be a difficult concept for many women to achieve. It is often to over or underdone.
At the same time I am not even sure if many men or males know themselves of this concept. Much less be able to vocalize it.

Thanks to all for their posts.
Orangetom







[edit on 2-3-2009 by orangetom1999]

Ellipsis I am sorry you are having a rough time.

I don't see much hope for your relationship to ever be good unless YOU make it that way.

You need to change and when you change he will change.

May I ask why getting married is so important? It works for some but has never worked for me. If you plan to have children I can see why it would be desirable.

Men are the most trainable animals I know of. They usually need and desire the same things you do. They just don't know how to give you what you need until you train them.

Let me now address the 'bedroom problem'. Haven't you heard a man wants his woman to be a lady in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom? If he treats you like a whore when you have desires then work with that idea. Be creative. It will be worth the effort.

If he does not want to give you foreplay before the 'act' when he wants it then use your imagination to tease him and make him really want you.

Do you do his laundry or have his meals cooked for him? Do you fix his drinks or help his dinner plate? Try not doing those things. Just be nice about it.

When he looks at other women you look at them with him. Make a comment about one of her best features. Honestly, I love men who love women. The trick is to keep your man from roaming while at the same time fulfilling his needs for diversity.

No man worth his salt likes a whiny victim. Strength can be very sexy.

Let him know that you can survive with out him but make him believe he can't live without you.

This takes practise and can be very rewarding when it works in your favor.

If you've tried as hard as you can and nothing works then ditch the dude.

There are plenty of good men that are out there that need just what you need.

Good luck sister.

I need to vent.
Why do you say you don't want marriage and yet you have been married before?

AS gazrock said, it obviously left a bad taste in his mouth.

Why do you act like my crying is a mind game and get mad at me when sometimes you truly hurt my feelings and I can't help it?

Im yet to meet a women who cries over relationship stuff, and it NOT be a mind game. If someones died, a long time friend has left, someone said something, or you were cheated on.. yeah these things suck, and are worth crying about.

But if the crying is because of some emotional feeling toward something not being done, maybe a bad day at the office, or because you feel bad, sorry to say us guys just dont want to be there and take that crap.
Be sad, be angry, be in a bad mood, sit in your room read a book and be a bi'tch.. we accept that youve had a bad day, are down, arent happy with our lack of attention.. fair be it.. but crying? is just over the top in my opinion and if your that emotional you find the need to cry all the time, then.. well, i suppose I wouldnt want to marry a women like that either.
But I dont know how often you cry, so dont think im putting this on you, just saying how i felt in the past when other partners cry over stupid stuff.

Why do you treat me like I am a whore when I want sex and refuse to do foreplay when you want it?

Depends on a lot of things. Do you dress in mini skirts, put on plenty of makeup? how can you say this.. its like your forcing us to stereotype the guy. For all we know you could go out on the weekend in revealing clothing... sorry, but it just sounds like your looking for people to give you ammo, or to have your back.
How often do you dress up in sexy clothes for your man?
Maybe initiate a night of love making
How often do you tie him up and have a go?

Perhaps he's a bit starved of something new, and at any opportunity he see's he wants to add some spice.
But once again, your not telling us the whole story here, and to me just seems like your looking for people to back you up.

Why do you treat your sister with more respect then you have ever shown me?

Sister is family. Do you have family?
If your sister/brother was in a burning building on the left, and he was in a burning building on the right, who would you run to save?

Are you sure its respect you see here? and not the ability to relate or discuss?
I know I can talk differently and more openly with my sister over my partner, simply because my sister held my hand while i was in yr1 being beat up... she knows me better!

Why do you take me for granted?

This goes both ways in relationships.
Its just that guys dont care, guys dont often want want want all the time, we dont mind not getting affection, not getting compliments, not getting things and being left alone in our own time..

Why do you look at other women while I am standing next to you?

Thats called being a man.
Im sure when your with the girls, your making comments about 'hunky' guys.
likewise, when your with him, im sure if a good looking fella walked past, you've have a second look.

Secondly, I find women tend to put themselves out there more. Shirt Skirts, open tops, makeup.. If every 2nd bloke walked around in tight shorts and a singlet.. im sure girls would be looking to.

Why do you try to make everything a joke when I am trying to talk to you about our life, the bills and the kids?

Because he knows that hardwork and time will work things out.
Getting sad and arguing over things makes it worse.
Maybe he cant understand why your getting so emotional and worked up over something that will sort its self out?

Why don't you say I am beautiful or you love me anymore?

How often do you say it to him?
I tell my girl all the time, thats because she looks stunning to me.
Shes always smiling, she's always happy, always joking.
Its not what she wears, or what make up is on.
If she opens that door smiling, with a spark in her eye ill kiss her tell her she looks lovely.
If she opened the door looking down, red eyes from crying asking me why im late, where have i been rah rah rah.. instantly, the last thing im thinking of is a compliment.

Why can't I feel like we connect?

What do you mean by connect?
Do you want him to do the things you enjoy?
Or do you want to join him in the things he enjoys?
Youve got children, a house and a life.
What more do you need to feel like your connected?
A wedding ring?

Why do I feel so hurt and sad?

because maybe you expect to much, and need to be happy with what youve got.
My friend always said, any day your above ground is a great day.
Youve got a home, a husband and kids.
I could name entire nations who would envy that!

Why do I even bother when you don't seem to care anymore?

Because he probably doesnt.. I mean, whats there to care about? your nothing but negative, emotional and demanding.

Why does this suck so much?
Because you feel like its all his fault. you feel trapped.
mayeb give a little to get a little?


Look, I dont want to be mean, but majority of responses here take your word for gospel, and im sure people are pictuing this man as a overweight oaf, who wears a blue wife basher singlet sitting on the couch throwing back stubbies screaming at you for more.

But im sure thats not the right picture is it .

Men are Men, and women are women.
the quicker both sides accept that the quicker they find joys in the differences.

I taught my girlfriend to fart and laugh, and she's so prissy and proper its funny to see her face light up bright red and burts out in laughter.
likewise, we both go do rock and roll dancing once a week, she loves dancing Ive never been, but because she's willing to sit down with me and learn a little about history, or baketball, its a fair trade.

If im annoyed and need to be alone, she'll go out with her friends, see her sister, clean her clothes or something and let me muster in my own anger.
likewise, if she's annoyed or angry, ill make her a tea, and turn the tv over to neigbours, let her mull a little.

Both sides need to accept their faults,
Its when you blame them for your own saddness and anger, that it all falls apart!

Amazing how all of this is your responsability, your fault, how frustrating it must be for you.

Well it is not your fault it is also your man's fault for not evolving, wining is just adding to the problem of lack of good communication, so don't, instead take a good look at this man and detach and give yourself the breathing room you both need to get out of this loop, keep a respectfull distance it will help you become partners for your kids. Develop self confidence, but especially emotional intelligence. There are so many tools out there to help you. good luck to you

I want to share this with you(mayby you can watch it with hubby)www.consciousmedianetwork.com...



[edit on 5-3-2009 by HulaAnglers]

Originally posted by Ellipsis
He asked me to marry him.

I think he felt my real and true frustration and withdrawal emotionally and he was worried about losing me.

I am never a quitter and plan on working on it as hard as I can. Life does not ever get easy, it just changes.

Hopefully he can be a little more loving or a little more romantic. Hopefully I can be a little more understanding and a little more realistic in my expectations.

We are doing what we can and I appreciate all the words of support and ideas you guys have presented.

Cheers.

It sounds like you are toying around with this man. All that will do is make him resent you even more. Life is too short, learn how to actually enjoy it!!!

You disgust me, and I don't even know you from a can of paint.

reply to post by vcwxvwligen


If you don't know me from a can of paint then why do you feel such a strong reaction to me?

Why even post in this thread??

I do not play games. I am real and I am trying in my relationship to make it work despite my frustrations. I am not some plastic person with no emotions or thoughts. I make mistakes and I react and I feel things.

Once again I have to defend myself for posting and venting. Am I as a woman not allowed to be human without it being thought of as a game?

Good grief.

Ok I can see why people see my post as being shallow or whining or even getting mad at the title. I was mad and hurt and a wee drunk.

What I cannot for the life of me understand is why it becomes an attack on me as a person??

None of you know me. You don't know where I am in life or what is happening in my reality other then what I post.

Do not assume you know me or my character and do NOT make me your target for frustration or anger about woman. I am not your ex or your mother or your friend who jilted you.

My post was about my boyfriend and him alone. Deep breathes people.

Originally posted by Ellipsis
reply to post by vcwxvwligen

 

If you don't know me from a can of paint then why do you feel such a strong reaction to me?

Why even post in this thread??

I do not play games. I am real and I am trying in my relationship to make it work despite my frustrations. I am not some plastic person with no emotions or thoughts. I make mistakes and I react and I feel things.

Once again I have to defend myself for posting and venting. Am I as a woman not allowed to be human without it being thought of as a game?

Good grief.

Now what game are you playing here now!?


Haha just kidding.

reply to post by _Phoenix_


Actually Sims 2

hehe

Originally posted by Ellipsis


Do not assume you know me or my character and do NOT make me your target for frustration or anger about woman. I am not your ex or your mother or your friend who jilted you.

My post was about my boyfriend and him alone. Deep breathes people.

Hmm let's see, your favourite colour is violet. You love chocolate. Men with hairy chests attract you. You have 2 children. You hate icecream. You have brown hair. Your 5'4" tall. You like watching CSI. Your favourite past time was in Paris. You had father issues as a child. You hate rollercoaster rides. You used to have a pet rat.

Am I close? haha

ps. (bored)

reply to post by _Phoenix_


You got my height right and you were close with the color thing. Favorite color is purple.

Other then that no, but nice try !!

reply to post by Ellipsis

LOL I was joking, but the height and colour I was taking a serious guess with, I actually wrote down purple but then thought maybe Violet sounded more feminine haha. :bnghd:

reply to post by _Phoenix_



Yeah I knew you were teasing. Just thought it was funny that you got my height and the color thing right.

Thanks for making me smile

Originally posted by Ellipsis
reply to post by vcwxvwligen

 

If you don't know me from a can of paint then why do you feel such a strong reaction to me?

Why even post in this thread??

I do not play games. I am real and I am trying in my relationship to make it work despite my frustrations. I am not some plastic person with no emotions or thoughts. I make mistakes and I react and I feel things.

Once again I have to defend myself for posting and venting. Am I as a woman not allowed to be human without it being thought of as a game?

Good grief.

You're stringing him along and trying to change him.

Accept him as he is or just find a better man. It's that simple.

Originally posted by vcwxvwligen


You're stringing him along and trying to change him.

Accept him as he is or just find a better man. It's that simple.

Definition of a relationship:
"A symbiotic relationship is a relationship between two entities which is mutually beneficial for the participants of the relationship. Thus there is a positive-sum gain from cooperation. "

A relationship is a two way street, both partners need to make an effort, so yes change is always needed to keep a relationship! From both sides. It's up to him if he will change, and she has every right to be frustrated if that's how she's feeling, she has feelings she wanted to let out, it's all part of a relationship. Negotiations, understanding, communication, making deals etc is all part of making it work.


ps. Nothing is that simple, nothing in life is so black and white.

[edit on 5-3-2009 by _Phoenix_]

Originally posted by _Phoenix_

Originally posted by vcwxvwligen


You're stringing him along and trying to change him.

Accept him as he is or just find a better man. It's that simple.

Definition of a relationship:
"A symbiotic relationship is a relationship between two entities which is mutually beneficial for the participants of the relationship. Thus there is a positive-sum gain from cooperation. "

A relationship is a two way street, both partners need to make an effort, so yes change is always needed to keep a relationship! From both sides. It's up to him if he will change, and she has every right to be frustrated if that's how she's feeling, she has feelings she wanted to let out, it's all part of a relationship. Negotiations, understanding, communication, making deals etc is all part of making it work.


ps. Nothing is that simple, nothing in life is so black and white.

[edit on 5-3-2009 by _Phoenix_]

Emotional blackmail doesn't resolve conflicts.
Drunken rants don't resolve conflicts.
Reacting defensively doesn't resolve conflicts.
Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't resolve conflicts.

Ellipsis has mentioned some ways in which both of them could resolve their issues, but they sound more like lofty appeals than a plan.

The other users saying that the man is "unevolved" or that "all men are the same" disgust me as well. Of course your relationships with men are going to fail, as long as you're a man-hater.

Many things in life, indeed, would seem simpler if people just stopped playing games and making important issues into a pissing contest.