is flirting on the net cheating

so what do you guys think i was reading about this in a mag.

is flirting on the net harmless fun or full blown cheating.
it could be someone they know or not.

im personally on the fence with this one im not sure.
ive never done it personnally.

would you leave someone if the flirted with someone on the net in a forum or through instant message and the invention of web cams to
would you kick there buttocks out if you caught your pouse doing this

:bash:

I feel that if you are in a relationship that you value that it would not be in the best interest of the relationship for one of the individuals to be flirting on the internet.

I feel that it can lead to getting emotions involved, therefore taking emotions away from the other relationship.

As a married woman, I would feel a little hurt if my husband was flirting online and recieving 'ego boosters' from another woman.

Not that I think it is wrong for my husband to communicate with females, just as long as it's kept within the same type of communication he would have with one of his male friends.

As human beings we all liked to feel needed, appreciated, loved, respected but I think that if someone was flirting online then obviously they aren't getting what they need or want out of their partner.

A marriage is not just a physical union, but an emotional one as well.
If you are having your emotional needs met by someone other than your spouse, internet or not, it is cheating just as much as having a physical affair.

Do I justify it? Well, in some cases yes.. otherwise i'd be a hypocrite.
It has many fuzzy gray areas, as each individual and their relationships are different.
Do I talk to men online? Definitely..yes. Because I can connect with men easier than women, especially as friends and I have always been that way, and I'll never change, not even if I'm in a relationship.
However, that does not mean I'll take it to the next level and physically cheat either. Perhaps the verbal connection is all I need. If something is missing in a marriage, we seek it somewhere else, that's just human nature. However many seek physical affairs due to the lack of emotional attention.
Internet relationships can provide what you need, without the chance of the other..in essence a safe relationship, if boundaries are made and kept.
Now, would I expect my significant other to show me the same courtesy?
Honestly, if they felt the need to talk to others online, who am I to say they cannot? Whatever makes you feel good, boosts your ego, etc. I'll not have a double standard in that respect and say.."Do as I say, not as I do."
The bigger question would be how much of your virtual life spills over into your real life?

I really don't see the other side to this question -> Why don't you think it would be wrong?

I think when your involved in a relationship both partners need to understand for themselves what the wrong and and right to do in a relationship. I think a lot of these modern day drama shows are really making this hazy and a problem.

As others have said it all depends on the relationship.

It also depends on the flirting, is the flirting casual? Or is there an ongoing relationship developing between two individuals online?

If it is the latter then I would have to say it is cheating. But casual flirting in my opinion isn't cheating it's innocent and not wrong.

Just remember the hottie your flirting with online could be a 45 year old man sitting in his mothers basement with a tube sock.

Originally posted by whatukno

Just remember the hottie your flirting with online could be a 45 year old man sitting in his mothers basement with a tube sock.

What.....you know man, I didn't really need that image.

I don't think flirting is cheating, but taking the next logical step could be.

As a musician playing in beerjoints and bars; the owners of clubs request that you flirt with the ladies, because if the women have a pleasant experience in their establishment, perhaps they will return and be a regular patron. $$$$ Business as usual.

I have flirted with women in the past that became very good friends, not lovers, just friends and we need as many friends as possible in this life.

I frequently flirt on BTS. Just harmless cyber fun.

[edit on 29-1-2009 by whaaa]

First of all my heart is a whore, and my mouth is a liar.


2ndly?

I'm a male.


But yes I do flirt with all healers and buff bots.

Originally posted by whaaa
I frequently flirt on BTS. Just harmless cyber fun.
[edit on 29-1-2009 by whaaa]

It may not be any harm to you or your relationship but do you really know if it's harmless on the other end of your flirting?

Me and my husband have no secrets between us and we are able to talk openly about things.....this led to a discussion just a few months back about a female ATS member that was frequently sending him messages. I have absolutely no problem with him communicating with females as stated in my post above, but the messages from the female would consist of ATS chat but then would always include some form of 'cutesy little flirty comments'. One might think 'no harm' it's just cute and friendly.

I could care less about females makeing cutesy little flirty comments to my husband but I did caution him to be mindful of his responses. This female is also married and for all he knows, her relationship with her husband could be going through a rough patch and instead of her talking things through with her spouse she might be trying to get her ego boosted or feel appreciated elsewhere. Which could lead to her eventually comparing the two ........ 'My husband never compliments me (or so on) but **** on ATS is so fun and friendly and nice and makes me feel good about myself" which could add to that female to become a little distant from her spouse.

Well, I'm not sure if any of that just made sense but I'm in a hurry to get out the door but wanted to quickly post my 2cents on the 'harmless cyber fun' comment

reply to post by MsFab



Of course I see what you mean but I never analyze what I do that much in depth. I just go with the flow and figure most folks do also.

If I stopped to analyze the repercussions of all my actions, I wouldn't do anything. I think life is just one big improvisation and their are bound to be a few wrong notes along the way.

My intention is to never bring strife into anyone's life, but I have no control over how other's interpret what I say or do.

If it's not something that you would do sitting right next to your wife or husband then it's a betrayal of trust and should be considered cheating.

[edit on 1/29/2009 by kinglizard]

there are some really interesting thoughts here.

Originally posted by kinglizard
If it's not something that you would do sitting right next to your wife or husband then it's a betrayal of trust and should be considered cheating.

[edit on 1/29/2009 by kinglizard]

i did wonder witht this one does it go to everything like id never sit next to my spouse while on the toilet is that still cheating.

i think it is good to have a life separate to your spouse but crossing the line with speaking, touching and feeling is different.
i have to admit i have gone to parties with just the girls and danced with men i dont even know but that is it, there was no touching just fun.
and i never see thoses guys again.
i do think there is a thin line between having innocent fun and cheating and its up to every individual where the line is crossed

Originally posted by kerrichin
i did wonder witht this one does it go to everything like id never sit next to my spouse while on the toilet is that still cheating.

There is no betrayal of trust if you sit on a toilet alone, but when you flirt, confide in or get emotionally involved with another person and it's done in secret there is a betrayal of trust and should be considered cheating.


[edit on 1/29/2009 by kinglizard]

Originally posted by whaaa
reply to post by MsFab

 

If I stopped to analyze the repercussions of all my actions, I wouldn't do anything.

My intention is to never bring strife into anyone's life, but I have no control over how other's interpret what I say or do.

I think that is a big problem in today's society, not enough people do stop to analyze the reprecussions of their actions ....... I don't think you would end up totally doing nothing, but maybe if everyone did stop and put more thought into their actions then we might choose a different or better action that might yeild better results.

I prefer to take the approach of considering other people's feelings or how they might interpret my actions. Not saying that I ALWAYS make the best choice but I atleast try to be mindful of others.

No, you don't have control over how other's interpret what you say or do but you do have control over how you choose to say and do things.

I think it's a bit self-serving to think 'who cares what the other end of the flirting is interpreting as long as I feel good about it and enjoy it and am having a good time.

With the divorce rates as high as they are and with the lack of care given to many marriages I choose to think about my actions first and view my relationship as a treasure to cherish.

I wrote a blog about a year ago about Protecting Marriage
www.dbatesworld.com...
you might have to scroll down to March 26, 2007 - Protecting Our Marriage

I always believed if you wouldnt want it done to you, then dont do it.

reply to post by kinglizard

KL, since you put it that way..... Gee, i am a flirt but i'm not really thinking straight. i guess.

I love so many people here including you, i hope the big man upstairs gives me a break when i go thru the pearly gates and just considers the source. I'm a very loving person and i can love you people here just about as strongly as i can love my real family and my real friends.
being flirty shouldnt be cheating, imo...but i respect your feelings on this.

Love always

dg

It is a matter of intent.

We all have different personalities so what I considered flirting may be casual conversation for someone else.

If we are honest with ourselves, it's not hard to tell. If your intentions are not good at heart, then it is cheating. Cheating doesn't imply physical contact.

I'm not a flirty person at all. At one point I can remember being like that, but even in my late teens it just wasn't something I bothered with. It either was or wasn't, no need for these gimmicks and mixed messages.

Only the individual can determine their own intentions and determine whether or not it is cheating. And it is worth mentioning, if you can't be honest with yourself.. how can you be honest with a spouse?

I've been in my relationship for over four years and almost four years ago I came to the decision that I simply would not lie. I tell the truth, regardless the outcome. Now with the exception of the obvious, such as how her cooking tastes and how her shirt looks. But with actual matters, I tell the truth.

Life is much easier when you only need to tell one story.

I don't know if there is a "real" answer to this or not.

When I was with my boyfriend (up until about a month ago), he'd sit here with me and watch what I posted. I flirt a bit with a certain few, but in a light, no-harm kind of way. He got a kick out of it and it was never a big deal for us.

If it had bothered him.....I don't know if I would have changed. Who I am here is who I am in real life. I am not going to change who I am for anyone.

If you are secure in your relationship and the other person knows what is going on and knows it means nothing, then it is no big deal and does not constitute cheating.

If you aren't secure in your relationship and your or your significant other are hiding your online activities from each other....then there is a problem in the relationship that goes a lot deeper than the Internet.

JMO....

I found this to be the golden rule as far as the internet is concerned with flirting.

If you are in a relationship with someone and if either of you feel uncomfortable with both of you sitting right next to each other while your doing it....stop and don't do it anymore.

Because if your feeling guilt while alone that guilt has a energy and a feel to it and it is transmitted to your partner and affects your relationship.

reply to post by chissler
As usual, you are soooo right. Only I can determine what is in my heart and what my intentions are.
Very well said.
In real life, people expect it of me, in fact, if i'm not always smiling people think i'm mad because they know i mostly always have a smile on my face.
People expect a hug and a kiss from me, people who know me that is. If they dont get it, they think, huh, something's wrong with her today!
Oh and people know i am totally harmless too, which is something you really cant convey here as you type away.

Its all in the personality and the intent.