Battle Of The Sexes.

I love to laugh and some of my fave jokes are those about men and women.

Some jokes on this subject are bloody hilarious and whether its about our differences or our similarities,we all need to be able to laugh at these things.Which is the whole point of this thread.

Everyone is welcome to post jokes about men,women or both,and with any luck it won't turn nasty....too much....


WOMENS GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH.

I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense,let me give you a massage = I'd like to have sex with you.

What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

I love you = Let's have sex now.

I love you,too = Okay,I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes,I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before.

Yes,I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

I like that dress better = Pick a bloody dress and let's go home!




A MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH.


We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

We need = I want.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period.

Be romantic,turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

I want new curtains = and carpeting,and furniture,and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there = NO,I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Do I have a fat ass? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No.

No = No.

Maybe = No.

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.



[edit on 17-1-2009 by DantesLost]