A Downer

An old acquaintance of mine hari kari'd himself with a butcher's knife yesterday. I don't have anywhere to get an outside opinion on this other than here.

I don't know if he's still alive or not, but they said he had little chance to pull through. My conflict arises in that we used to be good friends. So much so were we, that he was one of only four other people that knew about a project I was undertaking at one time. This project was of the "nature" that if any authorities knew about it, I would not be here.

If your friends smoke even a little crack, they are crackheads. I learned the hard and stubborn way.

I came home one day to find the remnants of my project making a trail from the closet to the back door. I found a screwdriver pry indent on my door frame, which I would see as a characteristic of him. Only me, him(Jack), his girlfriend, my girlfriend, and my brother knew of my project. I later re-affirmed my suspiscions through other mutual acquaintances (Jack was running his mouth) that he was the one that robbed me. I haven't seen him since then, and I couldn't call the authorities because of the "nature" of the project.

If anyone's ever had a knife in the back, they know they are quite difficult to remove. Jack knew that my girlfriend and I have been vicitims of home-invasion/robbery before. Mainly you just want to sit there with your jaw dropped because you can't believe it. Meanwhile, Jack's got himself into plenty of trouble. Multiple felony charges and a poor battered girlfriend.

My girlfriend saw his dad and asked him if he was going up to the hospital. He said "It won't make a difference whether I'm there or not." He did lose a daughter to suicide though (Jack's sister), but it could have just been a heroin OD.

Maybe I'm just too forgiving, but I feel sorry for him. I don't know why, he did it to himself and he's done enough to me. We did have good times once though. When he first robbed me, you would find me saying "It will get back to him. or Those kind of people always end up with what they deserve. or my favorite These things have a way of working themselves out."

I was considering a visit, but its probably too late now. I wonder if he was just a product of his environment and if there was anything I could have done. What kind of pussE just quits.

I've always said that idiots like this, cancel themselves out thereby providing a civic service, but he was my friend at one point. I am conflicted between grieving or feeling paid back. After all, he gutted himself in a hari kari fasion which to me indicates shame.

The knife is still in my back.

I would visit. Believe me, it will help you deal with things if he doesn't make it.

I hope I got this straight and apologize ahead of time if I didn't but..................sounds to me like your friend had more burdens then his addiction would allow him to carry. Forgive him whether he has already passed away or not. And for God's sake wake up and get YOURSELF some help. If you continue living your life this way....you'll end up right beside him.

Living what way? I've never done illicit drugs before. I drink sometimes and smoke bud a lot. The part of town I'm in, I would consider myself a good influence on my friends. I've just never been the type to condemn someone for drug problems.

I do forgive him, I just never wanted to make ammends because of the condition and state of mind he was in.

One good thing has happened since this all started. I never started another project, and am living without near as much stress. If you've ever had an extralegal project in your closet, you know what kind of paranoia I'm talking about. Nothing gnawwing at the back of my mind anymore. A sort of a blessing in disguise.