I believe your quandary can be answered in one quote by Thomas Paine:
"My Country is the World, and my Religion is to do Good."
On some level, this is what I've always thought in regard to religion, and I've given every religion I've come across due time to impress me. Just
because none do, doesn't mean I'm not a spiritual person.
I simply believe religion serves two purposes in mankind's regard. It serves the establishment (powers that be) in keeping most self-admitted
religious people under some semblance of control, yet it also comforts so many in that it provides hope when none can be found. Hope that there is
some higher being in existence. Hope that there is no brick wall of evolution. The hope that is needed to some on their deathbed. Personally, I
can't think of any reason that an endless tsunami of relief isn't going to be provided in the end by my own deathbed. I've only had one dream in
my life in which I actually went through the process of death (right before my mother died - which is what I attribute it to), and wave upon wave of
relief was the only feeling I can remember experiencing.
Would I like to believe there is a higher power (other than those half-human trolls who have all the power on earth), yes, if only for the luxury of
knowing I'm not in control of my destiny - that it's already written and I have no influence on it at all. Wouldn't it be nice to simply sit
lazily and wait for something to happen? But aren't we each to blame or credit for our own action or non-action in the
absence of hope, in
the
absence of this higher power? I believe hope is produced not by the potential of some imaginary higher entity simply being in existence,
but by individual motivation, innovation, drive and refusal to believe every one of us is absent the power to influence our own lives. Indeed, making
our own hope is all that is necessary to living. Believing in fate or destiny doesn't make a bad person, but if that person counts on fate, hope or
destiny to live their life for them, to provide for them, to make decisions in their life, then they are already dead IMHO. Have any of you ever been
skydiving? If so, then you know the pure exhilaration of truly living that waiting for hope, fate or destiny simply doesn't have the capacity to
provide.
So, yes. I am an atheist, but my personal religion is to do good. Can you imagine the implication of there only being one rule in life, and that
rule being the Golden One:
"Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."
If someone professed that there was a God, and that God only had that one rule (No magnificent churches, no offerings and no magically clean slate
after confession), I might very well be the most religious person you could ever run into. Indeed, I suppose I AM a true believer in Karma.
Please excuse me it if seems there was some digression in this reply, but these are the things you think about while doing mindless, purely
reactionary data conversion operations for the postal service, and you run out of music to listen to.