I'm intentionally letting a person beat me up.

Before i begin this i would like to say that i had a hard time placing this on the forums, I personally think this is a psychological issue, but please move this if you feel otherwise mods.


Well, I'm 19, I'm a really nice guy, i don't bother anyone, i help out, volunteer, have another 14 years of school in a total of 3 separate schools, i always try to bring life to a situation (life being conversation and fun), i am a fairly successful person (so far), have a very promising future and to top it all off, i am aparently attractive to many girls (Tried to come up with the least arrogant way to say that, but it has meaning!), and almost everyone seems to really like me as a person.

I have a few problems I'm about to face. Problem number 1 is that this (somewhat) random guy wants to beat me up. problem number 2 is that this other guy wants to beat me up. before i go into detail I would like to say that i am very athletic, take care of my body, and can out power the majority of people around my age (and then some).

Both of them threatened me for very different reasons which i will explain in a moment. Before i do that I would like to say that I love the Law, and i love to see it being inforced. Unfortunately for me, both of them threatened me in a way that wouldn't pass through a judge (Internet wise). One i know in person that lives in the same city as i do, and has some of the friends i do. The other lives in the states, where i will be visiting within the next few days (I'm in Alberta, Canada right now). so, let me explain the situations.

Number 1: For no aparent reason, when i was talking to a friend of mine, this guy (around 21 years old) started calling me names and trying to put me down. He's a bigger guy (around 6'2 and probably 190 lbs), not the brightest guy in the world, constantly trying to pick fights with others, constantly doing minor illegal things, and is a "dick" to most people around him. So the other day he calls me out, i retaliate with psychological references, i never call him names or acknowledge i want to fight him, but he constantly brings it up. He goes to my friends apartment often, and plans on fighting me next time i see him. Just one of those types who's testosterone levels are too high and thinks that being a man is winning fights. I'm not too worried.

Number 2: This one is the another classical type of fight that may occur. Good ol' love, i have an unintentional nack for wooing girls. If i know they have a boy friend i even try to make sure the don't get attracted because i rather things be happy then have a confrontation and everyones sad, angry and confused. Unfortunately that don't work this time. I do a few animated films and require voice actors, i scouted a girl. I got her more interested in voice acting and animation, we got to be really good friends, and around a month ago she broke up with her boyfriend because she was "in love" with me, to put it shortly. Now, she is in another country i mind you. I met her boyfriend a few times (online) and he's constantly tried to push me around (he's the jelous type), it turned out that she was spending more time with me for animation bits than she was with him. He's a fairly smart guy when it comes to science and math, but other than that he lacks in areas such as probability and rationality (which would apply if i told you the whole story). anyway, we had a bit of an argument and i (proudly) say that i won that argument. After the break-up, even more arguments came up, generally about the same topic, and he became one of those "crazy girlfriend" types to his (now) ex-girlfriend. a long time ago i planned on visiting her because we were such good friends, now the time is close that i am actually headed to the US to see her and a few other friends there. He is threatening that if he sees me, he is going to "kick my (bum)". He's a bit younger than me and thinks I'm out to rape his ex. (I'm not. by the way.)

So, to both situations I've come up with a devious little plan. Unfortunately i don't know if its the right one to do and my heads all messed up over it. Basically, I'm going to "tie my hands" (not fight) behind my back and take the beating. And, even though its kind of a "low shot", i will press assault charges against both of them.

Now, I'm fairly confident i can win one of those fights, the other, not so much, But I'm afraid that i will lose my friends that witness it. not because i lost, but because in both incidence's, both of the attackers are friends of my friends. And as witnesses, may have to send their friends to prison or a fine.

what should i do?

[edit on 21/12/08 by Ghost147]

You dont need us to solve this for you ... seeing you are gloating about yourself.

but..

Dont be a wuss .. stand up to them and you wont have any problems .. you cant really get into alot of legal trouble at that age anyhow.

Hey man, do you have a facebook or myspace account? This would be the perfect topic for those sites, for real.

im not trying to gloat about myself, im just giving information that would help explain why these people might be offended by me. And please, explain to me how taking the more intelligent way around things and actually getting them in deeper than they asked be less of a wuss then me fighting for no reason? sorry if it came off that way.

EDIT: somehow i dont think posting this stuff on myspace and facebook would help me out a bit. I was expecting more than "dont be a wuss" answers. but ATS so far has proved me wrong.

[edit on 21/12/08 by Ghost147]

I know myself that I hate 'high school' issues as much as the next person. This really isnt the place for it bud.

Im not being mean, but If I was in your situation, I would bust those punks one good.

I hate bullies.

ah, i see your point. But what tallies more hurt? a beating that i can give them, or a criminal record that they will achieve that will haunt them? (that meens not leaving the country, not getting the jobs they want and so on)

"Busting Punk" can be more meaningful than an @ss woppin'

[edit on 21/12/08 by Ghost147]

It sounds like these are both internet encounteres correct? I mean if the guy told you to your face "i wanna fight you" i would think there would be more action than talk.

Personally I have a hard time relating. But if some idiot on the net said he wanted to physically assault me and he kept going on about it I would probably just say "fine, come to my house (i.e. find me) and we will settle it in person". Then I would tell them to shut up, because until they are at my front door their words are meaningless.

If you continue to engage with them, you are just playing into it and you are no longer all that innocent.

[edit on 21-12-2008 by Sonya610]

Originally posted by Ghost147
im not trying to gloat about myself, im just giving information that would help explain why these people might be offended by me. And please, explain to me how taking the more intelligent way around things and actually getting them in deeper than they asked be less of a wuss then me fighting for no reason? sorry if it came off that way.

EDIT: somehow i dont think posting this stuff on myspace and facebook would help me out a bit. I was expecting more than "dont be a wuss" answers. but ATS so far has proved me wrong.

[edit on 21/12/08 by Ghost147]

Problem with that is you could get killed quite literally.

Couple other ways to approach the guy in the US anyway.

1. Get an FBI ID and see if you can find a fake metal badge maybe ebay sells them. Then next time you see him threaten to arrest him for threatening a federal agent. You might want to pack a gun too in this case to make it more realistic along with handcuffs. You can get BB guns that look authentic to a 9mm. When he tries to call your bluff you can ask him "what idiot would go around telling people they were an undercover FBI agent while undercover what are you stupid?!" That works pretty well as they usually back off and is actually kind of fun to do just don't do it in a public place. I have a friend who has done this but uses his security guard uniform because it looks like a cops uniform and most people fall for it.

2. But a favorite of mine I had a friend do at a night club years ago some guy wanted to kick his but and my friend was under 5ft tall and very scrawny. He finally jumped on a table looked the guy straight in the face and said, "You better be packing something bigger than a .22 cause I'm gonna snap your neck like a F-in chicken!" He then wrapped his hands around the guys neck and cut off his circulation from the carotid artery's and the guy passed out in seconds. No one ever messed with him again.

If you just stand there and take it you might not live to press charges.

You are both over 18, so you are considered adults by law. It's amazing to me that you guys are even acting like this at this age.

Anyway, if you're being threatened with physical violence just call the police make a police report or get a restraining order. If he continues to threaten you you can warn him that you'll call the police.

Carry around a video recorder, if he starts hitting you get it on film and go to the cops.

I believe (in the US) that if you can get someone on tape saying they're going to harm you you can have them arrested.

This story is amazing to me, both over 18 years old still acting like you're in 6th grade.

DO you guys live in the deep south or some other lawless place?


[edit on 21-12-2008 by Electro38]

First of all i agree with Sonya610 and what she said.
Other than that,I'd say go for one to one,hand to hand fight.Straight and honest.
If you are all those things you've allready said then you shouldn't be thinking to try and find other ways to get those guys.After all,all they did was to challenge you to fight,right?Not kill you or anything.


Bottom line,if you are all the things you've said,naturaly you'll accept.

I think you should ask yourself.---"WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO"?


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Seriously though, grab a copy of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha and forget about that nonsense.


Peace

I understand exactly what you're going through. These guys are just stone cold haters. They're obviously aware of how much the ladies dig your personality, your good looks etc. This has been an issue I've dealt with pretty much all my life.

Every now and then I still have to deal with it sometimes. But nowhere near as much as I did back in the day. My advice..make them envy worse. Literally go out of your way to make sure they SEE that you're the man. Force them to drown in their own envy and jealousy. Make it known that you enjoy all the attention the ladies give you, that you thrive off it, and that they'll never be able to do it like you.

All this will do is make them THAT much more miserable. People who are envious are miserable already. Let em dwindle away in hate. By doing this you're practically sealing their fate so to speak, which makes you THAT much more better than them. See what I'm getting at?

As far as fighting goes..never start something. But always finish it. Also, let lil petty comments slide. But if one particular person just seems to always have something to say whenever you run into him, fade him. And fade him hard.

One more thing, I have a quote for you. It's from the book called the 48 laws of power.

Admiration is happy self surrender; envy is unhappy self assertion. -Soren Kierkegarrd.

When most people run into somebody who's more fortunate than them, they usually secretly admire them. But instead of admitting that to the person as well as themselves, they decide to envy. Why? Because it's too embarassing for them to admit that they admire the person.

edit again to add that when/if YOU ever run into a person who's a tad bit more successful than you in any department, just stand on the sidelines and admit to yourself that that person's doing a damn good job at whatever it is that he/she's doing. DON'T become like the losers you're dealing with now.



[edit on 21-12-2008 by The Scarecrow]

[edit on 21-12-2008 by The Scarecrow]

thanks so far everyone, and yes i realize its a childish thing, but there are people well older than me that have these problems, and its not like I asked for them to happen, so blaming both sides for being childish idiots is a harsh misconseption. for the person saying "your both over 18" and rambling on how dumb it is to fight. yes, obviously, thats why i am not trying to fight, and please explain what time exactly between 18 and 19 is the point when everything suddenly makes sense as your implying?

Im not hurt or insulted at what they said or are trying to say, im not egotistical and trying to prove a point. I just think its smarter to use something against them that will hurt them for 40 more years to come (and then some) rather than the next week.

but once again, thanks for all the help for those that understood what im trying to ask.

I wasn't going to reply and I expect I'll regret it but, have you really thought this through?

How much of a beating are you prepared to take and how can you be sure the other guy will stop if you say you've had enough?

You might be successful in getting another person a criminal record that will stay with them for the rest of their life, but what about the rest of your life? You could be seriously injured and spend the rest of your life trying to recover your health. Someone else has already mentioned that you could end up dead.

And would it not look suspicious that you were attacked twice in a short space of time and sued both assailants?

Another thing, your sense of survival will probably kick in. You might take the first few punches but then the next one will really hurt and there will be a reflex action and you'll retaliate.

Your sense of pride might prevent you from being beaten too badly in front of witnesses and you'll fight back and try to win.

And what about your witnesses? They'll see some big guy kicking seven bells out of you and they might not be too keen to speak up for you. They might prefer to stay on the right side of the guy who beats you up.

My best advice to you is to:

a) be a bit more careful in future and not aggravate people so much

b) if you must fight either of these men, make absolutely sure that they throw the first punch. And don't make it obvious that you are deliberately pushing them to hit you.

Better still, find another way to resolve the issues. Especially with the guy who's angry with you because you got close to his girlfriend. Imagine that he might be really hurting, perhaps you could apologise.

reply to post by berenike


Yes i understand what your saying, and believe me i've tried reasoning with them and had no intentions of aggravating anyone. I dont pick on people, i dont try and fight people, im a fairly nice guy when it comes down to it. If it does come to the event of a fight then i do know that i am not going to push them into trying to fight me, and Im not going to say "HIT ME!", I know the details of an assault charge, and am capable of defending myself if i need to.
As for apologizing to that one person, you have no idea how much i have tried to get through to him, Love blinds people.

For the witness bits you pointed out, that is another situation i have come to realize as well, nothing a camera cant fix.

Have you ever been in a fight? Are you scared to face these guys?

I agree with you that your head is messed up if you tie your hands and take a beating.

And letting them beat you up and then pressing charges against them is ludicrous. That is a very lame thing to do and could be dangerous.

I would tell them that there is no fence around my butt and to come and get some. When they attacked I would beat the stuffing out of them.

But, if this is an Internet generated threat I would ignore it and stop communicating with them.

Might be time for the boy to grow up. Sorry, not trying to insult you just giving some grandmotherly advice.

reply to post by Ghost147


either go make some new friends or stand up for yourself if it comes down to that. tying your hands and letting someone beat on you is crazy.

even if you lost the fistfight you will have at least kept your dignity.

good luck

reply to post by dizziedame


yes ive been in fights. im not scared to face these guys or i would be avoiding them. However, This is no mere internet threat. otherwise i would do what you suggested, and ignore them. However, i see one of those people all the time in person because he is friends with mine, and i will likely see the other in a few days.

I realize its dangerous and seems ludicrous, but kicking their butts at their own game wont teach them anything, a criminal offense will however last a lifetime.

either go make some new friends or stand up for yourself if it comes down to that. tying your hands and letting someone beat on you is crazy. even if you lost the fistfight you will have at least kept your dignity. good luck

wouldn't ditching my friends because of one person threatening me be more humiliating than taking a fight? also, if I willingly let some one win then how is that less dignifying than trying to fight and losing (possibly)?

Everyone seems to be getting at pride and dignity. Now, lets say a person didnt care about either, neglected what society thinks about manhood and goes on a more intelligent route. What then? I can defend my self from certain injury, and i can fight back if i would care to do so, what i don't think anyone else realizes is how much damage a criminal record can do to a person.

Basically its about odds. I can defend my self and refrain from serious injury (unless they have a weapon), my odds are fairly good at doing this. I could get seriously injured and may take a life time to heal (unlikely). and i have a 100% chance of pressing charges for assault if anything does go off and putting a life time of hurt on them.

which is more logical?

[edit on 21/12/08 by Ghost147]

Have intelligent you would like to appear so that you dont attract trouble.But still attract the tension you seek. Is not always that easy.
That's something you have to work on and focus on when you are around other people. Its called intelligent awareness.

You are the owner of your own emotions, body language and have you interact with other people. That's social intelligence.

Now have do you get out of this.

Well i would not let anybody beat me up without at least trying to prevent it. A out come from a fight is always unpredictable. You can get more then you had hoped for.

At least take a trip home to the guy and ring his doorbell. And dont leave before you have spilled your guts. Screw pride and bite the dust.

If it turns into a fight.Well then you probably couldn't have prevented from happening somewhere else any way's. But at least you will be alone with him.

Have you play your cards will tell you have intelligent you are.

reply to post by spy66


I realize that as well. and for the most part, i don't really have any enemies. it just so happens i made two at once.

And i have already tried reasoning with them, unfortunately love blinds one, and testosterone blinds the other.

So talking to them is an option that has already passed.