Is it sub-consiously possible to give up on love?

I'm at a point in life where i'm just going with the flow, don't really care about anyone but myself and family. Are friends really friends? It seems like everytime I turn around one is stabbing me in the back, or they just don't really seem to care.

I'm not depressed, i'm more numb than anything. I don't feel happy, but I don't feel sad either. I feel like i'm just here existing, experiencing life, and it is boring. Nothing excites me anymore, nothing depresses me anymore. I just feel like i'm sitting here waiting on something huge to happen.

I think it has alot to do with not having a significant other in my life, I've been in love a few times, the last time was a long time ago, i've been looking, dating around, nothing serious, but I want something serious so bad, but it never works. Everyone i've dated is just so boring and not interesting, I like a little mystery in someone but it's like everyone is the same. It's hard to talk about this on a forum, never thought I would. And this isn't just on a relationship level, it extends down to the friendship level.

But I do feel like i'm so alone in the world right now. But i'm litterally not, i'm surrounded by tons of friends constantly, some care for me alot, but I can't say I feel the same way, I don't know why. And it makes me feel so horrible, i'm having so many conflicting thoughts all the time. I want to be around people because I don't want to sit cooped up in my house all day, but once I get around people I just want to be back at home, by myself. I used to care about my friends deeply, their are still a few that have never done anything to me to make me think differently of them, but I do. It's so confusing.

Is this normal, I feel like I just don't have the ability to care for anyone anymore (except family that will always be their). Has anyone else experienced this?

Yeh i understand what you mean.

That needing for people in your life who understand, who just "get it" Going out and wanting to stay out with your friends.. Maybe you have the wrong type of people around you? that dont excite you enough.. but its hard to change and find new friends as only now and again do you meet people who actually touch your heart and resonate with on a level that you compare maybe some older friends or past relationship with.

Its easy to just exsist..and life becomes boring...
But its at these times when we go within, and find inner wisdom. Having this time now to go within and evaluate yourself, your needs your wishes, what it is that you can grasp hold of in this life time and work towards. Sure maybe your bored of life, what it has to offer but you are stuck looking at it in one direction.. It seems like your waiting for someone to come along and wisk you off your feet.

You can do this youself.. you attact the people in your life towards you. You need to be that becon, that attacts the right type of people to your life, then you will start to be happy and not be bored anymore.. Change yourself first and then the situations will change.x

Its hard I know as I go through the same things everyday. But its when you have the strength to go out there.. and make your life "happen" you attact the right things to you and you give yourself, self believe. Believe in yourself and concentrate you "you" rather than trying to find Love.

Love will come... if you Love yourself first. Find that part of you that longs excitement and adventure. Seek it.. and love will happen.

I think love is always there... just sometimes we focus on it to much even when we think we dont. Spend more time experience life and "doing" things that make you smile..and Love will show its face.

This is what I try to do everyday.

Make your own life exciting so you are not bored... for waiting for love. even if you think you have stopped thinking about love, im sure its maybe the biggest thing you actually think about in your day.. "if only i had someone who i loved, who loved me."

Start to say positive affermations...bring love to you. bring excitement back to you, experience the love in life.. Get into nature, see the world for what it is when all is natural around you. Listen to what your heart tells you.

Be well.. x

I went through this for a LONG time.....it turned out I was depressed just didnt realise it because I think so positively unpurpose. That was my docs take on it!
Anyhow it is possible that somewhere in your subcon you are holding onto something that hurt you more than you wanted to admit and it is helping you to keep from getting hurt again so to say. It so sounds like the samething that happened to me. It wasnt until over 2 years later that I figured out hey that really did hurt and I have been sheltering myself from it coming around again. As far as not feeling anything you really do, you just arent picking up on it. It is impossible for the long term memory to work without having a physical and a mental aspect to any one given memory.
Perhaps you should try getting some nice smelly air fresheners that are ment to uplift moods...citrus and mint are awesome for this. At times during the winter when my kids or I are "down" I will get some orange peels cinnomin and mint tea bags and boil them in a big pan of water to smell up the house. It uplifts our mood everytime. Just experiment with different things and find some stuff that causes you to have a large enough reaction to really be certain you are having one and it will break loose the stagnant feeling right away.ie new hobbie new type of movies or music new colors of clothing the list is endless and totally depends on the persons tastes. Get something new moving in your life that you have an interest in, it will go a long way to breaking up the stagnant feelings.
Above all just remember that it does happen and you arent as alone as you may think.

Uniceft17, may I ask how old you are? Just so I can understand where I'm heading better if you're older or to say "Oh don't worry it's just a phase" (not true) if you're younger.

I'm probably in the same kind of situation you are, but I'm only in my mid to late 20s so I have at least the delusion of hope. I go to work and do a good job there, carry on with fine co-workers, and then I come home and sit in my room, lurking various wedsites or watching movies.

My friends move away then forget about me. Calls and emails thin out. My last friend recently moved 100 miles away, although "friend" I would say is a stretch. Get this, she met a guy in another city 10 years older than her with kids, got serious with him, and dropped out of college to live with him. BUT, she didn't tell me any of that until one day "oh hey, didn't I tell you? I'm in ______(city) now." Some friend, huh?

I don't actively seek out new friends, then to compound that I actively avoid people who act friendly to me. If there's a place I frequent and people start to remember me and greet me like "hey nice to see you again, how was your week?" I'll stop going there for a while. I don't plan this, I just automatically/subconsciously avoid the place because I don't want to converse.

What you and I both seem to have is a subconscious drive to avoid getting to know anyone, which is in psychological conflict with our desire to have friends and relationships. We don't understand where the drive comes from and maybe it doesn't even matter. Speaking for myself, the only way I can make a friend/relationship now is if the other person makes an effort to "break through" my barrier... and I will resist for a while.

It's weird how I still want company, people to talk to, friends and relationships. Perhaps this is a mild form of social anxiety but yet I can still do my work which involves interacting with people. I guess the difference at work is I have the option of being "strictly professional" as a retreat.

Well, Uniceft17, it looks as if I have absolutely shed no light on your problem. The answer is probably cognitive-behavioral therapy.

[edit on 21-12-2008 by spaznational]

Howdy,
If you believe that this life is all we are, is all we get, then my contribution will not help you. I believe this life is a university for our souls. If this is something you believe then consider this...
If we are here to learn something, anything, then learning how to be at peace within yourself by yourself is as valid a lesson as any.
I've been working on this in my life for a decade and a half now and this is what I've come up with. It is correct for me, but may not be for anyone else and I may be entierly wrong.
Be well and be blessed,
ME.

i personally have given up on life and people. i know where you are coming from when you say just exist. thats what i am doing right now and i am barely doing that.
i have no life. recently divorced. no friends and almost 31 yrs old.
i am just eeking along an existence till it is my turn at death and i get the feeling that is not too far off

Originally posted by Uniceft17
I'm at a point in life where i'm just going with the flow, don't really care about anyone but myself and family. Are friends really friends? It seems like everytime I turn around one is stabbing me in the back, or they just don't really seem to care.

I'm not depressed, i'm more numb than anything. I don't feel happy, but I don't feel sad either. I feel like i'm just here existing, experiencing life, and it is boring. Nothing excites me anymore, nothing depresses me anymore. I just feel like i'm sitting here waiting on something huge to happen.


Is this normal, I feel like I just don't have the ability to care for anyone anymore (except family that will always be their). Has anyone else experienced this?

Yea. Lately I've been experiencing all of these things. Recently, well I say recently it was 3 months ago, that my ex-girlfriend and I split up.
We had been friends before we started dating, and we always got along very well. Anyway, after I got back from a state enforced vacation we started dating. It completely changed my way of thinking, my dad died while I was away. I also lost faith in the system, and became, well, aware of alot of deceitful, and truly unloyal behavior in some friends and family.
My point is that after we started dating awhile it became evident that she wasn't going to change her old ways and I couldn't risk being around her. After seeing through a few lies we broke up. i shut down as well. All of my emotions. I put my head into work and family, and then recently my cousin betrayed me. It feels like I can't trust anyone. I've shut down. I've stopped caring for anyone else but my dog. I'm angry all the time. Just a few weeks ago I was out all the time. Now it all just seems stupid. Who knows, I'm 27 and I've been through breakups before, maybe theres still hope, as well as for you.

I just want a girl that I can trust. I just want friends I can trust.
theres a line in a movie call " A Bronx Tale" where Sonny is telling C that you only get 3 great loves in your life, he said he already had his 3 so he has no more love. Although I've been with more than 3 girls, I think Jessica was my last great love. She was 3.








[edit on 7-1-2009 by becomingaware]

You aren't alone, just somethings missing. You have outgrown your surroundings and the people around you, you wish for something new and fresh in your life. You can't eat the same things every day and get excited about it, sometimes you just have to go to a find a new resturaunt, if you get what I mean. You can't not love, you may think you are numb, but it is there, it is buried, but it is there. So no, I don't think it is possible to sub consiously give up on love. Reconnect with yourself and find the love in your heart before looking for someone to love again, then who knows that right person could come your way when you least expect it.While feeling alone, instead of feeling sad about it, enjoy the aloneness, it's a good time to connect with your inner being. Another suggestion I'd have is to maybe join a karate class, a gym, or anything of the sorts. It's a good way to meet new people, learn a new skill. You could also travel. Go places you may have always wanted to visit, experience things you have always wanted to do. I did the hermit thing, where I only left the house for things that I needed and didn't interact with anyone, thinking I would be happier for two years. Doesn't do any good, you just erode as the time passes.