(YYSLSC) How far is up?

How far is up.


_Begin transmission_
I remember almost everything, well maybe at least what I want to remember so as not to rekindle the pain. I block out some things and events and those I’ll keep to my dying mind. What follows are the events I feel you should know, this will be my last message home I will send no more transmissions my farewell memoirs are all that will remain to remind you that Nathan G Sudder once lived, and boy did I ever! When I met your mother it was the year 2008 we were both attending our senior year of high school and met at a party. It was not “love at first sight” for her but surly for me it was. After graduation we were wed and decided to remain in Stevensville TX ,I worked the roads and your mother stayed at home, we wanted for little and lived simple took vacation when we could although never venturing far. Friday night was bowling night Liz and I loved to bowl and your mother was one heck of a bowler and a beautiful one at that. The best news I ever got was when she told me that she was pregnant with you, I never felt so alive and filled with hope and the guys at work even threw me a party boy was I sick the next day! I remember stopping home in between routes to check on your mother sometimes she would have lunch made, boy I miss her cooking. At night I’d put my hand on her stomach and rub you till I fell asleep, so peaceful. I had it all a good wife, good job and a bun in the oven! That fall some new neighbors moved in to the house across the way and I was hoping to go over and introduce your mom and I to them but you know they beat me to it, well (they) didn’t beat me to it, she did. That knock on the door would change my life forever I just didn’t know it at the time. I remember feeling my knees go slightly weak when I firs laid eyes on Eria she was shorter then I, blonde hair blue eyes and a face like an angel, turns out it was just her all alone in that house no kids no husband no family to speak of. We invited Eria over quite often for dinner or movies and she soon became a constant addition to our Friday night bowling trips and became very close to us in fact we knew very little about her, she did not work and always told us that she received money from “distant family” so we left it at that. Most days when I would get home from work Eria would already be at the house with your mother (growing ever bigger) would greet me with a kiss, a hug and “I love you” and always watching was Eria it seemed she longed for what Liz and I shared, though she would not patronize any male interest while out with Liz, so I was told. It was a Friday and I was working a route when I got the call, your mother’s voice was barely understandable and all I could make out was “the baby’s gone” “hospi… I hung up and raced to the hospital when I got there Eria met me in the lobby, hugged me and said “I’m sorry Nathan your child is gone, Liz miscarried” time stood still as were led to the room where Liz was at, I entered and all I could say to her was “damn Liz I’m so sorry” she said nothing back only hugged me crying and mumbled “why”
The weeks that followed would test every conviction I possessed and shatter some, Eria became a permanent fixture at our house helping out where she could and always seemed to comfort me more so then Liz. Your mother would stay in bed for day on end, hardly eat and barely drink as she slowly sank into a depressive state. She wouldn’t speak to me much only basic requests and the sadder your mother got the happier Eria became, I noticed this as well as feeling a growing attraction to Eria it was powerful down to my very core, I wondered if the feeing was mutual. I was confused I’m a married man whose wife has just suffered a misscaege , what was wrong with me? In a short period of time I began to question all the events of late and your mother would not even get out of bed to see a doctor let alone continue on with life, That angered me greatly and still ever present was Eria and she was very much focused on me. She would do everything around the house an assure Liz that “everything would be fine” I noticed the feelings I had for Eria growing immensely stronger for reasons beyond my control. Finally deciding that I needed some time out of the house I invited Eria to bowl not knowing that I would cross a line and begin on a course form which I could never return. We did not return home that night as a hotel light beckoned on the drive home I remember little only that the physical connection was wonderful, unlike anything I had ever felt but the emotional connection was immeasurable I felt as if I was a part of Eria through and through and in that moment I wanted to be with her always.

Elizabeth’s mother came by often, often enough to convince her to stay at her house for a while and she did I was torn because I was sad to see her go yet excited for being able to spend more time with Eria and that I did for something powerful had come over me and I no longer had control, I started to feel as if she could hear my thoughts crazy I know even as I called your mother every day I could feel Eria in my mind
beckoning me and I had an overwhelming sense that something was going to happen not something normal but something big I couldn’t put my finger on it. Eria kept telling me to prepare and that she had completed her search, what search? I asked myself as I fell asleep one night , soon after I was awakened to light everywhere I could feel the light on my skin, in my hair and on my face it was everywhere I called out for Eria, she answered and her voice was like the light itself and I could feel her presence and she spoke millions of words in a single thought and I knew, “go where I replied” “ I can’t “ I answered even though I was already at peace with the thought of “going” with Eria but what of Elizabeth, my life how could I make such a decision? The light continued to soothe me and even though I felt the guilt it was slowly melting away as the light replaced it, then Eria said in the most beautiful voice “ Nate lets go up” “ lets be one” I only thought “yes but how far is up?” I then became the light as I ascended I sensed others too close and far becoming the same combining into the craft, it was large, large enough to carry and make comfortable all who had chosen the light as we made our journey the journey to this world where I have remained with my love Eria for countless years in wonder as I have experienced all that the light has to offer. At this time as many of the other earthly men here are, I am dying and will no doubt see you in the place where our souls meet when we pass, this transmission and those before have served to soothe my guilty conchense for leaving our world and leaving one love for another. I know I will not be missed on earth as I will be here but please know that I am now at peace with my decision. _End Transmission_


Thank you reader.
Alyosha

So here you have it, I hope you enjoy! my concept is that I want the reader to almost hate Nathan for betraying Liz but at the same time understand that Eria had a powerful effect on his mind and actions therefore making him almost helpless to her (yin yang) as well as understanding his connection to the lost child and attempts to connect with it albeit attempts in vein, my idea for the story came from believing that even in tragedy there can be light and that love can prevail even when it's the kind of love that seems bitter. as always any critique is appreciated and welcome hope you enjoy.