How to Deal with a Break Up

Hi everyone, my name is Christina or "veranda." This is my first thread, and I decided to try and get a discussion going on break- ups. My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me, and this was my first relationship. (I'm 22 but I just never did the "relationship" thing). I know many of you have been through this yourselves, and I just have to ask- how did you deal with it? What were the emotions circling your break up and how did you manage to get over it? Any stories or tips would be greatly appreciated. Also I don't know how to put this in the relationships category but that is where it should be.

[edit on 19-12-2008 by veranda]

Well if you were a guy I'd tell you to sleep with someone else as soon as possible but I don't know if that works with women...

No i haven't,never had a relationship...but...like any emotional turmoil im guessing it slowly dwindles away,dont think there is any concrete advice,everyone handles and deals with emotions differently...just remember that life goes on and slowly but surely the pain will subside in time and you will find happiness and equilibrium in your life.I dont think this is the right place though,im guessing its BTS material. Good luck anyhoo

Hey Hun,

First sorry for that you have had to feel this emotion, I think most of us can say we really know how you feel,

Theres no easy way but time,

get out with your friends, learn to look at yourself and the the qualitys that you have and focus on them,

It dose hurt and it will take time but just remember if its not meant to be then you are better out of it,

Enjoy being single for a while, have fun and find out your likes and dislikes and im sure some lovley fella will be just around the corner for you

And we are here for you when you feel down,

Time...

It takes time...

What I've done in the past is, just concentrate on the things I can control.

A new love will come your way when you least expect it.

If you run into or talk to your ex, no matter how much it hurts or how upset you may be, don't let it show. Take the attitude that you don't have a care in the world and are living fancy free.

When that next love does come along, don't rush it, don't compare them to the last, take it one day at a time and go with the flow.


Best Wishes.

Well keep busy spend time with friends and let go of your ex I mean every morning the thoughts will be there but it all passes with time there are plenty of fish in the sea, and your a girl come on if you want a guy you can get him you have the powa!!

Hey Veranda.
The biggest mistake you can make is getting sucked into the trap of negative thoughts that start swirling around in your head.
The ones that tell you that you are responsible for the failure of the relationship, or that no one else will like you enough to be with you,or that there's something wrong with you physically or mentally.
Don't let that little devil sit on your shoulder whispering that garbage in your ear.
It literally is just like falling off a horse.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off..and try again. Even if that means getting a new horse.
Keep your spirits high, and you will bring others into your life that feel the same way.

my sympathies. i just got divorced 2 months ago. i was in a 5 year marriage and i am totally crushed that it is over. i still think about her every day and hope that she will call me and tell me to come back home.

there are two emotions for ya right there. hope and crushed

Thank you for all your sweet replies. I knew that I wasn't the only one to go through something like this... when you lose someone you love it feels like someone has died... the grief and denial and sorrow are all a part of that... but if other people could live through it then I'm sure I can. : )

I'm quite sure you'll be fine. In my considerable experience (not a ladies' man, just old ), one of the biggest mistakes you could probably make is to get inolved again too quickly. Just take it easy and enjoy yourself for awhile. No pressure just live your life doing what you like. When you least expect it, someone else will come along and within a very short period thereafter, you won't even remember ol' whatzisname's name.

After I got dumped/divorced/left etc. I always used to stay drunk for a couple of years and involve myself in any hedonistic practice I could dream up. After awhile I was grateful they dumped me as I was having such a great time.

Reminds me of an old country song....

"How can I miss You If You Won't Go Away"

It's been my experience that after you get dumped a few times; It doesn't hurt near as much.

The first time sucks though. Good Luck, Darlin.

[edit on 19-12-2008 by whaaa]

It honestly took me about 2 years to return to the normal bassplyr I was before the break up. Most of the second year I appeared normal but inside things still hurt.

2 years might not be how long you suffer as this was a fiance that was breaking up with me. Normal girlfriends/boyfriends take maybe a few months (sometimes more). but it's going to feel like there is a lump in your throat for a few months whenever you think of the other person. Especially since at first everything reminds you of them.

You're going to want to avoid a lot of the places and activities you used to do with that person. it will help to get over them to be filling your time with new experiences and things that don't remind you of the last relationship. SO i recommend taking up a hobby. one that makes you get out and go to lessons or classes etc... there you will meet peers and hopefully a new person to add to your life.

One thing you don't want to do right away is attempting to date lots of other people. Unless this person literally sweeps you off your feet the date will just bring up still sore memories of your last relationship and you'll feel a little distracted.

Physically working out is a good idea. get back into shape, start feeling confident and sexy. upgrade and get a better man.

YOu'll get over this person especially since you are so young. ANd when you do go get out there and find a better man who compliments your life better.

Originally posted by veranda
Hi everyone, my name is Christina or "veranda." This is my first thread, and I decided to try and get a discussion going on break- ups. My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me, and this was my first relationship. (I'm 22 but I just never did the "relationship" thing). I know many of you have been through this yourselves, and I just have to ask- how did you deal with it? What were the emotions circling your break up and how did you manage to get over it? Any stories or tips would be greatly appreciated. Also I don't know how to put this in the relationships category but that is where it should be.

[edit on 19-12-2008 by veranda]

Hi girl to deal with it is very simple and not a rocket science at all...Well first off all if he broke with you that only means that he is Not that into you so you better move on!..and second of all HE IS NOT WORTH IT..okay so you're 22 years old (your just a spring chicken) See you got a lot going on for yah...No emotions needed to be invested on something that doesn't even exist...Theres a person out there for you..trust me Once you find that one you'll just know and then you will look back and say "Oh yeah he is a total jerk for letting go of someone wonderful as me" Well good luck!

Originally posted by elevatedone
Time...

It takes time...

What I've done in the past is, just concentrate on the things I can control.

A new love will come your way when you least expect it.

If you run into or talk to your ex, no matter how much it hurts or how upset you may be, don't let it show. Take the attitude that you don't have a care in the world and are living fancy free.

When that next love does come along, don't rush it, don't compare them to the last, take it one day at a time and go with the flow.


Best Wishes.



Okay so let me tell you a great story..Me and my bf were not looking when we met..and we both got hurt in the past and you know actually getting hurt is not a bad thing it just a learning experience so that next time that you meet someone special you can recognize if he or she is the right one for you so that you wont make the same mistake in the past..okay so if it does work then it does if not then it's not meant to be to begin with and you just move on That's all...Theres nothing wrong to express your bad feelings and emotions it only makes you stronger!...me and my bf have never expected to find each other well it's weird and i can't really explain the details but whatever and yeah you are 100% right on what you said here...No doubt

My fiance and I met back in April, but nothing happened between us until July. We would talk to each other when we ran into each other, but that was it, just talking as two friends. Then one night he picked me and another person up late, and had only slept 2 hours. He dropped the other person off, and took me home with him, so he wouldn't fall asleep driving. We wound up talking all night, and it was like someone hit us in the head with a club. We found out we had so much in common it was scary. We finish each others sentences, say what the other was going to say, and just know when something is wrong. The best relationships come along when you don't expect them.

When a relationship goes bad, the best way to handle it is to get up every day, get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going. Then one day you get up and you realize it doesn't hurt as much. And every day it hurts less and less. Don't hold things in if you have a support system, that just makes things worse. Realize that you are a good person, and that you will find someone better.

Lots of good advice already given.

Remember too that you "can't catch love with a net or a gun." If a love is meant to be yours, there's nothing you can do to mess it up. If it's not, there's nothing you can do to keep it. Also, if he doesn't appreciate you, then he doesn't deserve you.

That being said, a relationship is a habit to some extent. It takes about 30 days to break a habit. Just do anything that's healthy to occupy your time during those 30 days.

Good luck. Living well and happy is the best revenge.

Just went through my first real breakup not long ago myself. I went kinda nuts, and a lot of people here helped me out, so I figure I should repay the favor even if you've already heard it all. Let's see...(trying to think back here.)

Definitely don't try to hold it all in and pretend nothing's wrong. Something IS wrong. It's horrible, and you're right -- it does feel like someone died. In fact, in some ways it's worse because you know that they're still out there going about their day. So, let yourself grieve. Just accept that you're going to be sad for a little while, but go on with your life anyway. That being said, don't DWELL on it. Let yourself be as sad as you need to be, but don't make yourself sadder on purpose. Talk about it with people who are willing to listen, but eventually stop talking about it. I think that one of the biggest mistakes I made was talking about it way too much. I kept rehashing everything over and over again, and it took me forever to get over it. It's healthy to get it out, but at a certain point you need to move on and stop letting it be the focus of your attention -- you'll know when it's time. This might not make a lot of sense to you, but we're talking about love here, and what about love ever makes any sense?

Furthermore, get out there and do new things. Meet new people, do fun things that you've always wanted to do. Although it may or may not make you feel better in the moment, I assure you that when you do get over all of this, you'll feel really good. When it happened to me, I met a ton of new friends, reconnected with old friends, I learned how to play golf, I went hiking a lot, went camping, worked out a lot, worked on music, and a ton of other things designed to create new experiences and better myself, and now I feel great about it. I have all of these things under my belt that I probably wouldn't have if the breakup hadn't happened.

Finally, one of the most important things, and I know it's been said before, is that time WILL make it better. It might take a while, it definitely did for me, but you always need to keep it in the back of your mind that you WILL get over this. Time is unstoppable, and no matter how hard you try, you will eventually feel better. Just 7 months ago, I was a complete wreck. I felt like there was a black hole in my chest. Now, I'm a better, happier person, AND I have a new and awesome girlfriend...who will inevitably break my heart (or vice-versa,) and the cycle will start over again. You're right -- just about everyone goes through this, and 99.9% of them get over it. Let yourself grieve (but also be strong,) go out and spend some time on yourself, realize that life takes you in crazy directions, and you almost never know where you're headed next.

Hope you feel better!

It sucks.

You basically have to go through the stages of grief.

The best thing to do is not think about "when" the hurt is going to end.You can't put a timeline on it and focusing on the suffering everyday only makes it seem worse. Waiting for it to "end" is like watching a pot boil.

Don't avoid any emotions. They have to be experienced or dealt with, or they will creep up on you later ten fold.

Just take care of yourself. Find yourself. Time to start those hobbies you have wanted too. Get a pedicure, go to the movies, become more involved with your friends.

Good friends will get you through anything. And the good ones will listen to you whine without complaint.

I found that writing about how I felt helped a lot. I sat down one day and wrote nine A4 pages, some of it poetry.

It helped to get the pain out.

You never have to read it again, if you don't want to be reminded of how you felt. But if you do read it in a few weeks or months, you can see how far you've moved on from those feelings and that can be encouraging.

how did you deal with it? What were the emotions circling your break up and how did you manage to get over it? Any stories or tips would be greatly appreciated.

Think of activities you enjoy doing with others (family or friends).

Do them.

It's really that simple.

Also, realize that you are young, and you will love, and be loved again. Acknowledge it as a learning experience, use that knowledge, and move on, being a stronger person for it....