Southerner Moves Up North

Southerner Moves Up North

A Southerner Moves Up North

Dec 8 5:00pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season, and the first snow we’ve seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground with a soft white blanket. It was so beautiful!

Dec 9 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a City snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

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Dec 10 It snowed an additional five inches last night and the temperature has dropped around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the ice and snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

Dec 11 Warmed enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $150 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Dec 12 Still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought a 4 X 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another eight inches of the white crap last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That god-dern snowplow came by twice today.

Dec 13 Two degrees outside. More freaken snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on the ice on the way to emergency room and was totaled.

Dec 14 God-dern feaken white crap keeps coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the freaken mailbox. If I ever catch the SOB that drives the snowplow, I’ll chew off his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 MPH and buries our driveway again. Power still off. Toilets froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Dec 15 Six god-dern more freaken’ inches of freaken’ snow, freaken’ sleet, freaken' ice, and god-dern knows what other kind of white freaken’ crap fell last night. I wounded the freaken’ snowplow A-hole with an ice ax but he got away. Wife left me. Car won’t freaken’ start. I think I’m going snow freaken’ blind. I can’t move my freaken’ toes. Haven’t seen the freaken’ sun in freaken’ weeks. More freaken’ snow predicted. Wind chill factor –22 freaken’ degrees. I’m moving back South.



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laughed my butt off! My wife (southern) is always trying to get me to move some place where there is snow. However, I'm from Ohio...

I'm staying right here in Atlanta.

[edit on 18-12-2008 by HunkaHunka]

Am I missing something?

Why is this in breaking news?

Hahahahahhahahaha thank you kindly for the laugh. Been dealing with the cursed white stuff all my life. Funny how the first snowfall is always beautiful... and fun... almost a joyous occasion. And then with each successive occurrence, moves swiftly from blessing to curse. By the end of the winter, I'm thinking of lynching the snow plow driver too

That is why we moved south! All that wonderful &%%@&# stufff!

Why would a southerner move north anyway.
Although it is a pain to wipe the ocean spray off my
windshield every day!
It also looks like Global Warming took December off.
Merry Christmas!