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Question 1: Do you have any basis to dispute my contention that the meaning of a gift and its impact on a relationship outweigh the value of the gift itself?
Question 2: Do you agree that the giver has an equal share in the above mentioned relationship?
In fact, once the act of giving is exercised, the recipient must, by definition, have a new acquired item of value (or measurable benefit) which the 'giver' has abandoned to the recipient. This makes the receiver automatically the winner in the exchange, based on the completion of the act of giving.
I need not debate the mater regarding the benefit of receiving because it is self-evident that the receiver is the net gainer in the exchange.
I contend that other considerations are either social, psychological, or cultural constructs which only complicate the act of receiving a gift.
My opponent has made a few mistakes …,
So even from a strictly material point of view, it can be better to give than to receive. Thus my opponent is missing the point when he says the following:
I need not debate the mater regarding the benefit of receiving because it is self-evident that the receiver is the net gainer in the exchange.
In truth, the receiver is ONE net gainer in material terms, but not necessarily the sole net gainer. Therefore, given the proposition "It is Better to give..." the question, even if we judge strictly in material terms, is not merely who gains, but who gains the most.
The giver controls the values on both sides of the transaction and is in a position to make it better to give than to receive. For it to be materially better to receive, the giver must make it so.
I contend that other considerations are either social, psychological, or cultural constructs which only complicate the act of receiving a gift.
This is putting the cart before the horse however. This essentially suggests that the act of giving comes first and the motive for doing so arises afterwards as nothing more than a side-effect.
Re: 1. No….,
Re: 2. Again the answer is no, however, I am going to pretend that the answer is yes because that is more damaging to your case.
Socratic Questions:
Hypothetically, if your significant other, all of your best friends, and your parents all got together to give you a special Christmas feast, and then it turned out that they had not set one single item of food on the table that you were not fatally allergic to...
1. Would you be appreciative or insulted?
2. What aspect of the situation would be the main cause of your feeling on the matter?
3. Ever dance with the devil by the pale moon light?
(you don't have to answer that last one, I'm just fond of movie quotes and playing the bad guy)
originally posted by Maxmars: If the purpose is to increase the value (material or notional) of the giver, the act itself loses its’ moral high-ground and becomes self-serving. This is not giving; it is serving one’s own interests and thus does not meet the criteria of giving as a ‘gift.’ The benefit to the recipient then becomes incidental and of little or even no consequence, i.e. there is no ‘message’ in the gift that can be seen as altruistic or meaningful as ‘giving’...
Perhaps we should both avoid the inclusion of the ‘gift’ as a determinant of the ‘giving.’ But I am not sure that would necessarily make this debate any less difficult.
Giving, is in it's rawest form, devoid of emotion and social weight. It is a simple transaction.
TheVagabond points out the net gain for the giver in a scenario involving the donation of a vehicle to charity yields a higher material gain to the giver in tax-offsets than the value of the donation itself.
Ah, more than a week till Christmas and I've already gotten what I really wanted. I think Maxmars just made me a fan of Hanukkah. In the spirit of giving, I hope that's not the only thing he changes my mind about in the course of this debate. (PS, for the next day of Hanukkah, I would like more socratic questions to turn around on you).
So my opponent admits that the message communicated by the gift over-rides the gift itself, contradicting his earlier contention that:
“Giving is ... a simple transaction.”
Having won the day on the subject of material versus communicative value…,
I was very clear that I do not itemize my tax deductions. The value was not derived from the transfer of the item…,
On this issue, my opponent has also made concessions, acknowledging that the giver has the initiative (or as he characterizes it, "the offensive", as if a gift were an act of war) and the receiver is in a reactive position (the defensive as my opponent puts it).
I will spare you the heavy reading though on two grounds:
First, that the idea of a gift as an act of aggression ignores the bilateral benefit of the exchange and is thus a return to the zero-sum logic that I have already refuted without challenge from my opponent.
So let us continue to treat this in terms of initiative and reaction without assumption of either hostile or amicable relations, for the sake of broadest applicability.
The receiver’s options are quite finite on the other hand. … One may then react of course, but one's reception of the item occurs at an emotional level, not a cognitive level. When one reacts negatively to a gift that was not intended to convey a negative message, this is by definition a mistake …
My opponent is however correct that the receiver controls the ultimate fate of the gift itself. I can give him that much.
It's a shame that he's already tacitly admitted that he was completely wrong about the material gift being the meaningful element.
(Sorry for accidentally escaping that question last time Maxmars…
… However I fail to see how gratitude for involuntary manslaughter constitutes a position of control, despite his contention.
And in regard to my second question, he states that his concern would be to protect the givers from the guilt of having killed him
And for flavor, a single Socratic question:
1. Who is winning this debate?
Putting all matters of value aside, given the opportunity, what constitutes a 'meaningful' gift, if the receiver is unaware of the act? (e.g. flowers to a comatose patient).
In any action whereupon on individual 'gives' to another, something of value has exchanged hands. The value can be notional and not material. But in the end one must have something the other, after the act, lacks….
Essentially, the nature of the relationship rules the gift giving paradigm, and therein lies the flawed thinking surround "It is better to give....".
… once the act of giving is exercised, the recipient must, by definition, have a new acquired item of value (or measurable benefit) which the 'giver' has abandoned to the recipient. …
… it is self-evident that the receiver is the net gainer in the exchange. I contend that other considerations are either social, psychological, or cultural constructs which only complicate the act of receiving a gift.
… if the act of giving is to be undertaken as a gesture of gain for the giver; the act is not really one of ‘giving,’ is it? If the purpose is to increase the value (material or notional) of the giver, the act itself loses its’ moral high-ground and becomes self-serving. This is not giving; it is serving one’s own interests…
If we are to assume that …. the initiative of the act derives from the giver, we can state that the giver is on the offensive end of the transaction. …
The defensive position of the receiver leaves him or her in total control. The receiver may refuse the gift, or decide upon his or her own, to ‘attribute whatever meaning he or she is inclined to accept. They may receive the gift as an insult, whether so intended or not, or he or she may decide to be grateful; but in the end, it is the receiver who decides the fate of the gift, and so controls the ultimate meaning it will have, …
I stand by my statement that we humans are compulsive communicators, seeking to assign meaning to everything we do, or experience; … As a result, we muddle otherwise easily defined aspects of life with burdens of presumed consciousness or delusions of morality.
Interestingly, the receiver bears no such burden, unless the psychological, cultural, or social climate imposes it….
However, even in the environment where the receiver is bound by external conditions, we can clearly see theirs is the true superior position. It is the recipient who will offer the reaction to the action of giving. While it may be a predictable thank you, or otherwise, the truth is the freedom to choose what to turn a particular act of giving into is the domain of the recipient. He or she may construe it completely incorrectly, or twist the intent far beyond the scope or plans of the giver. Giving is an act of open vulnerability in this regard.
The essential giving is a simple matter, oft-times painfully burdened with emotional or social baggage, and less frequently, empty hollow matters of obligation or ‘proper form.’ Receiving is more like a blank template, scripted by the recipient.
… judging gifts based on material value alone can demonstrate many ‘exceptional’ circumstances which demonstrate how a giver might benefit more than a receiver. In fact the same can be said of the communicative value, there are and always will be exceptional circumstances in which the giver seeks a return of higher value than anything the receiver might enjoy.
… the circumstance exists because of extraneous considerations which are separate and distinct from the gift itself, and as such, render the giving secondary to the gift. By that fact alone, one can see that the giving is not genuine as intended within the context of the debate topic “It is better to give than receive.” Unless the hidden concession my opponent is trying to disguise is that there is in fact no particular measure of benefit (or value) to which his logic can apply consistently.
My position on the other hand is quite universal. Regardless of messages, intent, or other ‘qualifying’ aspects of the act, it is the giver who is least significant when rendering the “better or worse” judgment. On the whole, the receiver has the power and discretion to choose what is the outcome of the gift giving. All arguments to the contrary involve social, cultural, or psychological maxims that are imposed upon the act; but are not part of the act itself.
When ‘giving’ a gift, it is impossible to be certain of the reaction you will receive; thus demonstrating the inherent vulnerability in the act.
I have directly addressed the notional bilateral benefit of exchange as mutual acceptance of a paradigm, which cannot be assumed to be the case.
The giver has but one option; to give. The choice of gift and recipient are incidental to the event, it could be anything to anyone. That those options are ‘infinite’ does not include the element of the will of the recipient. The recipient is free to construe or engineer any response, genuine or contrived.
Although there wasn't much of a holiday theme to this one, it was fascinating to read. The Vagabond had some great points and the comment about my answer is no but I'll pretend it is yes, really cracked me up.
Max had good points too and I loved the closing.
I'll call it a draw. The missed posts made the difference.
This will be the very first time I issue a tie. Im sorry but neither side can truly be thought of as "loosing". The amount of rhetorical intelligence and multi-level consideration invested was stunning. While my own bias says that Maxmars had the more difficult position, that giving indeed holds more power than receiving, I return from reading this debate still holding this position but thoroughly confused as to the why and why nots. Who would have thought that such a simple topic in a "Holiday Skirmish" that was meant to be light-hearted could turn into such an epic dispute?
Congratulations to both.
This was a very interesting debate. Really a pleasure to read.
I entirely enjoyed the pleasure Maxmars showed in composing his posts, I also love the clear structure of his post.
I was a bit puzzled that Maxmars excludes the feeling in the process of giving and taking, as if they just would have been a social agreement. Therefore it was very clever by TheVagabond to bring in that exchanging presents is a way to communicate! Very well done!
Both Maxmars and TheVagabond concentrated too much on the material side of giving and receiving, especially TheVagabond when he dissects the gift of a CD to its components or negates the benefits of a gift for a patient in coma.
Maxmars somehow tends to contradict himself. At first he claims the giver being in superior position, than
receive is inherently the superior position
– this left me a bit confuse.
All in all I got the feeling, that this debate was not really TheVagabond’s favorite. I really missed the spirit I found in other debates of this man. I am still very puzzled by his post in round 3, so short that I hardly can believe, that it was written by the man, who usually has to shorten his posts.
So overall Maxmars is in my opinion winner of this debate.